Masseur Dilemma

[Despardo]

Not sure how to handle this one. I booked an erotic massage with a guy who lives about a quarter mile away. The pictures in his ad did not do him justice. He is much hotter than I expected and really nice--European background (from the Baltics) plus former US military (recent.) He is disarmingly frank and up front. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, he went into a tirade of frustration about the fact that his ex-wife was in the process of taking him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement (there is also a child involved.) So, OK, he is obviously at least predominately straight--fine. He is an excellent and professional masseur and worked on me in the nude for 90 minutes with full body contact, mutual touching and a happy ending. He had no problem letting me fondle his ass and his genitalia, although he did not become aroused--that would have been nice. I find him very attractive, very sexy and very likable.

 

After the massage session, he invited me to call on him again and said he would like to spend time with me socially--go out for coffee or hang out over a glass of wine. Nice. Since then, he has text-ed me to ask how I am doing. So, here is my problem. The guy is presumably straight, but has no problem with intimate bodily contact with other men. I like him personally, but I am also attracted to him sexually. How do I find out what his sexual/professional limits are? What I really want is to see him with an erection--better yet, to watch him jerk off and climax--more if he's up for it. When I told him how great looking I think he is, he seemed mildly embarrassed and acted very modest about it. Yet, this guy is in the business of giving nude, erotic massages.

 

My problem is how do I go on a coffee date and hang out socially and still ask him if I can watch him masturbate? Awkward! I could book another massage, but what I really want is to see him get off--screw the massage. What do I say? "Hey I like hanging out with you and by the way you really turn me on?" From him, I feel I am getting mixed signals. I can't really figure out where he is coming from.

[+ not2rowdy]

>>>… Said he would like to spend time with me socially…

 

>>>… excellent and professional masseur…I find him very attractive, very sexy and very likable….

 

Go out on the coffee date. Get to know him socially. Don’t press him too hard about what you really seek. Book another another paid massage session. Be prepared to do a couple of “social outings” followed by paid sessions.

 

Appreciate him for what he is doing. Professional massage (by someone who is also attractive, sexy and likable). You’ve got a good thing going right there!

 

Things will likely progress further as level of trust develops between you.

 

But - maintain reality - it is really about the money from his perspective.

[Despardo]

>>>… Said he would like to spend time with me socially…

 

>>>… excellent and professional masseur…I find him very attractive, very sexy and very likable….

 

Go out on the coffee date. Get to know him socially. Don’t press him too hard about what you really seek. Book another another paid massage session. Be prepared to do a couple of “social outings” followed by paid sessions.

 

Appreciate him for what he is doing. Professional massage (by someone who is also attractive, sexy and likable). You’ve got a good thing going right there!

 

Things will likely progress further as level of trust develops between you.

 

But - maintain reality - it is really about the money from his perspective.

 

 

Not a bad plan. Thanks. I suppose if I book another massage, the time to ask about his possibilities/limits would be while I am playing with his dick. Yeah, he is definitely doing this for the money. I am aware of that, but I think not for the social part.

[rvwnsd]

...The guy is presumably straight, but has no problem with intimate bodily contact with other men. ...

 

At the risk of sounding snarky, there are plenty of gay dads who are divorced from women. Oftentimes, the incompatibility of homosexuality or bisexuality and a heterosexual marriage lead to divorce.

[craigville beach]

go for coffee with him don't rush to "the happy ending" go slow and see where things go

[mike carey]

For my two bobs' worth, he sounds like someone who would be good to have as a buddy. Things are working as a professional relationship, so that's good, but whether a personal and professional relationship can co-exist is the question. If you want the personal, then coffees and drinks would seem to be the way to go. If the personal doesn't work, then you can have the professional but only if you keep them separate as you explore the two.

[+ Gar1eth]

At the risk of sounding snarky, there are plenty of gay dads who are divorced from women. Oftentimes, the incompatibility of homosexuality or bisexuality and a heterosexual marriage lead to divorce.

 

That's true-but he didn't get hard while being fondled. Unless he had just cum recently, that may be a telling sign of being totally straight.

