Ignored on Grindr By RM Providers

[Monarchy79]

On 1/12/2025 at 9:00 PM, pubic_assistance said:

When I first decided to explore gay bars many years ago, my ethical background told me to be kind to everyone. This got me in more trouble than I can explain in 20 pages. Never be nice to gay men who think they can bed you, if you're not interested. Washing the smell of skunk off you is easier than removing an old queen who thought he hit the jackpot.

I’m Sooooo glad you made this point. 
I remember decades ago, feeling empathy for an unattractive man (and I’m not picky…. This dude looked like Danny DeVito as “The Penguin”)  who had the hots for me (and was very persistent about it). 
He even tricked me into a dinner date (long story). That was my last straw. After dinner was over, he tried to get me to come over to his place to basically offer him a mercy fuck. That’s when I told him I have no interest or attraction to him and put my cash on the table and went home. 

I learned a long time ago to never feel pity for any man, as all men are the same in their pathology. 

A “hot” guy and an “ugly” guy are the same.. just as shallow, and they both want the same thing. They are just on different spectrums of the beauty scale, so one can get what he wants easier. 

Trolls know they are trolls and will do what they feel they have to do to get what they want:

-They catfish online and on the apps  intentionally, hoping that their casted net will catch the proper bait who will just give in at 3 in the morning, because he’s so horny. And guess what? It works!! Many guys will confess being either inebriated, and horny and at least lest some busted catfish suck his dick, knowing he was tricked. 

-It’s no accident that this person has followed you into the gym steam room. He’s been lurking and watching you through your entire workout, and knows that the other guy you actually ARE attracted to is following you and is cruising you. He’s going to sit himself in that steam room to block your action, or with the hopes that one of you will flash the goods and let him watch you two go at it.

-The lame at the bar knows he’s lame and has approached guys weekly, hoping someone will be nice enough ( and drunk enough)  to cave in and entertain him. Don’t you be the fool to cave in.

-The pest at the cruising park/bathhouse/glory hole center who spies on everyone (and stares at people in action, like a socially inept idiot), kills the vibe and says to himself “well this is a public place, so no one can tell me not to watch them ”, actually understands cruising etiquette, as well as the non-verbal queues that people are giving him. He doesn’t care that he’s irritating people. He knows he can’t get any action on his own, so he’s going to infringe on yours to get his rocks off. Call him out on it, and don’t give him the satisfaction. 

Be empathetic to others, but never feel or show pity. Everyone has their own hand they’ve been dealt. But don’t let them bluff YOU and play YOU, so that they can get a quick WIN!!! 

 

 

[pubic_assistance]

Thanks @Monarchy79 Eloquently put.

[BonVivant]

Everything has its place and purpose: RM/Hunqz/sleepyboy vs Seeking vs Grindr/hookup apps vs dating apps. Mental peace and your own power & worth & self-respect are maintained and enhanced by knowing when to use which to your own advantage. 
 

E.g. - one of my favorite connections came from Hunqz. He never would have given me even a second of attention on Grindr or in a bar. But I know this. He knows this. He even said it; my reply was “I know; and yet here you are!”  I didn’t question it; nor take offense. I have something; he has something. And yet we have the best of times together when we see each other because we both respect the reality of how we met and why we still do.  We have great chemistry. But we never would have gotten there without Hunqz. 

Edited January 19 by BonVivant

[+ DrownedBoy]

4 hours ago, Monarchy79 said:

mercy fuck

When I was younger, we called it a "sympathy f*ck."  

[pubic_assistance]

22 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

When I was younger, we called it a "sympathy f*ck."

We said "pity fuck".

 

[Guest]

There was a great scene from queer as folk about pity fucks. 

[ICTJOCK]

I’ve actually never been on Grindr.  I would likely not take it seriously as a provider, the same for Adam4Adam.  RM is about the most credible forum currently for the client and provider.  I think there are likely other places for the provider to get their information out, but I’d stick with RM for meaningful discussion for booking.

[marylander1940]

19 hours ago, Coolwave35 said:

There was a great scene from queer as folk about pity fucks. 

Be careful because we might find out your age now 😂

[Oakman]

On 1/19/2025 at 10:09 AM, BonVivant said:

He never would have given me even a second of attention on Grindr or in a bar. But I know this. He knows this. 

I have so much fun being an eager to please beta for big alpha men, who I don’t ordinarily score out in the wild. I get lost in inflating his ego and getting him to perform like he’s the sexiest man in the world. I’m too competitive in real life to suffer that kind of imbalance, but for an hour or two, I’ll be a bitch who should just feel lucky to be in the room with some stud. 

[LB2]

The only time I’ve checked for a provider on Grindr is when they aren’t well documented on here and they give me their location at booking and I want to see if I can verify. I don’t message them, I only use it to verify legitimacy. 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Be careful because we might find out your age now 😂

41! 

[mike carey]

7 hours ago, Coolwave35 said:

41! 

Lol, I read that as 411 to start with.

[Kik95]

On 1/11/2025 at 12:18 PM, FaustOust said:

There were two guys advertising on RM in whom I was interested in hiring when I visited their cities, and I  thought I might reach out to them when I was definitively planning on being in their respective hometowns. Within a couple weeks, I saw the same guys on Grindr in my city and thought that I would chat them up. What a happy coincidence!  They both ignored me — which I understand is not uncommon, particularly as I fall into a few demographics that might not be popular on Grindr — even with a mention of RM.  One even said in his ad that he was seeking men older than he is, which I am. In each case, I had clear photos and know that they read the messages through the read receipts.

I find that I have put myself in the situation that I have unintentionally confirmed that these guys are not into me physically, as neither even felt the need to be polite enough to respond in that forum or turn me down politely.  

Should my fear of rejection and my non-interaction with them on Grindr be a sufficient reason not to contact them on RM?  

Even if they responded to an RM inquiry from me, I would still know what they really thought of me through their lack of response on Grindr, and I fear that would affect any hypothetical experience I would have with either of them.  In any other instance, I would not have had this confirmation, and I could at least have the potential of going along with the fantasy that the escort was into me somehow.  

I’ve not spent much time on Grindr, but seeing both of these providers on the app in my city has lead me to believe that escorts who advertise elsewhere may also often be on Grindr. Is my lesson that if I see a known provider on Grindr I should say nothing so as to spare myself being ignored and eliminating a potential hire, who but for the Grindr experience, I probably would have been interested 

A lot of other replies have already said the same thing, but I wouldn't reply to you either simply based on the fact that Grindr will most certainly ban my account. Also, if someone texts me on grindr and they say that they have seen me on rentmen that to me is a red flag. Why not text me to the phone number that I have provider for contact or the rentmen chat?