Avoiding judgmental people in interactions…

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Short of just avoiding getting close to people who are not in the biz, what’s generally a useful strategy?

Just cut ties with someone yesterday who I’d met with a couple of times (though it was off an app and started sexual anyway). I didn’t reveal what I do right away, as the question didn’t come up. But then just out of nowhere the other day he inquiries about what I do for work (And I also am going to be figuring out more ways to shut people down when they ask this question, because I feel when some ask, it feels they’re doing so with some sort of suspicion…and I don’t like that). 
 

After I told him, he did a complete 180 on me…saying we should just be friends, canceling plans and then telling me he dated an escort previously and it ended badly. As if that experience speaks for all who are in the industry. 
 

It’s stuff like that which makes me not be able to trust people with my business. I try to do things the right way and be open and honest, but it seems like every time, it backfires. I almost just have to lie and deny and have some sort of formula like: if I haven’t known them for at least 4 dates/meets, don’t even bother telling them. Why do I need somebody who I’ve only met once or twice, judging and criticizing me when they haven’t even fucking proven that they’re invested either?

So I’m at a crossroads: I can either just not tell anybody else I meet anymore, or I can resolve to only deal with guys in the industry…but that presents its own share of challenges too, because I feel many guys in the biz go thru periods where all they care about is the next client or gig, and less about hanging out and making friends.

 

[John]

You can't control how the other guy reacts, only what you say.  If you are comfortable with the answer you gave, fine.  Let him go.

 

[marylander1940]

10 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Short of just avoiding getting close to people who are not in the biz, what’s generally a useful strategy?

Just cut ties with someone yesterday who I’d met with a couple of times (though it was off an app and started sexual anyway). I didn’t reveal what I do right away, as the question didn’t come up. But then just out of nowhere the other day he inquiries about what I do for work (And I also am going to be figuring out more ways to shut people down when they ask this question, because I feel when some ask, it feels they’re doing so with some sort of suspicion…and I don’t like that). 
 

After I told him, he did a complete 180 on me…saying we should just be friends, canceling plans and then telling me he dated an escort previously and it ended badly. As if that experience speaks for all who are in the industry. 
 

It’s stuff like that which makes me not be able to trust people with my business. I try to do things the right way and be open and honest, but it seems like every time, it backfires. I almost just have to lie and deny and have some sort of formula like: if I haven’t known them for at least 4 dates/meets, don’t even bother telling them. Why do I need somebody who I’ve only met once or twice, judging and criticizing me when they haven’t even fucking proven that they’re invested either?

So I’m at a crossroads: I can either just not tell anybody else I meet anymore, or I can resolve to only deal with guys in the industry…but that presents its own share of challenges too, because I feel many guys in the biz go thru periods where all they care about is the next client or gig, and less about hanging out and making friends.

 

Hard to believe he dated also a former escort and because it ended badly he would rather not date you... I think it was nothing but a polite way to say he wasn't interested in dating you because of your profession. 

Younger guys nowadays don't mind having friends who do porno or escort, they are simply less judgmental.

[italianboyph]

He’s gonna feel the way he feels, but honestly it’s prob best that y’all went separate ways. Being judgy based on something that has to do with sex is dumb. The right guy won’t judge you for what you do, but support you.

[jeezifonly]

In fairness to this potential date, @Jarrod_Uncut you have posted many times about the blurry line that exists for you between a private date and a professional one (on the clock) and that you get frustrated when it’s blurry for clients as well.
Maybe when he found out that your social time is often paid for, he just didn’t want to create confusion about his interest in you, not judge you for your work. Take it as a win.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

11 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Hard to believe he dated also a former escort and because it ended badly he would rather not date you... I think it was nothing but a polite way to say he wasn't interested in dating you because of your profession. 

Younger guys nowadays don't mind having friends who do porno or escort, they are simply less judgmental.

What made it annoying too was, he tried to come off so polite in the process. I told him that façade was very transparent. Especially considering he didn’t have any problem with me prior to me telling him that. What he did for work was pretty obvious, because it was a work from home due to COVID gig. But he was trying to find an exit strategy from his job, so it’s not like he was in the perfect position himself. 
 

If I would have guessed he’d of been such a dick about it, I would have taken on some other plans over the weekend, instead of not attending one of the pride parties that was going on in town. But because I needed to get things done, I couldn’t do the date and the party over the weekend. I ended up not doing either. 
 

I have zero tolerance for someone who’s not even a client, to waste my time. I definitely won’t be dealing with him again. That’s why I wish there was reviews for guys on these hookup apps. It’s easy to give a one sided story about his ex who was an escort, but I wonder what the supposed ex escort has to say about him! 

It's just like my "quasi" ex boyfriend who started as a client. Our thing ended badly, but it didn't end badly because I was an escort or he once seen me as a client. It ended badly because he was a bitch and decided to do some fucked up shit behind my back one day.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[topunderachiever]

You're judging and attacking him for politely informing you he doesn't want to date a provider?

Edited August 24, 2021 by topunderachiever

[Jarrod_Uncut]

2 hours ago, topunderachiever said:

You're judging and attacking him for politely informing you he doesn't want to date a provider?

No I'm not judging or attacking him. I'm just saying it was judgmental and inconsiderate of him to tell me he wants to go on a date, we had plans on Saturday, which he cancelled because he claims he was tired and in a bad mood from work, but somehow that switched over to a question about what i do for work (in which I kept my whole evening open for, and could have accepted other plans considering it was also pride weekend in town). 

Prior to this, we met twice...he was sucking my dick within 20 minutes (which technically makes him a sex worker too, minus the money). The 2nd time was similar and he offered to go on a dinner and movie date when he got back from vacation,

However, we agreed to reschedule for the next day Sunday...and he didn't even bother to cancel, I reached out to him asking if we were still good and he completely blows me off. So I pretty much missed out on an invite to a party Saturday afternoon, because I told myself I didn't want to attend both because that would have meant me having to commute twice that day across town. I shoulda just went. He wasted my time.

It was a very bitch and dick move on his part. But I'm really just past getting upset with men who aren't worth the energy. 

I even had a good talk with my regular client buddy the day after (which made up for the loss), and was giving him a lecture about how he cancelled on another provider to see me. I told him I was grateful that he wanted to spend more time with me instead, but I wouldn't want someone doing it to me, you shouldn't do it to the other person. And the escort is a popular guy and was asking my client for the full fee. I told him, I can't tell how to spend your money, but give him 50-100 for his inconvenience at-least.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ IronMaus]

The best way to avoid this scenario is telling people upfront. If this bugs them, so be it - its you and if they aren't interested in you as a sex worker then fuck them. Or don't.

Many of my friends and lovers are not in the industry. Some of my older friends and family had concerns in the beginning - but after seeing me be happy, successful, and never in need of money from my parents 😇, they came around.

You could be the reason someone changes their mind about sex workers. Or they can be the reason you don't feel comfortable being honest. It's up to you.