Is it tacky to ask an escort if he has friends he recommends?

[MiamiLooker]

I receive this question every now and then. I always answer “No, I don’t know anybody”. I used to refer local inquiries to a couple Tops if I found a client was looking for that. I have since stopped doing that since I didn’t know them personally and I couldn’t comment on the caliber of their services.

Are you offended in any way when a client asks this?

[Mocha]

Yea I tried that and it didn't go well. I assumed since they were roommates and fiends on Instagram it would be simple but apparently not since he got upset with me for bring it up.

 

I think it's a case of letting the escort bring it up first. E.g., "I'm not available next weekend, but my partner in crime by the name of....is. Here's his rentmen ID."

 

Based on past experiences, I find its better to leave the picking to the client to someone of his choosing, preferably who I don't know. There's been times I've even included "friends" at the request of a client, and only 1 time did it go well...and even then, it made things tense for a couple days between the friend and I, since I was handling all the financials of it.

 

Recently, I almost talked 2 friends (non-escorts) into doing a session at a client's request, but even if the session goes well...sometimes there's 1 person who has to take on the lingering "aftertaste" of setting up such encounters. Which usually ends up being me.

[FTM Zachary Prince]

I’m always happy to recommend friends. Hell, sometimes I have a friend pop into a date as a surprise! LOL Happy Birthday!!

[+ VictorPowers]

Are you offended in any way when a client asks this?

Not in the slightest. There are a couple scenarios that come to mind.

A. I’m not in town so I’m asked for a recommendation

B. The client is looking for a 3-way

[FTM Zachary Prince]

Lol... if any fellow escorts who bottom would like to *personally* test the caliber of my toppings services so that you can consider giving me as a recommendation to clients... just let me know :p;):D:D:D

 

#escort4escort

[MattDaniel]

I’ve asked if someone told me they were unavailable while I was visiting, or if they indicated we weren’t a match. Under both those circumstances I think it’s a reasonable ask.

[+ WhamIAm]

Asked a guy I'd seen a couple of times in NYC (I'm from DC). Not only did he take it like a champ, he had a DC recommendation and called the DC guy first as an introduction. Apparently said nice things, b/c DC guy called, introduced himself and gave me his personal cell number. Both NYC guy and DC guy became heavy regulars and traveled with me overseas, until one left the biz and the other one moved farther away. Still good friends with both and frequently see DC guy for coffee. Both were/are awesome. I got very lucky.

 

Never did play with them together, though. They just didn't seem to fit together in my brain. One at a time was plenty!

[hypothetically]

Curious on everyone's professional opinion. I have a great regular but I'm curious if he has any friends who are also looking to escort.

 

Is it tacky/rude to ask if he has friends he would recommend? Not as a replacement, but as a supplement?

 

Thanks all!

 

JT

 

No, I am transparent with all my regulars and expect the same. When I am not avaible for a client, I always ask “may I make a make a recommendation?” and I have built rapport with clients and escorts by doing this. I much rather my client be satisfied with quality service when I am not avaible than to risk having a bad experience with a new guy. And in regard to passing them off to a “colleague,” same thing. My escort friends will benefit much more from a regular client I trust than someone who may be flaky or kooky. This is my run of show in NYC and is much more monetary than trying to escort during off peak season when there are 900+ active escorts in the city. If you’re well connected within this world. You don’t even really have to seek out clients. Referrals warrant a lot of success. I sidetracked but yes, your question is totally okay.

[Ryan Roman]

I'm happy to refer clients to escorts I know personally... And I've had them refer people to me in return. I'd rather partner with fellow sex workers as well...

 

I prefer to work with my fellow hookers than against them....most of the time.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[FTM Zachary Prince]

No, I am transparent with all my regulars and expect the same. When I am not avaible for a client, I always ask “may I make a make a recommendation?” and I have built rapport with clients and escorts by doing this. I much rather my client be satisfied with quality service when I am not avaible than to risk having a bad experience with a new guy. And in regard to passing them off to a “colleague,” same thing. My escort friends will benefit much more from a regular client I trust than someone who may be flaky or kooky. This is my run of show in NYC and is much more monetary than trying to escort during off peak season when there are 900+ active escorts in the city. If you’re well connected within this world. You don’t even really have to seek out clients. Referrals warrant a lot of success. I sidetracked but yes, your question is totally okay.

 

I agree. Being possessive about clients is a newbie mistake in this industry. There's plenty of business to go around. Abundance mentality & networking with other talented escorts goes a LONG way!

