Is gay man more picky than straight man?

[jarrodbui]

It seems to me that gay man is way more picky than straight man. It's a disaster being gay and being ugly (or being fat/old/poor etc...) I'm sorry if this sounds offensive, but I only tell the truth from my own experience. I'm getting used to being rejected all the time as an Asian-American gay man, either at a bar or night club. I'm not Brad Pitt but I don't consider myself as being too ugly. I'm in my late 20s, 5.10ft and 150 lbs, I have a baby face and young smooth skin, 2 little dimples, straight acting and a friendly personality. It's irrelevant but I'm also highly educated and can keep the conversation going on, either on political or historic, cultural topics.

 

So why being rejected? I guess the reason comes from general conception of Asian men as "poorly-endowed". In my opinion, the majority of gay man consider "well-endowed" as the most important factor in seeking their soul mates.

 

As for straight men, they are not that picky. A good-looking straight guy can have a 250 lbs girlfriend, and they are not that concerned about the nice outfits or good appearance, as gay men do.

[seaboy4hire]

I'm sorry you're having tis problem. Speaking for myself I could careless what someones cock size is or the color of the skin be it for a date, a good rom, being hired or what ever. For myself what matters is ultimately is the other a good person with a positive out look on life and can talk about issues other then the latest spring/summer line up for some fancy label. Unfort just about every race as some kind of steriotype and it is up to each person to try to break those steriotypes down.

 

Hugs,

Greg

http://seaboy4hire.tripod.com

seaboy4hire@yahoo.com

Your low rent escort http://www.daddysreviews.com/newest.php?who=greg_seattle

http://www.rockbox.org/mail/archive/rockbox-archive-2008-07/att-0126/Sheeple.gif

2 months and counting!

[Rick Munroe]

>I'm getting used

>to being rejected all the time

 

>I'm ...straight acting and a friendly personality.

 

If you're acting straight (e.g., holding hands with your wife or girlfriend, discussing how much you enjoy the taste of vagina, showing disinterest in men, etc.), that's probably why they're rejecting you. Try just being yourself.

[+ Lucky]

Welcome to the board. It's interesting to note that you joined almost 3 years ago. I wonder what prompted you to make your first post.

I know a thing or two about dating Asian men, and I find that self-confidence and a smile go a long way. But isn't that true for anyone? Some men have it in their minds that they only like a certain type. Many years ago, when someone suggested going to an Asian bar (then referred to as Oriental) I declined. But I discovered that Asian men liked me, so I began to learn...quickly. I hope you find someone interested in you, and, if you like escorts, you will find that many of them are genuinely interested in having you as a client. Like Greg, I couldn't care less about cock size. I am a sucker for a smile.

[Rick Munroe]

>I

>couldn't care less about cock size. I am a sucker for a

>smile.

 

In other words, you're not a cocksucker; you're a smilesucker.

[dfw2sfo]

I've struggled with my weight most of my adult life. My confidence is so much lower when I'm heavier. I do feel like I am being judged especially in the gay community. Not only that but I feel like people in San Francisco are generally much more active and fit than a lot of places in the country which means there are fewer fellow fatties in general. I can get so down on myself.

 

At the same time, I've noticed a few counterpoints to my whole way of thinking. One is that in a crowded bar there is often a very good looking guy who is there by himself. At least as often as not, there is no one that is going up to that great looking guy.

 

The other thing I've done is if you watch people walk by even in your average gay ghetto and say (to yourself!) which people you think are better looking than you. It can be surprising how average looking the average person can be. Normally you really pay attention to the hot guys so it seems like there are far more hot guys than there really are.

 

Well, those are my ventures into psychological experimentation. As Scott Peck has said in The Road Less Traveled, "Life is difficult."

[Cooper]

"As for straight men, they are not that picky. A good-looking

straight guy can have a 250 lbs girlfriend, and they are not

that concerned about the nice outfits or good appearance, as

gay men do."

 

Hey Jarrod, Welcome to the message board.

 

There's a lot of good advice that members here can give you but it's up to you to decide what changes are necessary. First off, I do not agree with your above statement. Straight men do care what their girlfriends look like just as much as gay men care about a boyfriend. Granted you might not be a Brad Pitt (who is), but use your best assets to your advantage. If you have a nice smile, let it shine... If you have beautiful eyes, let people see them... if you're funny, tell a joke, etc... You don't have to go through a complete make over when you go out but do dress stylish and have a clean looking appearance.

