Politics at dinner?

[+ purplekow]

I have friends with whom I do to dinner about once a week. This week, the husband of the married pair, met a colleague and invited him and his wife to join us for dinner. As soon as we sat down for dinner, my friend starts a political discussion. Now we may be friends, but his politics are not mine, and I avoid discussing politics with him no matter the occasion. His colleague, begins to espouse some rather extreme political dogma which I find ignorant and intolerant. I excused myself, and went to the bathroom hoping the topic had changed while I was gone. I returned to an ongoing political discussion. After trying to ignore the discussion, I stated that I thought a political discussion at dinner was not something with which I was comfortable, especially a political conversation with someone I had just met. Heedlessly, the my firiend, his colleague and the wife of the colleague continued the conversation. Dinner was served, the the conversation did not stop. Finally, I said to my friend that though we had been friend's for years, his boorish insistence on a political discussion at dinner was rude and inappropriate and that I was leaving. His wife tried to calm me down, but I was not having any of it and I left.

We have not spoken since, though this is not unusual, we can go a week without talking.

Now, his birthday party is this Friday. I would certainly have gone before this but now, I pretty much want to skin it. Thoughts??

[Lookin]

Can you bring a date?

 

http://minnesotaindependent.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/04-102009-FinSer-308.jpg

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

Now we can have dinner sometime instead. I will cook you my favorite dish. No politics I promise. I have to get a new cook book to cook for my purplekow.. What will be good for him?

 

Anyways, I hope you and your friend can make up.

[instudiocity]

Depends on what your friendship was based upon - a love of purple or a love of kows.

 

If they are friends, they will apologize sooner or later. If you're their friend you'll ask them to never ignore your feelings when you express them againas you remember his birthday.

 

My very liberal family refers to me as the most loving conservative around.

[+ azdr0710]

go to his birthday since, if you've been having dinner every week, you must be good friends....

 

your bolting from the other dinner was a one-time thing, it sounds like....next time you see your friend, say something like, "Oh man, that political talk just got to me and it wouldn't end....it's really hard to find agreement sometimes when politics comes up"....(I presume the colleague and his wife were only going to show this one time?)

 

then bring up another unrelated topic....no big deal

[+ Gar1eth]

You can go a week without talking-- the question is how often is the usual week without talking because of a fight or disagreement. If the normal "week of not talking" is due to work, life, etc that's one thing. This time it sounds like the week without talking is because of hurt feelings all around. It seems to me that if you value this friendship, you probably ought to call and maybe try for a lunch date or a coffee date to discuss things and explain your feelings. On the other hand if you know your friend won't change, then you have a decision to make on whether to keep him as a friend or at least whether you want to be in his company on a routine basis. While it's sad to say,sometimes friendships aren't forever-- or they change over time. Sometimes people become closer but probably more often people drift apart. One other thing to think about is what kind of friend you are. Do you ever do things that make them uncomfortable? I am not saying you do, but as no one is perfect, do they ever need to overlook your foibles?

 

Gman

 

PS PK please don't think that I think that anything I wrote is particularly profound or that I think you should be acting as if it were "received truth " from on high. It's obviously just common sense. Sometimes when I have decisions to make it's helpful for me to see whether other people see things the way I do.

[wayout]

After trying to ignore the discussion, I stated that I thought a political discussion at dinner was not something with which I was comfortable, especially a political conversation with someone I had just met. Heedlessly, the my firiend, his colleague and the wife of the colleague continued the conversation. Dinner was served, the the conversation did not stop. Finally, I said to my friend that though we had been friend's for years, his boorish insistence on a political discussion at dinner was rude and inappropriate and that I was leaving. His wife tried to calm me down, but I was not having any of it and I left.

We have not spoken since, though this is not unusual, we can go a week without talking.

Now, his birthday party is this Friday. I would certainly have gone before this but now, I pretty much want to skin it. Thoughts??

 

May I suggest that you look at this slightly differently and perhaps consider that your actions were not as appropriate as they could have been? If you went from saying something made you feel "uncomfortable" to saying someone was boorish and rude as well as announcing you were leaving, seems like a rather excited and dramatic escalation on your part. Obviously not being there I have no idea how things went, the topic under discussion and what else might have been said, I can only go by what you wrote. Clearly your friend's behavior was not acceptable and he was not being considerate of your feelings, and in no way am I excusing his behavior. However I do think you could and should have been more insistent along the way about changing the conversation, and even at some point made it clear that you would excuse yourself if they insisted on continuing. This would give plenty of time and warning for your actions. I think apologies are owed from your friend but also yourself. If you believe the friendship is worth salvaging, I would suggest you be the bigger man and apologize for your behavior but also make it clear that you would expect and appreciate a reciprical apology. If you get one then go to the party. If not, don't go and find someone else to have weekly dinners with.

 

PS..Not that it matters all that much, but was this dinner in a restaurant or in your friends home?

[operalover21]

I have friends with whom I do to dinner about once a week. This week, the husband of the married pair, met a colleague and invited him and his wife to join us for dinner. As soon as we sat down for dinner, my friend starts a political discussion. Now we may be friends, but his politics are not mine, and I avoid discussing politics with him no matter the occasion. His colleague, begins to espouse some rather extreme political dogma which I find ignorant and intolerant. I excused myself, and went to the bathroom hoping the topic had changed while I was gone. I returned to an ongoing political discussion. After trying to ignore the discussion, I stated that I thought a political discussion at dinner was not something with which I was comfortable, especially a political conversation with someone I had just met. Heedlessly, the my firiend, his colleague and the wife of the colleague continued the conversation. Dinner was served, the the conversation did not stop. Finally, I said to my friend that though we had been friend's for years, his boorish insistence on a political discussion at dinner was rude and inappropriate and that I was leaving. His wife tried to calm me down, but I was not having any of it and I left.

