Confused by Escort

[markpaul]

Last night I hooked up with an escort for the third time. He visits the city I live in about once a month. I have had an incredible time with him all three times. He is very skilled at what he does.

 

For the first two appointments we met for one hour. At the end of our second meeting, he suggested that as a part of our next meeting we should go out to dinner first. When I e-mailed him to set up our third session, he again mentioned going out "for a nice dinner". I then said let's start our 3rd time together with dinner.

 

We had dinner together and then a great session at his hotel. As I paid him the usual amount for our time together, he informed me that I needed to pay for the hour we spent at dinner. He said that that was how the business worked. I was shocked! I couldn't believe that he asked me to go to dinner and then wanted me to pay. How naive of me!

 

Am I correct in thinking that since he made the suggestion twice before I agreed, I shouldn't be asked to pay for the additional hour?

 

I learned a valuable lesson from this experience. Needless to say, I won't be seeing him again.

[maninsoma]

You both made mistakes since you both should have clarified in advance whether the dinner time was on or off the clock. It's never wise to make an assumption since, as you see, your reasonable assumption that the dinner time was free because he initiated it ended up not matching his expectation, and his expectation that you would already know that he expected to be paid for dinner time ended up not matching your expectation.

 

Under the circumstances I can understand your decision not to hire him again since I do get your point of view even though I probably would have assumed in advance that the guy was going to expect to be paid for both hours.

[robberbaron4u]

The invitation was tendered to you by the escort; thereby, you were under no obligation to pay for his time or the tab. Plainly put, you were "gigged" by the man.

[tom1980]

Your expectation was reasonable. If an escort invites me to dinner, a movie, etc., I assume it's off the clock. When I've initiated such plans, I usually tell the escort what I have in mind and ask how much he'll charge for the afternoon or evening. Did you pay this guy the extra hour? If I was in that situation, the guy would've been out of luck because I only carry enough money on me to cover the rate I expected to pay.

[Guest Starbuck]

... As I paid him the usual amount for our time together, he informed me that I needed to pay for the hour we spent at dinner. He said that that was how the business worked. I was shocked! I couldn't believe that he asked me to go to dinner and then wanted me to pay.

 

Well, it doesn't ALWAYS work that way, as any of us who have ever been invited out for a meal know. Some guys seem to think it's a gracious gesture to buy a meal for someone who has been generous to them and keeps coming back.

 

Personally, I'd always want it to be discussed up front and absolutely understood who was paying for the meal and for the time the meal takes ... just as a matter of crossing all the t's and dotting all the i's. I'm sorry to hear you're now done with a man whose company you've enjoyed ... and a little surprised that he wouldn't try for some agreeable compromise given your reasonable expectation.

[Amoco]

Hah! I'm impressed that you're all being invited out for drinks and movies! I swear this is true: had an escort ask for an advance and when I met him at a local Panera Bread to give him the $200 he needed, I suggested we get a quick lunch, and ordered us both some food. Less than thirty minutes later we were saying goodbye and he asked me to pay him for his time "hanging out with me" - at which point I took my money back and walked out. You can't make this stuff up.

 

I pay for food time and food during extended appointments only, and then do so happily. Though I agree that both client and escort may have made mistakes, there is NO equivalency. It was without question the escort's responsibility to say something like "I'd love to spend some more time with you next time, maybe we could do an extended session and grab some lunch together?" - but even that's a bit questionable without further details. My guess is that you'll hear from him again - all filled with apologies - and probably with an offer to take you to lunch. That's your choice but I recall Oprah once saying: "When someone reveals themself to you, believe them!"

[tom1980]

Hah! I'm impressed that you're all being invited out for drinks and movies!

 

It doesn't happen often. I've only had 2 guys give me such an invitation. They were both visiting from out of town and didn't have anything else planned. Apparently they preferred to hang out with me for a little while rather than sit in their hotel rooms. I don't understand why they felt that way either . I should also mention that one of the guys is a former EOTY, which may help explain how he got that recognition.

[actor61]

Last night I hooked up with an escort for the third time. He visits the city I live in about once a month. I have had an incredible time with him all three times. He is very skilled at what he does.

 

For the first two appointments we met for one hour. At the end of our second meeting, he suggested that as a part of our next meeting we should go out to dinner first. When I e-mailed him to set up our third session, he again mentioned going out "for a nice dinner". I then said let's start our 3rd time together with dinner.

 

We had dinner together and then a great session at his hotel. As I paid him the usual amount for our time together, he informed me that I needed to pay for the hour we spent at dinner. He said that that was how the business worked. I was shocked! I couldn't believe that he asked me to go to dinner and then wanted me to pay. How naive of me!

 

Am I correct in thinking that since he made the suggestion twice before I agreed, I shouldn't be asked to pay for the additional hour?

 

I learned a valuable lesson from this experience. Needless to say, I won't be seeing him again.

