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You Cant Blame the Kids?


jjkrkwood
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Yesterday I was on a bus going home from work. I am seated in the front, and on comes a couple with 2 small kids.

The parents take seats on either side, and each has a child sitting next to them. The kids are having a good ole time, being extremely loud, singing silly songs, stamping their feet, etc. I would say the kids were maybe 3 and 5 years old. The father sat there sleeping, while the mother sat silently with a shell-shocked look on her face.

All the other riders were visibly annoyed and angry at the disruption, but everyone held their tongues and simply looked at each other in amazement...

 

After about 15 minutes of this "circus", the female bus driver screamed "Madam, please CONTROL your kids".... The parents didnt blink, and the noise continues, at which point the bus driver screams "Madam, I told you to control your kids OR get off the bus".... With that I was at my stop and started to exit and said to the driver "you cant blame the kids because Obviously thats how they were raised "...

 

What is your feeling about kid disruptions in public places? This was also a major issue recently on a cross country flight where the parents were arrested I believe for not controlling there kids on the flight. Should the parents be held accountable for their kids behavior?

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Guest countryboywny

JJ,

 

What do you think? The parents are waiting for the government to control their kids! :p

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We take our dogs to obdience school. We ourselves go to classes to learn how to manage our pets. We go to driver training school before we are aloud to drive. Why shouldn't be required to learn the proper parenting skills and get a license before we have kids. What kids are allowed to do in public these days just did not occure when I was a child.

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You ride the bus? :p

 

It isn't the kids' fault. They're actually victims of a form of child abuse.

 

Young parents today socialize their dogs but not their kids. <sigh>

 

My driver was sick yesterday. :cool:

 

But you are correct deej. I always notice now-a-days young parents pay more attention to their Blackberries, cell, phone and IPads, and are usually paying no attention to their kids.

 

And if they are allowed to act that way at home, why would they be any different in public ? I am not a kids lover, but can usually tolerate nominal annoyance. But if I am in a restuarant, doctors office, movie theatre etc, where it is costing me money for my escapism, I dont wanna deal with fuckin kids that arent MINE !

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My driver was sick yesterday. :cool:

 

But you are correct deej. I always notice now-a-days young parents pay more attention to their Blackberries, cell, phone and IPads, and are usually paying no attention to their kids.

 

And if they are allowed to act that way at home, why would they be any different in public ? I am not a kids lover, but can usually tolerate nominal annoyance. But if I am in a restuarant, doctors office, movie theatre etc, where it is costing me money for my escapism, I dont wanna deal with fuckin kids that arent MINE !

 

Adults are far worse. And I pretty much don't go to movie theatres anymore, and never fly without earplugs or an iPod.

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It’s not just young parents today, either. About 18 yrs. ago I had a good friend at work. Her husband worked nights so occasionally she would invite me to go out to dinner when she didn‘t feel like cooking. She had two pre teen boys who always came along. The boys had no manners and no apparent social skills in public, and their mother demonstrated no control over them. Their behavior in restaurants embarrassed and stressed me and once I realized that other diners probably assumed the four of us were a family, I stopped accepting her invitations. Should probably mention here that my friend was a teacher and would never tolerate inappropriate behavior from her students.

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I must say it is what the adults permit that leads to the child's behavior. My pre-school aged nephew spends days with grandma and is well-behaved and just one reminder from grandma and he is the perfect, 5-year-old. However, when it is just his mother, he will only be mannerly if it suits him. He will jump on furniture at his house, but not Grandma's. At home he leaves his plate on the table, but takes it to the sink at Grandma's. His toys are everywhere at home, but returns to their proper place after playing at Grandma's. Definitely a case of nurture over nature.

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I firmly believe the bad behavior can be attributed to both the child and the parent. My nephew is and always has been an angel. My niece tries very hard to misbehave, but my brother and sister-in-law put a stop to it before it gets out of hand. Both kids have the same rules and boundaries, but one needs more discipline than the other. However, were there no rules and boundaries, my nephew would be a terror.

 

Too many parents fail to stop the bad behavior.

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Not having kids, it is not easy for me to understand everything that goes into dealing with and raising them. However, I do wonder if part of why things seem to have gotten worse over time is because of the social unacceptability and legal ramifications with parents using some physical discipline on their kids.

