The Current State of M4M Message Boards...

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Fellow Posters~

 

For the past 8 months or so i have been a part of this web-niche posting community. It's been ultimately educational in getting to know so much more about a profession i once knew nothing about. In that time i've had the opportunity to meet with some of you, talk face-to-face, discuss this board specifically & simply touch base in both a business and personal affect.

 

 

It's been (and will continue to be)... a blast

 

 

Unfortunately, the past month or so has brought storms to this message center. I've heard in the past that this place tends to run in cycles, basically going from relatively peaceful to insanely bitter in a matter of weeks. I'm also well-aware that HB has shut this place down at times when things have gotten out of hand. For those of you who religiously tune into this site, an interruption of services might be something serious. I refuse to stand here on my soapbox and quote one Rodney King, but really folks, something has to change.

 

I have opted not to post much lately due to the inherent witchunt that is currently brewing against any moving target deemed worthy. It's not worth the time to sit here, try to reason with the unreasonable and then feel guilty about the severity of what you posted. As stupid as it may sound, i care about what i type, as words effect people in incredible ways. Added, the lack of real emotion in a written word can hit people the wrong way when intended otherwise.

 

As an escort, it's incredibly tough for us to simply 'tell it like it is' at times. We're in an industry that scrutinizes your every move, which in turn affects your business & current clientel. Guys like Rick Monroe have done very well around here by defusing potentially dangerous situations with wit, humor & charm.

 

 

I think that's great

 

 

It sideswipes the bitchfest and hijacks it into something much less serious. Unfortunately, guys who are bluntly honest (ie, Rod Hagen) get their nuts bashed & might ultimately lose business because of it. Is this right? No. Why? Because we're all human & by nature are all passionate about one thing or another.

 

I've had some cheap shots taken at me in the past due to my relatively positive approach to posting. I've honestly tried not to stir the pot, create controversy & abuse my right to post. There have been times i've wanted to say more on an issue, but kept my mouth shut, knowing that arguement... not conversation... would ensue. I'm not asking for everyone to hug eachother and live a lie. I just want this place to be an open forum for discussion, not a way for anonymous lurkers to experiment with their passive-agressive tendencies.

 

Yes, so we don't all agree... That's what makes life interesting, but do we have to always stoop to the lowest common denominator?

 

 

It's not up to HB to take care of this. We don't need 'Daddy' coming in and slapping our hands because we wanted to see how far we could push the envelope. We're grown-ups here. Let's act like it.

 

The alternative being an entire board of useless posts & bickering. This place has already lost some of its finest. Let's not turn this into a sideshow. Hell, there could be no board at all. Would that be a better thing?

 

 

 

 

Warmest Regards,

 

 

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Fellow Posters~

 

For the past 8 months or so i have been a part of this web-niche posting community. It's been ultimately educational in getting to know so much more about a profession i once knew nothing about. In that time i've had the opportunity to meet with some of you, talk face-to-face, discuss this board specifically & simply touch base in both a business and personal affect.

 

 

It's been (and will continue to be)... a blast

 

 

Unfortunately, the past month or so has brought storms to this message center. I've heard in the past that this place tends to run in cycles, basically going from relatively peaceful to insanely bitter in a matter of weeks. I'm also well-aware that HB has shut this place down at times when things have gotten out of hand. For those of you who religiously tune into this site, an interruption of services might be something serious. I refuse to stand here on my soapbox and quote one Rodney King, but really folks, something has to change.

 

I have opted not to post much lately due to the inherent witchunt that is currently brewing against any moving target deemed worthy. It's not worth the time to sit here, try to reason with the unreasonable and then feel guilty about the severity of what you posted. As stupid as it may sound, i care about what i type, as words effect people in incredible ways. Added, the lack of real emotion in a written word can hit people the wrong way when intended otherwise.

 

As an escort, it's incredibly tough for us to simply 'tell it like it is' at times. We're in an industry that scrutinizes your every move, which in turn affects your business & current clientel. Guys like Rick Monroe have done very well around here by defusing potentially dangerous situations with wit, humor & charm.

