What is Proper ?

[jjkrkwood]

I have been dating a guy for several months. It seems to be going well, and surprisingly he is still into me.... Well, here we are at the holidays, a time for giving.

I am not sure its appropriate to buy this guy a gift yet, so i decided to take him out to a nice, upscale restaurant as his Holiday offering.

 

Is this suitable? Does it make me look cheap, or non-commital ? I havent done the dating thing for over 30 years so I dont know whats proper protocol anymore. I like the guy, but dont want to send the wrong message....

 

Help !

[Cooper]

Gift ideas...

 

Depending on how serious you are, a night out for dinner and a Broadway show would be an appropriate gift. Do you think he'll be giving you a gift?

[jjkrkwood]

Depending on how serious you are, a night out for dinner and a Broadway show would be an appropriate gift. Do you think he'll be giving you a gift?

 

I doubt it, HE'S the HOT one. lololol

[seeker630]

I have been dating a guy for several months. It seems to be going well, and surprisingly he is still into me.... Well, here we are at the holidays, a time for giving.

I am not sure its appropriate to buy this guy a gift yet, so i decided to take him out to a nice, upscale restaurant as his Holiday offering.

 

Is this suitable? Does it make me look cheap, or non-commital ? I havent done the dating thing for over 30 years so I dont know whats proper protocol anymore. I like the guy, but dont want to send the wrong message....

 

Help !

 

I'd say trust your instincts. A nice dinner, assuming he likes such things, sounds good to me!

[Cooper]

Gift ideas...

 

I doubt it, HE'S the HOT one. lololol

 

Ok... Then, a dinner sounds fine, you don't want to make him feel uncomfortable... Save the Broadway tickets idea for his birthday.

 

Good luck and enjoy!

Coop

[+ Travis69]

When you say dating, what do you mean? Booty calls, movies, dinners, walks in the park, sleep overs? If it's just a booty call thing then he might get scared with even a nice dinner. Also, is he in a financial situation to repay the Xmas gift if he felt obligated to?

[josephga]

Ive been seeing someone almost 2 months now. I bought him a christmas gift even though he told me he wasn't buying gifts for anyone this year. He just moved and everything went into that move and he can't afford gifts this year. I bought him a gift because I wanted to and because it makes me feel good. I don't really care about what's right, whats the appropriate time or being politically correct.

[leigh.bess.toad]

I think Travis hit on the key question before rendering an opinion. What do you mean dating?

 

With my bf, I bought him a little gift when I was at Capital Pride. We'd been dating 3 weeks at the time. It was nothing big, a t-shirt that said STUD. We got a laugh as well, but he wears it an awful lot when we are together. He got me sort of a matching t-shirt for my birthday two months later. I got him a bit nicer gift for his birthday a couple months after that. And of course we are definitely exchanging gifts for Christmas. (hell, last night I got instructions -- I don't accept Christmas gifts in gift bags -- they have to be wrapped by the giver. lol). But I have a feeling you and I are in different places in our relationships. Now 7 months in, I know that he is, or will be soon, my partner and I think we both know that we are going to be together for a very, VERY long time. We are celebrating as if this is the first of many Christmases we will have together.

 

Dinner may be a nice compromise but maybe something very small too -- a funny t-shirt, a sexy pair of underwear. But that would depend on what you perceive to be the nature of your relationship.

 

But I would definitely hold off of the new Lexus with the big red bow.

[jjkrkwood]

When you say dating, what do you mean? Booty calls, movies, dinners, walks in the park, sleep overs? If it's just a booty call thing then he might get scared with even a nice dinner. Also, is he in a financial situation to repay the Xmas gift if he felt obligated to?

 

No, its more personal than a booty call, in fact sometimes we dont even have sex when we get together. Its more like getting to know each other on a diff, more serious level. Not sure how it will turn out, but at my age, its worth a shot.

[Bosguy]

I think a nice casual dinner would be perfect and , being a romantic, I would pick up a small, relatively inexpensive gift that shows you have feelings. I did that with a guy I met last October and continue to see. of course, I got the usual "you shouldn't have", but he loved it and it is out and in full view in his apartment

 

Boston Bill.

[Cooper]

JJ... I wish you well with your special guy... Q. Have you discussed Christmas gifts? and why do you feel he's not getting you anything?

[leigh.bess.toad]

I think a nice casual dinner would be perfect and , being a romantic, I would pick up a small, relatively inexpensive gift that shows you have feelings. I did that with a guy I met last October and continue to see. of course, I got the usual "you shouldn't have", but he loved it and it is out and in full view in his apartment

 

Boston Bill.

 

So he's keeping the flogger and handcuffs in full view in his apartment? Nice.

 

Seriously, I think Bill is right on the money. Nothing too extravagant at all. A small, relatively inexpensive token that you were thinking of him and a nice, casual dinner should be fine.

[Bosguy]

So he's keeping the flogger and handcuffs in full view in his apartment? Nice.

 

Seriously, I think Bill is right on the money. Nothing too extravagant at all. A small, relatively inexpensive token that you were thinking of him and a nice, casual dinner should be fine.

 

Of course he has them out. There always out and decorated to celebrate the holidays. Better way to remember than Hallmark!!

 

Boston Bill

[jgoo]

So many different things to consider to say if it is appropriate or not at this stage in the relationship. Some relationships move along faster than others such that giving gifts after 3 months is very natural. Some people like to give and/or receive gifts while others don't (some people feel very awkward receiving gifts). Then there is the issue of what type of gift to give and the message you want to send. And of course there is whether there are expectations for a gift to be reciprocated, and how would that effect things if it isn't.

