The tortoise or the hair?

[+ purplekow]

I was driving a friend so he could get his haircut before we went out to dinner. He had an appointment and his hair stylist demands punctuality. (My barber allows me to walk in but then again he is not a hair stylist but the few hairs I have do not really need styling.) We left early to allow about 15 minutes for contingencies, so that he would not be late. He had told me in the past that he was 5 minutes late one time and the stylist refused his appointment.

On the way there, on a busy side street, I thought I caught a glimpse of a turle on its back near the curb which was at the bottom of a rather steep hill. I went ahead to the next place i could turn around and made a U turn after explaining the situation to my friend. He started chastising me and he told me I was going to make him miss his appointment and he needed his haircut before we went to dinner. Well I turned around and drove about 500 feet in the other direction and pulled over and hurried to see if I was correct. There was indeed a box turle that had righted itself and was now meandering in the street. I picked up the turtle, went about 15 feet into the brush and placed the turtle down facing downhill and away from the road. I got to the car and was met with silence. About 3-5 minutes had transpired from the time I turned around initially. We drove to the hair salon and made it there with about 10 minutes to spare, but my friend continued to be in a snit for the rest of the evening.

I told him to get over it and he said I was inconsiderate. So the tortoise or the hair? Just as an aside, his hair did not look all that great after the haircut.

 

PS I realize that tortoise is misspelled in the title.

[+ Funguy]

3 cheers for the TORTOISE!!! and you. But, what was a box turtle doing beside the road (side street) - are they "wild" in your area or was he (of course, he) lost?

[+ purplekow]

Box turtles are found in most areas of the US except the Pacific Northwest, or so I came to learn. I was distressed to read on Wikipedia that some box turtles have been known to wander aimlessly unless kept in their original environment. I hope I did not doom this turtle to aimlessly wandering NJ in search of his home.

[Bosguy]

Such a wonderful and fun post. My favorite part was "his hair did not look all that great after the haircut". Still laughing. Maybe he got a BOX CUT

 

Boston Bill

[+ Funguy]

You did 2 "good" deeds:

1. You helped the little guy - perhaps he was on vacation at the shore and got lost on his way to the beach?

2. You continued to put up with your friend - he needs some sensitivity training!

[+ azdr0710]

if your antsy friend is ever visiting Troy, MI, he might want to check this place out:

 

http://www.tortoisehairsalon.com/

[Guest]

I'm not sure this is something worth stewing about for days on end. It's difficult to be able to form a good opinion without knowing more about the situation, such as the distances involved, and the nature of the uncertainties regarding his arriving on time. Clearly, he was quite anxious about arriving on time, and, for some reason, you were the only driver on this "busy street" who felt it necessary to stop and turn around. If you had validated his concerns, and he was still acting snooty, it sounds as if he may have gone over-board. When you got back in the car, did you say "I'm sorry for the delay. I know how anxious you are about arriving on time. I just couldn't leave that tortoise in danger in the street. I'm pretty sure we'll make it on time, though."? More important than this one incident is how the two of you behave under most circumstances. Is he hyper-sensitive about everything, or did he have a specific anxiety about this situation? Are you normally empathetic with your friends' concerns, but have a particular soft spot for animals?

In this situation, if a friend had told me he was super anxious about arriving somewhere on time, I personally probably wouldn't have doubled back for a tortoise. On the other hand, if I were being driven by an animal-loving friend (and I have a few very committed, vegetarian, animal-loving friends), I wouldn't make a big stink about the few minutes' delay, especially if the friend acknowledged my concern. Either way, I wouldn't let it jeopardize a friendship unless the friendship were strained to begin with, and this was a "last straw".

[Newly]

Purplekow, you're a hero. Box turtles are an endangered species in the East coast. Habitat destruction from construction and being killed on the highway (the black surface and the heat attracts them when the weather is colder and they're trying to regulate their body temperature) have decimated their numbers. You definitely did the right thing.

[+ friendofsheila]

I was driving a friend so he could get his haircut before we went out to dinner. ........

 

We drove to the hair salon and made it there with about 10 minutes to spare, but my friend continued to be in a snit for the rest of the evening.

 

 

You were doing him a favor, you got him there on time and he activates his Snit Mode.

 

This is the sort of person who would have gotten into a snit if you did ANYTHING less than exactly what was demanded of you. I doubt you could have gotten away with being ANYTHING less than being his handmaiden.

[Lookin]

Honestly! I'd have left your friend on his back and had dinner with the tortoise. http://cdn2.image.apk.gfan.com/asdf/PImages/2012/8/25/ldpi_339571_2a247d2f-101d-4df8-aa2a-6a0632cf8a2c_icon.png

[+ FreshFluff]

3 cheers for the TORTOISE!!! and you. But, what was a box turtle doing beside the road (side street)

 

What do you mean, "what was he doing?" Didn't you see PK's neighbor and the turtle reciting their vows to each other?