 

It has happened to me twice that an escort suggested we have something to eat together either before or after the appointment. Thank heavens (and I'm not patting myself on the back) I had the presence of mind to ask if that time needed to be compensated. One said yes and I declined. The other said, "No, I"m just hungry and hate to eat alone". I have also had situations where escorts have offered me "freebies" for favors I could do them. When I was moving into a new place, I was getting rid of a pretty good antique desk I no longer wanted. An escort I saw fairly regularly took the desk in exchange for a very fun session. Another time, an escort was submitting a thesis and I typed, proofread and corrected it for him in exchange for a session. It doesn't happen often but the bartered sessions were a very good arrangement for all involved.

[gallahadesquire]

On my last hire (yeah, I gotta write a review), I suggested dinner then fun time after, for a couple of hours.

"Okay, that'll be [enter amount here]"

 

Fun dinner, Fun yogurt, fun time. And I knew the cost of it ahead of time.

 

I think it's best to clarify and not to assume. After all, we are hiring for time only, and that might include dinner. Personally,

especially if the dinner is good or special, it should be off the clock.

[rvwnsd]

I've had two escorts invite me to dinner and neither one wanted to be compensated for the time. One allowed me to pay for his meal (although he offered to pay) and the other refused my offer to pay and proceeded to pay for mine. A third didn't have anything else planned for the evening and invited me to stay, hang out, eat, and play some more at no additional charge.

[BSR]

Gallahadesquire is one thousand percent right about the reminder that we clients are paying only for an escort's time, regardless of how that time is spent, but I would also be rather put off by the fact that the dinner was at the escort's suggestion, almost his insistence. The OP realizes, obviously, that he should have clarified the fee in advance, yet I can understand his feeling that he was an eensy weensy bit duped. I would go a step further by emailing the escort to inform him you will no longer be contacting him for future appointments and to explain why. Although I doubt he'll take any responsibility for his rather presumptuous behavior, he might figure a thing or two out and refrain from such behavior in the future.

[down_to_business]

He asked you to go to dinner, for him to charge you for that is tacky at best. I wouldn't see him again either.

[+ purplekow]

If you liked the escort and enjoyed the sex to the point of wanting to return, I would contact him again. This is especially true if you have a very limited choice of escorts. I would tell him that you were put off by his charging you for a dinner to which he invited you and that though you would like to see him again, it should be clear that the time for any future activities out of the bedroom will be paid only if he has said there is a fee up front. He may then tell you to fuck off or he may accept that situation.

If there are hot and cold running escorts coming through your town, drop him.

[RobertV]

It may have been a bit jarring because you weren't expecting it, but from a business point of view, I can see his point. As a poster above mentioned you were buying his time and from your escort's point of view all he did was convince you to buy more of it. After all, when I go out for a meal in a restaurant when I finish eating the server will often ask me if I would like dessert. If I say yes, I still have to pay for it - even though it was the server who asked me.

 

It sounds like it was just a misunderstanding. When he asked you to go out to dinner, you thought he was wanting to spend time with you socially and not in a professional capacity, but he thought he was offering to spend more time with you in his professional capacity.

 

I guess it depends how much you enjoy his company as to whether you will want to see him again (and I can see where you might not want to - there is nothing that can spoil an experience more than feeling you were overcharged). If you do, at least now you know what his expectations are towards time spent and remuneration, which is less likely to cause misunderstandings in the future.

[jimboivyo]

time is time. you pay for whatever time you spend with an escort

 

unless he specifically says the hour is on him, expect to pay. that's just common sense

[Bart]

I completely understand time is money, but how often do we hear gentlemen suggest that it is a business. Do you know how often a person trying to maintain a "business" relationship asks me lunch? In doing so he also chooses to pick up the tab since they invited you to lunch. Now in this case I am sure Markpaul expected to pay for the meal. I have been asked out to eat with a gentleman after meeting on numerous occasions, sometimes they have picked up the tab, many times I have had to decline, usually I was disappointed to, a couple happy to decline. I just wanted to get out of there. I have asked out the gentleman afterwards as well and sometimes it is a sure others no. I do remember an occasion with a gentleman who was going to be traveling to a city I would be in. I scheduled the appoint with him for a couple of hours, not a single hour, I suggested maybe lunch afterwards. When I asked what the fee would be he said $450 and $150 for lunch. Believe when I say I was surprised that was a first. I sat on it for a couple of days and then just cancelled the appt. I totally understand the time is time.

 

Ever since that occurred, I never ask if they would like to go for a meal, if I am asked which again is common, I feel a bit uncomfortable by asking is it on the clock and I swear every time, I mean every time, I get a surprised look and they say no. I then explain my quick story. Every one of them has said they have never heard of that and sounds like someone is taking advantage of the situation. To me that is what this situation was for MarkPaul, which is someone taking advantage of you and has no clue how to build a client/gentleman relationship that can last for a long period of time. He lost a client for an immediate gain.

 

While others have suggested telling the gentleman and suggesting future meetings with more clarity. I could never do it. Once there is an issue with $$, even once, I can't and move on.

[adriano46]

Just adding a bit to what so many others have already said.

