Just need to vent- How do I stop flakes?

[pubic_assistance]

On 9/4/2021 at 10:36 PM, Daniel84 said:

What is the best advice you can give me to see if clients are real and are really booking time with a provider? 

With any career that exposes you to the general public, you really have no guaranteed way to filter.

Best strategy is to simply do your best to organize a list of regulars, so you don't rely heavily on strangers.

[Todd Jenkins]

6 hours ago, Daniel84 said:

Well the client in question just texted me that he is member on the forum and read this post. 
 

So my question for him why do stand up providers and say you arrived when you clearly never showed up. 
 

His response

 “It’s part of the fun for me”

 

 

WHAT A FUC*ING JERK!!! Wish you could find out who he is on here and out him!!! 

[Daniel84]

1 hour ago, Todd Jenkins said:

WHAT A FUC*ING JERK!!! Wish you could find out who he is on here and out him!!! 

I know who it is. He’s not worth calling out. Karma always works. It’s better to be positive and keep that negative energy away for me. 

i informed all of my escort friends in New York and Washington DC to stay away from him though

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

1 hour ago, Daniel84 said:

I know who it is. He’s not worth calling out. Karma always works. It’s better to be positive and keep that negative energy away for me. 

i informed all of my escort friends in New York and Washington DC to stay away from him though

And if you wish, you can add him to the varying client blacklists out there.

Game-players eventually need to be taught that the game ends...  Badly.

Edited September 7, 2021 by Benjamin_Nicholas

[+ MysticMenace]

2 hours ago, Daniel84 said:

I know who it is. He’s not worth calling out. Karma always works. It’s better to be positive and keep that negative energy away for me. 

i informed all of my escort friends in New York and Washington DC to stay away from him though

way to go, @Daniel84! stay classy and sexy!

[DMICS]

 

On 9/4/2021 at 10:36 PM, Daniel84 said:

Hey guys,

So i just started escorting again and I have had some incredible clients the past two weeks. Today i was supposed to have a 2 hour appointment. I was waiting outside across the street for him to arrive. He stated he was at my apt ( correct location) at the call box. I was watching the front door the entire time. 
 

He was never there and was just a guy screwing around. He then laughs about the whole ordeal of me getting ready and him not showing up. I just don’t understand people. 
 

What is the best advice you can give me to see if clients are real and are really booking time with a provider? 
 

Thank you 

 

 

Sadly, it's a part of the business. Unless you're willing to start charging a deposit there's not much you can do unless you're a pro at seeing the signs of someone wasting your time.

 

12 hours ago, Daniel84 said:

Well the client in question just texted me that he is member on the forum and read this post. 
 

So my question for him why do stand up providers and say you arrived when you clearly never showed up. 
 

His response

 “It’s part of the fun for me”

 

 

 

Now see this is the utmost disrespect. Stood you up twice and now it's like he's taunting you in a sick way that "it's part of the fun for me" AND he's a member of the forum?

I give you a lot of props for not exposing him, I still think his account should be banned on here. I would be LIVID. This is the 1st time I've ever heard of someone flaking in any aspect and saying it's a part of the thrill. Straight up disgusting. 

[Daniel84]

1 minute ago, DMICS said:

 

 

Sadly, it's a part of the business. Unless you're willing to start charging a deposit there's not much you can do unless you're a pro at seeing the signs of someone wasting your time.

 

 

Now see this is the utmost disrespect. Stood you up twice and now it's like he's taunting you in a sick way that "it's part of the fun for me" AND he's a member of the forum?

I give you a lot of props for not exposing him, I still think his account should be banned on here. I would be LIVID. This is the 1st time I've ever heard of someone flaking in any aspect and saying it's a part of the thrill. Straight up disgusting. 

Maybe I should contact the moderators as I have texts from him confirming his username. 
 

He post a lot about providers flaking on him when he’s the one that flakes and screws with providers for fun. 

[DMICS]

7 minutes ago, Daniel84 said:

Maybe I should contact the moderators as I have texts from him confirming his username. 
 

He post a lot about providers flaking on him when he’s the one that flakes and screws with providers for fun. 

Good idea, definitely look into that option.

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

8 hours ago, DMICS said:

AND he's a member of the forum?

I give you a lot of props for not exposing him, I still think his account should be banned on here. I would be LIVID. This is the 1st time I've ever heard of someone flaking in any aspect and saying it's a part of the thrill. Straight up disgusting. 

Hate to tell you this, but this forum has (known) members who stalk, dox and harass escorts outside of the board.

it's just a malfunctioning part of how this place has always run. 

Unchecked obsession is an incredibly unhealthy thing.