 

http://www.burntorangereport.com/mt/archives/001855.html

[+ purplekow]

I'm not sure this is something worth stewing about for days on end. It's difficult to be able to form a good opinion without knowing more about the situation, such as the distances involved, and the nature of the uncertainties regarding his arriving on time. Clearly, he was quite anxious about arriving on time, and, for some reason, you were the only driver on this "busy street" who felt it necessary to stop and turn around. If you had validated his concerns, and he was still acting snooty, it sounds as if he may have gone over-board. When you got back in the car, did you say "I'm sorry for the delay. I know how anxious you are about arriving on time. I just couldn't leave that tortoise in danger in the street. I'm pretty sure we'll make it on time, though."? More important than this one incident is how the two of you behave under most circumstances. Is he hyper-sensitive about everything, or did he have a specific anxiety about this situation? Are you normally empathetic with your friends' concerns, but have a particular soft spot for animals?

In this situation, if a friend had told me he was super anxious about arriving somewhere on time, I personally probably wouldn't have doubled back for a tortoise. On the other hand, if I were being driven by an animal-loving friend (and I have a few very committed, vegetarian, animal-loving friends), I wouldn't make a big stink about the few minutes' delay, especially if the friend acknowledged my concern. Either way, I wouldn't let it jeopardize a friendship unless the friendship were strained to begin with, and this was a "last straw".[/quote

 

To answer some of your questions. We have been friends for more than 50 years. Yes he is generally a pain in the ass. As with any long term friends, there is enough commonality to remain friends and enough differences to drive each other nuts. I have not stewed about it, though I brought it here for some further discussion just to check if anyone would have put the haircut above the animal in presumed distress. Glad to see that no one felt the hair should win. We were going to dinner together and i had some other things to do in the area around the salon so it was more convenient to go together and I have done almost all the driving when he and I are together since i got my licence in the Nixon administration years. The street was a busy side street and about half a dozen cars passed by while I was driving back. It was a tortoise and not a moose in distress so I imagine many of those did not even see it. I was not sure that I did.

He does have generally nice hair and has always been particular about it.

I think the question about what the tortoise was doing in the road. I think he was trying to meet a chicken that couldnt get to the other side.

[+ Funguy]

What do you mean, "what was he doing?" Didn't you see PK's neighbor and the turtle reciting their vows to each other?

 

http://www.burntorangereport.com/mt/archives/001855.html

 

LOLOL….very good Fresh!

[+ Funguy]

ALso, LOL PK

[+ quoththeraven]

And now for something completely different -- If I'd been by myself, I'd have stopped and dealt with the turtle. But since you were driving your friend to his appointment, and he was stressing about it, I would have dropped him off first, then returned, looked for, and righted the tortoise (assuming it was still there to be found).

 

Yes, you were doing your friend a favor, but it's no favor if he's stressing out about it, even when he's being neurotic and unreasonable (as he was). You have more of a responsibility of care to a friend than you do to a wild animal that would have been at risk anyway if you (or someone else like you) hadn't come along.

[+ purplekow]

Interesting point of view Raven. Of course the turtle could have been killed in the interim, about ten minutes there and ten minutes back, and he made his appointment easily, we were ten minutes away about 25 minutes before the haircut appointment and so the stress was all self induced.

Does anyone else go to a hair salon with such a strict appointment policy?

[+ ArVaGuy]

You made the right decision.

 

But I'd say your friend needs to dump the hairstylist.

[+ FreshFluff]

Interesting point of view Raven. Of course the turtle could have been killed in the interim, about ten minutes there and ten minutes back, and he made his appointment easily, we were ten minutes away about 25 minutes before the haircut appointment and so the stress was all self induced.

Does anyone else go to a hair salon with such a strict appointment policy?

 

I have, though 10 minutes would be fine if it wasn't a habit. But at my old salon, if you were 15 minutes late or the stylist had an appointment afterwards, they sometimes pass you off to an assistant or another stylist.

 

Of course, this kind of rule never applies to the stylists themselves. I'll never forget the words of my former beauty service provider:

 

"My being late is totally different from your being late. If you're late, I lose critical time and have to make it up at the end of the day. If I'm late, you still get the full appointment time."

 

(To be fair, stylists' schedules depend heavily on whether their clients come in on time. But of course, the same is true of the clients and their other appointments.)

[+ Robster]

Honestly! I'd have left your friend on his back and had dinner with the tortoise. http://cdn2.image.apk.gfan.com/asdf/PImages/2012/8/25/ldpi_339571_2a247d2f-101d-4df8-aa2a-6a0632cf8a2c_icon.png

 

LOL!! Thanks for the chuckle.

 

Rob

[Guest]

Interesting point of view Raven.

Does anyone else go to a hair salon with such a strict appointment policy?

