When a masseur’s personal life overlaps with yours

[+ 7829V]

I have two providers I see for sensual massage, HE, and a little more, but not penetrative sex.

One of them I met when he was single. Later he had a live-in girlfriend and they had a kid. He mostly shares stuff about his kid with me, shows me pictures, etc. I know he’s now in another LTR with another woman. Fine — that’s his personal life. I don’t ask much about the GF, and he doesn’t share much about her. Every now and then, I’ll give him a gift card for his kid’s birthday, and it’s all cool. The boundaries have always felt pretty clear.

Then I have another masseur I’ve been seeing for a few years. He’s had several GFs over the years I’ve known him, but again, I don’t really ask about them.

Recently he told me his current GF is pregnant and they’re expecting a baby. I congratulated him, of course. He shared their baby shower registry with me, and I sent them a few gifts. All cool.

But then something happened that made me unexpectedly uncomfortable.

He and his GF sent me thank-you notes. Not just a generic “thanks for the gifts,” either — they wrote quite a bit and made the notes pretty personal.

And suddenly I thought: Wait. His GF knows who I am.

I’m assuming she doesn’t know the full nature of what happens during our sessions, and obviously I have no idea what he has or hasn’t told her. But until then, I had always thought of myself as a private client in one very separate part of his life. Now, somehow, I’ve crossed over into his family life enough that his GF knows my name, knows I sent gifts, and is personally writing to thank me.

To be clear, I’m not bothered that he has a GF or that they’re having a baby. I was genuinely happy for him and wanted to send them something. What made me uneasy was realizing that these two worlds apparently aren’t as separate as I thought they were.

Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it changed the dynamic a little for me.

Would this make anyone else uncomfortable? If you see a masseur where the sessions go beyond a regular massage, do you expect some level of separation between that relationship and his partner/family life? Or once I chose to send gifts from their registry, did I basically open that door myself?

[la_connor]

Birthday cards for the kids? Baby shower gifts? You're not an anonymous client. 

[rickster]

36 minutes ago, 7829V said:

Or once I chose to send gifts from their registry, did I basically open that door myself?

Yes

[nomad]

It's pretty standard practice to send thank you notes for wedding and baby shower gits.  That they personalized it is a nice personal touch.  Don't read too much into it.  They are just saying thank you for your gifts.  With all the weddings and baby shower I have gone to over the years, if I thought it was anymore than simple courtesy, I wouldn't have any friends left.  

[+ KensingtonHomo]

Yes, you outed yourself to the GF. Men never run those things except maybe in a gay couple. 

It wouldn't make me uncomfortable. We have a provider who is bi and he talks about his GF sometimes. 

 

[Petris Sage]

You are overthinking this.  Try to relax. Limit your focus to your relationship with the masseur, to the time you spend together with him.  Enjoy his company and the connection you have with him.  Everything else is just overthinking. 

Hugs from another overthinker. 

Petris

 

 

 

[big-n-tall]

Yes, you definitely opened the door and blurred the client/provider relationship. I'm not sure exactly what you're worried about or what's stressing/making you uncomfortable. Is it just that fact she knows about you?

She did a very sweet thing, they both did, in writing a thank you letter for the sweet thing you did for their impending kid. Echoing @Petris Sage take it for what it is... a kind gesture and move on and enjoy the services he provides. 🙂

[dcguy20]

I'm impressed that you got a handwritten thank you note. 

[nomad]

37 minutes ago, dcguy20 said:

I'm impressed that you got a handwritten thank you note. 

Anything written is a dying art form.  I wrote a note last week and couldn't believe my penmanship.  The Catholic nuns who taught me to write would make me do 100 Hail Mary's if they saw how bad it is now.  All the lovely corners and curves on the letters are no where to be seen.  🙈

[nomad]

Our phones have made us dumber and our basic skills worse.  

[Spikeguy]

Two straight masseurs who get frisky what city lol?

[marylander1940]

6 hours ago, 7829V said:

I have two providers I see for sensual massage, HE, and a little more, but not penetrative sex.

One of them I met when he was single. Later he had a live-in girlfriend and they had a kid. He mostly shares stuff about his kid with me, shows me pictures, etc. I know he’s now in another LTR with another woman. Fine — that’s his personal life. I don’t ask much about the GF, and he doesn’t share much about her. Every now and then, I’ll give him a gift card for his kid’s birthday, and it’s all cool. The boundaries have always felt pretty clear.

Then I have another masseur I’ve been seeing for a few years. He’s had several GFs over the years I’ve known him, but again, I don’t really ask about them.

Recently he told me his current GF is pregnant and they’re expecting a baby. I congratulated him, of course. He shared their baby shower registry with me, and I sent them a few gifts. All cool.

But then something happened that made me unexpectedly uncomfortable.

He and his GF sent me thank-you notes. Not just a generic “thanks for the gifts,” either — they wrote quite a bit and made the notes pretty personal.

And suddenly I thought: Wait. His GF knows who I am.

I’m assuming she doesn’t know the full nature of what happens during our sessions, and obviously I have no idea what he has or hasn’t told her. But until then, I had always thought of myself as a private client in one very separate part of his life. Now, somehow, I’ve crossed over into his family life enough that his GF knows my name, knows I sent gifts, and is personally writing to thank me.

To be clear, I’m not bothered that he has a GF or that they’re having a baby. I was genuinely happy for him and wanted to send them something. What made me uneasy was realizing that these two worlds apparently aren’t as separate as I thought they were.

Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it changed the dynamic a little for me.

Would this make anyone else uncomfortable? If you see a masseur where the sessions go beyond a regular massage, do you expect some level of separation between that relationship and his partner/family life? Or once I chose to send gifts from their registry, did I basically open that door myself?

Now at least you know you're hiring a real straight guy!

Never heard so much talking about baby mamas in this forum before!

The only thing a masseur or an escort should have about you is the number you use  contact them to schedule a session and maybe your real name!

 

 

[marylander1940]

4 hours ago, big-n-tall said:

Yes, you definitely opened the door and blurred the client/provider relationship. I'm not sure exactly what you're worried about or what's stressing/making you uncomfortable. Is it just that fact she knows about you?

She did a very sweet thing, they both did, in writing a thank you letter for the sweet thing you did for their impending kid. Echoing @Petris Sage take it for what it is... a kind gesture and move on and enjoy the services he provides. 🙂

I think OP @7829V is concerned about lack of privacy and too much information sharing with (baby mamas and maybe others) in a business transaction that is edgy to say the least.

Are they keeping records of every encounter including what happens? 

 

[ConnorLA909]

This is the same thing as paying with your full name disclosed via Zelle, Venmo or PayPal. And we think it’s normal than just paying cash …. until shit happens. While this is a nice hobby, anonymity should always be prioritized.