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Another question on ... wait for it ... bottoming


gp0560
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If you're a bottom, please tell me what you like about the experience. Is it mostly physical? I mean, does he hit your prostate? Is it physical pleasure in another way? Or, on the other hand, is it mostly psychological? For instance, is it because you are yielding yourself to a more powerful force? Because you are giving yourself for his physical pleasure?

 

I've tried bottoming. It didn't hurt, and I would be willing to do it again, but it was mostly "meh," so that's why I'm asking.

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Maybe it's because it wasn't the right man. You've mastered the mechanics of bottoming so that you can do it without discomfort, but when it's the right man, and for me, the right man has only come along a few times in my life, the earth moves. By "right man," I don't necessarily mean falling in love. It's more like the perfect combination of physical, emotional and intellectual attraction, such that it allows an unusually strong connection, even if it's a one-time thing.

 

I don't identify as a bottom. If I bottom, I usually feel like I could have done without the experience. Perhaps its easier for people who identify as bottoms to have that sort of ecstatic experience from it. Or maybe they have lower expectations of the bottoming experience than I do.

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I consider myself primarily a bottom. I just love having a man's cock in my ass, especially if I'm on my back so I can look up at his face while he's inside me. I do enjoy the physical sensation even if my prostate isn't being stimulated, but my enjoyment is probably mostly psychological.

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The planets have to be properly aligned for me to get into bottoming. However, when I do, a combination of factors contribute to the pleasure: the feeling of my top inside of me, the look on his face while he fucks me, kissing with him buried as far inside of me as he can, and sniffing his armpits while he is buried inside me.

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GP0560,

 

I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt why is it that you found the experience "meh". Reason is because you are entirely in your head. You are in your head trying to explain or understand why others like it, and you very likely were in your head during the act evaluating, comparing, assessing every single detail against your clear and not so clear expectations.

 

When the mind is busy comparing and evaluating, pleasure cannot happen.

 

Asking a group of people to explain why they like bacon will not give you any insight into bacon or into your own enjoyment of it. It might only make your sense of disconnection greater finding out some people have experiences available to them that you simply can't fathom.

 

As with food, when it comes to sex what works best is just to be present, put aside all your expectations, relax, breathe and remain present and connected to your body during the whole experience. If any thought comes, if you are tempted to compare or evaluate, just breathe, relax, let those thoughts go and try to connect back with the physical sensation.

 

I don't know if you will like bottoming or not, but I assure you, you will like the sensation of being present and relaxed.

 

If it is available to you, try to find an escort in your area that has experience coaching people through the exploration of their own sexuality. Share with your escort your thought process and tell him you are wanting to get out of your head and into your body. If he has this kind of experience, he will know how to coach you an will be able to spot the minute you go into your head. An experienced lover or coach can spot the very second one's partner goes into his head.

 

Take a step back and don't worry much about activities. If you focus on being relaxed and present you will find most activities have a huge potential to give you pleasure.

 

Here's wishing you will learn to fully enjoy the whole range of human pleasure!

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As he is wont to do, Juan is on to something. Getting out of my head is not easy for me. I think it's a big reason why so many people fuck when they're drunk or on drugs; they may not be able to escape the "Monkey Mind" any other way.

T

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Off the subject of Bottoming. But going with Juan's mantra of getting out of your head-I like sex. I'm in no way great at it. But I'm not sure that I'm ever out of my head. I mean there are always little bits of discomfort during sex-is the bed too low for my favorite position, is it too high, is the guy on the tall side making it difficult to reach certain body parts, is my back beginning to hurt, my legs are beginning to cramp, why am I so under-endowed, am I really making him feel good (since it's usually an escort ) or is he putting on an act to what he thinks I want hear?

 

 

But that's just me.

 

And drugs aren't for me. While I don't mind being very slightly tipsy-that light-headed feeling you get from poppers and other drugs is uncomfortable for me and gives me a headache.

 

Gman

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Juan, damn, you are so right! Getting out of my head is exactly what I should do, but I suspect it will never happen. I'm too much of a control freak. (And I can name escorts to bear witness to that. :( ) My loss, I know. Maybe if you and I ever meet . . . .

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I know the OP has already thanked Juan for his input, but I've been itching to post this, just haven't had the spoons (see this for an explanation) or the time.

 

As a woman, I'm more or less an obligate bottom, just like my cat is an obligate carnivore. In other words, she needs meat for a healthy diet -- oh god, another completely unintentional double entendre. I can't top, in the physical sense; I don't have the equipment for it.

 

The way I look at it is the lock and key metaphor. We have these bodies, and some parts interlock -- penis to vagina or anus, whichever -- per this quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

 

Anya: I like you. You're funny and you're nicely shaped, and frankly it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now.

Xander: And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith [who tried taking breathplay a little too far when Xander came back for a second time].

 

Another way of looking at is the concept of yin yang, particularly as expressed in Taoism and its primary text, the Tao te Ching (Way of the Tao): that the world is made up of what are seemingly opposites but are in fact complementary and are necessary for the other.

 

What I like about bottoming is the feeling of fullness, of using my body to its fullest, and my partner using his body to the fullest, to create this experience, this joining together, this pleasure; to create something that's greater than the two of us, and to completely let go and enjoy myself. As Juan says, it won't happen if you're still up in your head. It's about your body and its sensations, and your body and spirit joining with another's. Push pull, rocking back and forth -- you get the picture, I assume.

