Should I ?

[MichiganMan]

Well guys, I have been posed with an interesting situation. Last thursday, in response to an add I placed for the company I own, I was to have an interview for that position at 9:00 am. When the time came, my secretary led one of the cutest, hotest guys I've seen in a long time into my office! Well, after an extensive inteview, I found that he is more than qualified for the position. That,plus being extremley easy on the eyes, charming, witty and very pleasant, he asked me if his "being gay" would be a "problem". After picking myself off the floor...I said that harrasment of ANY kind is not tolerated.As for myself, I've been alone now for three years after my parnter of 16 years was killed in a car accident. I had a fantastic relationship, but can't honestly say I want another. Question is... I don't want to create any uneasy situation for myself (my partner never worked for my company...I didn't want to mix the two) Any suggestions? I'm not saying that him working for me would lead to a personal relationship, but I don't want to "come out" and jepordize my company. The business I'm in is still very much "good old boy" mentality, and there's too much at stake for me to make a statement...HELP....I want to hire him (or not) for the right reasons!

[trilingual]

If he's the best qualified, hire him. Don't become another part of the problem by allowing your closeted situation to harm someone who isn't.

 

This is another example of how being in the closet not only is bad for the person who's concealing their real identity, it can hurt other people. I recognize that "coming out" is a difficult thing to do, and I'm not saying that everyone should, in every circumstance, but it would be unconscionable not to hire this guy just because you're afraid it might somehow affect your own secrecy. Please reflect on this very carefully, and do the right thing.

[Guest Tomcal_]

Tri's right! I have have been in the exact same situation, except I manage, don't own, a large sales group for a Multinational company. A person interviewed, whom I hired, who I found out was gay(his being single, gdlkg, worked out and lived in Weho, which was the giveaway) I worried about co-workers/clients etc. We were in the type of business like yours were the closeness and relationships would make someone who was out, in a difficult postion to do business. But he was the best candidate! I hired him, 7 years ago, He became the best sales person for the company, his customers were loyal and peers accepted him(it took a little while at first)he became of manager of the group two years later. The best part....He was my first boyfriend! and today is still my best friend!! That wasn't planned, just happened.(that part we did have to keep secret, not so much because of the gay issue, as much as others would feel he would get preferential treatment! He didn't, but we didn't want the perception.

[+ glutes]

Wow, be VERY CAREFUL if you do hire him - even if he is the most qualified.

The old adage of "Don't fish in the company pond" rings. What if you go out for the Friday afternoon cocktails, and one thing leads to another? This potentially has the hallmarks of disaster written on it.

I have seen more work-related relationships fail than flourish in my short lifetime:-)

(And we won't even address EEO situations...)

[axebahia]

Don't shit where you eat! Don't stick your pen in the company oil well! Need I say more?

[Guest]

If you think you might not control your urge to socialize with him, don't hire him. There can't be so much of a hint of a romantic interest. Sexual harassment suits are too easy to bring up. Of course, if you can control yourself, hire him. Once you trust eachother, and you're sure he can tell that you're not after him in any romantic way, he might even be a source of support (many months down the road). You'll have a happy, capable employee. I hope your company has domestic partner benefits! :-)

Just remember, that if you ever fire him, there can't be any evidence of romantic advancements. Bear in mind, though, that there are a lot of heterosexual male bosses with younger female secretaries or employees. So you shouldn't let his being gay be a negative thing at all (unless you think you'd be tempted to get your hands on him...).

[Guest Love Bubble Butt]

A couple of things:

 

First, stop and think objectively and make sure that he really is the most qualified candidate. It's amazing the effect that our sub-conscious can have on us. A study was profiled on a cable show not too long ago that demonstrated that even straight men will favor good looking men in the hiring process. The fact that you're gay AND THAT YOU FIND HIM VERY HOT makes it more difficult to be objective.

 

Second, the fact that you're already wondering of the possibilities of something happening between the two of you should make you rethink your true motivations.

