Question: The thrill/turn-on of getting paid

[Decatur Guy]

I found the discussion about when escorts first started getting into the business very interesting, and I found Nate's entire response fascinating, especially this part:

 

With the first repeat clients, I realized that, yes, guys actually would pay me for sex! And that was a turn-on.

 

 

It's funny, but I had never really given that any thought before -- that the escort is actually getting a charge out of the sex because (at least in part) he's being paid. The more I think about it, though, the more it makes sense.

 

For me, it's kind of the opposite. Parting with that much cash is the least thrilling part to me! And knowing I probably wouldn't be having this hot encounter without coughing up the cash doesn't make me feel real sexy. (Though I'm pretty much over feeling bad about it either, and I now know that at least some of the escorts have had some degree of a genuine good time with me).

 

So my question is this: Is the payment part of the sexual turn-on for you?

[Steven_Draker]

I guess not the payment itself, but the act of being remunerated for sex can be a turn-on or else was part of the fantasy.

 

As for me the major turn-on is when the guy I'm with leaves satisfied with a smile on his face.

[Juan Vancouver]

So my question is this: Is the payment part of the sexual turn-on for you?

 

A few studies have been made about this and researchers tend to agree that money for sex is a fetish on its own. The funny thing is that it tends to go both ways. The same people will get turned on by paying for sex as well as being paid for it. This fetish has many faces and goes from the mildest form, paying for an escort, to the most extreme -cash rape or cash domination-. Sugar daddies and sugar babies tend to share this fetish.

 

Not all escorts or clients get turned on by this fetish. As a matter of fact, many -like yourself- see the money as just something that has to happen in order for the transaction to take place. Many escorts who don't feel turned on by the money for sex combination simply see the money as the rightful payment for the service they provide. It's just a job. Nothing else.

[Decatur Guy]

I guess not the payment itself, but the act of being remunerated for sex can be a turn-on or else was part of the fantasy.

 

As for me the major turn-on is when the guy I'm with leaves satisfied with a smile on his face.[/color]

 

Then you were turned on when I left your room, 'cause I was smiling!

[Decatur Guy]

A few studies have been made about this and researchers tend to agree that money for sex is a fetish on its own. The funny thing is that it tends to go both ways. The same people will get turned on by paying for sex as well as being paid for it. This fetish has many faces and goes from the mildest form, paying for an escort, to the most extreme -cash rape or cash domination-. Sugar daddies and sugar babies tend to share this fetish.

 

Not all escorts or clients get turned on by this fetish. As a matter of fact, many -like yourself- see the money as just something that has to happen in order for the transaction to take place. Many escorts who don't feel turned on by the money for sex combination simply see the money as the rightful payment for the service they provide. It's just a job. Nothing else.

 

Good insights, Juan, as always. Thanks.

[Zapped]

I've never been paid for sex, and it wouldn't be a turn on for me. But I'll chime in anyway.

 

Paying for sex has been a turn on, for sure. It gave me a feeling of power--that I could get a guy who otherwise would not be interested in sex with me to do my bidding. I enjoyed that part a lot. (At times I also have had fantasies about kidnapping a hot guy, tying him up, stripping him, performing oral sex on him, etc. So there's a control/power thing for sure.) I also would get a surge from the feeling that I had more money than the guy I was hiring. All part of my particular emotional development. As I've come to feel good about myself, those particular attractions have diminished.

 

When I used to go to bathhouses, especially when I was younger and in fairly good shape, I would love to have an older, fat man kneel before me and suck me off in the steam room. I had no interest in going to a private room; it was being watched, and feeling superior to the fat guy, feeling that I was hot and was being seen by other men as hot (and hotter than the other guy), that turned me on. This is getting into TMI, I suppose, but what I'm trying to get it is that I can imagine how for some guys feeling so desirable that a guy would pay you for access to your body could be very sexually arousing and scratch a particular itch.

 

(One thing I learned from those adventures is the older guys tend to give much better blowjobs than younger guys. And I was also intentionally building karma for my older years, which seems to be paying off.)

[tom1980]

I agree with Zapped that paying used to be kind of exciting for me but that has diminished over the last several years as I've hired more and more guys. Still, using the cash transaction as part of a role play where the escort is submissive and I get to dominate him because that's what I'm paying for has been very fun when I've done that. I've also had fun with the roles reversed (the escort deigning to let me touch and service him and dominating me because I'm paying him and wouldn't otherwise be allowed to touch him). There's something about one sex partner having power over the other that gets me off whether I'm the dom or sub.

[nate_sf]

So my question is this: Is the payment part of the sexual turn-on for you?

 

I want to clarify that it wasn't the act of getting paid that turned me on, it was realizing that a guy found me attractive enough that he was willing to pay to have sex with me - more than once. The turn on was the validation, coming from a long history of low self-esteem. Probably a familiar story: nerdy kid, horribly shy, terrible at sports and unpopular at school (cue the violins...). After coming out, not too successful at dating so still lots of self doubts. So coming to the realization that not only would a guy want to have sex with me and pay me for it, and then do it more than once, that was validating and felt good.

