Flimsy excuse to avoid a booked client

[Smurof]

I genuinely pity today's masseurs in the age of lacking respect of people's time. I'm not one of those people, so when I book an appointment, I expect it to be kept. Today my masseur "cancelled me" because I didn't confirm the appointment this morning. He presumed I would be a no-show, even though I've never flaked on an appointment on him (or anyone else) before. I booked this appointment many days ahead of time, and re-confirmed the time after he acknowledged it earlier in the week.

 

My gut feeling is that he was home, as I heard clapping going on presumably while a sporting event was on tv. He may have peeked through the peephole when I knocked, took a look at me, and decided watching sports was a better use of his time today. When I called him, he told me he sent many messages to confirm today that I didn't respond to, and he was nowhere near his home at the time.

 

I had my phone off all day as I was at a conference, and then my phone died. My phone exploded with his messages from this morning after I left his home once I charged it. He seemed angrier at me than I was at him. I don't at all understand how I could be in the wrong here, but I know he has permanently lost any future business with me.

[loremipsum]

How old was he? Millennials typically regard it as sketchy not to have your phone on and charged at all times. Phones die only when they’re out for hours of partying at nights, making considerable use of their battery for IG stories to commemorate said times and such. Escorts have no-shows often. I myself confirm the day of, as he attempted to do. The fact that he was angrier at you than you at him probably reflects a history of his confirming with clients day of, and having had some neglect to respond even just to cancel, and then not showing. That being said, certainly it is your prerogative not to avail yourself of his services in the future. You confirmed it earlier in the week and that should’ve been good enough. Once a client books an appointment, I’ve learned to act as though they are always serious about seeing me and will follow through, even knowing that they might not. This ensures that I don’t book another client for that time slot and prevents subsequent awkwardness (read: near-disaster) ensuing if they both think they’re going to meet me at the same hour.

[rossthebosssf]

So he tried to confirm if you were coming or not, but your phone was off all morning and didn't respond, correct? If so, then the masseur has every right to make other plans. I know they get no-showed all the time, so your expectation to waste their day waiting for someone who appears not to be coming is pretty selfish. Don't you think? Personally, I would let it go and chalk it up to bad communication on your part and reschedule.

[corndog]

I recently had sort of the opposite situation...

 

The guy, who I had met before, texted me for a follow up meeting on Monday. Unfortunately, I was out of town, but I proposed Wednesday instead. He replied "that will work!"

 

Then Wednesday came, and I texted him to confirm. It had been less than 48 hours since we had agreed on Wednesday. I heard nothing back from him, and texted him a couple more times during the day. Nothing.

 

About a week later, I got a text from him saying that he had been out of town. This is lame. First of all, it seems unlikely that this out-of-town trip popped up within the 48 hours since I had last communicated with him, and secondly, where could he have been that he couldn't send a quick message to let me know that he was not going to be able to make it? Jail, maybe. (I'm mostly kidding about that, he doesn't seem like the jail type.)

 

He's been texting me every couple days with increasingly sexy and provocative messages and photos. I haven't responded at all. He's hot, but I'm feeling like if I wanted to deal with this kind of flakiness, I could just use Grindr for free.

[KeepItReal]

I genuinely pity today's masseurs in the age of lacking respect of people's time. I'm not one of those people, so when I book an appointment, I expect it to be kept. Today my masseur "cancelled me" because I didn't confirm the appointment this morning. He presumed I would be a no-show, even though I've never flaked on an appointment on him (or anyone else) before. I booked this appointment many days ahead of time, and re-confirmed the time after he acknowledged it earlier in the week.

 

My gut feeling is that he was home, as I heard clapping going on presumably while a sporting event was on tv. He may have peeked through the peephole when I knocked, took a look at me, and decided watching sports was a better use of his time today. When I called him, he told me he sent many messages to confirm today that I didn't respond to, and he was nowhere near his home at the time.

 

I had my phone off all day as I was at a conference, and then my phone died. My phone exploded with his messages from this morning after I left his home once I charged it. He seemed angrier at me than I was at him. I don't at all understand how I could be in the wrong here, but I know he has permanently lost any future business with me.

Do you usually confer with him and confirm your appointments the same day (in the morning as you outlined)? If that is the approach you are both used to, the pattern you have established, shall we say, then it makes sense that he would make alternate plans if you do not confirm the same day as usual. Like inviting friends over to watch sports... I also make appointments days ahead of time, but I always confirm same day, even for my regulars. People get sick, life happens, things come up. So I consider that pretty standard.

[Deadlift1]

To answer all of the above questions, he claims to be 35 but I know he's older, and my phone was dead (unknowingly off, because it was dead) the entire morning, and I never confirm same day for anyone. When my last communication is "Great. Seen you then!", I intend and do see them then. I felt it was crazy for the provider to essentially over-react that day and decide to cancel me, whether or not he was home, just because I didn't RE-confirm what was already agreed upon. If he had a doubt, why inconvenience me, albeit not a frequent client but a reliable one.

