Do straight male homophobes turn you off from liking other men?

[caramelsub]

Growing up, I was never really out. But I did on a couple of occasions get taunted by male bullies who I guess presumed me to be gay. I don't think I'll be able to fully come to terms with my sexuality, because I feel that most homophobic people are men. Women can be homophobic too, but I feel they are less likely to bully or harass a gay man, than a straight man would. I just don't see myself being able to fully open up about liking other men, if most homophobic people are men. Anyone else feel the same?

[Guest]

I don't get the connection. It sounds like you're punishing yourself because of the bad behavior of others? And, by the way, probably the most homophobic dudes are closeted gay men who can't come to terms with themselves, and try to make others feel as miserable as they are. Remember former Idaho Senator Larry Craig? The best revenge is living well!

[+ nycman]

Most homophobes are men.

I‘m a homo.

Ergo, I don’t like men?

 

Seriously twisted logic at best.

 

And why on God‘s green earth would you let a few assholes ruin your fun?

News flash, the world is full of assholes. If you let them control you, then

they win. Now get out there and love the men who love you back!

[+ MysticMenace]

the world is full of assholes

 

...although would kinda want the world to have more dicks for "my" asshole. gawd, am so thirsty tonight ?

[+ purplekow]

Here is the key. Love men who love you Don't think twice about those who hate you. Life is too full of regrets as it is, avoid what is without doubt going to be a regret for you in future years if you keep on the path you are now traveling.

The question you might be better asking rather than if there are others out there with the same issue, is perhaps, who has overcome this and is now living a fulfilled life. .

[jeezifonly]

i think I can relate to this, @caramelsub

 

I was targeted by sissy-haters from 4th grade through high school. (This was shortly after the Louisiana Purchase, for those who need a social context ? ) I was never beaten up, but a couple of guys wanted to take it there and I didn’t let it get out of control. I was not a “screamer”, but, being the all the hot girls’ best friend who was in plays, the Honor Society, and the speech club and always last-to-be-chosen in all sports, I’m sure everyone around me knew before I did. I do not look back on those days fondly.

 

When in school, though, you did not have an easy option to truly separate yourself from other students who simply enjoyed making your life difficult. (These people go on to write and produce Realty TV shows)

But ya know what? Now you do

 

At work, aggressive or hostile behavior is prohibited by Labor Law.

 

You are never required to socialize with co-workers, so pick and choose work friends carefully, and open up to those whose vibe feels right. Do be aware that sometimes coming out to one can be coming out to all.

 

In public settings, you’ll unlikely be a targeted by anyone harboring anti-gay feelings, but just to be sure, don’t grab a random guy’s dick or ass. (You shouldn’t be crotch-brush close to anyone right now, right?) Seriously, most people (straight men) in most situations do not care.

 

Homophobia is a form of ignorance and, like the other forms of it, will never go away.

Avoid the high ignorance-saturated gathering areas, like NASCAR rallies, gun shows, Evangelical pancake suppers and Lynyrd Skynyrd Concerts.

Live your life. Share it with people who appreciate You. When you encounter the odd situation that makes to feel threatened, just leave.

 

But don’t go into a room assuming that everyone sees the big neon sign over your head that flashes HOMO, or the trail of pink glitter you leave behind. Because they don’t.

 

Be polite, kind and funny, and see how many people won’t really care who you make out with.

[Chad Constantine]

I don't understand this kind of mindset. Who cares if more men are homophobic. If your going to hit on someone then do it in a gay bar instead of a straight bar and you won't have anything to worry about. You have grow a spine because you are too old and life is too short to be afraid of bullies or homophobes. Go sign up for self defense classes if you are afraid this way if it comes to blows you can give as much as you get .

[caramelsub]

Thanks for the input thus far. Just to clarify I meant bullying at the middle and high school level, where it’s most common. I know we are protected at workplace settings as adults. But in youth not so much, it’s pretty much unavoidable. So I guess I’m dwelling a bit on my own past.

[jeezifonly]

Thanks for the input thus far. Just to clarify I meant bullying at the middle and high school level, where it’s most common. I know we are protected at workplace settings as adults. But in youth not so much, it’s pretty much unavoidable. So I guess I’m dwelling a bit on my own past.