 

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore would I go to such a hairstylist." Our medical office has a policy allowing patient to be up to 15 minutes late. After that, it's up to the doctor's discretion. I will usually allow a patient to be up to 20 minutes late once, as long as he's willing to wait until the end of the clinic, after I've seen every patient who's on time first. I don't feel it's fair to make all of the other patients wait an extra 15-20 minutes, but I'm willing to work into my lunch hour or gym time once. Then I mark the chart, and that's the last time I'll see that patient over 15 minutes late.

[rvwnsd]

...my friend continued to be in a snit for the rest of the evening.

I told him to get over it and he said I was inconsiderate. So the tortoise or the hair? Just as an aside, his hair did not look all that great after the haircut...

 

I think you did the right thing by helping the tortoise. You left plenty of time to get your friend to his hair appointment and, as it turned out, were there early. Your friend, on the other hand, needs an attitude adjustment. His concern about being made late is somewhat valid, but if he was THAT concerned about his hair appointment he could have driven himself. Besides, he arrived early so he wasted a snit over absolutely nothing. Then again, most snits are over nothing.

[bigvalboy]

Interesting point of view Raven. Of course the turtle could have been killed in the interim, about ten minutes there and ten minutes back, and he made his appointment easily, we were ten minutes away about 25 minutes before the haircut appointment and so the stress was all self induced.

Does anyone else go to a hair salon with such a strict appointment policy?

 

I agree, I would have stopped immediately, indeed the turtle could have killed in the interim, and then you would have felt awful. AND a hair salon not taking someone when they are 5 min late is just baffling to me. How do you run a business like that? Great story BTW...

[+ quoththeraven]

Interesting point of view Raven. Of course the turtle could have been killed in the interim, about ten minutes there and ten minutes back, and he made his appointment easily, we were ten minutes away about 25 minutes before the haircut appointment and so the stress was all self induced.

Does anyone else go to a hair salon with such a strict appointment policy?

 

I don't disagree that your friend's stress was self induced. Part of the motivation for my response is that when people like are stressing out like that (and I have a lot of experience with it; I've spent most of my adult life with someone who does that kind of thing) my stress levels go through the roof. (I used to do it, too.) I'd rather do whatever is necessary to calm that person down; I view your being in a position to help the tortoise as a happy accident. Or less cynically, that by agreeing to transport him to his hair appointment, you were implicitly agreeing to put his need to get there in good time first barring threats to your (or his) health and welfare.

 

But unlike you and probably the rest of the people who've responded so far, I would feel sadness but not guilt if I discovered that the tortoise had been hit or injured in the meantime. At some point, it's going to die of natural causes or injuries, and it's not clear how long the help will take. It's entirely possible that the tortoise will wind up on a road again. (And this may not be the first time it's happened.) Rescuing one tortoise is like bailing out an ocean. The more effective solution is to build alternatives to crossing the road, but that generally only happens if roads are threats to species survival.

 

The fact that you weren't far from the salon and that it was a wild animal whose lifespan you have no real control over were factors. Vary those factors, and my response might change. If I'd been by myself and felt I could stop and rescue the tortoise without putting myself in danger, I would have done it, and I commend you for caring enough to do it. My "bailing out the ocean" comment is an explanation of why I wouldn't feel guilty for not stopping right then if the tortoise got itself in trouble in the meantime, not an absolute rejection of rescuing the tortoise.

[tom1980]

I see both perspectives but tend to go with QTR (aka "the raven"?) on this one. Yes, the friend should have been more rational and understood that he would not be late for the appointment based on the circumstances you describe. However, I have a close friend with high anxiety and she sometimes has panic attacks if she is "running late" for an appointment (which for her is being less than ~ 15 minutes early; I've tried many times, to no avail, to get her to instill some of this anxiety in my perpetually tardy wife). I've talked with her many times about how irrational her anxiety is. She knows it's irrational, but she can't help it (even with medication). My personal (and admittedly completely anecdotal experience that has nothing to do with your reality) makes me sympathetic to the friend.

 

On the other hand, reading your story made me wonder if you perhaps went back to rescue the turtle (in some part) to teach your friend a lesson or out of spite because he was being such a jerk. If that's the case, I sympathize with you wholeheartedly and say, "The jerk deserved what he got!" Of course, if that's the case, you earned your sulky companion. Still, perhaps the joy of the moment made it worthwhile? (Again, this is purely conjecture on my part. You probably had completely altruistic motives and only wanted to help the turtle. Unfortunately, spending too much time with clients and opposing counsel who are constantly out to get one another has me in a rather cynical mood lately.)

[+ friendofsheila]

At some point, it's going to die of natural causes or injuries, and it's not clear how long the help will take. It's entirely possible that the tortoise will wind up on a road again. (And this may not be the first time it's happened.)

 

Rescuing one tortoise is like bailing out an ocean. The more effective solution is to build alternatives to crossing the road, but that generally only happens if roads are threats to species survival.

 

I question how well this train of logic would "hold water".