 

Also- I'm not sure about this coffee date and continuing to see him for massage. I know people have different opinions on this subject, but in general I prefer to not pay my friends for services. It confuses me. For example- in this case-I would be thinking- ok I think he likes me-but what if he's only doing this to make sure I come back as a massage client? I'd prefer not having doubts about why my friends are my friends. In high school it used to disturb me because I wasn't sure whether my LDS friend was friends with me to be friends or was friends with me to try to convert me (FYI-he failed if that was his main goal).

 

In this case-I could see one, maybe two coffee dates to see what he's thinking. But if it turns out that a friendship or something intimate seems likely -then I'd be finding someone new for paid massage.

 

Gman

[adriano46]

Desparado, I may be the "voice of caution" here, but this is based on personal experience in the NYC area where there are many absolutely stunning escorts from the Baltic states.

 

These guys are generally stunning in looks and very worked-out, nicely muscled in the right places, and hard to classify as Gay-Bi-Straight or just plain curiously open. Some came here with spouse (and child) or found someone here form their home country and set up house, and given their limited skills and education (e.g. ability in English and a comparable degree) choose to offer massage as a way of getting an income.

 

Now the caveat::: SOME of them are true hucksters in the best sense of the word, out there to find an innocent sugar daddy who will supplement their income and who has a sympathetic ear to domestic problems. This can lead to definite problems for the client.

 

I would agree to a coffee sometime and chat, but by all means keep your personal income and facts out of the conversation. Let him talk, but be wary of sob stories of domestic difficulties and especially any "sudden urgent need of funds."

 

I would also agree with others that, when the times are right, carefully broach the "going further" questions, but be aware there may be a higher cost added.

[shadowcatzxxx]

Despardo ... who is this guy and where is he located? Sounds like I would like to meet (meat?) him. PM me if you like. Thanks!

[Diverdan]

Some great advise above... I would add to the caution about sharing much of your personal life, job and finances until you know a lot more about him. If you like the massage and the intimate contact, book another massage and see how that progresses. Have a coffee date too if you are interested, but keep the two situations separate in your own mind !! Let us know how it goes, and if you don't mind, send a link to his ad. Some of us are likely to book him too, based on your comments and questions. You can send it privately if you don't want to post here.

[Lewis H]

"Despardo' date=' post: 958215, member: 11359"']Not sure how to handle this one. I booked an erotic massage with a guy who lives about a quarter mile away. The pictures in his ad did not do him justice. He is much hotter than I expected and really nice--European background (from the Baltics) plus former US military (recent.) He is disarmingly frank and up front. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, he went into a tirade of frustration about the fact that his ex-wife was in the process of taking him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement (there is also a child involved.) So, OK, he is obviously at least predominately straight--fine. He is an excellent and professional masseur and worked on me in the nude for 90 minutes with full body contact, mutual touching and a happy ending. He had no problem letting me fondle his ass and his genitalia, although he did not become aroused--that would have been nice. I find him very attractive, very sexy and very likable.

 

After the massage session, he invited me to call on him again and said he would like to spend time with me socially--go out for coffee or hang out over a glass of wine. Nice. Since then, he has text-ed me to ask how I am doing. So, here is my problem. The guy is presumably straight, but has no problem with intimate bodily contact with other men. I like him personally, but I am also attracted to him sexually. How do I find out what his sexual/professional limits are? What I really want is to see him with an erection--better yet, to watch him jerk off and climax--more if he's up for it. When I told him how great looking I think he is, he seemed mildly embarrassed and acted very modest about it. Yet, this guy is in the business of giving nude, erotic massages.

 

My problem is how do I go on a coffee date and hang out socially and still ask him if I can watch him masturbate? Awkward! I could book another massage, but what I really want is to see him get off--screw the massage. What do I say? "Hey I like hanging out with you and by the way you really turn me on?" From him, I feel I am getting mixed signals. I can't really figure out where he is coming from.[/size]

 

I'd be wary. I think he might be lonely and maybe just a tad self-absorbed with his situation, judging by how he launched into his problems right off the bat. I don't have all the details of your initial meeting of course, but to me that doesn't indicate attraction to you as a person or a sexual being, it sounds more like he found you willing to listen to him. In my experience, that can be exhausting, because what he may want is a sounding board and what you want is totally different.