Edited September 7, 2021 by Benjamin_Nicholas

[DMICS]

4 hours ago, Benjamin_Nicholas said:

Hate to tell you this, but this forum has (known) members who stalk, dox and harass escorts outside of the board.

it's just a malfunctioning part of how this place has always run. 

Unchecked obsession is an incredibly unhealthy thing.

Just scary (and sad) overall. 

[+ nycman]

17 hours ago, Daniel84 said:

Maybe I should contact the moderators as I have texts from him confirming his username

Minor point….

Just because he says that’s his username doesn’t mean that’s him. 

Stalkers and game players are rarely honest or straight forward.

[marylander1940]

On 9/4/2021 at 10:36 PM, Daniel84 said:

Hey guys,

So i just started escorting again and I have had some incredible clients the past two weeks. Today i was supposed to have a 2 hour appointment. I was waiting outside across the street for him to arrive. He stated he was at my apt ( correct location) at the call box. I was watching the front door the entire time. 
 

He was never there and was just a guy screwing around. He then laughs about the whole ordeal of me getting ready and him not showing up. I just don’t understand people. 
 

What is the best advice you can give me to see if clients are real and are really booking time with a provider? 
 

Thank you 

 

Unfortunately burner apps have empowered folks allowing them to behave like this, delete the number and do it all over again...

Just think of folks like this as losers getting back at life.

 

[marylander1940]

On 9/7/2021 at 1:42 AM, Daniel84 said:

Maybe I should contact the moderators as I have texts from him confirming his username. 
 

He post a lot about providers flaking on him when he’s the one that flakes and screws with providers for fun. 

That would be a start!

 

[Aaron312]

Sorry to hear that you got treated like that. Providers deserve better. I hope that this continues to be an outlying occurrence.

I don’t know of any way of avoiding this other than what’s been mentioned (deposits, video call, etc.). A few years back those things might have prevented me from engaging with a provider but these days I don’t mind as much and take it as a positive sign that the provider is less likely to cancel/flake themselves.

It sounds like this individual feeds off the negative attention they get, so ignoring and blocking them might be the best you can do.

[sincitymix]

On 9/5/2021 at 4:09 PM, nycman said:

That sentence just made me hard. 

His graphs are certainly something to see

[sincitymix]

On 9/6/2021 at 10:05 AM, Daniel84 said:

Well the client in question just texted me that he is member on the forum and read this post. 
 

So my question for him why do stand up providers and say you arrived when you clearly never showed up. 
 

His response

 “It’s part of the fun for me”

 

 

Personally i think he should be banned from the forum. The forum is meant to bring us all together and his actions slap in the face of what we are all here for. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

23 minutes ago, sincitymix said:

Personally i think he should be banned from the forum. The forum is meant to bring us all together and his actions slap in the face of what we are all here for. 

Honestly, if we banned people for the awful things they do to do other members here, we'd lose a lot of folks. 

There's a lot of constant backchanneling, multiple identities and agendas at play.  For what should be a fun, enjoyable hobby, some people take it to the obsessive extreme.

The best piece of advice to remember on this thread:

On 9/7/2021 at 6:32 PM, nycman said:

Stalkers and game players are rarely honest or straight forward.

 

[+ jessmapex]

Before I gave up on casual Internet dating and started relying entirely on providers for fun, this kinda thing happened in normal dating / Grindr hookups as well. From behind the mobile/computer/voice mails screens worst of human decency comes out. 

This used to bother me to end and would make me mad. Now, as I aged, as many have said above, I am zen about it. This is a part of the lifestyle ...even outside the provider-client interaction.

I understand it hurts more since this is how you earn your living, but don't let it bother you and don't make the mistake of accepting business from this guy.

 

 

Edited December 15, 2021 by jessmapex

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I will join the minority of client opinions here in saying to ask for a deposit. Even if it's $25. While I realize some clients want extreme anonymity, those who don't need or want that shouldn't have a problem with a small deposit. 

We put deposits down for services all the time outside of escort work. If we're seeing someone for the first time, sometimes we even offer. That makes me feel like we've secured the time. Generally, once we've met a provider they do not ask for a deposit again. 

[+ nycman]

4 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

We put deposits down for services all the time outside of escort work.

I was trying to think through my own list of service providers on this one…..

Doctor…no.
Dentist….no.
Lawyer…no.
Trainer….no.
Auto-mechanic….no.
Landscaper…..no.
Plumber….no.
Electrician….no.
Driver…no.
Waiter….no.
Massage therapist….no.
Manicurist…no

Honestly, the only "yes" I did come up with was occasionally for a caterer, but they have significant expenses for food and drink prior to the event and I understand wanting a deposit in those scenarios. 

And no….an enema is not a "significant expense"….it’s just a warm, wet, pain in the ass. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

19 hours ago, nycman said:

I was trying to think through my own list of service providers on this one…..

