"I don't want to be your friend"

[foxy]

A few years ago I met an escort in a social situation. I wasn't interested in hiring him, he wasn't my type. We were just making conversation and he told me that the first thing he always told his clients was that he didn't want to be their friend and he was just there for sex.

 

I laughed when he told me that and thought, well he gets 10 points for honesty. I'm not sure how successful his career was since he's long disappeared off the radar.

 

I wonder if most people would be turned off or just be relieved and head straight for the bed?

[+ deej]

As always, it depends.

 

Several years ago I was at a bar event milling around with a bunch of pornstars. At one point we heard a beeping sound and EVERY ONE OF THEM dove for their pagers. (This story obviously pre-dates the ubiquitous cell phone.) Then we realized the beeping was an ATM on the wall behind us.

 

There was a shrug around the group and a few muttered "same thing, really".

 

It puts things into perspective. It's a business, but I maintain there's no reason it shouldn't be a friendly business. ;-)

[+ Lucky]

"A few years ago..."

"Several years ago..."

 

Living in the past, guys? What's happened lately? Your Edsel go on the blink?

:-)

[augustman]

I appreciate the guy's boldness. I am not sure how this may hold up for longer appointments, but for the 1-2 hour jobs there is a simplicity to the statement. I would suspect the guy did not have a lot of repeat work but again something about the directness that is actually appealing. In fact, this is better than an escort being non-responsive to questions.

[foxy]

>"A few years ago..."

>"Several years ago..."

>

>Living in the past, guys? What's happened lately? Your Edsel

>go on the blink?

>:-)

 

Well Lucky, I'm just asittin' on the rocker on the porch thinkin' about the olden days. Hold on, here comes that cute kid to deliver the paper....

[+ Lucky]

Yeah? The last paper boy I saw told me "I don't want to be your bitch!" So I canceled my subscription!

[foxy]

Actually my paper boy is a middle aged woman in an old car who throws the paper on the steps at 6:00am. Whatever happened to those kids on bicycles? by crackie! (whatever that means)

[JT Brooklyn]

foxy..."Here just for Sex" sounds Good to me.

 

I have found out in Time, The "Fantasy Guy" is Usually more interesting than the "Real" Guy!

Which Personally, "The REAL Part" I do like in My Friends......

 

Also the way Some can Afford and do Hookup with Working Guy's, they wouldn't have enuff time in the day for ALL of their "New Friends" LOL

:P

[foxy]

Since escorts are real people too (I know that's a bit of a shock to many of us) they have their own bag of problems and struggles. I've found myself on occassion, after getting to know the "real" guy behind the escort image, wishing they would stop confiding in me.

 

You know things have gone too far when the phone rings and you think "oh no, it's him" or you spend more time glancing at your watch rather than looking at his pretty face.

[JT Brooklyn]

foxy..THE One thing that can be said about "The Phone Ringing" is "The Clock Isn't Ticking"...LOL :P

[guptasa1]

For me, it would be a definite turn off. I might consider seeing him for a session (though I rather doubt it), but probably wouldn't be interested in regularly seeing him.

 

Don't get me wrong. I certainly don't expect an escort to want to be my best friend in the world, etc., and I appreciate his honesty, but it's important to me to feel at least some sort of connection with the person I'm with...a fondness and warmth, if you will. If the potential for that isn't there, I'll probably move on.

 

I've only decided to see two escorts regularly (one retired; one I just found recently), and the reason I keep going back is, I truly feel like there is a very casual friendly relationship of sorts there. Nothing overly dramatic or anything like that.

[johnnybrk25]

Personally I think meeting and getting to know people is one of the best things about being an escort. I probably couldn't operate the way the escort in the original post does. If I can't find something I genuinely like about a potential client it just isn't going to happen. I would be really uncomfortable having sex with someone I disliked or wouldn't let me get to know them a little bit.

[Guest Merlin]

No clear answer. Some escorts keept in touch. Busines? probably. Often, sometimes part friendship. Escorts aren't likely to keep in touch they totaly dislike.

[SAdler]

This issue actually just came up for a client and I when I tried to handle it the best way possible, alas I believe I might have royally fucked it up and ruined both a business and personal relationship with him.

 

I've been seeing him regularly for a while and he's a really weet guy and we've become great friends. It's a place I strive to be with most people. I'd rather have a couple regular nice guys I can hang out with as opposed to a bunch. It's always been my style. I also used to only do sessions because I'm all about getting to know people and hourly became something I did only because of limited time available by my regulars.

 

Typically when I see him he hires for an hour. I come in, we chat, we play, we talk I leave. It usually goes over five or ten minutes but because I enjoy talking to him it's not really a problem.

 

The other night we went over a half an hour (of our scheduled appointment end time and I had even shown up EARLY since he didn't mind to make sure) and I was already late to hang out with friends and obviously couldn't call them to say I'd be late as a result. I didn't say anything at the time.

