Fin Fang Foom Shares The Jeff Z Review Highlights

[Fin Fang Foom]

This morning's review of Jeff Z is second in length only to the Mahabharata. It requires the determination of Sisyphus to make it through Eric's bad porn prose, so, as a favor to all my cyber-sandbox playmates, I will give you the hightlights………..

 

 

 

Jeff lied on his back with his head propped up on a pillow as I sucked his rock hard manhood for at least 20 or 30 minutes trying to bury all of him deep down my throat until my mouth was pressing hard all the way down against his pubic hair

 

…giving it a vigorous tongue lashing the whole time.

 

…another tongue lashing of the head.

 

(enough with the tongue lashing please)

 

 

 

...he became more and more verbal.

 

…talking to me the whole time.

 

…telling me things that only turned me on even more.

 

(un oh, Eric’s a talker)

 

 

 

Jeff knows the secret of escorting: the longer it takes to start the fire, the hotter it will burn.

 

(fyi)

 

 

 

…touched my ass and pussy hole.

 

(ewwww, the “p word”)

 

…talking to me

 

I began telling him that I just wanted his big cock inside of me.

 

He just continued to talk sex to me.

 

(more talking)

 

 

 

…as he continued to finger my pussy hole and tease me and tease me and tease me

 

(but was he teasing you?)

 

 

 

Jeff slowly removed his fingers one by one from my smooth, red hot, excessively lubed, sloppy dripping hole.

 

(dude, it’s time to see a doctor about that)

 

 

 

my smoothly shaved, pussy hole

 

(the “p word”, again)

 

 

 

…his rock-hard studly largeness.

 

(why does this sound like a response to royalty? “Yes, Your Rock-Hard Studly Largeness! Right way, Your Rock-Hard Studly Largeness. Whatever you say, Your Rock-Hard Studly Largeness!”)

 

 

 

Jeff just held me down tightly with his big, overpowering, hard muscular arms, his heavily muscled legs of steel, his anvil like chest of iron and his hot, tight, sexy washboard abs.

 

(it sounds like he’s having sex with Gigantor)

 

http://www.robotnut.com/plastic/gigantor-1.jpg

 

 

 

"I didn't tell you to do that you fucking bitch. I will fuck you when and only when I feel like fucking you and not before. Maybe I will feel like fucking you today, or maybe I won't. If you have to wait, then that's just too damn bad. I call the shots here, not you, you fucking bitch...."

 

(I’m sure that’s a direct quote)

 

 

 

Then finally and at last, as if totally unaware of what he had been putting me through, he asked me in a very naive sounding tone of voice, (as if all along he were some innocent, clueless, weak-minded but physically strong, muscular, hick or farm boy stud who had been totally unaware of what was happening) "Duh, oh, uh....uh...(sort of stuttering).....do you want me to... uh.... fuck you....?" ..... to which I emphatically replied in a desperate, hoarse and raspy voice, "YES!!!"

 

(while clutching his pearls)

 

 

 

and then slowly deeper and deeper into my itching, hot, slippery smooth, dripping wet hole

 

(ugh, enough with the dripping hole already)

 

 

 

I was being slowly and gradually prepared for what was to be the Mother of all Fucks!

 

(insert Saddam Hussein remark here)

 

 

 

grinding away at my pussy hole

 

(more “p word”)

 

 

 

just two thirds or less of his big cock inside me

 

(although this is the first time I’ve referenced it, it’s about the 4,863rd time he’s mentioned Jeff Z inserting some third of his cock inside him. Did he bring a caliper to bed with him?)

 

 

 

His sexy talk got trashier and nastier

 

(no, please nooooooooooooooooooooo)

 

 

 

I quivered, moaned and whimpered from the incredible, pulsating, sexual sensations of throbbing lust I felt in my pussy hole

 

(zzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

 

 

 

I nearly lost my mind

 

(just nearly?)

 

 

 

I squealed in delight.

 

(and a 50yo man who squeals is always such an attractive thing)

 

 

 

…his large, low-hanging, beautiful, smoothly shaved scrotum, surrounding its treasure of humongously big balls, slapped loudly and audibly against my ass crack.

 

(Jeff Z, that had to hurt, didn’t it?)

 

 

 

Just then Jeff's voice suddenly started to become deeper and more guttural, and an incredible transformation began to take place. His easy-going, light, friendly, playful, happy-go-lucky, devilish attitude suddenly left him, and a radical change came over him. His eyes took on a dark, sinister appearance as he morphed into the most wild, primitive, animalistic stallion of a stud fucking machine I have ever encountered.

 

(Katy bar the door!)

 

 

 

…he fucked me into the next millennium and beyond.

 

(and what, pray tell, was Jeff Z’s rate for THAT?)

