Would you choose to be gay if you could?

[mmk]

Seeing soccerstud's recent thread made me think of something. If you could relive your life would you still want to be gay? Or if you knew you were going to be reincarnated after you died would you choose to come back as a gay man?

 

For me, I would would want to be gay in both instances, no questions asked. Looking back on my life, I never wanted children nor did I ever see myself with children so that would never be an issue. (I have a few nieces and nephews that I can spoil and then send back to their parents.) Being gay for me was never a drawback in my life nor did I ever wear it on my sleeve like "I have these problems because I am gay". (At some points being gay was the only stable thing in my life.) We all have things that we would want to change in our lives but my sexuality was never one of them. Is there anybody else out there that feels that way?

[Rick Munroe]

I would only choose to be gay if Derek also chose it. Otherwise, I'd be in love with a straight guy and we all know where that leads.

[Guest josephga]

i would rather be str8 if it was a choice. i see how happy my str8 friends are in their relationships. and i havent been able to find that type of happiness in the gay world..

[Cooper]

If we lived in a perfect world where there was no discrimination and everyone was truly treated equally regardless of their race, creed, color, or sexual orientation then maybe. Otherwise, I'd be a lot more comfortable and happier with my family, friends, religion, and political affiliation being straight.

[Guest jstlooknthx]

I think happiniess is an inside job, no matter what your situation is. It's easy to blame a situation or anything else for your lot in life, but I believe it is our own deep discriminations and harsh judgements of ourselves that cause unhappiness.

I don't necessarily find my straight friends any happier than my gay friends. Perhaps they followed a more traditional path, but that has it's own set of problems, challanges. I find my being gay was the cause of a deeper exploration of who I am early in my life. That is a big plus to me. Many people never even scratch the suface of who they really are until they hit the wall somewhere in their forties saying to themselves "Where am I and who's life am I living"?

[Guest zipperzone]

>Seeing soccerstud's recent thread made me think of something.

> If you could relive your life would you still want to be gay?

> Or if you knew you were going to be reincarnated after you

>died would you choose to come back as a gay man?

 

Yes, in a heartbeat to both of your questions.

[twinkboylover28]

>i see how happy my

>str8 friends are in their relationships. and i havent been

>able to find that type of happiness in the gay world..

 

Exactly.

Straight.

[Guest pj4florida]

I agree with Cooper if no discrimation I would love being Gay and it my preference however, we are not in a perfect world and I being a gay man in a straight so called relationship with children I never wish my children be gay. If they are I will be happy for them but for their benefit I hope they are not. My wife and I have no misunderstanding and she and I are both Gay but 90% of world knows but it is don't ask dont tell attitude in our home town. We keep it away from our lives ffor benefit of our children.

 

PJ

[+ Charlie]

Who wouldn't choose to be whatever is considered most desirable, powerful, successful, admirable, etc.? In other words, who wouldn't choose to be tall, handsome, superhung, the child of wealthy parents, endowed with a high I.Q., and of course heterosexual? Failing all that, I would at least like to still have a full head of hair.

[+ Gar1eth]

>Who wouldn't choose to be whatever is considered most

>desirable, powerful, successful, admirable, etc.? In other

>words, who wouldn't choose to be tall, handsome, superhung,

>the child of wealthy parents, endowed with a high I.Q., and of

>course heterosexual? Failing all that, I would at least like

>to still have a full head of hair.

 

 

I'd be straight. While I don't think I am fooling myself into thinking that all my problems would be gone if I were straight, I think many of my other problems would be easier to deal with.

 

Oh and I'd pick the full head of hair and being superhung too--as well as the stamina and prowess of KYTOP--if his exploits are true--the man is a machine--and I can only read in awe and wish I were more like him.

 

Gman

[+ Lucky]

Just yesterday I was thinking how much I like being gay. I can't imagine any other way for me to go through life. Being gay is so much more interesting than those conventional lifestyles that strike me as so boring.

 

I love being gay...no pussy for me!

[+ Lucky]

I did want to add that I do understand the position that others have about being gay. I recognize that it is not always easy and that not everyone's family reeacts the same as mine. I have been very lucky in the way that my orientation has been received from family and friends, and I was fortunate to be able to work in San Francisco, where, at least in my caae, being gay was a job asset.

Some guys have it a lot harder and I respect the challenges they have faced and met.

[ariadne1880]

Josephga is on to something. Of course, I have many straight friends who are very unhappy and I have lived most of my life straight and married and was happy at times and unhappy at times.

 

I think it's a very complicated question to be quite honest and one that require more thought than I could ever put in a post on the internet.

 

I do think that one of the things that argues for "gayness" being genetic rather than a choice is the very question asked. Who in the right mind, knowing what one is up against, would "choose" to be gay? You'd have to be nuts.

 

I wouldn't have chosen this. I would much rather have preferred never to have these "feelings" as they say. Life would be easier and simpler. Then when you add in the sometimes incredibly shallowness of the gay world it becomes a no-brainer.

