Encounters with sociopaths?

[+ FreshFluff]

So I’d say I’m average to slightly above at detecting lies, since it’s part of my job. Interestingly, in social contexts, few people really lie, even when they can. Sure, some people shave a few years off their age and so forth. Mostly, though people just avoid the topic or deflect questions, and it's pretty easy to tell what, if anything, they're trying to hide.

 

But this post is about someone who appears to be an actual sociopath. We talked a little about sociopaths in another thread, but here's another opportunity to talk about any sociopath-like people you've encountered in life.

 

Last Tuesday, I had dinner with some friends. I tried to get a few of them to go up to a rooftop lounge with me, but they wanted to go home, so I went up on my own. This is one of those places with a pretty strict door policy, so the crowd is usually pretty good.

 

One of the guys who starts talking to me is a good looking guy with a grey goatee and a full sleeve tattoo showing under his long sleeved shirt.

“Nice ink,” I said, though huge tattoos are a turn off for me.

“Oh, I usually hide my ink during the day,” he says rolling down his sleeves. (Remember this part.)

 

We continue talking. I avoided answering some of his questions, but I told him what I do for a living and he guessed the rest (e.g. education). He then gave me some facts:

-He’s 40, never married, lives in Weston, MA and comes to NYC once a week to visit investors. He’s staying at the hotel below the lounge.

-He runs a biotech firm in Boston specializing in research lung cancer. (I ask him if it's small cell lung cancer and he says it's non-small cell, but gives me a bunch of scientific detail about how small cell/non-small cell is an outdated way to categorize cancers. It's so strange hearing someone talk hardcore science in a lounge on a summer night. Even a nerd wouldn't do that, and he was clearly more of a hipster than a nerd.

-Undergrad; Princeton, PhD: Imperial College London PostDoc: [A university I am affiliated with]

We talked for a while. He keeps saying he’s insecure, does he have a chance with me, I'm making him sad because I'm giving him tips on how to pick up women, etc.

 

Eventually, I head home and he goes off, presumably back to his room.

 

I thought about this guy quite a bit. Other than the tattoo, he seemed like my type, and I liked him. But something seemed off, so I did a quick Google of his first name and the schools he gave me. (Guys routinely find me this way.) Nothing. A public abstract of PhD dissertations showed that no one named Michael ever got a PhD at Imperial College, London. Curious, I called the hotel and asked if a Michael from MA was staying there. Nope.

 

I then realized what happened. He asked me a few questions, (correctly) figured out the characteristics I wanted in a man, and pretended he was that man. He gave enough detail about biology to make him seem credible. This guy was a really smart liar. He asked me which schools I went to before giving his schools. Then, he established commonality by claiming to have been at my school--but only as a post doc, since that "exempts" him from answering too many questions about student life at that school. He even tried to ask me to describe an ex bf I really cared about, so as to better fit himself to what I wanted.

 

So I figured that he simply exaggerated--for example, didn't actually finish his PhD. Some guy in a Manhattan lounge lies about his credentials--big deal. I pretty much forgot about all this, until tonight.

 

I ran into him about 2 blocks from the lounge. I probably should have stayed silent, but I couldn’t help myself. TL;dr: He made up absolutely everything--and that's my fault.

 

Michael: Fluffy, so good to see you. I’ve been thinking about you.

Me: Um, Michael, if that's your name: Did you make up a few of the facts you gave me last week?

Michael: (Pause) Yes. But c'mon, did you tell me the truth about everything? (He's walking the other way but turns around and walks with me.)

Me: Yep, everything I told you was true.

 

He admits that he doesn’t live in Boston, but in the Village. He doesn’t work in biotech. He says the schools were "basically correct" with the order mixed up. ha.

 

I asked him why he did it. He says he wasn’t sure who I was. I was different from other women he met, he said. He thought I might be a “prostitute” (his word). I could understand why he didn’t want to give me detailed information. haha. I certainly didn't ask him for the details of his job or educational pedigree. It was he who was asking all the questions.

 

The rest was like an episode of Scooby Doo crossed with Mad Men.

Me: I know why you did it. You made up whatever crap you thought made you sound like my ideal man, and then, in case you were able to get me to sleep with you, you falsified your identity so that I couldn’t find you afterwards.

