Birds and the Bees

[gcursor]

So I never had that whole 'birds and the bees' talk. Anybody want to help??

 

Gcursor

[Bosguy]

So I never had that whole 'birds and the bees' talk. Anybody want to help??

 

Gcursor

 

I think it's a little late for "talk" but I know a few guys who could put on a great "show and tell" and you would certainly learn everything you wanted to know about the birds and the bees AND THEN SOME!!!

 

Bill

[Diverdan]

Sorry, Gcursor... you are much to old for that talk. It usually takes place some where between ages 6 and 10 for boys and then another refresher course around 15 or 16, but a lot depends on how early a guy enters puberty! I have to agree with Bill, however, that at your age, having a couple of guys we all know do a "show and tell" for you would give you everything you need to know and then some! Since I grew up on a farm, I think I must have had my first lesson before 6. Just watching all the animals rutting, watching live births, castration of the calfs, etc. didn't leave much to wonder about!!!!!!

[+ purplekow]

Readers digest version: Birds Find a bird with a long bill, preferably a pelican whose mouth can carry a heavy load and then proceed to pump the bill. If you have a good friend and a willing bird, you can split the bill.

Bees Find a bee with a durable stinger and he jabs you over and over again relentlessly until you are strangely satisfied, sweaty and swollen.

 

I know these do not seem to be necessarily pleasurable sounding events, but the doing proves more than the saying.

[nate_sf]

When I was a teenager my Mom and I were walking the dog and came across a pair of mallard ducks doing the deed. Male jumped the female, did his thing, and was done in about 30 seconds. Female then stood up and ruffled her feathers, not looking particularly impressed or pleased. My mother turned to me and said, "Honey, you do realize you'll want to take longer than that." Yes... words to live by.

 

I don't recall bees being involved in the scene, however. Still not sure how they fit in, but PK has provided some helpful insight.

[+ deej]

[video=youtube;luwIVugKkd4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luwIVugKkd4&feature=BFa&list=PL3022E987D11D0C87&index=7

[gcursor]

u know...I love you guys. i loved these responses thus far. definitely reminds me why I like this board so much

Gcursor

[Phil_musc]

My god, Diverdan, did you actually watch calves get castrated before you were six? Your parents sound pretty progressive to me. I don't think I would have been ready to see that sort of thing at that tender age. Hell, I don't think I'm ready to see that now and believe me I'm older than six.

[Diverdan]

Hey Phil,

Yes I had that experience. Actually at 6 it is not as traumatic as it seems. It is only when you get older and have a sense of vulnerability that it comes home to roost so to speak. I also witnessed live births of cows, pigs, etc. so it all seemed part of the "normal course of events" on the farm. I also went to a slaughter house to watch with my Dad. That was actually a bit more traumatic, as I realized that was what we were going to eat!!! I think guys and gals who grow up on a farm have a somewhat different attitude to all of these things... neither better or worse.. just different. I wouldn't enjoy seeing all of that now, but you can probably go to a dude ranch or a working ranch and see it all there.

I think there are probably videos of such things around, but I have never had the urge to look for them.

DD

[josephga]

I grew up on a 60 acre farm until the age of 11 saw castration of the calf's animals giving birth. Then my father showed me a hustler magazine around the age of 14 and chatted about sex and the importance of birth control.

[mansniffing]

Birds and the bees.

It's not literal It's a euphemism.

Ella sings it: "Let's Do It, Let's Fall in Love"

 

Birds do it, bees do it

Even educated fleas do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love

 

In Spain, the best upper sets do it

 

Lithuanians and Letts do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love

 

The Dutch in old Amsterdam do it

Not to mention the Fins

Folks in Siam do it - think of Siamese twins

 

Some Argentines, without means, do it

People say in Boston even beans do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love

 

Romantic sponges, they say, do it

Oysters down in oyster bay do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love

 

Cold Cape Cod clams, 'gainst their wish, do it

Even lazy jellyfish, do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love

 

Electric eels I might add do it

Though it shocks em I know

Why ask if shad do it - Waiter bring me

"shad roe"

 

In shallow shoals English soles do it

Goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love

[+ deej]

I think guys and gals who grow up on a farm have a somewhat different attitude to all of these things... neither better or worse.. just different.

 

Yeah, absolutely. I didn't grow up on a farm, but my mom did. I remember visiting grandma on Sundays and she'd decide we'd have fried chicken for dinner. She'd go out to the coop, catch them, behead them, pluck them, gut them, and then fry them.

 

When you're that close to the food chain, it *just* *is*. Buying chickens in the grocery store is the same result, but you don't get to giggle at the old lady chasing chickens around the yard with an axe in one hand.

 

We do eat those things.

[josephga]

my grandmother was the same way. grab that poor chicken chop its head off with the axe that poor bird would thrash around slinging blood everywhere i was like damn granny you are one brutal woman lol