 

 

 

I loudly moaned and exploded in a sea of white hot cum until I was totally drained and could take it no more!

 

(don’t believe it)

 

 

 

But Jeff wasn't through with me yet.

 

(damn)

 

 

 

He grunted, growled and snarled in a strangely guttural, much deeper, menacing, almost vicious and threatening voice, stating that he would not stop fucking me because he loved how great his big, blood engorged, swollen cock felt as he rammed and thrusted it deeply into my pussy hole and that he just would not stop fucking me until he came, no matter how long it would take.

 

(on whose dime?)

 

 

 

It was as if he were an incredibly athletic, powerful, and determined running back, plowing through the opposition's defenses with no time left on the game clock, breaking tackles all over the field, no one or nothing able to stop him, slamming into and knocking down the last desperate defenders, as he worked and hammered his way toward the once distant but now steadily approaching goal line he desperately wanted to cross, so he could enter into the heart of the end zone to score the final winning touchdown to the deafening roar of thousands of his adoring public.

 

(holy mother of god…….)

 

 

 

And so it continued, but I had to take a few, deep hits from my little brown bottle of poppers just to be able to barely hold on by the skin of my teeth and to take the pounding punishment Jeff was dishing out to my weeping, wet, red hot pussy hole that went on and on for an excruciatingly long time.

 

(amen brother, amen)

 

 

 

Jeff pounded and hammered my hole like some primitive, predatory, wild animal, spasmodically and uncontrollably thrusting in every direction of the compass.

 

(OUCH! It’s for that very reason that I’m a top)

 

 

 

Then suddenly I began to feel from the bottom and deepest part of my very being all of my sexual strength and sexual energy welling up inside of me again into an enormous, steaming volcano of molten lust, as Jeff hammered and slashed away at my throbbing, dripping wet, weeping, burning hot, and now demanding, slippery smooth fuck hole, as he incredibly brought me closer and closer to the brink of a second, even stronger, thunderous climax.

 

(just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water)

 

 

 

I started to scream at him in a loud voice over and over again, "Fuck me, you bastard. Fuck me! Fuck me! Show me! Show me what you got!"

 

(I wonder if the folks in the trailer next door heard him?)

 

 

 

I began a second, long free-fall into the mind blowing, world-rocking depths of a sexual abyss of pleasure and lust so intense that I began to lose myself in it and felt as if I was going out of my mind!

 

(oh, just cum already will ya?)

 

 

 

Just then Jeff's magnificent, muscular, beautiful, ripped body tensed and hardened into an incredibly rigid, almost rigor mortis like stiffness that took over his entire being and I think his very soul as well, as he had turned into a sexually voracious, primitive creature whose frenzied thrusts and movements were no longer directed by his own conscious, free-will but were now just purely wild, involuntary, uncontrollable, spasmodic, convulsive reflexes, driven totally and completely by only one force: the primitive male animal's most basic, primordial, inborn, instinct: TO MATE, TO BREED, TO REPRODUCE, TO FUCK!

 

(Forget the absurdity of it all, what really bothers me is that it’s a run-on sentence)

 

 

 

As I was frantically thrashing and bucking with mindless lust on the bed under Jeff's rock-hard body, he continued to plunge and bury his enormously engorged weapon in an unrelenting, mercilessly deep, slashing, and harshly punishing assault on my soft, smooth, wet, weeping pussy hole.

 

(he forgot to mention that the walls were splashed with the “love juice” from his hot, wet, dipping mangina)

 

 

 

I started to climax yet again, erupting and exploding for what seemed several minutes in yet another boiling sea of white hot cum, as wave after endless wave of an unbelievably intense, epileptic-like seizure took hold of me, shocking me with electrical jolts of pure pleasure, making me writhe, buck and thrash even more with uncontrollable, spasmodic convulsions of incredible, throbbing, orgasmic pleasure just at the exact moment that Jeff began to deliver a burst of even more incredibly deep, lightning fast, Neanderthal-like, animalistic, slashing thrusts to my demanding, burning hot, throbbing, slippery smooth, weeping, wet pussy hole, which only tried to pull him in deeper and deeper.

 

(at this point in the narrative, my hair began to hurt)

 

 

 

As he did this, Jeff moaned, groaned, grunted, and growled in a very deep, loud voice, "YES!, YES!, YES!, YES!, YES!, YES!, YES!, YES!,...I'm cumming, you fucking bitch!...I'm cumming, you fucking ####!...I'm cumming you fucking cunt!... O, YEAH, I'm cumming!!!," and he started to pump a huge load of thick, white hot, molten lava cum-seed deep inside of me into the extra large Trojan that was tightly stretched and fitted over his incredibly engorged, oversized, steel-hard, stud horse-cock.