 

My first suggestion to you would be: stop looking for a relationship to develop in a bar/club. Most guys there are not looking for long term just to have a fun night out. What I would suggest is: join gay organizations or social clubs. Do a google search on gay organizations in your area and see what pops up. Working with gay men on activities or causes might develop some good relationships... Remember, there are a lot of available gay men who don't go to bars/clubs but are more comfortable going to a meeting or event. Make friends first and then see what develops.

 

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

 

Coop

[JT Brooklyn]

Jarrod..Exactly what Cooper has said! Thanks Copper you saved me alot of typing! ;-)

[Guest Tristan]

This may be your first post, but you raise some very good issues that are part of the gay culture. Thanks for starting the post, and I sincerely hope your personal life improves. I find Asians very attractive, and I couldn't care less about shoe size.

 

It is a disaster being gay and: fat, old, and poor. Being well hung helps, but is not as critical a factor as the first three. I've spent a lot of time on the two major hookup sites. I don't really expect to find anyone special, though there are guys on these sites looking for a relationship or friendship. But most just want sex, NSA.

 

I use the following words in my Profile for the benefit of anyone who cares on those sites: warm, caring, considerate, affectionate, and sensual. I have viewed 100s of profiles and noticed something interesting. I could not find a single profile with any of these words - NOT ONE! The only word I found that I use to describe personal qualities is passionate. A few profiles had that in it. So much for interest in "personal qualities."

 

But let's go back to the main point. I could write a book, just based on the content of the Profiles on these two sites. The bad attitude and arrogance is horrendous. I find it most interesting that many of the guys in their 20s and 30s (prime Angus beef), are online every night, night after night. Why, if they have such great bods or are so cute, would they have to go back online night after night? I can only assume they're being very picky. I don't think most of them are doing a guy a night, especially based on the length of time spent online.

 

The original poster mentioned fat, old, and poor as being disasters. I believe it's true. I think the worst is to be gay, old, unpartnered, and not have enough money for the escorts you want. I've noticed that older gay guys don't want each other. Everyone wants younger. The cutoffs I've seen in Profiles are 30, 35, 40, and 45. Over 45 and that mean's you're half dead. Over 55, and you're a relic. [b/]I strongly feel that if you want a LTR, and you don't find someone before you hit 50, the odds are you never will.[/b] The sooner you look for an LTR (assuming you want one), the larger your market and the better the odds. In the society at large, they say 60 is the new 40. At least, baby boomers who exercise more, eat healthier and all that good stuff like to think so. And there is some truth in it. But it doesn't apply to gay culture.

 

The comments in the profiles of 20 and 30 somethings can really be obnoxious. One Profile stated "no fukin old guys." "If I'm interested, I'll contact you." I found it amazing that this comment was made by a 20 yo about people over 30. I know - you don't have to tell me. Young people think they'll never grow old. It still amazes me. That example containing the nasty comment about older guys was one of the worst I found, but the attitute is prevalent.

 

There's two things I tell these 20 and 30 somethings:

 

1) We all get old, and we all were once young.

 

2) Time flies. Before you know it, you'll be over 30 or 40, and the number of messages and replies you'll receive will do a nosedive. (I know this is true from my own experience. The number of messages correlates with your age.) The number of messages plummets as you get older.

 

I write a lot in my profile on these sites - both personal attributes and sexual interests. I've noticed that the younger you are, the less you have to write. A lot of guys just look at the pics. If you're a 20 something and have a nice bod or are very cute, you can practically leave the Profile blank, and you'll still get tons of responses.

 

As mentioned in another post, there are gay people who don't fit the above description whom you can meet in social groups or organizations. That's true. But I strongly believe that the attitude on hookup sites does reflect the prevalent gay cultural preferences, whether you go to hookup sites or not. Most gay guys want younger. And twinks are in most demand right now. Just look at the number of twink web sites and vids. Isn't the desire to have sex with younger guys the driving force behind most of the members (including myself) on this site? How many of us would want each other for more than friends?

 

I didn't mean to divert from personal responses to the poster. But I wanted to address the issues he raised because he made a very good point. I'm sure there will be those who will find something to attack in my little treatise here. Whenever you post on the MB, you always open yourself up to contrary opinions. Please just keep it polite. I think too many posters have already been discouraged from posting specificly because of the hijacking and personal attacks that follow.

 

I also wrote this post with the realization that there are members here who are married, closeted, bi, or suppressed their sexual orientation until later in life. So much of what I said may not apply to these members.

 

If you got this far, thanks for reading my post.