Michael: (Pauses and looks away) Well, I would have liked to get you to my room. But no, that’s not why I did it. (Sadly) Anyway, now the trust between us is gone.

 

I was just waiting for him to say “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you darned kids!"

 

(For those who think I was harsh: He actually turned to follow me, and he could have left at any time--and eventually did after I got to the restaurant.)

 

I then notice that he seems several inches shorter than he did at the lounge. And then something dawns on me..

 

Me: Was that sleeve tattoo even real?

Michael: [Looks down at his bare arm] No.

 

ETA: I don't know why this bothers me so much. If he wants to lie, fine, but it makes me mad that he blamed it on me. Grr.

[+ purplekow]

Well that is quite the story. He seems awful open about his lies but perhaps that was just to appear remorseful and to try and ingratiate himself with you.

The phony tattoo sleeve was odd. Were they temporary tattoos or just some sort of covering which looked like a tattoo.

I was fascinated one time by a singer in a band who had a series of what appeared to be tattoos on one leg. As it turned out, she was merely wearing stockings to give the tattoo illusion.

[+ Gar1eth]

So I’d say I’m average to slightly above at detecting lies, since it’s part of my job. Interestingly, in social contexts, few people really lie, even when they can. Sure, some people shave a few years off their age and so forth. Mostly, though people just avoid the topic or deflect questions, and it's pretty easy to tell what, if anything, they're trying to hide.

 

But this post is about someone who appears to be an actual sociopath. We talked a little about sociopaths in another thread, but here's another opportunity to talk about any sociopath-like people you've encountered in life.

 

Last Tuesday, I had dinner with some friends. I tried to get a few of them to go up to a rooftop lounge with me, but they wanted to go home, so I went up on my own. This is one of those places with a pretty strict door policy, so the crowd is usually pretty good.

 

One of the guys who starts talking to me is a good looking guy with a grey goatee and a full sleeve tattoo showing under his long sleeved shirt.

“Nice ink,” I said, though huge tattoos are a turn off for me.

“Oh, I usually hide my ink during the day,” he says rolling down his sleeves. (Remember this part.)

 

We continue talking. I avoided answering some of his questions, but I told him what I do for a living and he guessed the rest (e.g. education). He then gave me some facts:

-He’s 40, never married, lives in Weston, MA and comes to NYC once a week to visit investors. He’s staying at the hotel below the lounge.

-He runs a biotech firm in Boston specializing in research lung cancer. (I ask him if it's small cell lung cancer and he says it's non-small cell, but gives me a bunch of scientific detail about how small cell/non-small cell is an outdated way to categorize cancers. It's so strange hearing someone talk hardcore science in a lounge on a summer night. Even a nerd wouldn't do that, and he was clearly more of a hipster than a nerd.

-Undergrad; Princeton, PhD: Imperial College London PostDoc: [A university I am affiliated with]

We talked for a while. He keeps saying he’s insecure, does he have a chance with me, I'm making him sad because I'm giving him tips on how to pick up women, etc.

 

Eventually, I head home and he goes off, presumably back to his room.

 

I thought about this guy quite a bit. Other than the tattoo, he seemed like my type, and I liked him. But something seemed off, so I did a quick Google of his first name and the schools he gave me. (Guys routinely find me this way.) Nothing. A public abstract of PhD dissertations showed that no one named Michael ever got a PhD at Imperial College, London. Curious, I called the hotel and asked if a Michael from MA was staying there. Nope.

 

I then realized what happened. He asked me a few questions, (correctly) figured out the characteristics I wanted in a man, and pretended he was that man. He gave enough detail about biology to make him seem credible. This guy was a really smart liar. He asked me which schools I went to before giving his schools. Then, he established commonality by claiming to have been at my school--but only as a post doc, since that "exempts" him from answering too many questions about student life at that school. He even tried to ask me to describe an ex bf I really cared about, so as to better fit himself to what I wanted.

 

So I figured that he simply exaggerated--for example, didn't actually finish his PhD. Some guy in a Manhattan lounge lies about his credentials--big deal. I pretty much forgot about all this, until tonight.

