What we look like - Why does it matter so much now?

[+ ApexNomad]

On 4/7/2026 at 2:42 PM, SecretProvider said:

I ask clients to tell me about themselves, but that is more for ice breaking and so I am aware of what I am getting into. While a photo is appreciated, for me it's never required. That said, it irritates me when I arrive and I am greeted with someone who is 500lbs or has a Santa Claus type beard. Once I arrived and the client was in a wheelchair. Not that I wouldn't see them , but I need to mentally prepare. 

Those that require pics are new to the game, and/or concerned they will not be able to perform. Doesn't mean they are bad providers, it does take time to cultivate the skill and it can initially be quite jarring to be intimate with someone you are not physically attracted to.

snapchat/whatsapp/instagram are good for being able to send disappearing messages but a good quality provider will not ask for pics. A good confident client will send them anyway. 

A provider should go into every booking assuming the client isn’t someone they’d normally hook up with for free. That’s the reality of the job. If seeing a photo is necessary to mentally prepare for the encounter, it’s probably not going to work. Attraction is a bonus; professionalism is the skill.

[jonasfoleson]

On 3/23/2026 at 5:51 AM, DMonDude said:

Would you call a restaurant with a dress code unprofessional? You only see this as unprofessional because you're miffed you aren't being let in to the restaurant, not because the practice is actually unprofessional. We aren't owed service, even in this industry, and businesses have the right to refuse service to whomever. Just go to a different restaurant without a dress code. The ones that have been around longer than 18-24 years usually don't have one.

The analogy isn't spot on. as there are plenty of restaurants that are long-lasting that have dresscodes. the expectation is that certain restaurants, like in any other industry, will have a certain USP, branding, or positioning they are attempting to portray. as for denial of service, depending on the jurisdiction/country, this is moot. denying service to somebody wearing brown shoes may not constitute a protected class, but then firms seldom deny service on that basis alone. 

 

[jonasfoleson]

8 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

A provider should go into every booking assuming the client isn’t someone they’d normally hook up with for free. That’s the reality of the job. If seeing a photo is necessary to mentally prepare for the encounter, it’s probably not going to work. Attraction is a bonus; professionalism is the skill.

The unPC answer and the elephant in the room is that clients who do this usually don't want uglies contacting them. which is their right to a good degree. but then you have a strong point, they should prepare for anybody. 

[DMonDude]

1 hour ago, jonasfoleson said:

The analogy isn't spot on. as there are plenty of restaurants that are long-lasting that have dresscodes. the expectation is that certain restaurants, like in any other industry, will have a certain USP, branding, or positioning they are attempting to portray. as for denial of service, depending on the jurisdiction/country, this is moot. denying service to somebody wearing brown shoes may not constitute a protected class, but then firms seldom deny service on that basis alone. 

 

I don't think you understood what i said.

[jonasfoleson]

10 minutes ago, DMonDude said:

I don't think you understood what i said.

Yes, since i commented it was a weak analogy. 

[hungry4darkmeat]

It only matters if it matters to you. Confidence is far more attractive than physical looks. People are attracted to the thing they want most and usually that’s a sense of personal security and confidence that says “what you think of me is a non factor in my life”. Plus it helps if you take a semblance of care of yourself. You don’t have to be pretty but you shouldn’t be giving “im a mess” vibes either 

[MikeBiDude]

6 hours ago, hungry4darkmeat said:

Confidence is far more attractive than physical looks

Absolutely true!

[DMonDude]

12 hours ago, jonasfoleson said:

Yes, since i commented it was a weak analogy. 

No one else seemed to misunderstand. You not getting it doesn't mean it was weak. Some have agreed or disagreed, but if you didn't get it that's a you problem.

Edited 18 hours ago by DMonDude

[jonasfoleson]

1 hour ago, DMonDude said:

No one else seemed to misunderstand. You not getting it doesn't mean it was weak. Some have agreed or disagreed, but if you didn't get it that's a you problem.

I just responded to your point and i said it was a weak analogy. others came to a similar conclusion. so what's the issue? youy make points online, others respond.