Fin Fang Foom On Lance-Phoenix's Response

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

To save everyone the time, here is the initial review and then Lance's response.

 

Experience:

 

Lance e mailed me to say he would be in NYC. He is a handsome guy with great reviews, so I jumped at the chance to hook up, and we agreed on a late morning meeting. When I arrived at his hotel and called , he sounded kind of groggy and said to come up in 15 minutes. He opened the door and was even better looking than his picture...devastatingly handsome and he has a body to die for. He sat on the bed eating a peanut bar...a turn off for me. We chatted about what I was expecting and when I mentioned being topped he asked if I had brought condoms and lube as he did not have any. I found this to be unbelievable, but he suggested I go to the drug store and get some. This is when I should have left and not returned. With junior g man in tow, we headed to the store...close by...and he got on his cell phone while I made the purchases. When I found him he was on the phone saying: "But I am saving myself for you!" Back at the hotel, we undressed...he was not wearing what I had requested...a shirt and tie as pictured on his site...he said that was too much to pack. I had specified deep kissing but he dry kissed only with a few flicks of his tongue thrown in for good measure. He became semi-erect, and I sucked him and tongued his hole. He is a beefy guy and great to put your arms around. When it came time to top me, he made a few feeble attempts to penetrate me and said he could not as there was some obstruction. Since had an enema that morning and had fingered myself, I know this was not true. He did not use enough lube or prep me so what he did was rather painful.By this time I was losing interest and my erection, but he used his hand to get me off and finally I did cum. When I asked if he was going to cum he said No, it would ruin him for the rest of the day! He suggested we shower, and the topper was when he handed me a wet and dirty towel from the floor and said to dry myself. I opted for a clean, dry hand towel instead. I left feeling disappoint ed and unsatisfied.

 

You:

 

I am a super clean mid-aged guy into hot and handsome escorts who are tops.

I like and expect a full session with a real pro.

 

1/11/2003: Lance Responds

 

"i am surprised by this review .." i actually went out of my way to make accommodations on last minute reservations for this gentleman. it was early and i haven't ate yet so i was battling gut pains, now i have to be a sex machine (please ), i try to keep my record up and please everyone, but in this case i can't perform miracles ....especially if you seen what i had to go through ... as you can see by what has been said in the past i have no problem with performing. but when someone expects or forces issues on me.. i do have trouble with that....i expect to have a higher class clientele that would just take their time and let the "sparks" to flow naturally (and i do mean heavy sparks..

just a few words from me..but i do love new York, it is going to be my next home. (as far as the towel, this is funny i was sharing the room with my friend so we used up the towels the night before so we didn't have any more in the room..so i offered him the cleanest one, i took the dirty one..anything for a client..

lance

 

Ok class, everyone put your books down and look up here at the blackboard. We're going to deconstruct Lance's sorry little response.

 

"i am surprised by this review .."

 

Already I'm confused. Who is he quoting?

 

 

i actually went out of my way to make accommodations on last minute reservations for this gentleman.

 

You make plane reservations and you make dinner reservations. You don't make whore reservations.

 

 

it was early and i haven't ate yet

 

I generally let the first grammatical error slide but seriously folks: "I haven't ate yet"?!?

 

 

so i was battling gut pains, now i have to be a sex machine (please ),

 

Is it possible that there's a problem with his keyboard and the "i" will not capitalize?

 

 

i try to keep my record up and please everyone, but in this case i can't perform miracles ....especially if you seen what i had to go through ...

 

Ah, the promise of horrors! Goodie goodie! What can he possibly have in store for us? Is the guy a filthy 400lb dwarf with sores on his cock and dripping postules all over his face? The suspense is killing me - let's find out!

 

 

as you can see by what has been said in the past i have no problem with performing. but when someone expects or forces issues on me..

