Is it chemistry or technique or both?

[unsub2O17]

I have reported elsewhere that I am elderly and not much to look at. I am also fairly new to this, and my love-making (sexual) technique leaves much to be desired. I have actually passed on some escorts that I find highly desirable, very affordable, and who are very well reviewed. I have passed on them because they are TOO good. They're too experienced and too adept. I feel that I can not possibly give them a satisfying sexual experience, and giving them a good experience is necessary for me to have a satisfying experience. So, I pass. Does this make sense to anyone??

[+ Travis69]

No!!!! How do you know you would not give them a "good experience"??? Did you take some sexual technique test and get a poor grade??? No one is perfect in bed or at anything in life. If I stopped myself from doing something just because I am not perfect in it I wouldn't do anything in life. You are way too hard on yourself!!

[BostonPhil]

No!!!! How do you know you would not give them a "good experience"??? Did you take some sexual technique test and get a poor grade??? No one is perfect in bed or at anything in life. If I stopped myself from doing something just because I am not perfect in it I wouldn't do anything in life. You are way too hard on yourself!!

 

THANK YOU TRAVIS

 

Tell them that.

 

I think that you have taken the wrong approach on this one. You want an experienced escort, you will have a better time and any GOOD escort is going to do what it takes to make sure you have a fulfilling experience. You're not alone and we get this all the time.

 

"My wife says I'm a bad kisser." - "Okay well come here and we'll see."

 

"I've never given head before..." - "You know what you like? Get down there and give it a try, I don't really like teeth though..."

 

"I really want get fucked but I haven't..." - "Well relax and we can try. We'll work our way up...."

 

Let loose and go for it!

[bigvalboy]

No!!!! How do you know you would not give them a "good experience"??? Did you take some sexual technique test and get a poor grade??? No one is perfect in bed or at anything in life. If I stopped myself from doing something just because I am not perfect in it I wouldn't do anything in life. You are way too hard on yourself!!

 

Travis and BP are absolutely correct. I could not have said it better!!! Let me add just one little thing, we all had our first time with an escort. Of all the escorts that are well reviewed, just let them know that you are nervous and that it is all new for you. Let them take care of the rest....AND....relax, it will be fine.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

I have reported elsewhere that I am elderly and not much to look at. I am also fairly new to this, and my love-making (sexual) technique leaves much to be desired. I have actually passed on some escorts that I find highly desirable, very affordable, and who are very well reviewed. I have passed on them because they are TOO good. They're too experienced and too adept. I feel that I can not possibly give them a satisfying sexual experience, and giving them a good experience is necessary for me to have a satisfying experience. So, I pass. Does this make sense to anyone??

 

Unsub - your lack of experience sounds like me when I first hired. I was afraid I wasn't giving the escort a satisfying experience, and as a result, I was probably a little stiff and restrained in my activities, so I wouldn't hire an escort that I thought was "outside of my league."

 

After a couple of somewhat average hires, I decided to hire someone I had passed because I was intimidated by his experience and appearance. When we got together, I was so into him, that I relaxed and had a fabulous experience. And each time I've hired him since, the sex gets better.

 

My suggestion, hire the guys you are attracted to. If you are into the session, your performance will be better and the escort will have a better time.

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey Unsub,

 

I think I understand what you mean. I think you could look at it in a different way that could serve you much better, though.

 

What may be trampling you a little is the belief that in order to give your escort a satisfying experience you should be a skilled, confident lover, capable of untold feats. While meeting a lover like this could be fulfilling in a way, my guess is that this is not the kind of fulfillment escorts are looking for.

 

If an escort is the type of escort that likes to teach, likes to guide and help people learn about themselves, he will be really excited if you let him know that you don't feel entirely confident and that you would like to become a more confident lover. If you ask an escort like this to help you in this process, whether through a long period or through an hour together, he will be able to put his expertise, his experience, his talents and his body at your service. Once you develop this confidence, once you become literate in the language of your own body you will be able to understand the language of other people's bodies, and soon you will be the one that is capable of untold feats.

 

This is not an exaggeration.

 

On the other hand if you stay on the safe side, meeting with escorts that you think may be on the average side of things just to avoid being outplayed by your escort or because you don't want your escort to leave unfulfilled, then you may be robbing yourself the only real opportunity you may have to become adept at using your body for pleasure.