 

Those who feel I'm in the wrong here don't take into account my leaving my conference to fight heavy traffic to not be late to see him, only for it to end up being a total waste. If he was home, and he's mad about not contacting me, answer the door and sent me away.

Lame. Ur wrong.

[Spursy]

If you tried to confirm multiple times on the day of an appointment and the masseur didn't respond, would you travel to see him?

[instudiocity]

Um, when my phone is dead and I power it back up, all sorts of messages and emails and calls and voicemails start sounding their arrivals.

[loremipsum]

If you tried to confirm multiple times on the day of an appointment and the masseur didn't respond, would you travel to see him?

 

Incisive.

[+ nycman]

I hate when some “reconfirms” a set appointment. Mostly because

I envision fiascos like this happening. If you need to or plan on

“reconfirming” the day of the appointment....tell me upfront so I’ll

know to be expecting your call and/or text. I will tell your that for

me it’s unnecessary, because I consider our appointment “set”, but

I will do it if you insist.

 

“Reconfirming” out of the blue sets us both up for an unintentional failure.

[Rudynate]

It's a fact of life now. Appoinments don't really mean anything. If you don't reconfirm at the last minute, the other party assumes they don't have to show.

[Guest]

...I had my phone off all day as I was at a conference, and then my phone died. My phone exploded with his messages from this morning after I left his home once I charged it. He seemed angrier at me than I was at him. I don't at all understand how I could be in the wrong here, but I know he has permanently lost any future business with me.

Translation: I chose to turn off my phone instead of putting it on "silent" mode. I completely neglected to keep it even marginally charged, although, being in airplane mode or off, it wouldn't have used practically any power--even though I knew there was a fairly high likelihood he'd try to get a hold of me. (What kind of a person does that?) Rather than accept responsibility for my actions, I'm taking it out on the masseur by crossing him off my list. (Although I doubt he'd want to schedule with you again anyway, so it's probably a moot point)

Quite frankly, I personally would have found this high level of negligence (or passive-aggressivity, whichever it was) infuriating myself. The icing on the cake was your blaming the masseur. Not that I could imagine doing what you did, but if I had, I'd have apologized "Oops. My bad."

[Islesguy]

I had this fear when I was in London. I had been dead tired after a few days of doing way more walking than I expected and after getting back to where I was staying the night before I was scheduled to see the guy I set a appointment to see. I went to bed without ever even looking at my phone and missed his text asking if we were still on.

 

When I got up the next morning around 7, I responded the minute I saw the text but was worried he wouldn't see it before I had to leave. We had spoken on phone and had a some good text conversations and decided to take a chance and head to him anyway when he had not responded by the time I left. I was really glad I took the initiative to just go for it because if I hadn't, I would have missed out on the best part of my trip.

[caliguy]

Today my masseur "cancelled me" because I didn't confirm the appointment this morning. He presumed I would be a no-show, even though I've never flaked on an appointment on him (or anyone else) before. I booked this appointment many days ahead of time, and re-confirmed the time after he acknowledged it earlier in the week.

 

My gut feeling is that he was home, as I heard clapping going on presumably while a sporting event was on tv. He may have peeked through the peephole when I knocked, took a look at me, and decided watching sports was a better use of his time today. When I called him, he told me he sent many messages to confirm today that I didn't respond to, and he was nowhere near his home at the time.

 

I had my phone off all day as I was at a conference, and then my phone died. My phone exploded with his messages from this morning after I left his home once I charged it. He seemed angrier at me than I was at him. I don't at all understand how I could be in the wrong here, but I know he has permanently lost any future business with me.

Texting days before is just meaningless. I can't imagine going over to someone's place without a simple text the day of. Doesn't take but a second to do. Hey are we good for today?

 

At any rate, sounds like he wrote you off and had some friends over which would explain why he didn't answer the door.

[rocky]

Now, I'm one of those if I set something up and we say confirm I don't want to reconfirm the night before, the day of the hour of which I have had happened and told, "well you didn't confirm." Yes I did, I set up the appointment. I don't keep my phone with me 24/7 nor should I have to.

[rvwnsd]

Translation: I chose to turn off my phone instead of putting it on "silent" mode. I completely neglected to keep it even marginally charged, although, being in airplane mode or off, it wouldn't have used practically any power--even though I knew there was a fairly high likelihood he'd try to get a hold of me. (What kind of a person does that?) Rather than accept responsibility for my actions, I'm taking it out on the masseur by crossing him off my list. (Although I doubt he'd want to schedule with you again anyway, so it's probably a moot point)

Quite frankly, I personally would have found this high level of negligence (or passive-aggressivity, whichever it was) infuriating myself. The icing on the cake was your blaming the masseur. Not that I could imagine doing what you did, but if I had, I'd have apologized "Oops. My bad."