 

Maybe it's just a subtlety not worth distinguishing, but wanted to give some context to that statement. Fortunately those old doubts are largely in the past... with age comes confidence, thank goodness!

[Decatur Guy]

I want to clarify that it wasn't the act of getting paid that turned me on, it was realizing that a guy found me attractive enough that he was willing to pay to have sex with me - more than once. The turn on was the validation, coming from a long history of low self-esteem. Probably a familiar story: nerdy kid, horribly shy, terrible at sports and unpopular at school (cue the violins...). After coming out, not too successful at dating so still lots of self doubts. So coming to the realization that not only would a guy want to have sex with me and pay me for it, and then do it more than once, that was validating and felt good.

 

Maybe it's just a subtlety not worth distinguishing, but wanted to give some context to that statement. Fortunately those old doubts are largely in the past... with age comes confidence, thank goodness!

 

Thanks for the added clarification -- and after our meeting, I can't even begin to imagine you as nerdy and unpopular. I hope you find your way back to the Dirty South again!

[Decatur Guy]

I enjoyed the clients' perspective on this, too. It's funny -- for some of you, the $$$ is an enhancer in some type of way. I'm not there, but I am over feeling bad about it. I really have gotten a lot out of reading people's thoughts on this. Thanks for posting, and I hope to read other responses, too.

[Nvr2Thick]

A few studies have been made about this and researchers tend to agree that money for sex is a fetish on its own. The funny thing is that it tends to go both ways. The same people will get turned on by paying for sex as well as being paid for it. This fetish has many faces and goes from the mildest form, paying for an escort, to the most extreme -cash rape or cash domination-. Sugar daddies and sugar babies tend to share this fetish.

 

Not all escorts or clients get turned on by this fetish. As a matter of fact, many -like yourself- see the money as just something that has to happen in order for the transaction to take place. Many escorts who don't feel turned on by the money for sex combination simply see the money as the rightful payment for the service they provide. It's just a job. Nothing else.

 

Some of my favorite escorts have been men who escorted because they were oversexed or admittedly sexually addicted. One I met in LA in the 90's and got to know pretty well told me that he didn't mature as quickly as his adolescent peers and had not really faced being gay until he was in his early twenties, despite knowing that he was gay. Typical stuff for a lot of us. For him though, he didn't realize how attractive and desirable he was until he started having sex with men. Guys pursued him aggressively, and he truly enjoyed the attention and especially the sex. This escort told me that he knew it wasn't normal, but he would get very excited when his phone would ring and his dick would get hard and he'd get very eager when he talked out the particulars with a potential client.

 

This escort was typical of what I seek out. He had a naturally good build and masculine but not striking looks. He has a very big dick, and his circumstances have led him to be appreciative of it -- not the least bit humble about it. He said that part of the turn-on was that the clients were almost always excited and sometimes even grateful and relieved to meet him and see that he was for real. He said that it almost scared him how happy he became to kick back and get sucked by an appreciative client, and how much fun it was to take a phone call and to be fucking a pleased bottom a short time later. He didn't charge A-list rates -- $125 in / $150 out per session, and he said he often forgot to collect the money. He'd be so charged up by the scene that he'd laugh to himself and think "oh yeah" when a client paid him.

 

I"m sure the psychology is complex. There are probably some self-esteem issues and some addiction in these types of men. I'm drifting off-topic, I know. An escort who is aware of what makes him attractive, in a good-natured way, and who is driven by both the pleasure he gives and the pleasure it brings him is kind of rare, but a great find.

[Newly]

Interesting how many ways there are to see the same thing. I wonder if there is some link to what we do in our "real" life? I'm always in a position of telling people what they can or can't do, and yet when it comes to escorting I hate the payment part of it. It doesn't give me a feeling of power or control, but makes me feel awful, as if I were abusing someone by making them do something they wouldn't do on their own. It hasn't helped any in that the very few escorts I've seen have been incredibly nice people, so any thought of exerting control doesn't make me feel "powerful", it just makes me feel like a heel - no judgment one way or the other here, we all have our fantasies and fetishes, but if I can't change that part of me I can't see this as being something I do on a regular basis. I'd love some feedback on escorts as to how they feel about this. Maybe if I thought they were getting something they needed from it besides just money I wouldn't feel so bad about the transaction.

[bigvalboy]

. It doesn't give me a feeling of power or control, but makes me feel awful, as if I were abusing someone by making them do something they wouldn't do on their own. It hasn't helped any in that the very few escorts I've seen have been incredibly nice people, so any thought of exerting control doesn't make me feel "powerful", it just makes me feel like a heel - Maybe if I thought they were getting something they needed from it besides just money I wouldn't feel so bad about the transaction.

 

Interesting...I think that you just articulated something that I have been unable to. I do feel like that sometimes, not always, but I do often wonder why in Hell the escort even agreed to see me. For my part, I usually try to throw in some other activity, like drinks, dinner, an afternoon on the boat, in hopes that perhaps they will not regret the time spent. I've probably said too much on this, but your post sparked the thought and I began thinking....