 

I ran into him about 2 blocks from the lounge. I probably should have stayed silent, but I couldn’t help myself. TL;dr: He made up absolutely everything--and that's my fault.

 

Michael: Fluffy, so good to see you. I’ve been thinking about you.

Me: Um, Michael, if that's your name: Did you make up a few of the facts you gave me last week?

Michael: (Pause) Yes. But c'mon, did you tell me the truth about everything? (He's walking the other way but turns around and walks with me.)

Me: Yep, everything I told you was true.

 

He admits that he doesn’t live in Boston, but in the Village. He doesn’t work in biotech. He says the schools were "basically correct" with the order mixed up. ha.

 

I asked him why he did it. He says he wasn’t sure who I was. I was different from other women he met, he said. He thought I might be a “prostitute” (his word). I could understand why he didn’t want to give me detailed information. haha. I certainly didn't ask him for the details of his job or educational pedigree. It was he who was asking all the questions.

 

The rest was like an episode of Scooby Doo crossed with Mad Men.

Me: I know why you did it. You made up whatever crap you thought made you sound like my ideal man, and then, in case you were able to get me to sleep with you, you falsified your identity so that I couldn’t find you afterwards.

Michael: (Pauses and looks away) Well, I would have liked to get you to my room. But no, that’s not why I did it. (Sadly) Anyway, now the trust between us is gone.

 

I was just waiting for him to say “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you darned kids!"

 

(For those who think I was harsh: He actually turned to follow me, and he could have left at any time--and eventually did after I got to the restaurant.)

 

I then notice that he seems several inches shorter than he did at the lounge. And then something dawns on me..

 

Me: Was that sleeve tattoo even real?

Michael: [Looks down at his bare arm] No.

 

ETA: I don't know why this bothers me so much. If he wants to lie, fine, but it makes me mad that he blamed it on me. Grr.

 

I had a friend in high school. I don't think he was a sociopath. I think he didn't like his life and exaggerated things. When we were out of high school- I'm almost positive much of what he told was a lie. But he had other problems over the years- alcoholic- most likely committed suicide with his psychiatric meds in his late 40's. But his- what most likely were lies- he remembered them with unchanging detail for years. I was always shocked that they were so consistent.

 

So questions-#1 never having dated in the big time- never really having dated at all- but I would wonder if in a normal situation in NYC that even if you had shot him down- hope springs eternal. You are a beautiful woman. Was it unusual for him not to offer you his card- so maybe you two might be able to arrange time the next time he came in- you know after you had a chance to think about things.

 

2. Was the tattoo henna'ed or something?

 

3. Was it unusual for you to just run into him again? Manhattan is a big place. On the other hand 3 relatives of mine all about the same age who are second cousins to each other- have lived in NYC for several years. They all know each other fairly well from growing up together, but aren't super friendly and have never really made it a point to get together. Well cousins A and B were both in Manhattan walking around- and they ran into each other on the street just by chance. In another instance Cousin C works in advertising and just recently started a new job. Cousin A works in web design-and recently was scouted by a headhunter. Cousin A interviewed, got the job, and then found out it was the place Cousin C just started working at. So I understand coincidences do happen.

 

#4. Would it be common in your social set for a woman to invite a stranger to her apartment? While I can see both scenarios being dangerous- it seems to me maybe a little more common for the female to end up at the male's place. So if he wasn't staying at that hotel- I wonder what he would have done if you had accepted his offer.

 

#5. You used some abbreviations I didn't understand TL;dr

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

BTW: Nothing wrong with having a henna tattoo or body paint. But the claim that the tattoo was "ink" that he "always covers" and the apparent elevator shoes completed the picture of a guy whose presentation (that night, at least) was completely fraudulent.

 

PK,

 

Oh, he wasn't remorseful at all. I told him about the info I found, and knew he was screwed. The only thing he could do was justify it by claiming that he had to lie because I seemed shady. (That would be more credible if he hadn't asked all the questions!.)

 

You're right that he was trying to ingratiate though. Otherwise he wouldn't have followed me.

 

He claimed it was a henna tattoo, but it was completely gone a few days later. I think it was just body paint. Nothing immoral about that, but it was just another lie. ( Pretending to pull the sleeve down and saying "I usually cover up my ink")

 

"You don't live in Weston, MA, do you?"