 

OH NO!! He's NOT a dwarf with glandular and dermatological problems. Instead, Lance had those dreaded and feared ISSUES "forced" upon him!!!! The john was one of those horrible clients who expected the whore to be awake when he arrived on time, not be eating on the bed (hmmmm, can you say "munchies"?), have condoms, not be indiscrete on the cellphone, be wearing a shirt and tie (he didn't request a Jean Muir tangerine taffeta poof skirt ballgown), be able to get an erection (Memo to Lance: it's called Viagra, for more information click here: http://www.viagra.com ), be able to fuck him, cum (for $250, you'd better shoot like Old Faithful!), and have a clean towel. Lance, I know, I know darlin', when you get johns who have issues like that, your life must be a living hell!

 

 

i do have trouble with that....i expect to have a higher class clientele that would just take their time and let the "sparks" to flow naturally (and i do mean heavy sparks..

 

Out of curiosity, on average, how long does it take for these "heavy sparks" to fly. Also, I just love it when a whore talks about people not being "high class". Lance, you're a whore - no different from the trannies in the Meatpacking District. Just because you woke up in a hotel rather then under an awning on Gansevoort Street, it doesn't make you "high class". You're still a whore. If you're so concerned about having a higher class of clientele, might I suggest a career in Personal Banking instead.

 

 

just a few words from me..

 

Who have all these other words been from, if not you?

 

 

but i do love new York, it is going to be my next home.

 

Just what New York needs, another Splash bartender. (Somewhere, off in the distance, I hear Linda Lavin singing the theme song from "Alice".)

 

 

(as far as the towel, this is funny

 

Hysterical.

 

 

i was sharing the room with my friend so we used up the towels the night before so we didn't have any more in the room.

 

It's called "Room Service". If you know you have a "reservation" the next morning, it would be professional of you to make sure your (hopefully "high class") client has a clean towel, since he's paying only $250 an hour to be in your presence. But then again, if you're up late with a friend and those nocturnal activities cause you to wake up with the munchies, I guess you have other, more important things, on your mind.

 

 

so i offered him the cleanest one, i took the dirty one..

 

What a prince.

 

 

anything for a client..

lance

 

Except, of course, punctuality, courtesy, discretion, optimum sexual performance, and a clean towel. Yep, Lance, you're the standard to which all others should be compared. Keep up the great work!

 

Supportively yours,

 

FFF

[ad rian]

Bravo! Brilliant analysis!!

[Barry]

Thanx Triple F......Perfect!

 

Barry

[jackhammer91406]

FFF,

As someone once said

"I am suspiciate". I read the response, found it wanting in tack and good judgement, not to mention common sense, courtesy (and good grammar. Maybe the mind kicks in after the second peanut butter bar). So then I looked back at his other reviews and with the exception of a review last January, all reviews this past year are first time reviewers. Now, We all were once first time reviewers, but, when there are that many, I become "suspiciate". Don't know this guy at all, have never been with him, and while his pic is hot and he does fit my "type" physically, he is a top, so my interest is nil. BUT, his response is so insensitive that even if he were versitile, he wouldn't make the cut.

Geez, I am agreeing with FFF and ad rian in the same post. Quick, what is the Lotto up to, I need to get a ticket, the end of the world is coming. Love you guys. Good observations by both.

[VaHawk]

Don't know what happened to that last response, so I hope this isn't a duplicate. FFF you are so right on with this. When you are hot and rolling there aren't any better. :7

 

If this guy wants classier clientele then he should offer a classier experience. All of your points are well stated. As stated here before vis-a-vis the JT debacle, escorts should read their responses before posting as they may wind up committing "professional suicide". LOL! ;(

[Guest bluboy]

I agree with all the above! But one thing I am glad about in Lance's response was that he did not use the typical: the client was a big fat troll who did not bathe and had bad breathe--which is typically the excuse---it is always ONLY those nasty clients that complain about escorts--blu

[+ glutes]

I wish 3F would come out to the West Coast and 'suspiciate' some of the fare out here...

[OneFinger]

FFF, we don't often agree but your analysis of Lance's response is dead on. He's one less escort I'll be calling in the future.

