I hesitated to tell you I was gay because you are old.

[+ Charlie]

You left out Step 4: Don't insist that it will only work if both of you are strictly monogamous.

[+ Gar1eth]

You left out Step 4: Don't insist that it will only work if both of you are strictly monogamous.

Not that I know anything about romantic relationships-since I've only had three non-escort (male) dates in my life -I don't count hook-ups or meeting for coffee-but I'm not sure whether I could take an open relationship. Maybe I could- and there is the old you don't know if you have something unless you set it free to come back to you. But -and I realize this isn't the case for all couples- but the more you play around, I could easily see the more opportunity for falling out of love.

 

It's a quandary since when people 1st started getting married, people in general didn't live as long. Staying together 10 or 15 years may be much different than staying together 40 or 50 years-or take my parents (please- wait I'm kidding) together for 62 years as of March). They were each other's pretty much 1st love-together at 13 and 15-married at 18 and 20.

 

Gman

[+ Charlie]

My step 4 was made tongue-in-cheek, but strict sexual monogamy only works if both parties want it. In my experience, most gay men don't really want it--expect maybe for their partners, not themselves--and I think it is always best to be honest about that fact from the start. It is also true that a person's wants can change over a long period of time, and if one partner eventually decides that he wants something different from what they originally agreed on, they need to renegotiate, if the relationship is to continue to be successful.

 

For many years our closest friends were a couple who seemed to have the ideal happy monogamous relationship. There was a dozen year age gap between them, however, and after about 20 years together, the younger one had a kind of mid-life crisis, wanting to have the wider sexual experience he felt he had missed in his youth. The older one reluctantly agreed, but after a couple of years of experimentation, the younger one developed AIDS, and soon died. Many years after his death, I asked his surviving partner how he thought their lives would have developed if the younger one had lived. He surprised me by saying that despite their apparently successful partnership, he thought they would not have stayed together into old age, because they really did want different things from the relationship as time passed.

[+ Gar1eth]

My step 4 was made tongue-in-cheek, but strict sexual monogamy only works if both parties want it. In my experience, most gay men don't really want it--expect maybe for their partners, not themselves--and I think it is always best to be honest about that fact from the start. It is also true that a person's wants can change over a long period of time, and if one partner eventually decides that he wants something different from what they originally agreed on, they need to renegotiate, if the relationship is to continue to be successful.

 

You might be right. As I said in my post-what do I know about relationships? On the other hand-wasn't there a time when gay men-possibly women too-didn't want marriage-that was for straight people.(by the way I'm beginning to hate the term 'straight' as it implies we are 'bent'). We had our own culture and didn't need marriage. Obviously some still feel this way-Rachel Maddow and Zachary Quinto come to mind.

 

For many years our closest friends were a couple who seemed to have the ideal happy monogamous relationship. There was a dozen year age gap between them' date=' however, and after about 20 years together, the younger one had a kind of mid-life crisis, wanting to have the wider sexual experience he felt he had missed in his youth. [/quote']

 

Twenty years together would be good for a straight couple in many cases. In gay relationships it might be equivalent to 5o years.

 

Gman

[Samai139]

I have a 50+ younger brother whose wife died eight years ago. He now lives with a woman his age and for the past two years I have been slightly puzzled as to how to introduce her---usually ended up by saying " and this is Pam, .........'s girlfriend." I wasn't comfortable with that teen-age sounding term and so I asked them what to say and they said "girlfriend" is all right and just "friend." Partner wasn't considered by any of us, and I'm not sure why.

They are getting married in September, so the problem will disappear. I'll have a new sister-in-law.

Wish this thread had appeared two years ago, it would have helped. Thanks.

[Rudynate]

I like "partner."

And there definitely is a trick to staying together for 47 years. Step one: Find the right person. Step two: Be the right person Step three: Live a long time

 

Probably the best-kept secret to making a relationship last is "Don't leave."

[buckguy]

Straight women seem to refer to their bfs as their "partner" far more often than straight men.