"Well, maybe I live in the Village."

 

Jesus.

[+ FreshFluff]

I had a friend in high school. I don't think he was a sociopath. I think he didn't like his life and exaggerated things. When we were out of high school- I'm almost positive much of what he told was a lie. But he had other problems over the years- alcoholic- most likely committed suicide with his psychiatric meds in his late 40's. But his- what most likely were lies- he remembered them with unchanging detail for years. I was always shocked that they were so consistent.

 

Yep, I think excellent memory is one thing that distinguishes sociopaths from garden variety liars.

 

So questions-#1 never having dated in the big time- never really having dated at all- but I would wonder if in a normal situation in NYC that even if you had shot him down- hope springs eternal. You are a beautiful woman. Was it unusual for him not to offer you his card- so maybe you two might be able to arrange time the next time he came in- you know after you had a chance to think about things.

 

Thanks, Gman. That is sweet. He asked for my number and then, after I gave it it him, wouldn't give me his. That last part is extremely unusual. Almost every guy will take your number and then immediately dial the number to give you his info.

 

2. Was the tattoo henna'ed or something?

 

When I asked, he said it was, but it was completely gone--not faded like a henna tattoo should be. I think it was some kind of paint.

 

3. Was it unusual for you to just run into him again?

 

Not really. I ran into him very close to the lounge. It was 9 PM and he was in work clothes, so I assume he works in this area. He even said "We'll probably run into each other again."

 

#4. Would it be common in your social set for a woman to invite a stranger to her apartment? While I can see both scenarios being dangerous- it seems to me maybe a little more common for the female to end up at the male's place. So if he wasn't staying at that hotel- I wonder what he would have done if you had accepted his offer.

 

Not sure what the norm is, but most guys invite you to their apartment. For safety and other reasons, I have never accepted such an offer.

 

I actually asked him the bolded part. He didn't say anything, and then I realized (and said aloud) that I was just teaching him to lie better. He kind of laughed.

 

You used some abbreviations I didn't understand TL;dr

 

Too long; didn't read. Online, it's used to preface a much shorter sentence summary of whatever you just wrote (for those who don't want to read the longer version).

[+ quoththeraven]

Sounds to me like a PUA (pickup artist) type. Of course he's going to blame you; PUA types think they're entitled to a woman's time and other things if they're nice to her. See: Friendzone.

 

I'm not sure we can conclude he's a sociopath, though, or if he is, there are a lot more wandering around than we think. Maybe he's a pathological liar for the purpose of picking up women, which in itself is a sad reflection on heterosexual culture. And he's not even that good a pathological liar; his refusal to give you his number was in itself highly suspicious.

 

That bit about the hotel confused me too. If he really wanted to keep his identity a secret, he wouldn't want to take you home. (Another logical flaw in the edifice.) Maybe he'd take a room at the hotel and try and brush off his saying he already had a room there as a misstatement or misunderstanding? Or maybe he'd insist on going to your place?

 

Besides, with all his other lies, "maybe I live in the Village" doesn't give me a lot of confidence that he actually does live in the Village.

 

He's not worth expending more time and energy on if you can possibly avoid it, although I know sometimes the brain won't shut off even when thinking about something is not helpful.

[+ FreshFluff]

I hadn't really thought about whether the new statements are true or not, so overwhelmed was I by the original lies. But yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if he lives outside of Manhattan. That and being short (about my height in flats) must have driven him to the PUA movement.

 

As for the hotel thing: He probably would have tried to get me to invite him over--and then disappeared. Maybe he would have said that he's sharing the hotel room with some other guy, who he doesn't want to disturb.

 

Good call on the PUA thing. I actually called him on that during the first night because he did several PUA-like things, badly executed. He didn't deny knowing what a "PUA" was.