 

 

I think that's great

 

 

It sideswipes the bitchfest and hijacks it into something much less serious. Unfortunately, guys who are bluntly honest (ie, Rod Hagen) get their nuts bashed & might ultimately lose business because of it. Is this right? No. Why? Because we're all human & by nature are all passionate about one thing or another.

 

I've had some cheap shots taken at me in the past due to my relatively positive approach to posting. I've honestly tried not to stir the pot, create controversy & abuse my right to post. There have been times i've wanted to say more on an issue, but kept my mouth shut, knowing that arguement... not conversation... would ensue. I'm not asking for everyone to hug eachother and live a lie. I just want this place to be an open forum for discussion, not a way for anonymous lurkers to experiment with their passive-agressive tendencies.

 

Yes, so we don't all agree... That's what makes life interesting, but do we have to always stoop to the lowest common denominator?

 

 

It's not up to HB to take care of this. We don't need 'Daddy' coming in and slapping our hands because we wanted to see how far we could push the envelope. We're grown-ups here. Let's act like it.

 

The alternative being an entire board of useless posts & bickering. This place has already lost some of its finest. Let's not turn this into a sideshow. Hell, there could be no board at all. Would that be a better thing?

 

 

 

 

Warmest Regards,

 

 

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[Guest Les]

What are you trying to say? Let's all try to get along ala Rodney King?

or I've had enough, I quit?

or maybe I'm confused?

[Guest Les]

What are you trying to say? Let's all try to get along ala Rodney King?

or I've had enough, I quit?

or maybe I'm confused?

[Guest Les]

That wasn't meant to sound nasty...but it did and for that I'm sorry. :7

[Guest Les]

That wasn't meant to sound nasty...but it did and for that I'm sorry. :7

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Les... What i said wasn't a single statement.

 

Simply wanted to post what i was feeling & the vibe i have picked up from other posters who i've chatted with privately. After rereading my post, it's pretty clear how i feel about things. I'm didn't propose a resolution, just wanted to formally address the problem. Hopefully things get better before they get worse.

 

 

 

Wishful thinking, eh?

 

 

 

 

Warmest Regards,

 

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Les... What i said wasn't a single statement.

 

Simply wanted to post what i was feeling & the vibe i have picked up from other posters who i've chatted with privately. After rereading my post, it's pretty clear how i feel about things. I'm didn't propose a resolution, just wanted to formally address the problem. Hopefully things get better before they get worse.

 

 

 

Wishful thinking, eh?

 

 

 

 

Warmest Regards,

 

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Whoops...

 

That would be 'I didn't...' not 'I'm didn't...'

 

Jeeze. Maybe i've lived in the deep south for too long

 

 

 

 

Warmest Regards,

 

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[Guest fukamarine]

If you think the board is testy these days - you haven't been around long enough! The bun fights of yesteryear were 100 times more vicious that what you read these days. Trust me - we have cleaned up our act 10 fold!

 

fukamarine

[Huey]

What is your point ? I do believe someone else on this board has as much extra time on his hands as I do these days }(

 

"All My Bags Are Packed, I'm ready to go" Huey

[+ Lucky]

Well, I think his point is clear. We have had new posters come on to attack escorts, and we have had escorts behavior challenged on many occasions, sometimes not so politely. As an escort posting on an escort review site, he is legitimately concerned that the MC stay a welcoming place for him to post.

Recently several posts have been deleted and a couple of provactive posters inactivated. These provocative posts were often answered in kind, and some took to nasty name calling.

So is all that bad? Not to me. The message center has learned a lot about monitoring itself, and the moderators and Hooboy also do a kinder job of it than when we were having meltdowns. I enjoy posting here, I like people who can take it as well as they can dish it out. Provoking people is not a bad thing. Making people think is not bad, nor is gentle teasing and joking. Lusting after Les' pix is probably okay, as long as Rick approves. And as for Rod Hagen, I sure miss him. But then, I would beside myself if woodlawn stopped posting!