[Cooper]

"Exactly what Cooper has said! Thanks Copper you saved me a lot of typing1"

 

No problem JT, I guess we can both say, "been there, done that"... Jarrod's post brought back some fond memories of my early years when I was on the prowl.

 

Back in the good ole days, I heard about a Gay Men's Bowling League that was forming. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to get out and meet other guys, hopefully, with similar backgrounds and interests.. There were about 20 of us who met up once a week for that "boys night out"... We were all unattached and ranged in age from 20ish to 40ish. Basically, we were looking for the same thing, a chance to meet guys in a non-threatening environment and be ourselves. After our "exercise", we'd head over to some local bar/cafe for drinks and good conversation. I looked forward to that night more than anything else. It was an opportunity to meet gay men and unwind after a long work week.

 

My reason for sharing this is because hooking up with guys from the internet or gay on-line dating services is kind of sketchy. You don't know what's in store. By joining a club, gym, organization, or sports league that caters to gay men, you have many more opportunities to get to know someone for more than just their looks or cock size. It worked for me as I met a tall, athletic, red headed man who dated me for several months before his job relocated and he moved to the mid-West. However, to this day, I still meet up with my friends for a weekly night out and good conversation. Tomorrow, it's with board members foxy and glutes.

 

Jarrod, if you're really serious about meeting guys, I'd strongly suggest this approach. Perhaps other members can share with you their experiences in meeting men.

 

Good luck in your search for a soul mate!

Coop

[Guest zipperzone]

>"As for straight men, they are not that picky. A

>good-looking

>straight guy can have a 250 lbs girlfriend, and they are not

>that concerned about the nice outfits or good appearance, as

>gay men do."

 

I personally know several straight men who are only attracted to over weight women. If the female is slim, there is no interest.

 

How often have you seen a really hunky guy with a real slob of a woman? Didn't you scratch your head and wonder how the hell she ever got him?

 

But it sure doesn't work that way in the gay world!

[jarrodbui]

Thank you everyone for your comments and good advises, especialy Tristan for your thoughtful post. I think gay community and straight women would not love "Brokeback Mountain" that much, if the two main actors are not that youthful and good-looking. We all love beauty, but this has gone to the extreme for gay culture. Discrimination among gay community based on race, age, appearance etc is sometimes even tougher to overcome than discrimination from outside the community.

 

Solution: go straight! No matter how unattrative one is, it's still much easier to find oneself a girlfriend than a boyfriend. Thanks again for the warm welcome from everyone.

[Cooper]

"Solution: go straight! No matter how unattrative one is, it's still much easier to find oneself a girlfriend than a boyfriend. Thanks again for the warm welcome from everyone."

 

Now that's a bummer.

[dfw2sfo]

I neglected to mention that when I was in a thin period I snagged a hot, unassuming man who has stuck with me for the last nine years. That's the positive part.

 

The negative part, real or imagined, is that I have a sense especially when I'm in a heavier phase that people are wondering what he is doing with me.

[seaboy4hire]

>I neglected to mention that when I was in a thin period I

>snagged a hot, unassuming man who has stuck with me for the

>last nine years. That's the positive part.

>

>The negative part, real or imagined, is that I have a sense

>especially when I'm in a heavier phase that people are

>wondering what he is doing with me.

 

Dfw I am kind of in a similar situation in a round about way. When people I work with at the day job have met Boobers they are shocked. They often assume that I would be dating someone who is around my age, thin athletic or at least toned, clean cut kind of guy. Instead I was swept off my feet by a slightly over weight, potty mouth, kind of white trash, driving semi truck for a living gentleman. I have dated what people think I should be with but I chose Boobers because of his personality, the way he treats others and the way he treats, respects and most importantly unconditionally loves me no matter what some of the crazy things I do or say. My educated guess is that the young man you are with is with you because of the way you love and treat him. Ultimately looks go so far, it's what is inside, the mind and heart that attract others. I'm glad that you both found each other and wish y'all the best of many years to come.

 

Hugs,

Greg

http://seaboy4hire.tripod.com

seaboy4hire@yahoo.com

Your low rent escort http://www.daddysreviews.com/newest.php?who=greg_seattle

http://www.rockbox.org/mail/archive/rockbox-archive-2008-07/att-0126/Sheeple.gif

2 months and counting!

[+ Lucky]

How many here besides me have met Boobers?

[+ g56whiz]

Wow!

 

What a great first post. You got some of the best thinking from some the most thoughtful posters on this site. Congratulations.