 

The problem is that he probably wants to be a different girl every night-type player, but he's not in that league yet. He's do well for himself to land a girlfriend at all

 

BTW, I wouldn't be surprised if he was writing about all this on a PUA board right now. "I could have had banged this girl, but she seemed like too much trouble, so I ejected." (Hahaha, they love to use the word "ejected" in place of "left with my tail between my legs." )

[+ Gar1eth]

BTW, I wouldn't be surprised if he was writing about all this on a PUA board right now. "I could have had banged this girl, but she seemed like too much trouble, so I ejected." (Hahaha, they love to use the word "ejected" in place of "left with my tail between my legs." )

 

There are Pick Up Artist Boards on the Internet? You must be kidding. Next you will be telling us that there is a Discussion Forum associated with a Gay Male Escort Review Site-SHOCKING!!

 

Gman

[Samai139]

The last sentence in your original post puzzles me. I can clearly see why your mind cannot "leave the encounter(s) alone". But then you say that it wasn't the lies that got to me, it was the fact that he blamed me for the lies.

I know nothing about PUA, next to nothing about dating, very little about the kind of environment where all this took place---the roof top--but isn't "playing games" part of all of these? Did you go to the roof top hoping you would meet someone of interest? From one or two statements in your post, it appears that you did and you were attracted to this guy. Then as the conversation goes further and further, things get strange and/or suspicious. Your attraction goes south and warning bells go off. At that point I would have thought it was just time to leave and forgetaboutit. No? A liar will always find a way to shift blame to someone/something else. You are obviously a very smart person and had all the right instincts. Don't waste any more time with this P.O.S.---not sure if there is a short way of saying "picece of shit" or not, so that's why the full stops are there.

[+ Charlie]

When I was 21, I met a guy whom I was strongly attracted to. He told all sorts of fascinating stories about his family and his past, so much that I wondered if they were made-up or just exaggerated, or maybe even true. I had no way to check them--he was new in town, and his family lived conveniently far away--so I never openly questioned them. I ended up living with him for four years. Eventually I came to the conclusion that many of the stories were based on facts, but embroidered to make him seem more interesting. I could tell he was slightly nervous on those rare occasions when we received visits from family or friends from his past, but I didn't know whether he was afraid that I would learn that something he had told me was untrue, or whether he was just worried about them reacting to his relationship with me.

 

Today, of course, I could easily check out some of his stories, as you did. For instance, he claimed that when he was a child, his father was an oil company executive and political ally of Lyndon Johnson; I recently was able to check the 1940 census records (the year he was born), where I discovered that at that time, his father was a house painter in a small Texas town.

[Steven_Draker]

He told all sorts of fascinating stories about his family and his past, so much that I wondered if they were made-up or just exaggerated, or maybe even true.

 

Something to consider ...

 

Mythomania (Pseudologia fantastica)

"In psychiatry, pseudologia fantastica, also called mythomania, compulsive lying or pathological lying, is a behavior of habitual or compulsive lying. It was first described in the medical literature in 1891 by Anton Delbrueck. Although it is a controversial topic, pathological lying has been defined as "falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime". The individual may be aware they are lying, or may believe they are telling the truth, being unaware that they are relating fantasies."

 

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/mythomania

[jimboivyo]

spending this much time on something so insignificant is mind boggling to me

 

folks, the world is full of bullshit. don't get all nancy drew, just move forward

[Frankly Rich]

Well, jimboivyo, I can see why you might want us to avoid details on this topic, but I found it fascinating. I have never understood people who lie as easily as they breathe. The first one I met was such a charismatic figure, he could have easily won people over while being truthful, yet in time I learned he was not only a child molester, but a rapist. The most dishonest and evil person I have met in my life, and many of you would recognize his name.

 

I once had a friend who was a well-known psychologist, but also a pathological liar. He, too, was very charismatic. When I confronted him over his lies, he said he was just a fabulist, innocently making his stories more interesting by adding some things. Yet, he told me, he did the same thing on the witness stand, making up studies to support his claims as he went long, and no one ever challenged him on it.

 

So, yes, I think this is the best topic of the day. Nancy Drew indeed.

[+ Funguy]

You know, there are many, many topics we could discuss. If this particular one holds members' interest, then why not discuss?

 

I, myself, would love to discuss evil - I mean, real evil - Hitler-type evil - I find it totally fascinating how some people can be totally devoid of humanity. As a history major in college I found one of my favorite books, tomes I should say, was/is "The Rise & Fall of the Third Reich" by William Shirer. It is mind-boggling, all bizillion pages of it!

