Conflicted

[Reggyreg56]

I want to try my first experience with a provider after nearly 21 years but I am fearful of catching something. How do you guys reconcile this when hiring a provider? I know many are on prep but what about the other diseases that prep doesn't protect you from? Is it as simple as meeting up and keeping your fingers crossed that you won't get anything? I want to get back out there but again I have some reservations. Any advice would be helpful.

[danteig]

Use a condom

[BeamerBikes]

Topic should get moved to Men’s Health?  
 

There’s likely similar threads on this.  

[BeamerBikes]

Frankly, in my calculus, hiring a provider is no different than a Grindr/Sniffies hook up.  In some ways, there’s a slight greater assurance than the provider could be more responsible than the anom hook-ups since it’s their job.  
 

Condoms likely are the best starting point for your journey. Also, seek out sexual health education. Everyone’s risk calculation is rather personal, and what works for me might not work for you.  
 

Likewise start with your own health status.  If you aren’t able to ask your doctor or a clinic for an STI test panel because you want to become sexually active again, you aren’t ready to become sexually active again.  Better to get over the hump of going through the testing as a dry run. 

[+ Gar1eth]

There's no way to be totally safe anytime you have sex unless you're in a monogamous relationship with someone who is totally negative for any STDs.  It's kind of a risk you have to take if you have sex with anyone not just escorts.  
 

There are things you can do to decrease the risk of disease -note this is not comprehensive 

1) Wear a condom -if a bottom, try one of those female condoms  

2) Don't Rim either passive or active

3) Don't French kiss

4) PrEP and DoxyPrEP

5) Get checked every three months or so by a knowledgeable doctor 

 

[+ SirBillybob]

If you need to resort to using a “female” condom, anally inserted, for receptive anal intercourse then your paid escort’s character in the MSM context would be likely equivalent to the immature and misogynistic attitude that explains disenfranchised women’s male partners disinclination to utilize conventional condoms. Unless perhaps your aim is to cobble together a how-to video that might be applicable to vulnerable male sexual partners of male ‘assholes’ [sic; colloquial] … or the female condom is a prop within some version of submissive cosplay kink.

Edited 16 hours ago by SirBillybob

[Walt]

1 hour ago, Reggyreg56 said:

I want to try my first experience with a provider after nearly 21 years but I am fearful of catching something. How do you guys reconcile this when hiring a provider? I know many are on prep but what about the other diseases that prep doesn't protect you from? Is it as simple as meeting up and keeping your fingers crossed that you won't get anything? I want to get back out there but again I have some reservations. Any advice would be helpful.

Part of it is having a personal relationship with the concept of risk.

Every year in the United States alone, 5 million people have injuries and 40,000 people die as a result of car accidents.

You need to decide how uncomfortable it will make you to get into an automobile--or even cross the street. Or on the other hand, maybe you might even become comfortable with the risk, and not let it color your daily life..

Thanksgiving leftovers can kill. Most murder victims are killed by someone they know. etc., etc., etc.

Don't let statistics paralyze you: Get out there and live!

(And take some , if not all, of the precautions that others mention above.)

 

 

 

 

[+ SirBillybob]

2 hours ago, Reggyreg56 said:

I want to try my first experience with a provider after nearly 21 years but I am fearful of catching something. How do you guys reconcile this when hiring a provider? I know many are on prep but what about the other diseases that prep doesn't protect you from? Is it as simple as meeting up and keeping your fingers crossed that you won't get anything? I want to get back out there but again I have some reservations. Any advice would be helpful.

Anxiety is your best friend in this context. Your little head isn’t. If your worry afterwards on any occasion exceeds the degree of worry you possessed preceding that occasion then you adjust your comprehensive prophylaxis playbook.

One worry that I have is unwittingly transmitting a bacterial STI to an escort during an interval between my own standard testing iterations. Their occupational hazard and chains of disease transmission into the unknown are front of mind. I structure my sexual activity cycles in such a way as to undertake the risk of acquiring an STI, that is, one within-cycle erotic treat associated with possible STI transmission but in which the STI would be flagged prior to any potential of my passing it on to a 3rd party. Jizzmas comes a few times annually. 

Edited 16 hours ago by SirBillybob

[+ MikeThomas]

1 hour ago, Gar1eth said:

There's no way to be totally safe anytime you have sex unless you're in a monogamous relationship with someone who is totally negative for any STDs.  It's kind of a risk you have to take if you have sex with anyone not just escorts.  
 

There are things you can do to decrease the risk of disease -note this is not comprehensive 

1) Wear a condom -if a bottom, try one of those female condoms  

2) Don't Rim either passive or active

3) Don't French kiss

4) PrEP and DoxyPrEP

5) Get checked every three months or so by a knowledgeable doctor 

 

How can you be sure you are in a monogamous relationship?