 

I am not suggesting to hit kids with a closed fist but I am talking about a little swat on the backside or on the hand for sending a strong message when other things just don't seem to work. I am sure there are those that will argue how far is too far and can things escalate to a level of abuse, and that is a valid concern. However, I think some here can remember getting an occasional swat from our parents to keep us in line and frankly, for me, it did wonders.

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Do you guys remember that, a while ago, a restaurant announced it would be a child-free zone. They refused to admit couples with children and at the time, they were sold out most nights. Does anyone here know if that continued? It seems to me to be just another example of parents either unable or unable to control their children.

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Do you guys remember that, a while ago, a restaurant announced it would be a child-free zone. They refused to admit couples with children and at the time, they were sold out most nights. Does anyone here know if that continued? It seems to me to be just another example of parents either unable or unable to control their children.

 

Not sure "unable" is the correct term. Could it be that perhaps "apathetic" is a better term ? Parents today have alot on their plate. Work and economic pressures coupled with caring for unruly kids. I would expect some just throw their hands up and say "Fuck it"..... I do agree with an earlier poster that "discipline" is essential to child raising, and there MUST be consequences for BAD behavior, just like in REAL life..

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Adults are far worse. And I pretty much don't go to movie theatres anymore, and never fly without earplugs or an iPod.

 

Amen. I swore off movie theaters about a year ago. People couldn't shut up and mind their own bidness.

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A swat? Nope, not in my family. My folks tore our butts up when we needed it. And I am so thankful they loved us enough to correct and discipline us. It is not loving, kind, or caring to allow a child to have his way on everything or to direct the agenda of the home. In many homes, the kids have become the parents and the parents have become the kids. Whacked up role reversal!!!

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Jawjatech,

 

Our parents must have been cut from the same cloth. As kids we were taught good manners, expected to know and demonstrate them, and recevied punishment if we disobeyed or were unruly. My parents encouraged us to be active, play full out, but also to respect other's property and show courtesy. I just don't see that in the younger generation today. Parenting is tough, and I truly admire my parents and those that can do it well.

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Some of us must be related because our experiences seem similar. My own theory (yes, I have one) is that many parents haven't a clue as to what their role is in their child's life. A parent is not a friend. A parent is a parent - a guide, a mentor, a teacher, a disciplinarian, the person who lays down the rules and expectations for what will be acceptable behavior. Not a friend - at least not during a child's formative years. That doesn't mean that there is hostility, only that someone is in control and ultimately responsible (and that someone is not the child). For friendship to exist there needs to be some sort of equality - in the parent/child relationship, that is not and should not be the case. I'm amazed when I hear people "negotiating" with their children. WTF? If you're negotiating, the battle is already half lost because you as the parent are not in a position to frame the issues and questions. The real problem, of course, happens when the child enters into the teenage years and ultimately when he/she gets behind the wheel of a car. Suddenly all of us are in danger. Yes, it may take a village to raise a child, especially if parents are friends rather than parents - then the village has to take up the slack created by the parent. Sad.

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Some of us must be related because our experiences seem similar. My own theory (yes, I have one) is that many parents haven't a clue as to what their role is in their child's life. A parent is not a friend. A parent is a parent - a guide, a mentor, a teacher, a disciplinarian, the person who lays down the rules and expectations for what will be acceptable behavior. Not a friend - at least not during a child's formative years. That doesn't mean that there is hostility, only that someone is in control and ultimately responsible (and that someone is not the child). For friendship to exist there needs to be some sort of equality - in the parent/child relationship, that is not and should not be the case. I'm amazed when I hear people "negotiating" with their children. WTF? If you're negotiating, the battle is already half lost because you as the parent are not in a position to frame the issues and questions. The real problem, of course, happens when the child enters into the teenage years and ultimately when he/she gets behind the wheel of a car. Suddenly all of us are in danger. Yes, it may take a village to raise a child, especially if parents are friends rather than parents - then the village has to take up the slack created by the parent. Sad.

 

todays young parents feel enlightened and evolved. This self-opinion may be short-sighted, but I hear alot of parents say "I wont make the same mistakes MY parents did". What a disservice to their parents... Are they saying THEY turned out badly ? I dont think so. I believe they just want the image of being modern and "cool"....

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Earlier this week, I saw a mother in a grocery store tell her pesky, screaming 3 year old “If you make me buy that cereal, you’re going to eat every bite of it”. Seriously, a 3 year old “making” Mom do something? Shows who is in control with some “parents”.

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