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

You're so so young.

 

Nostalgically yours,

 

FFF

[Cooper]

Benjamin, You've done an excellent job in posting your point of view. The philosophy of "Can't we all just get along" was well taken and is followed by most members.

 

There is a lot of good being written on this board. If you haven't done so yet, read "Jackhammer's" post on "taking a bite out of the apple". His trip reports brought many members closer together and gave us something good to look forward to.

 

One point that I think you've failed to recognize is that most of the members here are over 40. We've been through a lot. We've faced problems with our identity, questions on coming out, rejection by family and "friends", plus more... For some, venting on this board is therapy. Each board member will create, in your mind, an image of what their personality is like. I know you are a bright man, so realize that some negative posters are just crying out for help. Some have remained silent for so long that expressing hurt and frustration is just their way of voicing years of built up anger.

 

Benjamin, your point of view is just as important to this boards as the next guy. Keep in touch, Coop

[jackhammer91406]

Benjamin,

You and I joined this board about the same time, and I have seen (and felt) the negative jabs just like you. I am one of those that Cooper refers to when he says that some guys have used this board as therapy. The gradual comfort level for me was established over time because so many of the posters reached out to me when I was in my darkest hour. The result is that I have developed friends here in a place where I feel like I belong. My recent trip to NYC was a direct benefit of these growing relationships, and had such a positive impact on me personally, that in retrospect, all the jabs and emotional frustration I felt about the negativity has sort of faded into the background. I too have seen the cycles of hate and witch hunt type posts. Those who do that seem to quickly flame out or get tossed and the posters who show their heart and concern for others "come a runnin' " to "watch your back". I love to read your posts on all the various threads and hope that you will continue. And although you are a bit young for me, this last trip to NYC has taught me that I can find "something to do with a guy almost any age" ha.

Look me up if you ever get to the left coast and we'll "talk".

 

[Barry]

Benjamin,

 

I agree with everything that's been said so far. It has been far worse on this Board and there are certainly posters that have "issues" and find this a place to express, vent, have a breakdown..whatever. But it's also a place to express things that one is not comfortable bringing up anywhere else in their environment. This subject comes up from time to time and I recall a poster (was it you Bilbo?) talking about a Board dedicated to Knitting where the attacks were more frequent and vicious. It's the nature of anonymity and the internet.

 

We also have flame wars triggered by misunderstandings directly related to this form of communication. All the emoticons, LOL's and HA HA's won't totally eliminate that. I once read a very interesting study on the explosion of email, messaging and chat rooms as major form of communication. The conclusion was that successful communication of ideas and thoughts was 60% visual, 30% aural and only 10% words. "Successful" in this case meant the recipient understood what was meant and how it was meant.

 

While the members of this board share a common interest, when you think about it we are also a microcosm of society in general. We have people of all ages, educations, professions, etc.. We no doubt have stalkers and felons as well as clergy and social workers. And let's not forget law enforcement whether here as participants or spies, enforcement officers or officers of the court.

 

Each time things have gotten bad, or actually gone into "meltdown", the Board....the community has come back. If this Board became all sweet and mushy, only discussed pleasant and wonderful things in life or only talked about escorts, clients and their positive engagements, I wouldn't be here. This place would be dull, boring and not representative of a true community. That just ain't life. If we didn't have "bad" how would we define "good". We'd have no point of reference, comparison or contrast. In the years I was an active poster I was only attacked twice and both times by an escort. One was my ex so no surprise there...the other was in personal meltdown and was attacking everyone. I didn't leave.

 

On several occasions there have been posters who's sole aim was to drive others away and get Hoo to shut down the message center. They have almost succeeded on more than one occasion and once Hoo did shut the place down. In effect they won but not for long. As long as we don't run away and continue to make this an interesting place to visit, they can't win. It's up to us.