[Mocha]

I agree. Being possessive about clients is a newbie mistake in this industry. There's plenty of business to go around. Abundance mentality & networking with other talented escorts goes a LONG way!

 

Idk, I usually agree with ya, but on this one I differ. I feel there’s two sides to it that doesn’t involve being “possessive”. How do we know if the escort would be interested in taking on said client? What if the rates of the other escort differed from the original escort, and the client requested to price match and the escort got offended? What if a particular escort doesn’t see (insert race) of said client?

 

Also, there’s tact and then there’s tacKY. For example: a client in a particular city who I’ve not seen in years hit me up after seeing my rentmen ad posted up. Only thing, I'm not due to the area until next month. He usually would be on Craigslist and would only see me every so often. Like months in between time. He was sweet, but his approaches would come off tacky. Always asking for a discount, then overstaying.

 

So when he followed up with me asking if I knew any friends to refer him until I get there, I was like:

 

 

 

First off I haven’t been to said city in months, and I also don’t associate with the escorts there. Plus I know he likes black escorts which there aren’t many there, and the times I did come across black escorts there, there wasn’t much in the way of camaraderie to where I would be putting my mother f*cking money in their pockets. Guaranteed they wouldn't do it for me either. So in that case, I was utmost taken aback and simply said...NO, I DONT.

 

And I also would turn the question around: how many clients would consent to us asking them if they know any friends, when they decide to quit hiring, get into a relationship or move away? See how THAT conversation would go lol. (Which doesn’t include reviews which are a recommendation of its own, but it’s an indirect recommendation, not a personal one).

 

That conversation would likely go nowhere because, some clients erroneously believe we as escorts don't carry the same "turn on/turn off switch" as they do. As if we're always "on". Kind of like one client who was begging me to bring over some of my "friends", non of whom were interested in being involved in the business. How about he bring some of HIS friends so I can get paid more money.

 

Dudes have to understand just because we're escorts, that doesn't mean we ALL have limitless capabilities. We can't just snap our fingers like power rangers and have guys for backup, or have guys on the side of the ring ready to tag team like WWE.

 

Edited July 25, 2018 by Mocha

[FTM Zachary Prince]

How do we know if the escort would be interested in taking on said client? What if the rates of the other escort differed from the original escort, and the client requested to price match and the escort got offended? What if a particular escort doesn’t see (insert race) of said client?

 

1) We don’t know if the referred escort would take on the client. That is for the escort to decide. A recommendation is just that... a recommendation! That said, I have friends who I refer to regularly who appreciate the business and take my reference seriously. Because I do not put up with BS. I’m no one’s pimp and I don’t have a single client who would confuse a referral with a guarantee that the escort in question would meet him. So I’m not seeing how this is a reason not to give referrals at all. When you have good working relationships with other escorts, you know if they want more work or not, and they also tend to prioritize accepting the clients you refer to them.

 

2) My friends’ rates often differ from mine. My clients generally know better than to haggle. If they are hagglers, how did they end up as my clients in the first place? They didn’t. My clients know better than to try to haggle one of my friends’ rates. If they did any such thing then my escort friends surely wouldn’t blame me, as they know I’m not my client’s keeper. It’s simply a business referral that didn’t work out in that case. And that client would never get a referral from me again. But I’ve referred clients to other escorts hundreds of times over the last 8 years, and I can’t think of a single time this has happened.

 

3) My escort friends aren’t racist.

 

You can choose not to cross-network with other people and give/accept referrals, but you’re only damaging your business and limiting your income. You can justify it all kinds of ways and feel like you don’t owe any other escort referrals and they wouldn’t give you any referrals either, but that kind of attitude severely limits your income potential. Taking the time to develop relationships with other escorts and trading referrals is very profitable. Clients like it, and it’s good for business.

 

That said, if you don’t have a referral to give, simply say you don’t know anyone! No harm, no foul.

[FTM Zachary Prince]

What is REALLY tacky, tho, is when a client who has NEVER met you or spoken to you before emails you to tell you that he’s not attracted to you, but can you provide any referrals to another escort in your area?

 

You’d actually be shocked, guys sometimes email me to say that they’re not into my armpit hair and could I please recommend another escort who looks like me who shaves their armpits? Or they’re not into trans guys... can I recommend a cis lady or a cis guy in Mumbai? OMFG. Talk about tacky! These are guys who I’ve never even met or conversed with before!

