Je t'aime

[devonhunter]

What do you do when someone drops the "L" bomb? I need compassionate, practical perspectives, please. I am not interested in hurting these people, nor in alienating them. I have had very good ongoing interactions with them, and I do not want to do any more damage than can be avoided. But the word has been unleashed by more than one person recently, and now I don't know what to do with it.

[Guest zipperzone]

What do you do when someone drops the "L" bomb? I need compassionate, practical perspectives, please. I am not interested in hurting these people, nor in alienating them. I have had very good ongoing interactions with them, and I do not want to do any more damage than can be avoided. But the word has been unleashed by more than one person recently, and now I don't know what to do with it.

 

What in God's name are you talking about?

[naillin]

I would imagine the L word would be "Love".

[+ newatthis]

devon --

 

My first reaction was "what a wonderful, sensitive guy; his clients are very lucky."

 

Here's one thought. I find it easy to become infatuated with people I don't know very well, or know only in a limited way. When I get to know them better, I stop seeing them through rose-colored glasses and my infatuation goes away. I wonder if some of your clients (I'm assuming that's what you're talking about) aren't in that same situation. I don't know how to translate this into practical advice though -- letting someone in an infatuated state get to know you better could just as easily make the problem worse.

 

It may well be that different clients have different reasons for falling in love with you; maybe understanding what's behind it will help you to deal with it.

 

I seem to recall some MC posts a long time ago from someone who fell in love with Matt Vancouver. He wrote very movingly about how Matt helped him learn about gay life and sex and then very sensitively broke the tie with him so he could move on. (Those posts probably got lost in the MC meltdown.)

 

--new

[justaguy]

That word's used a lot of different ways. I think a good way in is to say, "I'm not very comfortable with that word," and asked them what they mean by it. If it really is the "L" word in the big sense, you're going to have to be straight with them (no pun intended). You need to give them a reality check, remind them that you have a life outside of business, gently remind them that it is a business.

[Guest TBinCHI]

My suspicion is that this happens a lot more frequently than one would think and I am surprised that the topic has not been discussed in the time that I have been participating in this board. I think that a client falling in love with an escort is a very real possibility, especially among the escorts who are adept at providing boyfriend experiences.

 

When I realized that I was wanting much more from an escort that I was hiring than a simple and transient boyfriend experience, I actually told the escort that I could no longer see him and why. The escort in question handled the situation beautifully and completely validated my decision to stop seeing him without making me feel foolish and/or unlovable. Simply put, the escort told me that given his occupation, he simply could not allow himself to develop such feelings for me, even though he found me desirable. He reassured me that all of the experiences we had when we were together were genuine, even though they were transient.

 

If you wish to message me privately, I would be happy to ask that escort to contact you privately to discuss this issue further. In any event, you need to be honest with your clients that you do not return those feelings. Good luck.

[justaguy]

Outstanding response.

[+ Charlie]

Context is everything. If a client utters this in the heat of passion, he may mean it, or it may simply be a trigger to reach climax; in the latter case, you can ignore it or even respond in kind, and clarify afterwards that you just wanted to make the scene work for him. On the other hand, if he says it while you are quietly talking afterwards, then you need to immediately say, "Thank you, I'm flattered, but I have to be honest with you...."

[devonhunter]

Thank you - this is already very helpful.

[+ nycman]

Love?...What's LOVE got to do with it?

 

Sorry my inner Tina Tuner got the best of me

 

The "L" word can mean many things to many people. My first word of

advice is to not assume what "LOVE" means to you, means the same

thing to the person who said it.

 

When I was young, I thought "love" meant "LOVE" and only "LOVE".

As a result I said it to no one. Several hurt boyfriends later, I learned

to loosen up and tell people that I loved them. Loving someone, and

telling them that you love them, doesn't always mean you're "in love"

with them.

 

The breaking point came when unexpectedly I lost someone very close

to me. I never said "I love you" to him, despite his saying it frequently

to me. I did love him, I was just too afraid to say it. Since then, the

minute I feel it, I say it. How the other person handles it or reacts is

their problem. If I see them not handling it well I try to explain....