 

I admit I used to post more often than I do now. Over a year ago I retired from clienting, being a moderator and this board in general. I came back (at least to the board). I hired for many years and was partnered with an escort for close to 2 years so I feel I have a better understanding of both sides of the coin so to speak. Though I no longer hire I am still close to some escorts and clients I've met through this site. (Note to Self: post something in the "friends" thread) I still feel that I'm a member of this community so I'm gonna stay. Hell, maybe I'll start butting into these discussions more often.

 

Next time you visit your ChiTown roots let me know. The offer of coffee or lunch and lively discussion is still there.

 

Barry

:-)

[btmstudnyc]

Your ass is CURRENT!!

 

Benjamin,

 

You have to be one of the sweetest escorts on here...as for me...I'm sweet, sour, bitter, dark, light, hot, cold..damn near everything.

 

YES...a SPICE GIRL...I beat you to it!!!

 

I say...DON'T Leave....Read everything with a grain of salt(see more spice)

 

I'm not sure if you noticed...but when people say nasty things about me...I figure it's more PUBLICITY....and I know DONNIE fucking hates that. I'm not all about publicity....although it may seem that way sometimes...But I happen to appreciate most people's comments....I crack up at some of the replies.......If I met some of you in person...You'd be destroyed by sheer humor.

 

We have to take some things seriously...but personal attacks are all fluff to me...skip over...or read and laugh out loud. I still am laughing at Saggy Sal....I guess I need a butt tuck.

 

If you really think about it....without all the lashing out...you wouldn't really know who was truly great on this board....it would just be a bunch of MR. FLOWERS....no..not I am FLOWER.

 

Keep learning, Keep teaching, Keep talking, Keep Listening.

 

If you count how many good people compared to bad people on this board...You'd see that they FAR outrank the bad...almost astonishingly so.

 

Good Luck to you Benjamin!

 

As for you others...FUCK YOU....hahaha...OH...I MEAN....FUCK ME!!!

 

Jim

[Spida]

Hey Ben,

 

I just wanted to say, I hear you, it does sometimes get nasty and I am sure at times it hits harder at you being an escort. I personally have felt that overall the board is positive! It has been for me, I personally can ignore the negative posts and go on.

 

I have enjoyed your posts very much and hope you can see the positive side and as was stated the board is 10X better than in the past hopefully we will just keep getting better, I am sure you bringing this to our attention helps.

 

Spida..

[Chuck50]

Ben

 

Love ya for who you are and what you say. It has been crazy and lots of bashing go on guess most of it is a lession in Life for us. I have had my share of being bashed when I came to someone's defense or to make a point. "There is a famous saying from a good friend of mine Never take your self to seriously" HUGS Babes Don't let them take control once they have we have lost. I have found the best way is to not fuel the fire and let it die a slow death. HUGS Chuck

[Guest Callipygean]

Benjamin, I can only add my concurrence to much of the sentiment expressed here. Like Chuck, I believe so many of our problems, whether as individuals or societies, comes from taking ourselves far too seriously. That's trite, I know, but true nonetheless. It's not an easy thing to distance ourselves from ourselves long enough to gain a wider, longer perspective. One of my most treasured possesions I have from my long passed Scots grandmother, one of the wisest people I've ever known, who had it in turn from her grandmother. It's a embroidery, easily a couple of hundred years old, which hung in a frame over her bed. On it in very fine needlepoint is a simple phrase which I try always to remember whenever frustration or anger or despair threaten to overwhelm: "Nothing matters half so much as you think it does."

[ted]

As someone who has visited and posted here from a few weeks after its inception I concur with most of whats been said above. The flames were much hotter some times ago. Does that excuse poor behavior? No. But I suspect it will never be pure vanilla, and lets face it some spice makes things interesting too.

Some time ago, in a disagreement with an escort, the email intensity escalated geometrically over a period of about a week. All was resolved in about 15 minutes of actual telephone conversation where each of our meanings became clear. Since then, I try not to respond to any email or post which pushes any of my buttons for 24 hours. I find the flames are usually embers at that point and resolutions come much more quickly.