 

To me, sex is an act of worship -- not of the other's cock, exactly, although there's that, too -- of life or the generative principle or God, if you're religious. He's providing me pleasure, and I'm providing him pleasure, often leading to climax for both parties. What could be better?

 

For me, this is true whether it's anal or vaginal. Other than some aspects relative to location and position, how they feel doesn't differ that much, other than (sorry, guys) I've never experienced pain with anal, whereas I have with vaginal due to size, how well prepared/turned on I am, and how long it's been since I last had sex. The older I get, the more of an issue the last is. I guess my sphincter is the only part of me that relaxes easily!

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For me, the psychological thrill is even greater than the physical thrill, though the physical sensations are certainly a big part of it. And to me, the most successful fucks as a top or bottom is when I lose myself in it. When I wipe my mind of thoughts completely and there's just the sex. When I lose track of time and don't know whether five minutes or 15 minutes have passed.

 

I bottomed (though I was on top) for an escort on Friday night, and I felt like at the moment we had a pretty long fuck. I couldn't have gone on much longer when I had my orgasm. So I was very surprised to see that we had only been at it for 40 minutes. Felt more like 90. I like that kind of thing. I just lost sense of anything in the world but this hot man and what he was doing with me and to me.

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I watch too many movies. I find that my experiences at bottom have all come under odd circumstances.

The best have been after I feel I've reached a certain level of trust and comfort with the top. I do remember

telling one top fellow (and fairly agressive at that) that I didn't want to do the deed then, but at out next

meeting, which we promptly did.It was wonderful: Just sufficiently out of control, but yet controlling.

 

I think my next experience will be dealt with slowly and unexpectedly, at least for one of us. And, in my

fantasies, the combination of kissing; state of mind; and physical stimulation, bring me to quite a state

of arousal. (IT's uncharted, and just to the west of Manhattan).

 

Fortunately, I think I may have found someone who's willing to go on my sojourn with me, and at my pace.

There may be an additional sojourn for him: I certainly hope to take him places he's not used to.

 

If only I don't screw things up in the meantime.

 

May I be the first to wish you all a Blessed Holy Week, in anticipation of Easter Sunday.

[i hope this escapes the religion censors].

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I'm a pleaser. For me the pleasure of bottoming is the pleasure of indulging a top's needs. When he's trying to please me through the physical act it can be an uphill battle. When a man, however, enjoys penetration and the act of fucking it sets off this reciprocal effect. He's having a great time through the sensations and motions and actions, and I'm keying off his enjoyment. If he's in me and it's too deep and too rough it can be a nightmare if he thinks it's making me feel good, but I get in the zone if he's just as aggressive and he's clearly excited to be getting what he wants. With the right feedback I seem to suppress the discomfort and pain of penetration.

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I'm a pleaser. For me the pleasure of bottoming is the pleasure of indulging a top's needs. When he's trying to please me through the physical act it can be an uphill battle. When a man, however, enjoys penetration and the act of fucking it sets off this reciprocal effect. He's having a great time through the sensations and motions and actions, and I'm keying off his enjoyment. If he's in me and it's too deep and too rough it can be a nightmare if he thinks it's making me feel good, but I get in the zone if he's just as aggressive and he's clearly excited to be getting what he wants. With the right feedback I seem to suppress the discomfort and pain of penetration.

 

Absolutely agree....pleasing & satisfying a masculine, aggressive Top (safely) to climax is the best part....(especially the hairy Men).....he can simply collapse on top of me (if I'm on my back), fully spent & let me do my own thing in my own way to get myself off after he has cum.

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What a great topic. I was a life-long top. No desire to bottom ever but thanks to a very talented top I had a dramatic conversion. Now I'm strictly a bottom. The first few times were a bit painful but I have learned to relax and now can easily accommodate cocks of all sizes. For me the physical sensation is intense but I have never tried to discern why. Nothing in life gives me more pleasure than a cock buried deeply into my ass. Thanks to Juan I will not try to over-think it and just enjoy the moment.

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Guest Starbuck
... I felt like we had a pretty long fuck ... I couldn't have gone on much longer ... I was very surprised to see that we had only been at it for 40 minutes.

 

Only 40 minutes? ... you mean, 40 minutes of actual fucking!? ... is more than 40 minutes the norm?

 

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel they've been shortchanged?

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Only 40 minutes? ... you mean, 40 minutes of actual fucking!? ... is more than 40 minutes the norm?

 

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel they've been shortchanged?

I've never topped anyone that long in my entire life-sigh. The spirit might have been willing but my flesh was weak.

 

Gman

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Only 40 minutes? ... you mean, 40 minutes of actual fucking!? ... is more than 40 minutes the norm?

 

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel they've been shortchanged?

 

LMAO. Let me clarify: We went at sex for 40 minutes. We weren't fucking the whole time. That also including sucking time.

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Only 40 minutes? ... you mean, 40 minutes of actual fucking!? ... is more than 40 minutes the norm?

 

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel they've been shortchanged?

 

LMAO. Let me clarify: We went at sex for 40 minutes. We weren't fucking the whole time. That also including sucking time.

 

A few escorts of my acquaintance-and I'm sure there many many more as well as many non-escort members of this Forum-take forever to cum. And it's not anything they trained themselves into. It's how they've always been. Occasionally they've told me how much of a pain it is, but I'm sure it's usually more of a blessing than a curse.

 

On a related subject, I know one escort who can hold off forever if he's topping-but cums fairly quickly when bottoming.

 

Gman

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