 

The other day when an escort I see regularly was leaving, I patted him

on the ass and said, " I love you bro". He immediately went pale. I got

a good laugh, pulled him back inside, sat him down, and explained that

love doesn't always mean "IN LOVE". He thanked me, kissed me on the

cheek, and said " I love you too bro". Crisis averted, problem solved.

 

Devon I commend you on being sensitive to your clients feelings. And

maybe he is "IN LOVE" with you. You seem like a genuinely nice guy and

I can see how that could happen. Then again, as several people have

pointed out, it may not be as serious as you think. Either way you need

to talk to him about it.

 

If he is "IN LOVE", you may need to gently explain the reality of the

relationship to him. Yes, he will be hurt. Yes, you will more than likely

lose him as a client. But honestly, it was heading for disaster anyways,

and one day he'll thank you for it.

 

If he's not "IN LOVE" with you, well then...crisis averted!...problem solved!

And now you can relax and enjoy your time with this client without the

angst of unrequited love filling the room.

 

Wait..do I still get to keep my Whammer card after posting in this

blatantly Chammer thread?...grin

[KMEM]

nycman-

 

I thought you posted an excellent analysis, IF such an emotion can be properly analyzed. Personally, I do think one can love another (or several anothers) without being "in love" but one should be on guard that each and every one of these "others" understands and agrees with what you mean. One should also be on guard to maintain one's own sensibilities about love as well as being "in love" so that you know truly how YOU feel.

 

Actually I don't think I contributed much to nycman's comments except that I agree.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[AdamSmith]

The other day when an escort I see regularly was leaving, I patted him on the ass and said, " I love you bro". He immediately went pale. I got a good laugh, pulled him back inside, sat him down, and explained that love doesn't always mean "IN LOVE". He thanked me, kissed me on the cheek, and said " I love you too bro". Crisis averted, problem solved. ...

 

If he is "IN LOVE", you may need to gently explain the reality of the

relationship to him.

 

Oh, lord mercy. When I first met my favorite escort, after our first 3 overnights (all our meetings across 4 years have been overnights, or more), I was telling him I loved him. I still do: because he understood how to take that projection of fantasy, and reflect it in a way that was safe and not predatory.

 

From that base, I have to say that genuine love has developed.

[JoeyBryant]

because he understood how to take that projection of fantasy, and reflect it in a way that was safe and not predatory.

 

Thats a good point...Its all about being 'in the moment'. I assume it doesnt proceed the purchase of Tiffany rings and wedding bells. I believe thats why we are hired to do what we do, so as to realize what happens 'on-screen' stays on-screen.

[MsGuy]

From that base, I have to say that genuine love has developed.

 

"We love the things we love for what they are."

 

What love worth speaking of doesn't ask trust & carry risk? For what it's worth, you both have my blessing and well wishes. (Well, maybe the wishes are tainted a little bit by envy. :o)

[+ purplekow]

"Love, I say, is the energy of life" R. Browning.

"Love, say you, and sap the energy from my life" Pkow.

 

There is something so charged about the word love that some of us cannot utter it even in the most loving situation. Some of us cannot bear to hear it, as if by somehow being uttered the love will vanish with the moment of its recognition. Unexpectedly acknowledged, even long standing love mentioned, can paralyze us in fear, leaving us unsure of which way to turn in the maze of love.

True love though is comfortable and reassuring and exhilarating and heart stopping and tender. It is uplifting and soul healing. It is transitory and timeless. It is perfect unto itself.

Love is a gift. Some may say it is the only gift worth getting.

I think you need to thank those who bolstered the courage to let you know that you are loved. The kind thing to do, is to accept it graciously. The smart thing, is to allow them to love you without feeling an obligation to love them back and to make it undeniably clear if that love is reciprocated.