 

And third, I'll bet any amount of money that he sensed both that you were gay and found him attractive. Although I'm sure you feel you were calm, collected, and professional during the interview, I'll bet he still picked up on the fact you were attracted to him. If he's as hot as you say he is, he's undoubtedly experienced it before.

 

With that said, I doubt that he revealed his sexual orientation to you to find out if it would be a problem. I suspect he revealed it to you because he sensed you were gay, sensed that you were attracted to him, and thought that by revealing himself as gay, it would increase his chances of being hired. If that is the case, be very careful not to read too much into what he says. If he's as hot as you say he is, there's a good chance he routinely capitalizes on his looks to get ahead. Not that there's anything wrong with that; just be careful.

 

 

Are you SURE he's the MOST qualified candidate? Make sure that you're not just telling yourself this to justify hiring someone whom you find attractive. You wouldn't be the first to do this, even unintentionally. But if you're still convinced he's the most qualified, then you have an obligation to hire him. But keep the relationship professional.

[Will]

What a great thread. Just the kind of thing for Monday morning -- a real-life dilemma, honestly stated, with excellent but diametrically opposed advice. Because I can easily imagine myself in MichiganMan's situation, and know from first-hand experience how difficult on-the-job relationships can be, I won't offer any advice, just a couple of questions/thoughts.

 

In thinking about this, I wonder how often do straight employers give the nod to good-looking qualified (even if not "most" qualified) female applicants? In those cases do they feel it necessary to keep their single status and their sexual orientation to themselves? Don't they just take it for granted that the women in the firm know, or will soon find out, that the boss is both straight and single?

 

If so, who's the potential victim? Who has the most to lose? Isn't it enough for the straight-and-single boss to know that he stands a chance of becoming entrapped in a situation that could lead to a sexual-harrassment suit? But isn't it also true that he stands a chance of finding the right woman?

 

Could he find the right woman some place other than at work? Almost certainly, if he's straight, single, and young/rich enough.

 

But that's where the analogy begins to break down: Where do gay men of the managerial class, who are usually beyond the age profile of both the clubbers and the community-center denizens, go to find the Right Man? Church or synagogue? Political organization? Bridge club? And how good is the harvest in those fields?

 

Finally, back to the straight-and-single potential employer across the desk from the bomb-shell applicant: What would happen -- and this is NOT a rhetorical question -- if he simply said to her that he is recently single, that he finds her very attractive, and that although she's qualified for the job, he wonders how wise it would be for her to come to work for him? If he initiates the conversation, isn't he also sending her the message that he's concerned about her welfare as well as his? Furthermore, doesn't that also give her the opportunity to indicate her interest in him, so that they might get to know each other in private and not in the office?

 

I honestly don't know the answers to these situation-specific questions. But I do know that I really feel for MichiganMan. It's the stuff of a porn-fed wet-dream to think of The Hunk of Choice walking in the door to ask for a job. But in real life, I wonder if that dream couldn't turn into a nightmare rather quickly.

[Bilbo]

Personally, I think that you should hire him and at the same time decide to never date him. But then, you'd never be dating him if you didn't hire him, either. Most probably. However, as someone mentioned, he could be a comfort to you and an interesting influence. I think that a platonic father/son-ish thing might be a very good thing.

 

Is there someone else in your office whom you could ask to interview him and give you a second opinion as to his objective qualifications?

[guyinsf]

Since you posted this in the "deli," I assume that the man in question is applying for a job as an escort and that you run an escort service. Why is it important for you to remain in the closet in that line of work? ;-)

 

Seriously, I agree with an amalgam of advice already given: If you do hire him, make sure that you truly believe he is the best candidate for reasons other than your libido. If you do hire him, either avoid getting into a sexual relationship with him or, at least, allow him to be the one to initiate such a relationship if it comes to be. Otherwise, as others have noted, your pursuit of him could wind up in a sexual harassment lawsuit. Your internal process (finding the "eye candy" at work enjoyable) is not a problem; as others have noted, it is fairly common for bosses to find some of their employees attractive. It's how you handle your feelings that's important.