 

You took the words right out of my mouth (or typing fingers) with your comment on room service. It ain't that tough, even in a fea bag hotel, to get more towels.

[Bilbo]

Triple F:

 

Good news! Your whole post wasn't self hating drivel. Just two major swipes you decided to take at all of the escorts and all of the self respecting clients and afficianados who make up the majority of this board.

 

If the nice man wants to use the word 'reservation' instead of 'appointment', we might as well let him. The rest of his response shows that perhaps it's a good thing he's not a brain surgery student, assuming that he isn't. Not that I have anything against brain surgeons, mind you, ..... But when you whumped down on this detail the way you did, it made me feel that you perhaps didn't think that one should make an appointment with an escort and if he can't be ready for you in an hour, you'll just look elsewhere. Escorts are escorts, not fighter squadrons. They do not jump up and run out the door yelling Tora, tora, tora, every time they hear a claxon.

 

And when you whumped down on him for his "high class" airs when after all, all whores are just street trash and are actually in the gutter whether they're bodies are in the Four Seasons or not, it made me wonder why you wanted to jump up and down on all escorts backs with spikes on just because one had upset you. And then to notice that no one feels like coming to our defense, particularly on this board, where many are loved - not necessarily me - but Mat, and Derek, and Franco, and .... And, also, in this causemetology, just where would you place our clients, which, one assumes, includes yourself?

 

I agree, when you are spot on, you are spot on. When you're feeling a bit gasseous, however, your posts do seem to cause a bit of a smell.

[jackhammer91406]

Bilbo,

You have made a good point. When I read the original post by FFF, I was uncomfortable with his references to "whores". In the time that I have been on this board, no one has as much verbal disdain for escorts as FFF. I have seen others use the "W" word which makes me as uncomfortable as the "N" word. My response initially was to the tactless remarks made by the escort in question. I agree, it is sad that none of us made a fuss about his use of the disparagement and I guess for my part, it is because I have come to be used to hearing him say it. Some of the beloved escorts have imitated him their humorus replies to other posts (i.e." but what do I know I am just a dumb w____") But the term and the concept behind it, that of dehumanizing someone, is not only loathesome, it's repugnant.

[+ Lucky]

RE:Faggot Fin Fang Foom On Whores

 

The use of whore and faggot on the board, usually by ... and in the former case .., is a subject that has been discussed frequently. I gave up when no one else thought that faggot or dumb faggot were reprehensible words.

Are we ready to try again?

[Guest FKUHRD]

FFF, you fucking repulsive faggot. Everything you write reveals your ugliness within. How easy you find it to bash every escort/client who doesn't fit your eloquent, well read, grammar perfect, fashion savvy, pompous fag humor ideal. Your laughs are cheap and at everyone else's expense (and no, I wasn't picked on as a child).

 

We've heard more than enough about how attractive you are, how well-built you are and how awe inspiring your cock is. Being such a wonder of mankind, and so far above us, why do you waste your time with all of us inferiors? - this last statement is sarcasm, but I suggest that you take it as sincere and start your quick-witted attack on my feelings of inferiorty so all the fools who love your "wit" can have a giggle. This post was not in defense of Lance, but a response to your disgusting attitude and to those who find your words amusing.

[phage]

How charming. A username created for the sole purpose of lashing out at FFF. Obviously someone who has been around for a while since he claims “we’ve" heard more than enough and needs to respond to those of us who find FFF amusing. A longtime lurker who is finally motivated to post because of Fang’s outrageous behavior? I think not. More likely some cowardly regular who needs the safety of a temporary username that he can lash out with and then let die.

 

I guess if you’re an escort, I see the wisdom of doing this. But escort or not…zero on the credibility dude.

[+ Lucky]

Well he may have credibility, just not courage. And Foom may not have heart, but he has gall!

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>And Foom may not have heart, but he has gall!

 

To quote Joseph L. Mankiewicz from All About Eve, as said by Margot Channing,: "Everybody's got a heart - except SOME people!"