[Guest greatness]

hmm

 

I had a similar case when I was young. I simply told her I love her as a friend and somehow it worked out. As long as you are truthful and kind to the person you are referring to then time will take care of things. I do more than some friends do to their friends. I love them and truly care about them. I think that is a true love. If someone loves you because he or she wants something from you then I don't think it is a true love.

Always be honest and that is the best thing. Your friend will understand. It think clearly communicate your thoughts.

 

What do you do when someone drops the "L" bomb? I need compassionate, practical perspectives, please. I am not interested in hurting these people, nor in alienating them. I have had very good ongoing interactions with them, and I do not want to do any more damage than can be avoided. But the word has been unleashed by more than one person recently, and now I don't know what to do with it.

[rvwnsd]

There are so many different ways in which the word "love" can be used, so it is hard to tell what he means. Next time he says that to you, ask him "in what way do you love me?" If his answer leads you to believe that he is in love with you, you probably need to have a serious talk with him. If it feels like he loves having sex and hanging out with you, then you might have nothing to worry about.

 

You really sound like a nice, caring guy. I hope you venture out west...I would, um, "like very much" to spend some time with you.

[best hotel]

...i agree with purple....accept his love with maturity, boundaries, patience, and respect....and you may have gained a very loyal long term client......having been there with an escort, i can assure you that it can work out without anyone getting hurt, feeling rejected, feeling exploited, or feeling smothered....

[Txpaytoplay]

Love lift us up where we belong......

 

Okay....I had to go there....

 

I am having visions of the movie An Officer and a Gentlemen......

 

Ok....back on track....I totally agree with NYCMan....You hit it on spot.

 

I was brought up in a loving home...I have loving friends, family and even some coworkers that I love being around, love helping, love them in general. I am not "in" love with any of them.....well maybe the mail room boy....a slight bit, but I digress.

 

Devon,

If they are just saying the words, I love you, like when they are saying goodbye, I wouldn't read too much into that. If they are wanting to change your lifestyle and are saying they are genuinely in love with you...then you may have to have the friend talk.

 

Just my two cents worth....

 

Where the eagles fly on mountain side.....

[+ purplekow]

I believe that is "where eagles fly on a mountain high" Though eagles don't fly ON mountains high or on mountain sides at all. Literary license I suppose. "where eagles fly above a mountain high" is a correct description and actually sounds better. Call in the lyricists and have him or her redo this.

[Guest greatness]

Ahh

 

I have been told "I love you" by a couple of girls but NEVER by a guy.... I don't think guys like me... So sad...

 

What do you do when someone drops the "L" bomb? I need compassionate, practical perspectives, please. I am not interested in hurting these people, nor in alienating them. I have had very good ongoing interactions with them, and I do not want to do any more damage than can be avoided. But the word has been unleashed by more than one person recently, and now I don't know what to do with it.

[+ purplekow]

I have been told "I love you" by a couple of girls but NEVER by a guy.... I don't think guys like me... So sad...

 

 

As secretary for the Daddy's Review Message Forum Advisory Committee, newly created and newly elected, I hereby and forthwith assume the role of spokesperson for the more thant 500 male members of the Forum and say unto greatness "I love you man." Now pass me a beer and stop whining about your lack of desirability. All supporting this raise hands....all. All opposed...no hands. The motion is carried. Our official position is: We love greatness.

[MsGuy]

And we are unanimous in this!

 

http://www.minki.net/aybs/img/cam004-p.jpg

[Guest greatness]

Thanks!

 

You are so sweet!

 

As secretary for the Daddy's Review Message Forum Advisory Committee, newly created and newly elected, I hereby and forthwith assume the role of spokesperson for the more thant 500 male members of the Forum and say unto greatness "I love you man." Now pass me a beer and stop whining about your lack of desirability. All supporting this raise hands....all. All opposed...no hands. The motion is carried. Our official position is: We love greatness.

[Guest greatness]

lol

 

The lady in the front row doesn't look like she agrees but thanks! I am so happy~~~

 

And we are unanimous in this!

 

http://www.minki.net/aybs/img/cam004-p.jpg