[ServeUncutUncle]

If you like him and he is the Best person for the Job Hire Him.

 

However if you want to date him and have a relationship, before you do ask him to leave and get a position elsewhere.

 

This will ensure he is serious about you and avoid any future conflict.

 

 

Been There...Done That

}(

[+ Charlie]

If he is really the best qualified person for the job, then it would be unfair to him not to hire him because you don't trust your own motivations. On the other hand, if he is that attractive and openly gay, will your other employees believe that he was hired just because he was the best candidate? Don't take it for granted that just because you aren't "out" to them, your colleagues don't know or suspect that you are gay. There is a lot of potential for trouble in the workplace here, and you need to handle the situation very carefully--at the very least, you need to make it clear to him that you are only interested in a professional relationship, and you should not give the impression, to him or to others, that he is getting any special treatment.

 

In my many years as an openly gay professor, the one rule that I adhered to rigidly in my relationships with my college students was that male students, no matter how attractive (or gay), NEVER got treated any differently than female students, and I never allowed myself to become sexually involved with them even if they invited it. "Don't shit where you eat," as they might indelicately put it.

[+ Lucky]

I think this is a great opportunity for you to come out of the closet! Seriously. Enough of having to hide who you are. If this young kid can do it, why can't you?

[Guest pyell]

How prissy we have all become.

 

The research shows that the most likely place to find your wife or husband if you're heterosexual is the place you work. It's not the majority of cases, but it's the biggest single source.

 

So why is being gay any different?

 

Let's disentangle this from workplace harassment and exchanging work promotion for sexual favours. But romance in the workplace is old news and very likely to happen. Just keep it under control and don't get yourself into situations of conflict of interest.

[VaHawk]

"Finally, back to the straight-and-single potential employer across the desk from the bomb-shell applicant: What would happen -- and this is NOT a rhetorical question -- if he simply said to her that he is recently single, that he finds her very attractive, and that although she's qualified for the job, he wonders how wise it would be for her to come to work for him? If he initiates the conversation, isn't he also sending her the message that he's concerned about her welfare as well as his? Furthermore, doesn't that also give her the opportunity to indicate her interest in him, so that they might get to know each other in private and not in the office?"

 

This scenario is against the law. To do this in an interview with a job applicant would be grounds for a law suit against both the interviewer and the company.

 

I can't imagine any job applicant not being totally offended by this, as he/she is applying for a job, not auditioning for the position of mate or sex object.

[guyinsf]

Meeting potential mates at work is one thing. Those dates can be coworkers/peers or people who are in a different level of the management hierarchy. Dating between a supervisor and supervisee (or owner of a company who seems to have the sole discretion to hire and fire) is a different matter that brings with it greater risks, both legally and personally. I can't understand why someone would want to put himself into this situation willingly.

[MichiganMan]

Well guys...Thanks for all the advice. I finally decided to have my assistant re-interview the top 5 candidates and then we will compare notes. After a lot of thought and consideration (and after reading all the advice) and seeing that the young man I'm considering has computer skills that would be very helpfull to my firm, well, he gets my nod. Unfortunately, the final decision won't be made until tomorrow.....so stay tuned! Once again...my sincerest thanks for all the advice! If I do hire him...I'll be sure to post "progress reports"! Ultimately, I would hire him because of his abilities and an expectation that he will do a fine job. ANY other reason despite my own desires would be unfair to both of us!

[Guest Oren]

what the fuck is wrong with the world????

this is now TWICE that i have agreed wholeheartedly with axe!

[Guest OralBtm4Top]

Many years ago I owned a business in the Mid West. I hired someone I was attracted to for all the right reasons, or so I thought, and he was attracted to me. It was a huge mistake. When you're attracted to an employee you get distracted, no matter how discplined you might think you are. It's bad for business and it's unfair to everyone in the company.