 

The next day he called a couple times throughout the day just to talk. Again, something I'm normall fine with. Under the circumstances though, I didn't want resentment or anything to build up.

 

I politely brought up that we went over by a lot the night before and that typically we go over. I established and reminded him that I did enjoy spending time with him but because the context in which we see each other is business he should really take that into consideration. I am more than willing to adjust rates for multiple hours but it's unfair to expect it and cut into my personal time without even that consideration.

 

Obviously those weren't the exact words. It was an awkward situation and I wasn't sure there was a good way to say it. In hindsight I'm starting to think I shouldn't have said anything because he seemed hurt by it and now I think I might have lost a friend and a client. He said he'd think about it but it was a pleasure knowing me.

 

Again, I feel bad but felt it was something that kind of had to be said. There was a thread on here about clock watching and who should keep track of when the hour is over. I'm trying to figure out if there was ANY better way to have handled this or better, a form of damage control.

[Rick Munroe]

>he's a really

>weet guy

 

It's always nice to see a reference to Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" on a message board. Who said literature was dead?

 

So, when you say he's really "weet" (Chaucer's word for "wet"), does that mean he leaks a lot of pre-cum? Sounds like my kind of guy...

[Guest Jesse Dane]

> Personally I think meeting and getting to know people is

>one of the best things about being an escort.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with that! I get asked over and over and over by people why I do what I do. I always give a few reasons (I love sex, it's good money, etc.), but the biggest factor is the wide array of interesting people I have gotten to meet because of it.

 

Escorting has brought so many people into my life I would have never met otherwise who have greatly enriched it. I have a couple people who I met as clients and have now become some of my closest friends.

 

So while I have no problem going in and meeting with a client that is just there for a quick fuck, I much prefer the clients who want to spend a little time getting to know me too.

[timothyb]

>A few years ago I met an escort in a social situation. I

>wasn't interested in hiring him, he wasn't my type. We were

>just making conversation and he told me that the first thing

>he always told his clients was that he didn't want to be their

>friend and he was just there for sex.

>

>I laughed when he told me that and thought, well he gets 10

>points for honesty. I'm not sure how successful his career was

>since he's long disappeared off the radar.

>

>I wonder if most people would be turned off or just be

>relieved and head straight for the bed?

 

LOL I'd have to say it's a similar situation on the flip side when it comes to hiring a masseur. Sometimes my clients want something more than my touch provides. While it's flattering, I tell them nicely that I'm not there to have sex with them. Most undertstand as they realize that a good relaxing massage can be just as satisfying as a roll in the hay. People crave intimacy, but have a difficult time accepting nurturing touch. In the end people want to feel that they are getting their needs met. Spending some time talking before each session whether you are an escort or masseur will lay your cards out on the table. As far as being successful by being honest, this is my tenth year of working as a masseur and I'm as busy as ever..

[R-Sportsguy]

>>he's a really

>>weet guy

>

>It's always nice to see a reference to Chaucer's "Canterbury

>Tales" on a message board. Who said literature was dead?

>

>So, when you say he's really "weet" (Chaucer's word for

>"wet"), does that mean he leaks a lot of pre-cum? Sounds like

>my kind of guy...

 

Well, at least he did not reference the "Wife Of Bath"!!! ;-)

[R-Sportsguy]

Give it some time Scott! I hope it works out for you and your client/friend!

 

 

 

>This issue actually just came up for a client and I when I

>tried to handle it the best way possible, alas I believe I

>might have royally fucked it up and ruined both a business and

>personal relationship with him.

>

>I've been seeing him regularly for a while and he's a really

>weet guy and we've become great friends. It's a place I

>strive to be with most people. I'd rather have a couple

>regular nice guys I can hang out with as opposed to a bunch.

>It's always been my style. I also used to only do sessions

>because I'm all about getting to know people and hourly became

>something I did only because of limited time available by my

>regulars.

>

>Typically when I see him he hires for an hour. I come in, we

>chat, we play, we talk I leave. It usually goes over five or

>ten minutes but because I enjoy talking to him it's not really

>a problem.

>

>The other night we went over a half an hour (of our scheduled

>appointment end time and I had even shown up EARLY since he

>didn't mind to make sure) and I was already late to hang out

>with friends and obviously couldn't call them to say I'd be

>late as a result. I didn't say anything at the time.

>

>The next day he called a couple times throughout the day just

>to talk. Again, something I'm normall fine with. Under the

>circumstances though, I didn't want resentment or anything to

>build up.

>

>I politely brought up that we went over by a lot the night

>before and that typically we go over. I established and

>reminded him that I did enjoy spending time with him but

>because the context in which we see each other is business he

>should really take that into consideration. I am more than

>willing to adjust rates for multiple hours but it's unfair to

>expect it and cut into my personal time without even that

>consideration.

