What to do when a client passes...

[zach_wilson]

So today I found out from one of my clients friends that he had passed. I am deeply saddened as he was a sweet guy whom always made sure that our time together was special. I don't know if sending flowers would be appropriate or flying down to give my condulences would be, as this is the first time I have had confirmation of this happening with a client. He was a regular whom had me down to Florida every other month for almost a week at a time. So I'm unsure what would be appropriate for sending my love and sympathy. Any suggestions?

[adriano46]

Zach - there are so many plusses and minuses to your dilemma it might be best to first ask your late client's friends who already informed you (and who know you). A small kind gesture of sympathy and condolence would be great, but if some there are unaware of his practice of hiring and inviting you, it might cause some awkwardness for family members. Only his acquaintances who knew him and know you can really help out giving you advice.

[Bosguy]

Zach - there are so many plusses and minuses to your dilemma it might be best to first ask your late client's friends who already informed you (and who know you). A small kind gesture of sympathy and condolence would be great, but if some there are unaware of his practice of hiring and inviting you, it might cause some awkwardness for family members. Only his acquaintances who knew him and know you can really help out giving you advice.

 

 

I agree with Adriano. I would probably send a contribution to the charity of his choice with a simple note stating from a friend. Sorry for your loss. It's very difficult when you have become very close to someone in these situations.

 

Boston Bill

[SteveEscort]

I don't think its appropriate to fly down there. His family may not have been aware or fully aware of the circumstances of your friendship and it wouldn't be appropriate for them to even get the inkling of an idea about it now he's passed away.

[Juan Vancouver]

Hi Zach,

 

I am sorry to hear this and I find it very sweet that you feel moved to do something to show your support and sadness. Personally, I believe that the most respectful, loving and caring thing you can do is have a little cry and do absolutely nothing. No flowers, no cards, no phone calls, no anything at all. While it is possible that a couple of your client's friends may know about you chances are there will be other people who didn't. We are paid to provide a great service, but that's really not the main thing we are paid for. The two main things that we are paid for are these: Leaving and disappearing without a trace.

 

I am sure your client is watching you warmly from the other side and he knows how sad you are. Nobody else needs to know. Nobody else needs to know you existed in his life at all. This is the perfect moment to continue honouring your agreement of discretion.

 

I send a big hug your way and I hope you will be able to cherish the great moments you spent together.

[wisconsinguy]

Hi Zach,

Sorry for your loss as well. I agree with Bosguy. Sending a donation to a charity from a friend as always a lovely idea. If you are unaware of his preferences, I always find a local child abuse organization to donate to. Rand

[Steven_Draker]

While Juan is correct that you need to remain discreet and unobtrusive, the least you can do, Zach, is to send your condolences to the person who has informed you about his passing. You should not try to make other people aware of your existence.

 

I also think that adriano46's comment that "only his acquaintances who knew him and know you can really help out giving you advice" was pretty good.

[geoffk]

I agree with Juan. As a client I don't want anyone I know like this to show up at my funeral or contact my family. Thank you for caring though. If you want to make a donation in my name for a cause you care about that works for me. When I don't know what to do i make a donation to a food bank at the deceased person's church or community.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Bart and I are in LA right now and started discussing this thread. We both thought that it could be a good idea to cultivate a client-client relationship and let a loved one know to let that person know should something catastrophic happen. Then that person can inform escort friends, the Forum, etc, so it doesn't seem as though someone has just disappeared.

 

Of course, the discretion for this only works as well as your taste in email handles, since "boyluvr69" and "hotthickone" would probably raise Cousin Bernie's eyebrows.

[+ Funguy]

Of course, the discretion for this only works as well as your taste in email handles, since "boyluvr69" and "hotthickone" would probably raise Cousin Bernie's eyebrows.

 

As well as Aunt Mary's! Esp: "theresamaninmybed"

 

I've wondered about this as a while back i had a friend who passed, I knew he hired tho I had no idea who, didn't know his handle for this purpose, etc. But he had always spoken well of his hires. It was a bit frustrating not to be able to speak about it but, discretion was/is the better part of valor. Did any of his escorts know? I have no idea.

[+ deej]

I am sure your client is watching you warmly from the other side and he knows how sad you are. Nobody else needs to know. Nobody else needs to know you existed in his life at all. This is the perfect moment to continue honouring your agreement of discretion.

 

+1

 

When Juan weighs in, he's invariably on the mark.

 

But one more comment here, Zach: you've long been on my radar as someone I'd like to meet. You just shot way up the list. It is INCREDIBLY sweet that you want to do something. Just maybe not the best idea.

[Juan Vancouver]

It was a bit frustrating not to be able to speak about it but, discretion was/is the better part of valour.

 

It sure is.

[zach_wilson]

I understand discretion in this line of work. I think that I left out that he doesn't have any remaining family just me another escort he hired regularly there and his neighbors and mailman. He introduced me to everyone he knew and had no quarrels about it. Hence why I asked if it would be appropriate to fly down and give condolences as I would be staying with the people whom I formed me. But I do understand that in the event there's someone no one knew was there that was related to him, attending a memorial service may be a little risky. Thanks so much everyone for all your input I may just send flowers to the people whom informed me.