 

Perhaps you should call and schedule another appointment, and definitely ask him about what YOU want to see him do and see if he's amenable, then offer to meet him for social afterward? Because if you go with the social first, it might make it weird for him to deliver what attracted you to him in the first place. This way establishes what you're interested in, and everything is on the table.

[Rudynate]

I really enjoy mysterious situations like this. It's really fun to feel your way along, taking a little risk, and another and so on.

 

I had a strange thing happen awhile ago. My partner and I were away for a weekend in the wine country. We were having dinner in a restaurant and I noticed how appealing our server was, but he seemed straight, so I didn't pay much more attention to him. My partner went to use the restroom, and while he was gone, the server walked up to the table and said that he could tell that I was "made to be wild." I was astonished, but flattered nonetheless. Then, when my partner came back, the server told us this long story about his ex-wife and how she was taking him to the cleaners, etc., etc.

 

I've been tempted to go back there myself to follow up, but I suspect it's something best left alone.

[corndog]

I really enjoy mysterious situations like this. It's really fun to feel your way along, taking a little risk, and another and so on.

 

Absolutely. In situations like this, I love the adventure. Rather than focusing on the particular outcome that you desire, enjoy the ride. As long as you "keep your wits about you" and don't allow yourself to get entwined too deep in the situation, you can learn interesting lessons about yourself, the other guy, and human nature in general.

[Despardo]

I'd be wary. I think he might be lonely and maybe just a tad self-absorbed with his situation, judging by how he launched into his problems right off the bat. I don't have all the details of your initial meeting of course, but to me that doesn't indicate attraction to you as a person or a sexual being, it sounds more like he found you willing to listen to him. In my experience, that can be exhausting, because what he may want is a sounding board and what you want is totally different.

 

Perhaps you should call and schedule another appointment, and definitely ask him about what YOU want to see him do and see if he's amenable, then offer to meet him for social afterward? Because if you go with the social first, it might make it weird for him to deliver what attracted you to him in the first place. This way establishes what you're interested in, and everything is on the table.

 

Good points. I don't mind being a sounding board or a listener, that is one of my talents. Me feeling also was that meeting socially would make future physical encounters awkward--unless, of course in the case of an experienced escort in the classic sense and sex plus social are not incompatible. I think he is lonely, since he asked if I lived alone, then said he was looking for his soul mate (not meaning me)--didn't specify male of female. The wife got the house, and he is living in a nice, but very austere bachelor apartment. If I schedule another appointment, I do plan to ask how far his "repertoire" extends (I don't really need another massage, although he gives a good one.)

[Despardo]

I really enjoy mysterious situations like this. It's really fun to feel your way along, taking a little risk, and another and so on.

 

I had a strange thing happen awhile ago. My partner and I were away for a weekend in the wine country. We were having dinner in a restaurant and I noticed how appealing our server was, but he seemed straight, so I didn't pay much more attention to him. My partner went to use the restroom, and while he was gone, the server walked up to the table and said that he could tell that I was "made to be wild." I was astonished, but flattered nonetheless. Then, when my partner came back, the server told us this long story about his ex-wife and how she was taking him to the cleaners, etc., etc.

 

I've been tempted to go back there myself to follow up, but I suspect it's something best left alone.

 

Sometimes leaving a pleasant or intriguing encounter alone is best. Avoids screwing up a perfectly good memory.

[Despardo]

Some great advise above... I would add to the caution about sharing much of your personal life, job and finances until you know a lot more about him. If you like the massage and the intimate contact, book another massage and see how that progresses. Have a coffee date too if you are interested, but keep the two situations separate in your own mind !! Let us know how it goes, and if you don't mind, send a link to his ad. Some of us are likely to book him too, based on your comments and questions. You can send it privately if you don't want to post here.

 

Don't minding posting here. After all, he runs the ad on 2 massage sites. He is a lot sexier than his pictures and a total gentleman.

 

http://www.masseurfinder.com/members/paul2015.shtml

[Despardo]

Despardo ... who is this guy and where is he located? Sounds like I would like to meet (meat?) him. PM me if you like. Thanks!

 

http://www.masseurfinder.com/members/paul2015.shtml

[Despardo]

Desparado, I may be the "voice of caution" here, but this is based on personal experience in the NYC area where there are many absolutely stunning escorts from the Baltic states.