 

But there's something in your initial post that troubles me. Why would you be comparing yourself to Brad Pitt. Not even Brad Pitt looks that good every day! There's a secret to finding happiness in a relationship. Before you can love someone, you have to be able to love yourself warts and all. So before you go to a bar or bowling with Cooper, you've got to sit down and come to terms with you. Beauty, true beauty, only emerges from the inside and it is readily seen by thoughtful guys interested in something more than an hour of bliss. And it's that inner beauty you should be looking for as well. But you have to be sensitive to the fact that the container for that inner beauty may be an over the hill, overweight truck driver like the one Greg found. Sure chemistry is important, but if you've come to terms with yourself, you'll have the confidence to experiment with the chemistry. And if it's sexual insecurity your experiencing, perhaps a session or two with a good "beginner" escort/surrogate will give you confidence you need.

 

And with your new inner beauty and confidence, take the sage Cooper's advice and get out and mingle in the gay community and not only in bars. Making and keeping good gay friends is almost as important as entering an LTR. In our community friends often function as family and are important sounding boards for things you might not want to discuss with your dad or sis. And sometimes those friendships just happen to grow deeper.

 

And how do I know all this? I listened to my much younger partner of nearly twenty years who - by the way - is Asian. And I'm not really a rice queen: just an aging guaylo[sp?]. Best Wishes.

[seaboy4hire]

>How many here besides me have met Boobers?

 

Other then you Lucky just Daddy and Raul have met Boobers.

 

Hugs,

Greg

http://seaboy4hire.tripod.com

seaboy4hire@yahoo.com

Your low rent escort http://www.daddysreviews.com/newest.php?who=greg_seattle

http://www.rockbox.org/mail/archive/rockbox-archive-2008-07/att-0126/Sheeple.gif

2 months and counting!

[+ Lucky]

The Lucky Three...and I've also met Daddy and Raul.

[+ g56whiz]

Greg, I'd LIKE to meet the lucky guy. He sound like a real mensch. And b/t/w that's small "l" lucky: not the capital "L" Lucky. I've already had that distinct honor and pleasure and hope to do so again on his next bite of the Big Apple.

[+ Lucky]

It's pretty hard to go straight when you are already gay.

[+ Charlie]

Jarrodbui, I think you have some thoughtless stereotypes of your own about gays and straights. For the last six months, the local paper here in Palm Springs, which prints marriage announcements, with a photo, on the society page, has had many male couples. Interestingly, most of the men are guys you would probably not notice when you passed them on the street, even if your gaydar were on. None of them mentions having met in an online chat room, bathhouse or drug-fueled orgy, but some of the older ones do mention that they originally met in bars or clubs. The younger ones, however, usually met through work, professional or social organizations. One of the advantages of being a young gay man nowadays is that it is possible to be out in all sorts of situations, and to meet other gay men in less sex-drenched venues than bars, as Cooper wisely advised.

 

But perhaps I am overreading your post, and you are not looking for Mr. Right, just a good fuck. In that case, you, too, may be overlooking some guys in the bars who are not fabulous-looking studs, either. Another possibility is that hot hunk standing alone that you have already focused on: why not walk up, flash your dimples, and strike up a conversation with him--what do you have to lose? Even if you don't manage to pick him up, a lot of other people will notice YOU.

[Guest zipperzone]

>It's pretty hard to go straight when you are already gay.

 

Don't be absurd. You CHOSE to be gay so now just choose to be straight, you know, like all those Right Wing Christian Whack Jobs tell us to........

[jarrodbui]

>Don't be absurd. You CHOSE to be gay so now just choose to be

>straight, you know, like all those Right Wing Christian Whack

>Jobs tell us to........

 

I'm sorry if you are upset by the last part of my 2nd post. I don't mean any political agenda here, just to show my frustration to the harsh reality of discrimination among gay community.

 

It also seems to me that sexual/physical attraction plays a key part in a gay relationship. That's why we are here at this forum for male escort reviews :-). I feel depressed when witnessing how old and fat gay men are treated at gay bar/night club, as I myself will become just like that eventually. These poor guys are totally invisible, not only by younger gay men, but also by other old and fat gay men. The rejection from a woman to a man is not that harsh, as compared to the rejection between gay men.

 

As for myself, I prefer being a 75-year-old ugly man holding hands of my old ugly woman at home, than being a sad lonely man sitting at a gay bar the whole night totally ignored by everyone.

[Rick Munroe]

>As for myself, I prefer being a 75-year-old ugly man holding

>hands of my old ugly woman at home

 

And who among us hasn't had that fantasy? It's hot!