[+ purplekow]

Speaking for the opposition, as usual. Discretion certainly is a premium quality. However, if you feel that you should attend a memorial service, by all means, go. Especially considering the extent of your interaction with him and the limited circle of friends and acquaintances he had, your presence there may bring comfort to those others for whom he cared. Discretely speaking with the people you know and being circumspect with the others you do not, would be appropriate. it does not appear, by your discription, that this client was concerned about people meeting you.

 

I attended the funeral of an escort I hired regularly. I had met several of the people in his life and when he was to be married, I received an invitation to the wedding. When that relationship faltered, before the wedding, he stayed at my home while he searched for an apartment. Very few people unknown to me spoke to me at the funeral. Those who asked how I knew him, I simply said that we were friends.

 

The funeral was held about 1 hour from my home and as fate would have it, I ran into an acquaintance of mine there. When he said he was surprised that I was there, i simply said the i had known him for years and wanted to pay my respects. Although that encounter was a bit awkward, I feel good about attending the service.

 

As for me, when I pass, if any escorts wish to attend, by all means you are welcom and have an orgy afterwards in my honor.

[Newly]

Not really on point but on a forum where sometimes we forget that we are all humans with feelings and escorts just become body parts and pricing and clients can seem like ATMs it's good to see someone show affection for a friend who passed. Zach you are a hell of a nice person and your client was really lucky to have you in his life.

[+ FreshFluff]

Not really on point but on a forum where sometimes we forget that we are all humans with feelings and escorts just become body parts and pricing and clients can seem like ATMs it's good to see someone show affection for a friend who passed. Zach you are a hell of a nice person and your client was really lucky to have you in his life.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. Especially since this man had no family left, it sounds like Zach was able to bring him happiness in his last days.

[Rod Hagen]

I'm going to depart from the popular opinion here. You cared about him. You are going to regret not at least sending flowers. So, at least send flowers. It's not as if you have to include your website on the card. Just a name and condolences.

 

You may regret not going. So go. He was a friend, you cared about him. As long as you have a good cover story, don't draw attention, you're good.

 

There are hundreds of emotions, and none of them are worse than regret.

[Guest boiworship08]

I'll be spending a year in the southeast on business and I'll make it a point to meet Zach, who appears to be one of the sweetest and most thoughtful young men on this forum.

 

I also knew and was fond of a handsome blond escort who died a tragic death, alone, in San Diego a few years ago. I wish I had attended his memorial service since I was only an hour or so away. This thread made me think of him. He seemed so full of life. I remember how excited he was as his 21st birthday arrived and his anguish related to all the drama that he endured.

[jgoo]

Zach, by just asking this question you have shown that you will be very sensitive to the situation and will handle it well no matter what you decide to do. I don't believe you would be violating anything related to the rule of discretion if you handle it with such sensitivity if the situation arises. My suggestion is go with what is in your heart that will help you feel you have paid proper respect to this person who was an important part of your life.

[+ poolboy48220]

I'll disagree with most here and say if you want to pay your respects, you should go. Nobody's going to quiz you about your relationship with your client at the funeral, and if you do, just say you met him in the last few years of his life, and he meant a lot to you.

[Frankly Rich]

How many times do we see a mistress show up at the funeral? Do fun and games ensue? is there warmth and comfort spread all around? If it were me, I'd send flowers, signed with my real name, and no indication that I was an escort.

[Epigonos]

Zach under the circumstance you have explained by all means make the trip. Since he had such a limited number of friends and you know them all you might want to set up a "memorial" dinner or meet at a local bar to salute him with a drink. People should not be forgotten by their friends even if those friends are casual and few in number.

[+ purplekow]

How many times do we see a mistress show up at the funeral? Do fun and games ensue? is there warmth and comfort spread all around? If it were me, I'd send flowers, signed with my real name, and no indication that I was an escort.

If the deceased were married or even is he had a large extended family, then attending may be more of an issue. The situation here is that the deceased has a small group of friends and no significant family.

In addition, mistresses often attend funeral to stake an emotional or financial claim or to establish status. The OP has not shown any of those motivations As a result, i do not think the advice offered to the OP should in any way be based on advice you may offer a mistress in such circumstances.

[Steven_Draker]

Since he had such a limited number of friends and you know them all ...

 

People should not be forgotten by their friends even if those friends are casual and few in number.

 

+1

 

I'm glad that Zach clarified the situation with his second post.

 

I understand discretion in this line of work. I think that I left out that he doesn't have any remaining family just me another escort he hired regularly there and his neighbors and mailman. He introduced me to everyone he knew and had no quarrels about it. Hence why I asked if it would be appropriate to fly down and give condolences as I would be staying with the people whom I formed me. But I do understand that in the event there's someone no one knew was there that was related to him, attending a memorial service may be a little risky. Thanks so much everyone for all your input I may just send flowers to the people whom informed me.

 

Zach, have you inquired the neighbors/the people who informed you if it would be appropriate to attend? What did they advise you?