[+ Jamie21]

The fact that many providers are on prep shouldn’t be a consideration for you. They’re on prep to protect themselves. Also, even if they say they’re on prep you shouldn’t necessarily believe them.

If you want to reduce risk to yourself you should go on prep and use a condom. Get yourself tested regularly, take doxy prep too. Research these things or ask at your sexual health clinic. 

Professional providers have a strong interest in keeping themselves free of any infections. I get regularly tested, I’m on prep, I have vaccinations against things like hepatitis etc. I ask questions at my sexual health clinic (which is fantastic by the way). I’d say that having sex with a provider is less risky than a casual partner who probably doesn’t get regular tests or take much interest in his sexual health until something goes wrong. You should be sensible, understand the risks, take precautions but above all go for it and enjoy yourself. Overly focusing on risks prevents you from discovering so many opportunities. 
 

[GeoMitch]

2 hours ago, Reggyreg56 said:

I want to try my first experience with a provider after nearly 21 years but I am fearful of catching something. How do you guys reconcile this when hiring a provider? I know many are on prep but what about the other diseases that prep doesn't protect you from? Is it as simple as meeting up and keeping your fingers crossed that you won't get anything? I want to get back out there but again I have some reservations. Any advice would be helpful.

I understand your fear.  Everything carries a risk, but some activities more so than others.  What activities were you looking to engage in?  

[Reggyreg56]

1 hour ago, BeamerBikes said:

Frankly, in my calculus, hiring a provider is no different than a Grindr/Sniffies hook up.  In some ways, there’s a slight greater assurance than the provider could be more responsible than the anom hook-ups since it’s their job.  
 

Condoms likely are the best starting point for your journey. Also, seek out sexual health education. Everyone’s risk calculation is rather personal, and what works for me might not work for you.  
 

Likewise start with your own health status.  If you aren’t able to ask your doctor or a clinic for an STI test panel because you want to become sexually active again, you aren’t ready to become sexually active again.  Better to get over the hump of going through the testing as a dry run. 

Excellent advice. Thank you!

[Reggyreg56]

Just now, GeoMitch said:

I understand your fear.  Everything carries a risk, but some activities more so than others.  What activities were you looking to engage in?  

Good question. I have never been big on anal (giving or receiving) so more oral and frot is what I am comfortable with.

[Reggyreg56]

1 hour ago, BeamerBikes said:

Frankly, in my calculus, hiring a provider is no different than a Grindr/Sniffies hook up.  In some ways, there’s a slight greater assurance than the provider could be more responsible than the anom hook-ups since it’s their job.  
 

Condoms likely are the best starting point for your journey. Also, seek out sexual health education. Everyone’s risk calculation is rather personal, and what works for me might not work for you.  
 

Likewise start with your own health status.  If you aren’t able to ask your doctor or a clinic for an STI test panel because you want to become sexually active again, you aren’t ready to become sexually active again.  Better to get over the hump of going through the testing as a dry run. 

Great points. I am disease free after a recent checkup. And you're right there's risk whether it's a provider or a casual hookup.

[Reggyreg56]

28 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

The fact that many providers are on prep shouldn’t be a consideration for you. They’re on prep to protect themselves. Also, even if they say they’re on prep you shouldn’t necessarily believe them.

If you want to reduce risk to yourself you should go on prep and use a condom. Get yourself tested regularly, take doxy prep too. Research these things or ask at your sexual health clinic. 

Professional providers have a strong interest in keeping themselves free of any infections. I get regularly tested, I’m on prep, I have vaccinations against things like hepatitis etc. I ask questions at my sexual health clinic (which is fantastic by the way). I’d say that having sex with a provider is less risky than a casual partner who probably doesn’t get regular tests or take much interest in his sexual health until something goes wrong. You should be sensible, understand the risks, take precautions but above all go for it and enjoy yourself. Overly focusing on risks prevents you from discovering so many opportunities. 
 

Thanks so much for giving me excellent advice. I haven't gone on prep because I am not a big fan of anal. Do you know if people go on prep if they do just oral?

[BeamerBikes]

9 minutes ago, Reggyreg56 said:

Thanks so much for giving me excellent advice. I haven't gone on prep because I am not a big fan of anal. Do you know if people go on prep if they do just oral?

PrEP for HIV prevention - I view mainly as folks into anal sex.  Bottoms have the more risk due to the mechanics, but Tops can have some exposure as well.  Oral sex and HIV transmission is even lower still.  I wouldn’t go sucking cock if you had oral surgery or open sores. You shouldn’t be doing that regardless.  

DoxyPEP for some protection from others. I will not debate the antibiotic resistance.  That’s a 24-72hr after pill.  Since you have some concerns, chat up your sex health clinic and see if it’s right for you.  
 