>

>Obviously those weren't the exact words. It was an awkward

>situation and I wasn't sure there was a good way to say it.

>In hindsight I'm starting to think I shouldn't have said

>anything because he seemed hurt by it and now I think I might

>have lost a friend and a client. He said he'd think about it

>but it was a pleasure knowing me.

>

>Again, I feel bad but felt it was something that kind of had

>to be said. There was a thread on here about clock watching

>and who should keep track of when the hour is over. I'm

>trying to figure out if there was ANY better way to have

>handled this or better, a form of damage control.

[beefeater]

Speaking from personal experience, as long as you keep compensating an escort for his time, he'll be your friend or whatever you want him to be. Take away the compensation and see how long it lasts.

 

I prefer an escort who's not interested in being my "friend". Just being friendly and honest is enough for me.

[SAdler]

>Take away the compensation and

>see how long it lasts.

 

I'm really sorry you feel that way. I'd give you a list of the opposite ... but then I'd be breaking confidentiality.

 

Granted I won't schedule a free fuck fest or an evening out with someone that wasn't paying me. However, if I had time in my schedule and they wanted to catch up over coffee or lunch I'm typically obliged to do so.

[+ deej]

You get props, kiddo.

 

I can't tell you the number of times I've met with an escort I've seen before just for an orange juice or bloody mary or whatever just to say 'hello' and catch up.

 

Some won't do it, and I'm OK with that.

 

The ones that will do it go to the top of the callback list, but they were probably already there in the first place.

[Guest zipperzone]

>I politely brought up that we went over by a lot the night

>before and that typically we go over. I established and

>reminded him that I did enjoy spending time with him but

>because the context in which we see each other is business he

>should really take that into consideration. I am more than

>willing to adjust rates for multiple hours but it's unfair to

>expect it and cut into my personal time without even that

>consideration.

>

>Obviously those weren't the exact words. It was an awkward

>situation and I wasn't sure there was a good way to say it.

>In hindsight I'm starting to think I shouldn't have said

>anything because he seemed hurt by it and now I think I might

>have lost a friend and a client. He said he'd think about it

>but it was a pleasure knowing me.

>

>Again, I feel bad but felt it was something that kind of had

>to be said. There was a thread on here about clock watching

>and who should keep track of when the hour is over. I'm

>trying to figure out if there was ANY better way to have

>handled this or better, a form of damage control.

 

Yes there was a better way. You could have just kept your mouth shut and said nothing. If the issue was so important to you, the next time you had a session with him you could have made sure you left the building on the 61st minute.

 

God forbid that you spend a bit of off the clock time with a good repeat client. You sound like your heart is a cash register. You probably have lost him and it serves you right.

[Guest PWIT]

> You probably have lost him and it serves you right.

 

The guy asked if could be handled in a better way zipper. Your last line just seems harsh (maybe hateful) for someone asking advice. Of course with written communication versus verbal communication it is often hard to tell one's true intent.

[Lookin]

Sounds like an issue with boundaries. Foxy’s escort friend made that the first issue he dealt with, and he probably didn’t have to deal with it again.

 

It seems your client got used to spending extra time with you, with your tacit agreement; maybe because he felt he’d already compensated you well, or maybe because he thought you enjoyed spending time with him as a friend, or maybe something else. And then you told him that wasn’t OK any more. It’s like indulging a child until he’s three, and then starting to lay down rules. There are going to be some tantrums. Your client went and locked himself in his room.

 

Before you go and coax him out, you might want to think about how you want your relationship to be in the future. If you’re clear about what’s acceptable for you, and what isn’t, let him know. You can tell him you miss him as a friend and a client, and would like to build a more stable relationship going forward. Let him know what you want from the relationship, and ask him what he wants from it. If you can openly and honestly agree, you’ll probably both come out of this better off. If you can’t agree, let it go. At least you tried.

 

But, if you aren’t clear in your own mind what’s OK and what’s not OK, then you can either work at getting clear, or you can expect this issue to come up again. I don’t think you’ll be doing your client - or your relationship - any favors if you give him one message on Monday and another message on Friday. If the line between client and friend isn’t clearly the same for both of you, you’re probably both better off letting the relationship end.

 

PS: Apologies in advance for giving advice to someone at the top of his game, but I recall that boundary issues came up for you before with some guy following you around at the gym, and another guy getting too close to you at home. If you find this to be a recurring problem, you might want to consider what role you have, if any, in creating blurry boundaries. Some people can handle them well, and some people can’t. In something as personal and emotional as your chosen “hobby”, you’re bound to run across some clients that will have a real difficult time knowing where the line is. If you’re keeping the line blurry by going on and off the clock, or by leaving your rates or services vague, you may want to consider a different approach. Or else get used to some client meltdowns.