 

However, I've got gall AND a heart. Just ask Tiny Bubbles.

 

Sweetly yours,

 

FFF

[+ Lucky]

Most of us left our imaginary friends behind when we entered kindergarten.

[KY_TOP]

>Well he may have credibility, just not courage. And Foom may

>not have heart, but he has gall!

 

Let's see... mention of "courage","heart",and earlier someone mentioned "brain" surgeon. Toto we're not in Kansas anymore!

Welcome to the "Land Of Hoo". I find myself humming follow the Yellow Brick Road and We're off to See the Wizard. I know I will have trouble sleeping tonight now, with those songs in my head!

Even though I might find a few of FFF's descriptive words (such as the W word) unnecessary I find myself agreeing with his disection of Lance's response.

 

I originally came to this site to find escorts I would like to meet based on others experiences... to me the MAIN purpose of this site. We can decide to hire or not to hire based on what we read. From my perpective the review of Lance and maybe more so his poor response would strike him from my list if visiting Phoenix. Now on to narrowing my list of Escorts for my LA trip, while still humming.

[Guest Love Bubble Butt]

> ... (and no, I

>wasn't picked on as a child).

 

Uhhh ... since FFF has previously made the comment that I must have been picked on as a child in another thread, I felt compelled to state for the record that this new first time poster is NOT me using a different screen name.

 

I too agree that this poster is someone who up until now has been posting under a different screen name. It's a shame that whoever it is felt the need to create another screen name just to express his feelings about FFF.

[Guest Love Bubble Butt]

'nother thought. Could this poster be Lance himself? He sounds really, really pissed off! }(

[VaHawk]

RE:Faggot Fin Fang Foom On Whores

 

No offense intended to anyone else on this board or any one in the entire universe, but my own very personal choice is to be called a FAGGOT rather than gay (IMO so, very androgyneous? and impersonal) or even QUEER! Both of these terms are much more masculine and forceful! :+

[Guest alanm]

I have no problem in using my own name to respond to FFF.

 

He has a decent sense of humor, always used to attack other people. As I have said before, at heart FFF has deep contempt for escorts.

Once again, FFF uses a real encounter between a client and an escort to make fun of both people. Pathetic! I am most surprised that some posters who have been around here a while are encouraging him.

[kjun]

Right-on. Your are 100% on this one. To put it in terms like his: I thind this guy is full of crap and none too intelligent.

 

the Cajun

[kjun]

I must agree that I don't much care for the usual remarks of FFF (Fist Fucking Fool) either. However, in this case I must generally agree with him in his feeling toward the individual in question.

 

I is unfortunate (though within his usual style) that he used the ugly "W" word. I curse him for this.

 

the Cajun

[Guest JackLA]

We all like a little humor and sometimes some well placed sarcasm can be entertaining. And FFF does have his own particular style, which in small doses can on some occaisions be moderately entertaining. I was sort of OK with FFF's little missive until it got to the part about whores. Have no trouble with the word in general, but FFF's characterization of all escorts as "whores" all akin to unwashed street urchin Gansevoort Street types was a bit over the line. I would have to imagine that having FFF as a client would be one of any escort's worst nightmares.

 

That said, this escort Lance does sound like a nightmare himself. Dirty towels, no condoms or lube, not out of bed when the client arrives, talking on the cellphone on someone else's dime, and not wanting to cum because he was "saving himself" for later in the day. Perhaps he needs to book a few less customers and concentrate and improving the experience of the clients he has. But then that's one of the great things about this board (which we should thank Hooboy for), it gives us all a heads up on who to avoid, and with so many other good choices out there, who would EVER want to book Lance?

[Guest fukamarine]

>I is unfortunate (though within his usual style) that he used

>the ugly "W" word. I curse him for this.

 

I find it very strange that when FFF uses the word "whore" everyone of our self rightous members jump all over him.

 

But when Rick M. describes himself as a dumb whore everyone thinks it's cute.

 

Go figure.......

 

 

fukamarine