[MrMiniver]

Unfortunately, I think it's a pretty common story and I'm not sure I would describe him or the behavior as "sociopathic" only because for it to be truly that there has to be something nefarious underneath it all and that never happened. I think many people embellish or target their comments to people they meet ... it's just that this guy took it to another level.

[+ WilliamM]

I am fascinated as well. One of my closest friends, of over forty-five years now, is not a "sociopath," as the term is commonly used in society. But he lies more than just infrequently, sometimes for a reason other times just because he does it so well. I have a much better memory, so on many occasions he will say that something that is the opposite of what he said twenty, thirty years ago. . Even though some of the lies affected me directly in a negative way, he is an extreme good and loyal friend. Otherwise, he's a very interesting person and has enriched my life in many ways. He has a significant case of PTSS from his military service, so I have taken it into account even though I met him before that was a problem.

 

I agree with Mr. Miniver's comments above.

[+ FreshFluff]

Several people asked why it bothered me. Part of it was that I wondered what Michael is hiding. Is it something serious, like a criminal record? Would he have tried to rape me if I had let him into my home? Or is he, as he said, simply an extremely insecure guy trying to pick up girls?

 

Samai, you asked whether this standard game playing? No, I've never seen anything like this. Like I said, most guys will put their best foot forward ("I work in NYC..") and maybe say they're 30 instead of 32, but this is the first time I've seen anything like this. (Whenever I meet someone, happen to recall them, and search their first name, school and whatever workplace they gave me, they always pop right up. Of course, I don't Google most people I meet, so it's possible that some of the less memorable guys lied too--just not as spectacularly.)

 

I doubt I'll ever see the guy again. Now that I called him all on this, he would never call me. It was just coincidence that I ran into him.

 

I definitely would never go to any lounge hoping to meet someone. (I would be more open to meeting a potential partner at a private party or event. ) I pretty much meet a great guy every night at these places, but they're always too young for my taste. I just go to relax, people watch, hear interesting stories.

[+ FreshFluff]

Unfortunately, I think it's a pretty common story and I'm not sure I would describe him or the behavior as "sociopathic" only because for it to be truly that there has to be something nefarious underneath it all and that never happened. I think many people embellish or target their comments to people they meet ... it's just that this guy took it to another level.

 

To some extent, most of us try to be interesting to people we meet. Only boring people go on and on about stuff that's interesting to them without considering his conversation partner's interests. But it's pretty unusual for someone to target his whole identity to the person he's talking to!

 

 

When I was 21, I met a guy whom I was strongly attracted to. He told all sorts of fascinating stories about his family and his past, so much that I wondered if they were made-up or just exaggerated, or maybe even true. I had no way to check them--he was new in town, and his family lived conveniently far away--so I never openly questioned them. I ended up living with him for four years. Eventually I came to the conclusion that many of the stories were based on facts, but embroidered to make him seem more interesting. I could tell he was slightly nervous on those rare occasions when we received visits from family or friends from his past, but I didn't know whether he was afraid that I would learn that something he had told me was untrue, or whether he was just worried about them reacting to his relationship with me.

 

Today, of course, I could easily check out some of his stories, as you did. For instance, he claimed that when he was a child, his father was an oil company executive and political ally of Lyndon Johnson; I recently was able to check the 1940 census records (the year he was born), where I discovered that at that time, his father was a house painter in a small Texas town.

 

Charlie, that's pretty disturbing. I guess these characters had it easier during the pre-Google age. Was he able to keep the stories consistent during the whole time you lived with him?

 

You know, there are many, many topics we could discuss. If this particular one holds members' interest, then why not discuss?

 

I, myself, would love to discuss evil - I mean, real evil - Hitler-type evil - I find it totally fascinating how some people can be totally devoid of humanity. As a history major in college I found one of my favorite books, tomes I should say, was/is "The Rise & Fall of the Third Reich" by William Shirer. It is mind-boggling, all bizillion pages of it!

 

Funguy, I don't want to hijack my own thread, but take a look at Ordinary Men by Christopher Browning.