 

My sense is that by you asking about it, your uncertainty as to it being appropriate or not indicates to me that you should keep things low key at this stage and keep it simple. A nice meal at a restaurant sounds good and not over the top. Taking it up a notch, such as a simple and tasteful gift may be fine, especially if it reflects where you guys are in the relationship by showing you have learned something about his likes/dislikes and that you would like to express something of your feelings toward him.

[Decatur Guy]

I think dinner is a great gift for Christmas.

[miaguy290]

How bout making him dinner....so much more personal and is like a gift....you took the time and effort to make it....

just my opinion

[jjkrkwood]

JJ... I wish you well with your special guy... Q. Have you discussed Christmas gifts? and why do you feel he's not getting you anything?

 

No we havent discussed it, but I dont think that he is the type of person that would buy a gift until he is more involved in the relationship. Thats just how he strikes me. But he has been very attentive, so I just wanted to do something nice and festive for him... By the way, I did pickup a silly gift for him today. His online screename is BareBear, because he likes to be nude with guys that are "bearish". He thinks I am a "bearish" kinda guy, and thats what attracted him. So I got him a leather daddy stuffed Bear.... and I put a little name tag on it with MY name....

[jjkrkwood]

How bout making him dinner....so much more personal and is like a gift....you took the time and effort to make it....

just my opinion

 

Well MG290, I am hoping that the dinner OUT will lead to breakfast IN....

[Bosguy]

No we havent discussed it, but I dont think that he is the type of person that would buy a gift until he is more involved in the relationship. Thats just how he strikes me. But he has been very attentive, so I just wanted to do something nice and festive for him... By the way, I did pickup a silly gift for him today. His online screename is BareBear, because he likes to be nude with guys that are "bearish". He thinks I am a "bearish" kinda guy, and thats what attracted him. So I got him a leather daddy stuffed Bear.... and I put a little name tag on it with MY name....

 

Congratulations, You got it all covered PROPERLY!!!!!!

 

Boston Bill

[Epigonos]

Jj in my not so humble opinion it is NEVER inappropriate to take some you know and like out to dinner. How you define know and like is irrelevant. By now you know him well enough to select a restaurant that he would like. It's a great idea -- go for it!!!!!

[+ purplekow]

Geez are you guys saving up all your money for escorts? There is nothing wrong with a nice gift. Dinner is fine, but nothing special really. I like the bear gift a lot better than I like the idea of dinner.

So, something like a Nook with his favorite book is reasonably priced and appropriate if he is a reader. If he is into sports, tickets to a favorite game and a shirt from his favorite team. Have his favorite players name on the shirt not yours or his. First of all it shows you know who he favorite player is and second of all your name or his name might prove inconvenient at a time he was wearing the shirt. Not a sports shirt guy, how about nice cashmere sweater. Nothing too extravagant but in a color that you think looks good on him or better yet a color that looks good coming off of him. A pair os sexy underwear in the same color might complete the outfit. Is he a bit kinky, then something from the adult store might be fun for both of you. A businessman, perhaps a Mont Blanc pen with his name engraved.

Whatever you get, i think that the most important thing is that it reflects that you spent some time thinking about it and you got something that is for him and not just for any hard cock you may have been dating.

[jjkrkwood]

Geez are you guys saving up all your money for escorts? There is nothing wrong with a nice gift. Dinner is fine, but nothing special really. I like the bear gift a lot better than I like the idea of dinner.

So, something like a Nook with his favorite book is reasonably priced and appropriate if he is a reader. If he is into sports, tickets to a favorite game and a shirt from his favorite team. Have his favorite players name on the shirt not yours or his. First of all it shows you know who he favorite player is and second of all your name or his name might prove inconvenient at a time he was wearing the shirt. Not a sports shirt guy, how about nice cashmere sweater. Nothing too extravagant but in a color that you think looks good on him or better yet a color that looks good coming off of him. A pair os sexy underwear in the same color might complete the outfit. Is he a bit kinky, then something from the adult store might be fun for both of you. A businessman, perhaps a Mont Blanc pen with his name engraved.

Whatever you get, i think that the most important thing is that it reflects that you spent some time thinking about it and you got something that is for him and not just for any hard cock you may have been dating.

 

All Great, clever and interesting suggestions. I LOVE to give gifts. Am not so comfortable receiving them. I just didnt want to come off TOO strong, too soon for fear that he will think I am moving too fast. As I previously said, I DONT think he will be thinking of giving me a gift, and I dont want him to feel obligated. So I feel keeping it a bit more casual now is neutral territory. Makes it more like just a date, and NOT a Holiday gift, which might just be TOO personal for him. Its only been a few months and not sure I know his WHOLE personality or intentions yet. But your ideas are in my back pocket PK in the event this connection lasts longer than I expect it to.

[rvwnsd]

There are no "shoulds" or "propers." What do you want to do? Figure that out and do it.

 

By the way...in my opinion, if the act of buying someone a Christmas gift scares them away, they are probably not someone you want in your life.

[+ overeasy]

I agree with rvwnsd...Do what YOU wanna do, JJ. It's a chance for him to get to know you better through your actions as well....Hope it all works out in a super way for you!

[+ deej]

There are no "shoulds" or "propers."

 

Actually, there are. People like Emily Post made a career out of "should" and "proper".

 

http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/gift-giving-and-receiving