 

I would perhaps avoid the porn star type and would focus on the trainer kind. There are many really hot escorts who are every bit as sexy and able as the super star porn escorts that aside from being hot, love to help people learn. When you meet this type of escort, if you open up and tell him that you are interested in learning about yourself, believe me, he will leave every session with you excited, fulfilled and happy to be able to do this work.

 

As for the escort's sexual satisfaction... he is a professional. It is his professional obligation to make sure his own needs are met and when he meets you it is his duty to be relaxed, fulfilled, satisfied and ready to focus on YOUR needs. Satisfying your needs will give him tons of satisfaction.

 

I am going to end up with an example:

 

If you wanted to learn German, you would not want to learn it from your octogenarian neighbour who spent one month in Germany in the 60's and kind of speaks it. You want to learn German from someone who is proficient at it, who understands the full richness of the language and who has either training or experience teaching it.

 

Verstehst du mich?

[uwsman2]

Some of the most thrilling sex, in my experience, is initiating a novice into the joys of gay sex. Don't assume that a hot escort will not be turned on by turning on an eager, older guy! Don't "pass" on the escorts who turn you on... go for it!

[bigvalboy]

Hey Unsub,

 

I think I understand what you mean. I think you could look at it in a different way that could serve you much better, though.

 

What may be trampling you a little is the belief that in order to give your escort a satisfying experience you should be a skilled, confident lover, capable of untold feats. While meeting a lover like this could be fulfilling in a way, my guess is that this is not the kind of fulfillment escorts are looking for.

 

If an escort is the type of escort that likes to teach, likes to guide and help people learn about themselves, he will be really excited if you let him know that you don't feel entirely confident and that you would like to become a more confident lover. If you ask an escort like this to help you in this process, whether through a long period or through an hour together, he will be able to put his expertise, his experience, his talents and his body at your service. Once you develop this confidence, once you become literate in the language of your own body you will be able to understand the language of other people's bodies, and soon you will be the one that is capable of untold feats.

 

This is not an exaggeration.

 

On the other hand if you stay on the safe side, meeting with escorts that you think may be on the average side of things just to avoid being outplayed by your escort or because you don't want your escort to leave unfulfilled, then you may be robbing yourself the only real opportunity you may have to become adept at using your body for pleasure.

 

I would perhaps avoid the porn star type and would focus on the trainer kind. There are many really hot escorts who are every bit as sexy and able as the super star porn escorts that aside from being hot, love to help people learn. When you meet this type of escort, if you open up and tell him that you are interested in learning about yourself, believe me, he will leave every session with you excited, fulfilled and happy to be able to do this work.

 

As for the escort's sexual satisfaction... he is a professional. It is his professional obligation to make sure his own needs are met and when he meets you it is his duty to be relaxed, fulfilled, satisfied and ready to focus on YOUR needs. Satisfying your needs will give him tons of satisfaction.

 

I am going to end up with an example:

 

If you wanted to learn German, you would not want to learn it from your octogenarian neighbour who spent one month in Germany in the 60's and kind of speaks it. You want to learn German from someone who is proficient at it, who understands the full richness of the language and who has either training or experience teaching it.

 

Verstehst du mich?

 

Unsub....now Juan is someone you want to listen to. I would read his post a couple of times. It was VERY informative, and should be very helpful for you...Good luck!!

[unsub2O17]

You are such a wonderful and supportive group. And so articulate too! Thank you, again and again. I really posted this thread with much trepidation. Now, I read such a different way of looking at things. OK! I'll go for it!

[+ purplekow]

Unsub, when having anal relations, I am usually the top. i think that many men who begin having gay sex at an older age, are likely to assume the top position as it easily relates to the male role in heterosexual sex. i decided after a bit, that I would try bottoming and I was very nervous about hiring for this. Having my partner be satisfied is very important to me, as you state it is to you and i was afraid that I would not be able to satisfy. Well i finally hired a very sexy escort, who did porn and was a well endowed top. i had a session with him with no anal contact and then an overnight for the big deflowering. He was very patient but I just could not get comfortable and he was unable to maneuver into me. Finally, after a very long time trying, I just said (over my shoulder): "Just put the fucking thing in" in a manner which made it clear it was to be put in now. With that, he gave one big pump and made me scream very loudly and then I relaxed. He was in me for all of 15 seconds when I begged him to take it out, which he did.