 

I am fascinated as well. One of my closest friends, of over forty-five years now, is not a "sociopath," as the term is commonly used in society. But he lies more than just infrequently, sometimes for a reason other times just because he does it so well. I have a much better memory, so on many occasions he will say that something that is the opposite of what he said twenty, thirty years ago. . Even though some of the lies affected me directly in a negative way, he is an extreme good and loyal friend. Otherwise, he's a very interesting person and has enriched my life in many ways. He has a significant case of PTSS from his military service, so I have taken it into account even though I met him before that was a problem.

 

William, have you ever called this guy (directly or indirectly) on his lies? I wonder if PTSS makes people lie, or if the two are separate issues.

[+ Funguy]

I doubt I'll ever see the guy again. Now that I called him all on this, he would never call me. It was just coincidence that I ran into him.

 

Let's hope he doesn't become a stalker!

 

Thanks for the recommendation, FF

[Okliehomo]

Well, FF, that settles it. We have got to stop dating the same guys. Can't quite figure out what my ex bf was doing back east....???

 

And as I have learned over years, a skilled liar will always find a way to make it all your fault.

[Bosguy]

I think it's very sad, but this type of behavior seems to be becoming the norm versus the exception in all phases of our lives. Direct encounters, online encounters, business dealings, and, YES, this Forum. I don't understand why people can't be who they truly are and find those special people who appreciate YOU for who and what you are. Such a shame that "games" are played and frequently hurt people deeply.

 

Boston Bill

[+ Charlie]

 

 

 

 

Charlie, that's pretty disturbing. I guess these characters had it easier during the pre-Google age. Was he able to keep the stories consistent during the whole time you lived with him?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, he stuck with stories once he had told them, though sometimes he elaborated them a bit more when pressed. I suspect that he was a little insecure socially, despite a very outgoing personality, and enjoyed making his past sound more glamorous than it really was. It was easy enough to do in a city where no one knew him, and where he was unlikely to be exposed. Nowadays that would be much more difficult, because everyone has so much easier access to information about strangers.

[marylander1940]

I think it's very sad, but this type of behavior seems to be becoming the norm versus the exception in all phases of our lives. Direct encounters, online encounters, business dealings, and, YES, this Forum. I don't understand why people can't be who they truly are and find those special people who appreciate YOU for who and what you are. Such a shame that "games" are played and frequently hurt people deeply.

 

Boston Bill

 

On this forum, hell yes!! But when it comes to business, you can't run but you can't hide from a bad reputation.

 

 

Yes, he stuck with stories once he had told them, though sometimes he elaborated them a bit more when pressed. I suspect that he was a little insecure socially, despite a very outgoing personality, and enjoyed making his past sound more glamorous than it really was. It was easy enough to do in a city where no one knew him, and where he was unlikely to be exposed. Nowadays that would be much more difficult, because everyone has so much easier access to information about strangers.

 

Internet is heaven for that kind of people but the worst kind are the ones who play victim and turn every subject into "poor me", feel good about themselves attacking escorts on here and fail the acknowledge they are the makers of their own undoing.

 

spending this much time on something so insignificant is mind boggling to me

 

folks, the world is full of bullshit. don't get all nancy drew, just move forward

 

I agree with you, also remember that without this forum some folks on here wouldn't have any other way of communication with other people.

So much bullshit makes you appreciate the good people: lasting friends, family, lovers, etc.

 

Yep, I think excellent memory is one thing that distinguishes sociopaths from garden variety liars..

 

yes, you're right!

 

btw, don't worry life will take care of him.

 

 

On a more serious note: who knows what kind of problems and insecurities this guy was dealing with, but he sounds like bad news.[/color]

 

Exactly, it's not you FreshFluff it's him, and it will always be him no matter what happens.

 

Now if I could tell him something, I would say this to him:

 

http://datingasociopath.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/closure.jpg?w=474

[Steven_Draker]

He thought I might be a “prostitute” (his word).

 

Yeah, but a high-class one ...

 

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/14/58/70/145870e561ba72fd78b29cb1e61c5ba9.jpg

 

On a more serious note: who knows what kind of problems and insecurities this guy was dealing with, but he sounds like bad news. You deserve better.

[tyro]

OMG Steven...The caption on that pic just brightened my world!

T