 

(the part about the “extra large Trojan” kinda takes the edge off of it, doesn’t it?)

 

 

 

…it was as if we were not two individuals but one single being, completely and totally interlocked in body and soul by the enormity of the mind-shattering, world-rocking intensity of the orgasms that had engulfed us at that moment.

 

(yeah, right, whatever, your money’s on the table and try not to steal anything on your way out)

 

Respectfully yours,

 

FFF

[LovesYng]

THANKS FFF, you made my morning laugh }( I don't know what we would do without your great post on here :7 Keep up the good work and again THANKS for the laugh, now I know it's going to be a good day :9

 

When in doubt I whip it out :+

[Guest ChgoBoy]

ROFL!!!

 

Thanks Fin Fang Foom, once again you've wet my pussy! Oh noooooo!

[swallowU]

ROFL!! :-)

 

So glad to see you back FFF, thanks for laughs and smiles :-)

 

swallowU

[Mouth]

FFF,

 

I roared. Your response was perfect. I hate to make fun of this guy, and I'm thrilled for him. But I was sooooo weary after reading that marathon.

[DaninWA]

I'm surprised he didn't start this novel with,

"It was a dark and stormy night."

 

Dan

[Txpaytoplay]

Aboolutely hilarious....I couldn't stop laughing. I have not laughted out loud that much in awhile. Thanks.:7 :7 :7

[+ Charlie]

When I read that review this morning, I immediately thought it was a hoax (after all, it's of a new escort by a first time reviewer), written by FFF as a counterweight to all those bland Ben Nicholas reviews he complained about. This hilariously brilliant deconstruction of the review makes me even more suspicious. Too much time on your hands, FFF? Real or not, it's good to have you back on form here.

[Fin Fang Foom]

>This hilariously brilliant deconstruction of the review makes me

>even more suspicious. Too much time on your hands, FFF?

 

Even I don't have THAT much time on my hands - or energy for that matter.

 

Sometimes, life gives you little gifts like Eric's review.

 

Appreciatively yours,

 

FFF

[+ Cock Eyed Optimist]

Well, I feel better having read the reaction of other posters to FFF's narrative. At first I felt a little unusual sitting here by myself and laughing out loud until the tears rolled down my face!! This is the kind of thing one would want to share with another! :7

[Guest ncm2169]

Well done as always, FFF. }(

 

FYI, in nearly 4 years, this is the first Review I never finished reading. Thanks for the Readers Digest version. }(

[+ glutes]

3F, what do you think of Erics' self-description??

[Guest skrubber]

Thanks FFF,

It was far too painful to make it through the whole review. Kinda painful post as well but funny as hell. Ew, the P-word.

[Guest ncm2169]

< what do you think of Erics' self-description??

 

< I'm a white married male (no kids) in my 50's; 5'10" and 185; a closeted basic bottom; self-employed attorney.

 

< (no kids)

 

Sure. His wife got tired of him trying to talk her through ... }(

 

< self-employed attorney

 

Why am I not surprised? x(

[Funseeker 22]

That was one damn funny post. :)

[adriano46]

FFF

 

This is one of the funniest deconstructions of a review I have ever read. I had a great laugh. Thanks for taking the time to insert your comments on the revew.

[Chuck50]

F 3'd let me count the ways I sure love it HUGS Let us get into this HUGS Chuck50 :9 :9 :9 :9

[+ nycman]

Thanks FFF!

 

I laughed so hard I spit on my keyboard!

 

Keep up the good work.

[buttnovice]

FFF - you're priceless!!! We couldn't even begin to pay you for the entertainment you've provided.

 

I think you might have been a writer for that cable show. . . can't remember the name, where there were these 2 cartoon characters sitting in the first row of a movie, offering comments of exceptionally bad cinema.

 

How can I join your fan club?

[taylorky]

mystery theatre 3000..?

[Fin Fang Foom]

>I think you might have been a writer for that cable show. . .

 

nah, I'm just a run-of-the-mill smartass.

 

Riotously yours,

 

FFF

[DaninWA]

Thank God someone got that joke!

[VaHawk]

YAWN!!!!!!!!! GOD, you are getting to be one boring observer! Too much detail, you BITCH, too little detail you BITCH (see your thread on BN). Perhaps, we should all submit our personal obeservations and reviews, to you before we post them so we can ALL get the FFF useless seal of approval!

[noviceny]

That was a fucken riot !!!!!

 

I laughed so hard that I blew a steamy molten load !!!!! Please God let that review be true !!!!

[BigD]

It nearly killed me. I couldn't get through the review of the review. I was laughing so hard I was agraid I might have a heart attack right here at the keyboard. I will have to go back when I am more stable.