 

In my 20+ years of hiring, only in rare cases has a meal (generally AFTER the events) been taken with the escort "off the clock" (meaning, without charge) and probably because for many of them, it was a very late afternoon/early evening meeting, they had to eat anyway and figured why not get a free dinner on top of their work? In the US my experience is that even if a meal is included it is always "on the clock" unless the escort tells me otherwise. Some of them go so far (nicely) to LOWER the rate inasmuch as they are not doing much more than conversing and eating food - same too when I have a multiple hour hire that includes dinner, theatre and then some action. I tell them what I have in mind, the time element and THEY tell me the fee "for their time" (all-inclusive for the evening).

 

I do think markpaul that there was a miscommunication - and unfortunate that it happened for you. I would chalk it up as a learning experience (expensive as it might be).

[AdamSmith]

I have to differ with what seems to be majority opinion. I think the escort acted like a jerk. Not to mention a shortsighted businessman.

 

In something more than a dozen instances (that I can remember), escorts have asked me to a meal or a round of drinks, usually after playtime though sometimes before, and not once did they presume to put that time on the clock. Without discussion; just assumed by me, as you did. More than once the escort insisted on picking up the tab.

 

For that generosity, they got a lot more from me in goodwill and follow-on business than they would have gotten from charging for the mealtime.

 

I don't think I would need anything further to do with this gentleman. Using perhaps too generous a term for him.

[Frankly Rich]

Once in San Francisco I hired a visiting escort, and we had a great time, but, when we were done, it was clear that he wanted to spend more time with me. I had already paid him, so we were off the clock, and I invited him to dinner. I picked a very nice restaurant, not at all cheap, and when the bill came, he paid it!

It was almost his entire fee.

[tanman4u]

......if I am asked which again is common, I feel a bit uncomfortable by asking is it on the clock .........

 

I too feel quite uncomfortable. It kind of feels like negotiating their rates which is something I never do. "Hey that was awesome and I'm pretty hungry now, I'd be happy to treat you to dinner and some drinks if you're up for it" is what I would say, but I'd feel like an ass to add "as long as I'm not paying your hourly fee".

[Kevin Slater]

I too feel quite uncomfortable. It kind of feels like negotiating their rates which is something I never do. "Hey that was awesome and I'm pretty hungry now, I'd be happy to treat you to dinner and some drinks if you're up for it" is what I would say, but I'd feel like an ass to add "as long as I'm not paying your hourly fee".

 

"That was great. If you have time, I'd be happy to treat you to an off-the-clock dinner at XXX."

 

Kevin Slater

[Steven_Draker]

Last night I hooked up with an escort for the third time. He visits the city I live in about once a month. I have had an incredible time with him all three times. He is very skilled at what he does.

 

For the first two appointments we met for one hour. At the end of our second meeting, he suggested that as a part of our next meeting we should go out to dinner first. When I e-mailed him to set up our third session, he again mentioned going out "for a nice dinner". I then said let's start our 3rd time together with dinner.

 

We had dinner together and then a great session at his hotel. As I paid him the usual amount for our time together, he informed me that I needed to pay for the hour we spent at dinner. He said that that was how the business worked. I was shocked! I couldn't believe that he asked me to go to dinner and then wanted me to pay. How naive of me!

 

Am I correct in thinking that since he made the suggestion twice before I agreed, I shouldn't be asked to pay for the additional hour?

 

I learned a valuable lesson from this experience. Needless to say, I won't be seeing him again.

 

As others pointed out you both had different expectations and they didn't meet in the middle. I can see where you are both coming from.

 

Over here, if you "invite" or "ask" out someone for dinner, you're the host and you're supposed to pay for dinner.

 

In my opinion, it was either misunderstanding or miscommunication/lack of sufficient communication prior to the meeting and clearing up all the details regarding the terms of the meeting including mealtime.

 

As someone pointed out for some escorts the clock starts ticking when he and client shake hands. A dinner before the meeting or after may play differently.

 

Finally, if you hire an escort for an evening or an overnight, you probably won't bump into such troubles.

 

Communication (repeat 3 times) and sorry that you had to go through this. Don't let this experience make you a bitter person.

 

[jawjateck]

I concur with Count Adam Smith on this one.

 

No quality escort will repeatedly suggest to add paid time (social or intimate) to the invoice. Yes, communication is key. I always confirm the billable amount with the escort based on the proposed itinerary that I have outlined. I'm hiring. I set the agenda. I pay his stated fee.

 

I would not hire this guy again. Not matter how good the intimate meetings were. When things go wrong, you can never get back to what was good. There will always be the nagging feelings of having been wronged, justified or not. You can email him and let him know that you will no longer procure his services, or never contact him again and let him discern the unstated message from your indefinite silence; in either case, he does not deserve your business.

[LouieD]

The escort was a jerk. I'd say you were scammed and have a right to be very upset. Don't hire him again and pass the word around. He won't last long in this biz.

[Lookin]

http://cs418621.vk.me/v418621746/46b1/bbxXmvRuuHU.jpg

 

Hmm. Baked Alaska for twenty-five dollars,

and another hundred bucks to watch you eat it.