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Hot but cooling


purplekow
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I did not start having sex with men until I was well passed my physical prime. In my youth, i was alright looking i suppose. My looks never seemed that important to me or to the women I dated. They were, for the most part, interested in less physical qualities. I often wonder how successful i would have been if I was living a gay life when I was in my 20's and 30's.

 

There is a thread active now in which several people have posted that a particular escort's pictures are many years old, adding that he was hot at that time but, there was a worry that he might no longer be so.

 

So my question is this: How difficult is it to make the transition from a hot item when you are young and physically at a peak to a less physically attractive man in middle years and beyond? I know what it is like to be in those middle years, and yes, I even know what it is like to be a little bit beyond, but I do not have the reference of youthful desirability to help identity how significant a change occurred.

 

So the middle and beyond guys out there, who were quite the catch in your youth, how difficult has the transition been? Or perhaps, there are some lucky men out there who feel they are as desirable to others or maybe more desirable now that the spring has turned to summer and perhaps autumn?

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...There is a thread active now in which several people have posted that a particular escort's pictures are many years old, adding that he was hot at that time but, there was a worry that he might no longer be so...

 

Apologies in advance for not answering your original question. For me, dated pics are less about the escort no longer being attractive in the general sense and more about the escort not looking like his pictures. If a client wants to hire a 30-something jock, responds to an ad that depicts a 30-something jock and an attractive man who is ten years older shows up, the client might be disappointed that he isn't getting a 30-something guy. The 40-something man might be attractive and hot, but he isn't 30-something.

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I agree with rvwnsd... it is called truth in advertising...but, to respond to your original question... I don't think it is particularly difficult, although I got very depressed when I turned 30... it seemed like the end of an era, and I could no longer say " I am in my 20s".... however, I found out that a lot of things got much better with age and maturity... a lot of what I am interested in and looking for depends on my mood.... but I seldom have had any interest in anyone under about 25 or 30.... I like some maturity to go along with everything else..

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Well it kind of sucks to be older in a culture that worships youth, but looking at the positive side I have a lot more money now than I did when I was young. As the old saying goes money may not buy love, but it sure as heck lets you rent it!

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I was never a gorgeous stud, but I was YOUNG--17--when I came out, and youth alone is enough to attract many men, especially older men. I got a lot of kidding when I turned 21, from friends who said it was a pity I was past my prime. Still, I didn't really start to become aware until my late twenties that I wasn't attracting the attention I had become accustomed to, and at 30 I had my first crisis over growing old. At 40, I realized that the men in their 30s who had been attracted to me in my youth--and whom I was still attracted to--were looking past me to younger men. As I aged, I realized that the males I was physically attracted to were not necessarily the ones I was emotionally attracted to, which made it easier to gain perspective on the whole sexual attraction business. By the time I was in my late fifties, I was pleasantly surprised when an attractive younger man (i.e., anyone under 50) showed interest, but it no longer bothered me if he did not. Now, I hardly think about sexual attraction at all, except as a subject of discussion.

 

When I was a college student, one of my professors, a man in his late 30s, was attracted to me, but I was not attracted at all to him, which was quite awkward. Last week at my class reunion, I ran into him for the first time in a half century, a stooped old man attached to an oxygen tank, and although I introduced myself, I'm not sure he remembered who I was. But we were finally able to have a conversation with no sexual tension underneath, and I discovered someone very different from my old impression of him--not necessarily better or worse, just different from the man I experienced when we both were dancing around the sexual elephant in the room. It was an interesting encounter.

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I think that those who are blessed with exceptional looks in their youth have a rude awakening ahead of them as they grow out of their beauty. There are a lot of things that come very easily to good looking people, including, according to studies, professional advancement. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to adjust to having to earn your way if you were used to being handed life on a platter.

 

Great looking people, I'm sure, also find it much easier to get dates and hookups, but when searching for long-term, meaningful relationships it must be annoying trying to weed out the people who are really only interested in you for superficial reasons.

 

I suppose that I would gladly accept these burdens in exchange for beauty, I like to remind myself that everybody has their own challenges, and these are problems that I won't ever have to face.

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I think that those who are blessed with exceptional looks in their youth have a rude awakening ahead of them as they grow out of their beauty. There are a lot of things that come very easily to good looking people, including, according to studies, professional advancement. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to adjust to having to earn your way if you were used to being handed life on a platter.

 

Great looking people, I'm sure, also find it much easier to get dates and hookups, but when searching for long-term, meaningful relationships it must be annoying trying to weed out the people who are really only interested in you for superficial reasons.

 

I suppose that I would gladly accept these burdens in exchange for beauty, I like to remind myself that everybody has their own challenges, and these are problems that I won't ever have to face.

 

 

I'm sure this is true. But those of us who weren't ever attractive have a lot of problems too- especially in the gay world. In my case I might have been semi-cute- for a short period of time like from 22-25. But I was too afraid to be gay. And I never felt attracted to women. Vaginas scared me. I don't think I could have 'performed' with a woman. So by the time I 'screwed my courage to the sticking point' and hired an escort to pop my 'cherri-ness' at the age of 41, I was way past my selling date. I remember reading a book -I think it was 'Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex' when I was about 14-I found it hidden in my parents' dresser. It mentioned that when gay people (men) came out even if they were older- they acted sexually like teenagers or guys in their early 20's. I think I subconsciously knew that would never be true for me if I ever came out. And that's what it's proven to be.

 

I think the 'It Get's Better Campaign' is a good thing overall. On the other hand, I'm sure it leads to false expectations in a lot of cases. So I wish there were a better way to reach younger people than the campaign.

 

Gman

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