I was about to apologize for my efforts when I turned around to see a big smile on his handsome face and he said to me with the excitement of a kid at Christmas "I LOVE MY JOB". I have jerked off several times to that image, hot hairy handsome muscular stud having penetrated me screaming out his satisfaction. 15 seconds I have enjoyed again and again and he enjoyed at least the once.

By and by, I did try to bottom one other time, with a similar experience, limited time of penetration with genuine escort satisfaction.

I guess I am one of those guys who is there for a good time not a long time.

 

Never assume that your honest heartfelt sexual efforts will fail to satisfy.

 

My frequent advise on this forum is: It is just sex, you get to do it again. If it aint great the first time learn and go again.

[jjkrkwood]

Look at the bright side, if the escort doesnt enjoy the sex, he wont break up with you, just perhaps NOT see you again, and I find that doubtful as well.

 

Use reviews as a guide, but dont ever expect your experience will Mirror the reviewers. Your experience will be unique to the encounter YOU create with the escort.... and remember they are there to please you so verbalize what YOU want, and ask them what THEY want since THEIR satisfaction is so important to YOU.... The session will only be as good as your communication makes it. First and foremost, always relax and have fun.

[uwsman2]

purplekow! My experience is that the first few times I tried to bottom anally I couldn't handle it for very long either. Two things I've learned over the years that make it not only possible but actually very enjoyable. First, sometimes the easiest way to start is by having the escort lie on his back and you straddle him and sit slowly, controlling the pace and depth of entry. Second, whichever way you start, have him enter slowly after having lubed up your hole and having him finger it and gently relax it; then after the entry have him just stay in you for a while as your anal muscles get used to his presence, with you initiating movement by gently squeezing his cock with your anal muscles and slowly moving it back and forth. The trick is to get your sphincter muscle to relax and ajust to his girth, which takes a little time.

 

I recently had a great experience with an escort - well review on this page - after not having had anal sex in several months. I followed method #2 above, and it worked like a charm. Initial entry was painful, but having him just stay in me without motion while my muscles adjusted - with the additional distractions of touching and rubbing and kissing each other - did the trick, and soon I was enjoying getting a real pounding.

 

Of course, for the intrepid, experienced, and/or anally flexible -- as I have been at times -- the most exciting thing is to have your top just plunge in without all these careful preparations and prepare for the possibility that it will be painful at first. There have been times, however, when my experience was exactly the correct angle and exactly correct mood led to an easy, non-painful entry. Sometimes there's no predicting, and some tops just have the knack for doing it gently but decisively.

[jjkrkwood]

purplekow! My experience is that the first few times I tried to bottom anally I couldn't handle it for very long either. Two things I've learned over the years that make it not only possible but actually very enjoyable. First, sometimes the easiest way to start is by having the escort lie on his back and you straddle him and sit slowly, controlling the pace and depth of entry. Second, whichever way you start, have him enter slowly after having lubed up your hole and having him finger it and gently relax it; then after the entry have him just stay in you for a while as your anal muscles get used to his presence, with you initiating movement by gently squeezing his cock with your anal muscles and slowly moving it back and forth. The trick is to get your sphincter muscle to relax and ajust to his girth, which takes a little time.

 

I recently had a great experience with an escort - well review on this page - after not having had anal sex in several months. I followed method #2 above, and it worked like a charm. Initial entry was painful, but having him just stay in me without motion while my muscles adjusted - with the additional distractions of touching and rubbing and kissing each other - did the trick, and soon I was enjoying getting a real pounding.

 

Of course, for the intrepid, experienced, and/or anally flexible -- as I have been at times -- the most exciting thing is to have your top just plunge in without all these careful preparations and prepare for the possibility that it will be painful at first. There have been times, however, when my experience was exactly the correct angle and exactly correct mood led to an easy, non-painful entry. Sometimes there's no predicting, and some tops just have the knack for doing it gently but decisively.

 

All GREAT useful tips uwsm, but then there are those that are just NOT suited to anal in any which way or form, and that should be OK too ? but it always seems that gay guys will make you feel weird for NOT liking anal. When you come out as gay or bi, you dont sign a contract saying that you must have or LOVE anal sex.... But I will agree that you should at least TRY it.