The past has become infinitely closer for all of us thanks to FB, Insta, etc.

 

Online, as well, you have the option to delete, unfriend and unfollow, and block if you have to.

 

Move forward, you’ll be fine.

[orville]

Real straight men don't "pay attention to" other men's sexuality. All their mental energy is focused 24/7 on getting pussy.

Real straight men are so confident of their own sexuality that they don't even mind us, and would occa$ionally accept a bj from us.

99% of homophobic "straight" (aka married with kids) males who hate gays are closeted cases. The other 1% are just retarded. I pity both.

Edited November 27, 2020 by orville

[Guest]

First, I’m sorry you’re not 100% comfortable. I hope you’ll find a way to reconciling and finding comfort.

From the perspective of a heterosexual, I’d say that those vocal teen homophobes probably were reacting from their own gender identity crisis. Whether due to peer or family pressures, they were probably psyching themselves into who they thought they should be by trying to antagonize and belittle someone representing what they were afraid of being. It’s a shame you were collateral damage to their own insecurity. Please don’t let their insecurity be a source of your own angst.

 

Remember, guys who drive big trucks are probably trying to compensate for something. Teens don’t generally have the resources to get big trucks...so they compensate in other unfortunate ways.

[Guest]

Never let anyone define who you are. Some of my biggest regrets are being afraid of who I am, letting people calling me faggot make me afraid of what I wanted. There were so many opportunities when I was young that I ran away from for fear of being what they said I was. Sex shaming needs to stop, it's the one thing that brings great joy in our lives. That and pizza.

[+ Pensant]

99% of homophobic "straight" (aka married with kids) males who hate gays are closeted cases.

And possibly hirers.

[orville]

And possibly hirers.

Oh yeah. Probably bottoms who love to get pounded very hard while wearing lingerie to recreate the sissy faggot fantasy ?

Edited November 26, 2020 by orville

[+ Balthazar]

Real straight men don't "pay attention to" other men's sexuality. All their mental energy is focused 24/7 on getting pussy.

Real straight men are so confident of their own sexuality that they don't even mind us, and would occa$ionally accept a bj from us.

99% of homophobic "straight" (aka married with kids) males who hate gays are closeted cases. The other 1% are just retarded. I pity both.

That's an interesting take. Although I agree that some portion of homophobic, straight men are managing same-sex attraction in a dysfunctional manner (e.g., reaction formation defense mechanism), I think that these cases are the minority. One doesn't have to identify with/be attracted to a group to be prejudiced against them. It would really be unfortunate if the 99% statistic were accurate, as it would mean that a significant portion of homophobia stems from self-hating queer men.

[+ Balthazar]

Growing up, I was never really out. But I did on a couple of occasions get taunted by male bullies who I guess presumed me to be gay. I don't think I'll be able to fully come to terms with my sexuality, because I feel that most homophobic people are men. Women can be homophobic too, but I feel they are less likely to bully or harass a gay man, than a straight man would. I just don't see myself being able to fully open up about liking other men, if most homophobic people are men. Anyone else feel the same?

I think one of the tough things about being gay is that many of us are trained to be vigilant to protect ourselves. Many of us have been in situations where we could have legitimately been at risk of harm. If we are too defensive, however, it can be difficult to connect with people because of our lack of vulnerability. I hope you're able to take a risk and been vulnerable with men. I've frequently not given guys a chance because I was afraid they would reject me.

[orville]

I think that these cases are the minority. One doesn't have to identify with/be attracted to a group to be prejudiced against them.

Sorry Honey. No.

All these 4 links cite the Scientific Study of 2012.

I suppose those homophobes would love to think they are straight, but that's not true.

 

Are Homophobic People Really Gay and Not Accepting It?

Homophobic Men are Aroused by Gay Porn.

Homophobes Might be Hidden Homosexuals.

Study: Homophones Might be Hidden Homosexuals.

 

And before you point out the 'Might' of the last 2 links, please remember that this is a sensitive topic so Scientific and Academic institutions would prefer to keep it low, but we all know the truth. These kinds of studies are just for confirmation of what we've already learned and known from repeated cases of anecdotal evidence and empirical observation.

Edited November 27, 2020 by orville