Also, get Hep A/B vaccinated, Mpox if you can as well.   

[BeamerBikes]

29 minutes ago, Reggyreg56 said:

Good question. I have never been big on anal (giving or receiving) so more oral and frot is what I am comfortable with.

Real talk… based on those behaviors… Look into DoxyPep.  After that, I’d be more concerned about crabs than STIs.  
 

And to put a fine point on it, I’ve NEVER got crabs from a provider, but hookups OMG multiple times before I started this hobby.  College aged guys especially seemed to never have their shit together in that regard. That ruined many a weekend, and it’s a pain to thoroughly get rid of.   

[+ Gar1eth]

1 hour ago, SirBillybob said:

If you need to resort to using a “female” condom, anally inserted, for receptive anal intercourse then your paid escort’s character in the MSM context would be likely equivalent to the immature and misogynistic attitude that explains disenfranchised women’s male partners disinclination to utilize conventional condoms. Unless perhaps your aim is to cobble together a how-to video that might be applicable to vulnerable male sexual partners of male ‘assholes’ [sic; colloquial] … or the female condom is a prop within some version of submissive cosplay kink.

I didn't totally understand this. Did you mean that if you wanted an escort to use a 'female' condom, they might react like men often do to the thought of wearing a 'normal' condom?

[BonVivant]

Modern medicine. A great thing. Science has made great advances. We have medications for most everything that could, or might, happen. Pills, and shots. Thank God for Science and modern life. Please visit a gay friendly clinic and learn your options. They can guide you. 

[Reggyreg56]

2 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

There's no way to be totally safe anytime you have sex unless you're in a monogamous relationship with someone who is totally negative for any STDs.  It's kind of a risk you have to take if you have sex with anyone not just escorts.  
 

There are things you can do to decrease the risk of disease -note this is not comprehensive 

1) Wear a condom -if a bottom, try one of those female condoms  

2) Don't Rim either passive or active

3) Don't French kiss

4) PrEP and DoxyPrEP

5) Get checked every three months or so by a knowledgeable doctor 

 

Thank you for this information!

[Reggyreg56]

1 hour ago, Walt said:

Part of it is having a personal relationship with the concept of risk.

Every year in the United States alone, 5 million people have injuries and 40,000 people die as a result of car accidents.

You need to decide how uncomfortable it will make you to get into an automobile--or even cross the street. Or on the other hand, maybe you might even become comfortable with the risk, and not let it color your daily life..

Thanksgiving leftovers can kill. Most murder victims are killed by someone they know. etc., etc., etc.

Don't let statistics paralyze you: Get out there and live!

(And take some , if not all, of the precautions that others mention above.)

 

 

 

 

This is also excellent advice! Thank you!

[Reggyreg56]

1 hour ago, SirBillybob said:

Anxiety is your best friend in this context. Your little head isn’t. If your worry afterwards on any occasion exceeds the degree of worry you possessed preceding that occasion then you adjust your comprehensive prophylaxis playbook.

One worry that I have is unwittingly transmitting a bacterial STI to an escort during an interval between my own standard testing iterations. Their occupational hazard and chains of disease transmission into the unknown are front of mind. I structure my sexual activity cycles in such a way as to undertake the risk of acquiring an STI, that is, one within-cycle erotic treat associated with possible STI transmission but in which the STI would be flagged prior to any potential of my passing it on to a 3rd party. Jizzmas comes a few times annually. 

You have a way with words but I think I understand what you're saying! Lol. Thank you.

[Reggyreg56]

22 minutes ago, BonVivant said:

Modern medicine. A great thing. Science has made great advances. We have medications for most everything that could, or might, happen. Pills, and shots. Thank God for Science and modern life. Please visit a gay friendly clinic and learn your options. They can guide you. 

Thanks so much!

[+ Jamie21]

2 hours ago, Reggyreg56 said:

Thanks so much for giving me excellent advice. I haven't gone on prep because I am not a big fan of anal. Do you know if people go on prep if they do just oral?

I think people do, because whilst there’s lower risk of catching HIV from oral sex than anal sex the risk isn’t zero, so if you want reassurance then it makes sense to be on prep if you’re having sex with different partners where you don’t know their HIV status. If I were you I’d ask questions at the sexual health clinic. They’ll advise you on the risks and choices. 

[Reggyreg56]

23 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

I think people do, because whilst there’s lower risk of catching HIV from oral sex than anal sex the risk isn’t zero, so if you want reassurance then it makes sense to be on prep if you’re having sex with different partners where you don’t know their HIV status. If I were you I’d ask questions at the sexual health clinic. They’ll advise you on the risks and choices. 

Great advice. Thanks again!