[VaHawk]

>It has been (and will continue to be)... a blast

 

Well, Benjamin, I am going to take the positive spin on this based on what's inside the parentheses and assume that you will continue to post here in the future. I certainly hope so, because to say that your posts were one of the reasons that I looked forward to coming to this site, would be a gross understatement. I'm sure that most people here, like me, have always found your posts to be well-written, intelligent, informative and compassionate. Please don't let the rantings and ravings of others drive you away, as most of us are older guys with pretty much set in stone opionions and are veterans of many a cat fight, and as such just roll with the punches and try to take as well as we give. IMO, to lose you from the board would be like losing the month of May.

 

>As stupid as it may sound, i

>care about what i type, as words effect people in incredible

>ways. Added, the lack of real emotion in a written word can

>hit people the wrong way when intended otherwise.

 

How could any two points so saliently stated sound stupid? Prefacing your points this way, imo, only reinforces my earlier statments about your posts.

 

> As an escort, it's incredibly tough for us to simply 'tell

>it like it is' at times. We're in an industry that

>scrutinizes your every move, which in turn affects your

>business & current clientel.

 

> I've had some cheap shots taken at me in the past due to my

>relatively positive approach to posting. I've honestly tried

>not to stir the pot, create controversy & abuse my right to

>post. There have been times i've wanted to say more on an

>issue, but kept my mouth shut, knowing that arguement... not

>conversation... would ensue.

 

I believe most of us realized them as cheap shots. As I privated to another member here, the cheap shots launched at you truly disturbed me. I couldn't understand why anyone would have attacked any thing you posted, as you never took any cheap shots at anyone and as I stated before, your posts have always been positive and upbeat. The cheap shots were truly inexcusable as they accused you of being something totally opposite of what the words of your posts revealed you to be and continue to do so.

 

How sad it is that an escort can not feel free to express his thoughts about any subject on this board. One of the things that I would love to see on this board, are more escorts willing to posts their thoughts on the threads, in all forums, under discussion. I know that some clients are interested in hiring escorts only for an hour/two hour session. In those cases, the reviews alone are enough to provide a good reference and guide.

 

I also know, based on some of the reviews that I have read, that there are clients, myself included, who are looking to meet escorts they can spend a day, or a weekend or longer with, whom they can enjoy all aspects of life with, not just between the sheets. In this situation, the client needs to feel compatible with the escort and know that he is someone educated, intelligent, caring and fun to be with, in other words all around good company. Postings by escorts, such as yourself, and the others who post here allow those qualities to come thru. To lose that from this board would truly be a huge loss! :-(

[Huey]

>You're so so young.

>

>Nostalgically yours,

>

>FFF

 

LOL @ FFF

 

Hey Benjammin I still ask what is your point? Why the post? We have seen dozens of posts like you have made ... what do you want to accomplish by brining the problem more publicity?

 

This is a very worn subject, it is HooBoy's site it is his responsibility to make sure it runs smoothly. I think he has done a very good job aided by his moderators and Daddy.

[Chuck50]

Once again to an Statesman that I admire VA Hawk you said it like " a Colin POwell" LOL HUGS Chuck

[+ deej]

>>As stupid as it may sound, i

>>care about what i type, as words effect people in incredible

>>ways. Added, the lack of real emotion in a written word can

>>hit people the wrong way when intended otherwise.

>

>How could any two points so saliently stated sound stupid?

>Prefacing your points this way, imo, only reinforces my

>earlier statments about your posts.

 

 

High five!

 

There's a *reason* the message center rules have (or had -- I haven't looked lately) a sentence about being considerate in postings, meaning you should consider how your posts may be received.

 

Benjamin is a definite keeper in that regard. His posts are most definitely considered, bright, and charming. Franco DiSantiss has his flip moments but he's another who considers his words. I met Devon last weekend and I SURE as hell hope he'll stick with us!

 

When words are considered and sincere, even if contrary, they carry more weight than those sad individuals who aim only to incite. Sadly, we have a few posters who don't need to consider their words because they know exactly what will incite.

 

I sure hope the considerate guys will stick with us, and in doing so teach us all how to be more considerate.