Doctor…no.
Dentist….no.
Lawyer…no.
Trainer….no.
Auto-mechanic….no.
Landscaper…..no.
Plumber….no.
Electrician….no.
Driver…no.
Waiter….no.
Massage therapist….no.
Manicurist…no

Honestly, the only "yes" I did come up with was occasionally for a caterer, but they have significant expenses for food and drink prior to the event and I understand wanting a deposit in those scenarios. 

And no….an enema is not a "significant expense"….it’s just a warm, wet, pain in the ass. 

This is pedantry. Most doctors will charge you for a missed appointment if you don’t cancel with sufficient notice, same for dentists. 

Electricians, landscapers, etc, are coming to your house. So if you don’t pay, they don’t do the work. They’re not sitting in a hotel waiting for you to show up.

if you were to do extensive landscaping work, remodeling your home, etc, you would likely pay a deposit before work begins. You would also have a contract. 
 

if you don’t want to send a deposit to a new provider, then don’t. But if I were in their business, I’d probably insist on it.

[John]

Both Kensingtonhomo and nycman have a point.  BUT even if I were willing to put down a $25 deposit, how do I get it to the provider? The business is full of untrustworthy types, and plenty clients are deceived and robbed (see these pages passim). Providers are not out of the same bag as my doctor. I am supposed to send it electronically?  Or give the guy a credit card number like I do restaurants and hotels?  No way.

Please don't go and list 87 ways to make a "safe and anonymous" electronic transfer.  I just won't do it. Cause I don't believe it's safe and anonymous.

There are lots of risks in this business.  The client shoulders many.  Providers can shoulder others.

 

[+ IronMaus]

On 9/6/2021 at 10:05 AM, Daniel84 said:

Well the client in question just texted me that he is member on the forum and read this post. 
 

So my question for him why do stand up providers and say you arrived when you clearly never showed up. 
 

His response

 “It’s part of the fun for me”

 

 

This guy is a legit stalker - and that is not something an individual wants to have on his record or reputation. I encourage you to share his info here and with your escort friends to prevent him from doing this to others. Discretion is important, but it means fuck all when it comes to being stalked. Put him on blast.

I use phone numbers and emails when chatting with a new client who isn't exactly forthcoming. Run their phone number through Linkedin and FB (or pay for a service) to find them. Once you know his real name, its not hard to find his address. Once you know his address, its not hard to send them a card and encourage them to stop stalking escorts "for fun" - or to show up with a bunch of escorts, a camera, and maybe some pitchforks.


 

[+ RJD]

4 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

This is pedantry. Most doctors will charge you for a missed appointment if you don’t cancel with sufficient notice, same for dentists. 

Electricians, landscapers, etc, are coming to your house. So if you don’t pay, they don’t do the work. They’re not sitting in a hotel waiting for you to show up.

if you were to do extensive landscaping work, remodeling your home, etc, you would likely pay a deposit before work begins. You would also have a contract. 
 

if you don’t want to send a deposit to a new provider, then don’t. But if I were in their business, I’d probably insist on it.

I have visited many doctors and none has ever asked me to send money before arriving.  There’s a difference between paying a co-pay upon arrival at your doctor’s office for your appointment (or for a missed appointment without sufficient notice) and sending money electronically to an unknown entity whose only means of contact is a burner mobile number and a RM advertisement.  
 

The only time I’ve ever provided any payment upfront to any service provider is when it’s a large job, requires the purchase of substantial materials, and upon execution of a legally binding contract.  Typically 1/3 upfront, 1/3 half way through the job, and the final 1/3 upon completion.  
 

I’ve yet to call my plumber, electrician, landscaper, appliance repairman, or handyman and be required to Venmo a deposit just to get him out to my home.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

On 12/20/2021 at 12:58 PM, John said:

Both Kensingtonhomo and nycman have a point.  BUT even if I were willing to put down a $25 deposit, how do I get it to the provider? The business is full of untrustworthy types, and plenty clients are deceived and robbed (see these pages passim). Providers are not out of the same bag as my doctor. I am supposed to send it electronically?  Or give the guy a credit card number like I do restaurants and hotels?  No way.

Please don't go and list 87 ways to make a "safe and anonymous" electronic transfer.  I just won't do it. Cause I don't believe it's safe and anonymous.

There are lots of risks in this business.  The client shoulders many.  Providers can shoulder others.

 

I spoke to what I am prepared to do and have done, as well as an understanding that due to flakey "clients" some providers may require this. It's not a moral decision. It's business. 

Also, knowing people who do or have done sex work, sure there's some risk for clients, but the overwhelming risk is on the part of the provider. I don't know why you're so concerned about anonymity but that's totally valid. I'm not that concerned about it because I'm totally out, and while there's a small risk to my public profile, I'm pretty open about being pro-sex work.