[tom1980]

I agree with pretty much all the advice here. One thing to keep in mind regarding technique is that not everyone likes the same things or responds to them in the same way. You should feel free to ask the escort what he likes in terms of foreplay and sex. Does he like guys to play with his nipples? Does he like kissing? Is there anything in particular that really turns him on? If you figure out what he likes and work on those things, the escort will have a good time and you will enjoy knowing that you gave him pleasure, which will likely make your own experience more satisfying.

 

Communication really is the key. Don't be afraid to ask questions and say what you want. Early in my hiring I was incredibly shy and unwilling to say things I wanted to do because I was embarrassed. That led to a lot of okay experiences with few really good ones. Finally, I forced myself to be more open with escorts. The first few times, I told them I was new to this, nervous, and wanted them to lead the session and give me direction. After that, I started figuring out what questions to ask and how to explain what I want. It can be very difficult to open up and make yourself vulnerable by asking those questions and saying what you want. Although it's scary the first time or two, telling your escort "I want to please you so tell me what you like" can be very liberating. And a lot of escorts really seem to like getting that question. They are often so focused on clients' wants and needs that they like it when a client is trying to make them happy.

[unsub2O17]

I agree with pretty much all the advice here. One thing to keep in mind regarding technique is that not everyone likes the same things or responds to them in the same way. You should feel free to ask the escort what he likes in terms of foreplay and sex. Does he like guys to play with his nipples? Does he like kissing? Is there anything in particular that really turns him on? If you figure out what he likes and work on those things, the escort will have a good time and you will enjoy knowing that you gave him pleasure, which will likely make your own experience more satisfying.

 

Communication really is the key. Don't be afraid to ask questions and say what you want. Early in my hiring I was incredibly shy and unwilling to say things I wanted to do because I was embarrassed. That led to a lot of okay experiences with few really good ones. Finally, I forced myself to be more open with escorts. The first few times, I told them I was new to this, nervous, and wanted them to lead the session and give me direction. After that, I started figuring out what questions to ask and how to explain what I want. It can be very difficult to open up and make yourself vulnerable by asking those questions and saying what you want. Although it's scary the first time or two, telling your escort "I want to please you so tell me what you like" can be very liberating. And a lot of escorts really seem to like getting that question. They are often so focused on clients' wants and needs that they like it when a client is trying to make them happy.

 

Very practical advice. Thank you. I will certainly do my best to follow it.

[nate_sf]

Communication really is the key. Don't be afraid to ask questions and say what you want. Early in my hiring I was incredibly shy and unwilling to say things I wanted to do because I was embarrassed. That led to a lot of okay experiences with few really good ones. Finally, I forced myself to be more open with escorts. The first few times, I told them I was new to this, nervous, and wanted them to lead the session and give me direction. After that, I started figuring out what questions to ask and how to explain what I want. It can be very difficult to open up and make yourself vulnerable by asking those questions and saying what you want. Although it's scary the first time or two, telling your escort "I want to please you so tell me what you like" can be very liberating. And a lot of escorts really seem to like getting that question. They are often so focused on clients' wants and needs that they like it when a client is trying to make them happy.

 

This is one of the key benefits to getting together with an escort, that may not be as easy with a casual date or partner. You can and should tell the escort that you are inexperienced, and tell him if there are things you want to try. If you're not sure what you want to try, he should be able to show you things. You don't have to worry about what he's going to think if he's a professional, and the more accomplished escorts will handle this professionally.

 

Lots of times I'll have a guy tell me they've always wanted to try ___________, could we try that out? With an escort this is your chance to try new things, and if he is experienced and professional he'll show you the ropes well. In fact, showing an eager appreciative guy new things can be a turn-on for a lot of escorts, so if you are concerned about them enjoying themselves this can be part of that.

 

Regarding discussion of being inexperienced bottoming, uwsman2 and the others have great suggestions. I'll add that many escorts bring bags of supplies with them. There was a thread about this a couple of weeks ago. My bag has a range of dildos in different sizes, which can help if you're not used to bottoming, and I know others bring things along with them like this too. It definitely helps if I know ahead of time what a guy might be interested in trying so I can be sure to have the right things on hand or work towards a goal, so don't be shy about saying what you want to try.