We have not spoken since, though this is not unusual, we can go a week without talking.

Now, his birthday party is this Friday. I would certainly have gone before this but now, I pretty much want to skin it. Thoughts??

 

I don't think I'd skip the part over this but I do know that I would never, ever discuss politics at a dinner party. I was at Thanksgiving thing once where one of the guests was a vehement opponent of the Iraq war and started calling another guest a murderer since they supported the war. It was really ugly and the poor woman started to cry and she left. I wanted to punch the arrogant twit fag who started the discussion. I didn't like the war either but that was no way to behave.

 

I don't blame you for leaving. In the instance I refer to above the host actually "blamed" the poor woman after she left for not being able to "defend her position." I thought that was extreme, to put it mildly.

 

If this person really is a friend you just need to say something to him, etc. make-up and then go to the party. At least that's what I would do.

[Guest Merlin]

Having said that you were unconfortable, they continued, so, why not join in and disagree without getting angry. The usual etiquette against discussing politics is because such conversations tend to get heated. But if you get heated because others are discussing politics, it amounts to the same thing, or perhaps worse. Are you intolerant of the opinions of others?

[+ Topseed]

Always a tough situation. You could have simply excused yourself from the scene without making any comment, and then explained privately to your friend the reason for your departure.

 

This reminds me of a time when I hired a NYC escort for a weekend. To my surprise, his politics were so extremely right-wing that I found it difficult to want to play with him! Such a hot guy, but it ended the escort relationship.

[dapurplebear]

PK - I would go -- sounds like your friendship is much deeper than one bad dinner conversation -- though it is still fresh and still tastes bad -- it makes you the bigger person... also consider this - if the situation were reversed -- would you WANT him to come --

 

good luck!

[+ Charlie]

Although you often go a week without talking to one another, the circumstances under which you parted last week were unusual enough that I would have expected at least one of you to have contacted the other to explain/discuss/apologize. I would not go to the birthday party without talking to one another--or at least to his wife--first, since a birthday party is not an appropriate setting for festering resentments.

[adriano46]

I generally prefer never to discuss politics with people with whom I am not very familiar (and they are not familiar with me).

 

Over the years, my best friends (men and women) have views that I completely understand. When we disgree (and we do as I am moderate to conservative, and I have friends who are on the far far left, far left, leaning left, middle, moderate like me, right, and far right) we do so as friends, and we have grown close and comfortable enough to be able to simply skip over politics, or if we do discuss them, we can agree to disagree without becoming disagreeable. Bottom line is that we respect one another and our friendship enough NOT to let politics ruin it.

 

With escorts, if I see someone who brags about his views that are too one or another way from mine... no matter what a god he is in bed, I stay clear of him. Had two guys I met in the past, both sexy as hell and handsome, great in bed, etc... but over meals, walks etc... (they were on overnights), found their politics made me ill.

[+ nycman]

This reminds me of a time when I hired a NYC escort for a weekend. To my surprise, his politics were so extremely right-wing that I found it difficult to want to play with him! ....

 

You talk politics with your escorts?

 

Talk about KINKY!

[+ purplekow]

Thanks for the replies. I am going to go to the party, though in truth I would prefer not to go. I know that in the long run, not going will put more strain on the relationship than any mild annoyance I may have now.

I also prefer not to discuss politics with people I do not know well. It is easier to do so if your views are similar but my friend was fully aware of how different his colleagues views and mine are and yet he kept returning the diverted conversation back to politics even after I expressed my discomfort. This was not a planned dinner, we simply encountered these people as they were waiting on line to get a table and our party was being led to a table. He took it upon himself to invite them and let me know only when they sat down with us. Usually I am quite social and enjoy hearing others opinions about all different topics, however politics and religion are two topics I usually avoid, and specifically avoid with the couple with whom I was at dinner, as I have come to view them as hot button topics with them.

As for discussing politics with escorts, I have and do, but only with someone I have met before and then only so long as it does not become confrontational. I can remember one particularly lively discussion with an escort I had come to know fairly well. One held the floor until such time as the other could get you to loose your train of thought by giving you head. It was a great deal of fun, opinions were exchanged and we both came, to a similar conclusion.

[Diverdan]

Glad you are going

 

I was not going to add my two cents worth to this thread, but decided to anyway. I am glad you are going. However, if your friend is truly your friend, I would have a one on one coversation with him at some future time after the party to discuss the situation. I have some close relatives who have become increasingly right wing over the years and I have taken upon myself to correct their distortions of fact and question the sources of some of their comments. At first, they had a very difficult time of it. I should mention that I am very much a middle of the road, independent guy. But, I have a real problem with the extremes on either right or left when there is utter fabrication of the facts in particular situations. Now, I find that they often ask me about political issues and respect my independence. I doubt that I have changed their voting patterns, but at least now we can disagree without being disagreeable and we never allow the conversation to become too heated. Thus, my suggestion for a heart to heart talk with your friend when the two of you are alone over a glass of wine, scotch or what ever the two of you enjoy together. Enjoy the party. I have the utmost confidence in your ability to handle the situation.

[Guest OCBeachbody]

Well now you can enjoy some of that cake. Lot of people gave some great advice. Being friends for a long time, like other said... just go and not mention it. It's not a case to break a friendship over for.