I wish there was a way to "like" a post more than once. If there was a way to do so, I'd like it 50 times. It is easy to know when your phone is nearly out of power. The little battery indicator turns red. Plugging a phone in is not uncommon at conferences. Your masseur confirmed the appointment, you didn't reply, and he cancelled it. I really don't see why this is so disturbing.

[Guest]

Now, I'm one of those if I set something up and we say confirm I don't want to reconfirm the night before, the day of the hour of which I have had happened and told, "well you didn't confirm." Yes I did, I set up the appointment. I don't keep my phone with me 24/7 nor should I have to.

 

It's OK to have that as a personal preference, but then I would make that crystal-clear with the masseur or escort in advance, and see if he's OK with that himself (bear in mind, he might just say "WTF, how difficult can it be to let me know you're coming?"). To not have your phone even on (or even charged!!) means you can't even (supposedly) consider the possibility that someone would want to confirm in advance by text. I will tell you that a majority of escorts like to know when you're on the way. It's a simple courtesy and it quite literally only takes lifting a finger. I text my fiancé to let him know when I'm leaving the gym (or leaving work if I'm going directly home from work). All you have to do is text "omw" and auto-correct will automatically switch that to "On my way!". Done in a matter of seconds, and shows consideration for the other person. But to not have one's phone even on (or charged!), that's a whole other level. I can imagine the guy's frustration and even anger at the lack of response. Texting (or responding to a text) takes so little effort, I don't see a valid excuse in this situation (obviously can't text at the movie theater or opera, etc.).

Edited October 1, 2019 by Unicorn

[Islesguy]

It's OK to have that as a personal preference, but then I would make that crystal-clear with the masseur or escort in advance, and see if he's OK with that himself (bear in mind, he might just say "WTF, how difficult can it be to let me know you're coming?"). To not have your phone even on (or even charged!!) means you can't even (supposedly) consider the possibility that someone would want to confirm in advance by text. I will tell you that a majority of escorts like to know when you're on the way. It's a simple courtesy and it quite literally only takes lifting a finger. I text my fiancé to let him know when I'm leaving the gym (or leaving work if I'm going directly home from work). All you have to do is text "omw" and auto-correct will automatically switch that to "On my way!". Done in a matter of seconds, and shows consideration for the other person. But to not have one's phone even on (or charged!), that's a whole other level. I can imagine the guy's frustration and even anger at the lack of response. Texting (or responding to a text) takes so little effort, I don't see a valid excuse in this situation (obviously can't text at the movie theater or opera, etc.).

An "on my way" text is way different than a day before confirmation. The person traveling should always let the other person know they are on their way and if at all possible, an expected ETA.

[marylander1940]

I genuinely pity today's masseurs in the age of lacking respect of people's time. I'm not one of those people, so when I book an appointment, I expect it to be kept. Today my masseur "cancelled me" because I didn't confirm the appointment this morning. He presumed I would be a no-show, even though I've never flaked on an appointment on him (or anyone else) before. I booked this appointment many days ahead of time, and re-confirmed the time after he acknowledged it earlier in the week.

 

My gut feeling is that he was home, as I heard clapping going on presumably while a sporting event was on tv. He may have peeked through the peephole when I knocked, took a look at me, and decided watching sports was a better use of his time today. When I called him, he told me he sent many messages to confirm today that I didn't respond to, and he was nowhere near his home at the time.

 

I had my phone off all day as I was at a conference, and then my phone died. My phone exploded with his messages from this morning after I left his home once I charged it. He seemed angrier at me than I was at him. I don't at all understand how I could be in the wrong here, but I know he has permanently lost any future business with me.

 

Sad but flakiness goes both ways!

 

Keep your word as usual, the world is what we make of it.

[+ Eric Hassan]

whatever the circumstances are, if you've set up your appointments via telephone/text before, you've set a precedent. to not have your phone charged and to not be checking messages may have seemed like the "right thing" to do - you were at a professional conference, probably cost some $, you want to pay attention, etc - but it was not the right thing to do given the circumstances. if you truly had your phone off, neglected to check it and/or the battery died, that's on you. his repsonse wasn't gracious - if someone that i have an ongoing relationship with did something out of the ordinary, i would be first concerned, not mad - but that's beside the point. he might not be the right guy for you anymore, but you could own your side of things.

 

and to bring it to the next level - own your communication. be clear about what people can expect from you, then do it - or don't, and apologize/explain. there is an incredible amount of power to be found when you keep your word, and even more when you break it and own up to it - no matter how small. you get a lot of power when you take responsibility for yourself.

[rossthebosssf]

This thread was petty, flimsy and a bit self-absorbed from the get-go. Time to be locked down.