 

The straight world -- which I inhabited for most of my adult life -- doesn't have the level of body fascism. Not even close. I cannot think of a single straight hook-up or meeting website in which people put a picture of their vaginas or dicks as indentification. But that's quite common in the gay world. What's up with that, as they say?

 

And the number of people in the gay world who are age "specific" and rude about it (one guy told me ... "you're over 30? No way, I already have a daddy). You don't find that in the straight world.

 

I realize I'm generalizing here but I think we've all experienced what I'm talking about. So why would anyone "choose" this?

 

I wonder if people's age has something to do with the answer to this question?

 

Mark

[ariadne1880]

I'm curious, Lucky. What is "more interesting" about being gay?

 

Mark

[Guest josephga]

I had a guy walk up too me a few years ago in a club and started talking. we talked for about 20 minutes he and said how old are you? i said 36 his response was ewwwwwwwwwwww and he walked off.

[+ Lucky]

Well, isn't that interesting? Joseph, when you lead an unconventional life style, when you take on roles long meant for women, such as receptive sex, when you learn to confront your innermost sexual feelings and come to the conclusion that you are different, and then have to go through the process of accepting those feelings to be yourself, when you are surrounded by men of great creativity, who, unburdened by family obligations can strike out on ventures unavailable to the family man, when you can face an epidemic where most of your friends are dying quick and painful deaths, when you can be part of a movement that permanently changed health care in this country, when you can be part of a movement that led to greater resepctability and acceptance of yourself and your friends, that's an interesting life to me. Not all happy, but interesting for sure.

 

On top of that, when you lust after a hot guy, you actually might get him! What straight guy can say that?

[foxy]

Like everyone else, I had my struggles (mostly religious) accepting being gay. When I got past that things were pretty good. My family and friends have always been supportive with everything in my life. You can call me "lucky" for that.

 

I have gay and straight friends. Some are married or in committed relationships. Some are single by choice or happenstance. Some have children and others don't. Everyone has problems of one kind or another. That's what life is all about. It's never going to be perfect. You just have to deal with what comes along and make the best of it. It's not rocket science, there are no "secrets" to what makes a happy existance. Only you can make yourself happy.

 

Remember the old saying...be careful what you wish for, you may get it.

[Guest]

Well, I grew up in just about the best social situation a gay (American) guy could hope for: the most tolerant region of the country (SF area), atheist parents, etc. Nevertheless, there's no denying that life would have been easier to go through as a heterosexual--especially as a child/teenager. That being said, being gay does open a number of doors not open to heterosexuals, both social and sexual. Whenever I travel, I feel as if I'm part of a family. And I somehow doubt that my sexual life would have been as fulfilling as a heterosexual.

To me the only disadvantages of being gay are those imposed by society itself (and these are improving every year). If there were no homophobia or societal pressures, I think that most people, if they were really honest with themselves, would prefer to be gay. At this point in time, though, life is certainly easier for heterosexuals, and their job opportunities more open. Among life's handicaps, however, I would say that being gay isn't such an enormous one. If I were told I was going to be reincarnated, and could trade handicaps, I certainly wouldn't trade being gay for another handicap such as being ugly, dumb, or in poor physical shape.

[ariadne1880]

And I cannot even imagine a straight person reacting in that way. Kinda proves the point.

 

Someone the other day called 30 "gay death." How pathetic.

 

Mark

[ariadne1880]

So, that's what is more "interesting" about being gay? Are you serious?

 

I know far more people who have struggled with cancer or heart disease or Alzheimer's than I have with AIDS. And the've changed the health care system more just as much. I have known far more straight people in the arts who were creative and extraordinary.

 

There is only one real difference between gay and straight: where you put your dick. Period. Claiming any kind of "gay superiority" by saying that gay lifestyles are more interesting is just hogwash.

 

We are each as interesting as the people we choose to be with, gay or straight.

 

I do think, though, that the saddest thing I can think of is those who seem to identify themselves only by virtue of their sexuality. And as a gay man, it embarasses that so many of those people are gay, not straight.

 

Mark

[Guest josephga]

most of the rejection iv found comes not from guys younger than me but from guys my own age or older. iv asked guys out 5 years older than me, only for them to say too old.. normally guys that talk with me range from 18 to 25 then it jumps from 25 to 55 the 30ish and 40ish year olds all want younger.. iv tried dating the younger 20ish year old guys they played too many games and wouldnt be faithfull..

[foxy]

Years ago I was complaining to a friend about the gay men I was meeting.

 

He said "There are good fairies and bad fairies".

 

I understood that he wasn't using the term fairy in the sissy sense.

 

It simply means that there are good and bad people everywhere.

 

You have to try to avoid the bad ones and find the good ones. No easy task but if you work at it, it's worth the time and effort.

 

It also helps if you can take early retirement.

[gp0560]

For an idea of what it was like to grow up (closeted) gay in the 1950's, please see my post in "What Makes Me Gay," p.4.

 

Given the social mores at the time, there's no doubt I would have chosen to be straight. I would not have been strong enough at that age to be gay and out.