 

These guys are generally stunning in looks and very worked-out, nicely muscled in the right places, and hard to classify as Gay-Bi-Straight or just plain curiously open. Some came here with spouse (and child) or found someone here form their home country and set up house, and given their limited skills and education (e.g. ability in English and a comparable degree) choose to offer massage as a way of getting an income.

 

Now the caveat::: SOME of them are true hucksters in the best sense of the word, out there to find an innocent sugar daddy who will supplement their income and who has a sympathetic ear to domestic problems. This can lead to definite problems for the client.

 

I would agree to a coffee sometime and chat, but by all means keep your personal income and facts out of the conversation. Let him talk, but be wary of sob stories of domestic difficulties and especially any "sudden urgent need of funds."

 

I would also agree with others that, when the times are right, carefully broach the "going further" questions, but be aware there may be a higher cost added.

 

Thank you for those comments. They make sense to me. I know that many Eastern Europeans (if Latvia can properly be considered Eastern Europe)--straight or sexually ambiguous--work in male strip clubs or do housekeeping at gay resorts (Key West is a great example.) Typically they are nice guys as well as great eye candy and make great employees. This guy is not a child (30 something?) and not everything about his history adds up (not my business really.) Not to stereotype (as I proceed to do exactly that,) but Latvians have a reputation for being shrewd--I have been to Riga and recommend it highly. The accent is charming, and the blue eyes are killer! Good advise about limiting my financial exposure on this little adventure. Don't mind exchanging money for services, but I have no intention of becoming this guy's primary means of support. I am under no illusions that my charm and good looks are a major attraction here.

[Despardo]

At the risk of sounding snarky, there are plenty of gay dads who are divorced from women. Oftentimes, the incompatibility of homosexuality or bisexuality and a heterosexual marriage lead to divorce.

 

Good point.

[Despardo]

That's true-but he didn't get hard while being fondled. Unless he had just cum recently, that may be a telling sign of being totally straight.

 

Also- I'm not sure about this coffee date and continuing to see him for massage. I know people have different opinions on this subject, but in general I prefer to not pay my friends for services. It confuses me. For example- in this case-I would be thinking- ok I think he likes me-but what if he's only doing this to make sure I come back as a massage client? I'd prefer not having doubts about why my friends are my friends. In high school it used to disturb me because I wasn't sure whether my LDS friend was friends with me to be friends or was friends with me to try to convert me (FYI-he failed if that was his main goal).

 

In this case-I could see one, maybe two coffee dates to see what he's thinking. But if it turns out that a friendship or something intimate seems likely -then I'd be finding someone new for paid massage.

 

Gman

 

Good points all. My dilemma in a nutshell. Best to keep things on a professional level, although coffee and conversation seem acceptable and not unusual in such situations. Yeah, can't see paying a friend for sex. He does give a professional massage, but then I seldom "need" a massage.

[Rudynate]

What I don't like about all of this advice is the notion that the OP is a victim waiting to happen. He has a lot of options, here. He can limit the relationship, he can walk away, he can say no, he can lose himself in an impossible infatuation, he is free to discover that the guy is completely bisexual and lies awake nights thinking about him, etc., etc.

[Despardo]

What I don't like about all of this advice is the notion that the OP is a victim waiting to happen. He has a lot of options, here. He can limit the relationship, he can walk away, he can say no, he can lose himself in an impossible infatuation, he is free to discover that the guy is completely bisexual and lies awake nights thinking about him, etc., etc.

 

Thank you! Impossible infatuation is off the table--amusing fantasy, maybe. I've been around the block enough times to stay out of real trouble.

[Rudynate]

Thank you! Impossible infatuation is off the table--amusing fantasy, maybe. I've been around the block enough times to stay out of real trouble.

 

 

I knew you could take care of yourself.

[+ Just Sayin]

Despardo, the guy may just need someone to talk to, someone to make a connection with; I just looked at his Masseurfinder listing, and that was my gut reaction; I like the idea of you, with your wits about you, seeing where it goes; if he wants more than that, I believe he will let you know.

[Lewis H]

http://www.masseurfinder.com/members/paul2015.shtml

 

He resembles a top male model.