[Tighty]

Interesting how many ways there are to see the same thing. I wonder if there is some link to what we do in our "real" life? I'm always in a position of telling people what they can or can't do, and yet when it comes to escorting I hate the payment part of it. It doesn't give me a feeling of power or control, but makes me feel awful, as if I were abusing someone by making them do something they wouldn't do on their own. It hasn't helped any in that the very few escorts I've seen have been incredibly nice people, so any thought of exerting control doesn't make me feel "powerful", it just makes me feel like a heel - no judgment one way or the other here, we all have our fantasies and fetishes, but if I can't change that part of me I can't see this as being something I do on a regular basis. I'd love some feedback on escorts as to how they feel about this. Maybe if I thought they were getting something they needed from it besides just money I wouldn't feel so bad about the transaction.

 

Think of it this way. Do you think the nail technicians enjoy doing nails everyday?

[Phil_musc]

Think of it this way. Do you think the nail technicians enjoy doing nails everyday?

 

I found myself that when doing nails became a chore and I no longer got a thrill or boner out of it, I needed a career change.

 

Seriously, it's a job. And like any job (or many I guess) there are good times and less good times. In my work sometimes it is so much fun I can't believe I get paid to do it. Other times I think to myself, "Christ, the things I have to do for money." Escorting is no different, I'll bet.

 

But then too I'm not an escort and as such have no relevant opinion on this. Still though, I think I may be at least somewhat on target.

[Newly]

Thanks bigvalboy, at least I don't feel like a total freak now. I get what you guys are saying, the escorts are all adults and not only sui generis but actually very bright persons. If anything it is paternalistic for me to have these feelings. I also realize that many people don't enjoy their jobs and do it to pay the bills (I'm lucky - I love mine). That being said and done, however, we are all a product of our society and most of us have been told from birth that certain things just aren't for sale. For example, if I needed a heart transplant and someone willingly choose to sell me theirs to support their family I hope that I would never accept the offer. Anyhow, I've gone on way too long about my particular hangups, but darn, I wish I could get over this - I know I've been exceptionally lucky but the escorts I have seen have been truly great people, maybe that's a characteristic you need to survive in that line of work but I'll be darned if they aren't a lot nicer and brighter than 99% of the people I meet on a day to day basis!

[Decatur Guy]

GREAT discussion guys. This is the kind of thing I come to Daddy's for ... I've read all the posts appreciatively. Keep it up!

[+ overeasy]

Bravo for your comments, newtothis!

[unsub2O17]

Because you asked, DG:

 

Perhaps because I started hiring so late in life, I never had any illusions that these hot young men were agreeing to see me (at least the first time) for anything other than the financial remuneration involved. This was neither a turn on nor a turn off for me. It just was the case. Of the escorts that I now see regularly, I firmly believe that not a single one is seeing me simply because of the income that I can bring them. They genuinely like and enjoy me as I do them. Having said that, if the first time I see a new escort, I get the vibe that he's with me solely for the money and that he's not enjoying me per se, then I mentally switch gears, enjoy to the fullest extent possible, the physical experience, and I don't plan on seeing him again.

[JoeyBryant]

I don't find paid encounters any more or less fun that regular sex...The money isn't a turn on so to speak. But subliminally, it's always a boost of testosterone knowing you're sufficient enough to get paid for it.

[Michael Wayne]

the older i get and the LESS i actually need the money the MORE of a turn on and a RUSH it is!!! I must confess that sometimes when I walk away from a clients hotel or home I think to myself, "Damn, I should have paid him!" Some of this new breed of clients are HOT and they hire because they CHOOSE to pay....not because they HAVE to pay. Getting 200 an hour from these types give me a big thrill! http://www.rentboy.com/magicmikey

[bigvalboy]

the older i get and the LESS i actually need the money the MORE of a turn on and a RUSH it is!!! I must confess that sometimes when I walk away from a clients hotel or home I think to myself, "Damn, I should have paid him!" Some of this new breed of clients are HOT and they hire because they CHOOSE to pay....not because they HAVE to pay. Getting 200 an hour from these types give me a big thrill! http://www.rentboy.com/magicmikey

 

You are spot on Mikey....Met a guy the other night at a pool party. Drop dead gorgeous, 27 years old, beautitful body. He was in FTL on vacation. He wanted to go to Swinging Richards. We met at SR and had one hellava good time. He was tipping and doing lap dances, and toward the end of the evening, he had made a deal with a dancer to do a couple of hours at his hotel.

 

When he told me, I just said to him, why are you paying? Don't you realize that you could get this guy for free, or any guy at a gay bar in Wilton Manors for that matter. Like you say Mikey, for him it was a matter of choice. He wanted to pay. I just thought that how he felt about the whole situation was fascinating....

[Diverdan]

Hey BVB... I am surprised that you didn't invite them both to come back to your place. You could have showed them both a great time !!! And, you and the young guy could have split the fee, or doubled it as the case might be !!