[FTM Zachary Prince]

In fact, trading referrals is just about one of the most old school and discreet ways of doing business. A lot of the higher end escorts who are too exclusive to advertise take new clients ONLY by referral. And if/when the internet escort ad venues all cease to exist because of FOSTA/SESTA, the escorts who have strong referral networks will suffer the least...

[Mocha]

In fact, trading referrals is just about one of the most old school and discreet ways of doing business. A lot of the higher end escorts who are too exclusive to advertise take new clients ONLY by referral. And if/when the internet escort ad venues all cease to exist because of FOSTA/SESTA, the escorts who have strong referral networks will suffer the least...

 

Fair enough. I appreciate your willingness to network, and I think we need more providers like you. It would make for a happier place. But understand what I’m saying, my friend. I’m not saying I CHOOSE not to give/accept referrals. I never said that.

 

I simply gave an example of the LATEST person to ask me for a referral. I also gave an example of why I wouldn’t, because just like you said:

 

That said, if you don’t have a referral to give, simply say you don’t know anyone! No harm, no foul.

 

And that’s what I told the other person, and that’s what I usually tell everyone. I’m just elaborating on why, which I usually don’t in my response. I don’t know anyone who I would recommend to a client.

 

It’s easy to talk about networking and sticking together, but my experiences have specifically shown me otherwise that not everyone operates with that mentality. I can name HUNDREDS of times where people have shown me you can’t cast your pearls among swine.

 

There was an escort in Denver who I had seen at all places: THE BARBERSHOP. He was just leaving the barbershop, so I couldn’t strike up a convo with him. Later that day I texted him. He responded, and then I introduced myself and mentioned I was also at the barbershop at the time. No response. EVER.

 

So why in the fuck would I be giving referrals to someone who can’t even acknowledge me, let alone return a message?

 

Also, did you not see that episode of I believe on Hot Bench: This White lady masseur sold her “client list” to a Black lady Masseur, thinking she would make all this money. Her business never took off, and most of the referred clients never booked her. The court also ruled that she wasn’t able to recover the $10,000 she paid for the list.

 

There’s really nothing to argue here. If someone wants to refer, by all means go ahead. But I don’t think it’s a requirement. I also ask each time someone contacts me where they found my ad, most times it’s not escort referrals.

 

There’s also the clients who will show me other escorts ads, and say they were gonna hire them but they hired me. I don’t shit talk the other escort, I just be like...well I’m glad you hit me up. I don’t try to sway them from seeing the person. Or I’ll say, I know of them, but I’ve never met them personally.

 

But I wouldn’t give referrals unless I had personally done a scene with the person previously. In those cases I would. But many American gay guys out here are fake, two-faced and phony and more interested in maintaining their image and self absorbed, to be trusted with my client list. Maybe if I lived in a different country, it’s be different.

Edited July 25, 2018 by Mocha

[FTM Zachary Prince]

When I want to network with another provider, I offer to meet them for coffee or lunch. My treat, if I can afford it at the time. Meeting face to face, feeling each other’s vibe, and getting to understand the basics of how the other person enjoys doing business can go a long way. Not every meeting yields referrals, but some of them do, and all of them make me more well-connected and turn me into a real live human being for that person rather than just an Internet persona. If you’re struggling to network with people then I highly recommend you (or any escort) try it.

 

Asking a colleague out to a lunch meeting in a professional manner is wildly different than if I texted a colleague who I’d never met before saying that I randomly saw them out in public, which I’m sure you weren’t intending to be creepy, but would be received by a lot of people as exactly that. I don’t think it’s a great example of another escort declining to network with you. Try not to let that experience get you down about networking in general. Networking isn’t about making guaranteed referrals from every single meeting any more than advertising is about making guaranteed appointments from every single click. It’s just an additional source of exposure. And it can be very effective.

[+ peterhung85]

Not tacky at all. I do it all the time for my regulars as well as newcomers whenever I am out of town, which - due to my sometimes busy travel schedule with clients - happens quite often. I prefer to make sure they have a good time while they are in Vegas, since as you all know, hiring is rather a gamble sometimes

[HotWhiteThirties]

I'm happy to refer clients to escorts I know personally... And I've had them refer people to me in return. I'd rather partner with fellow sex workers as well...

 

This. I think this is the attitude that makes the most sense. Being in a service business myself, it’s true there is competition, but it truly is refreshing to be able to support colleagues and other professionals. You realize you’re not an island and you can help others in the process.

[Mocha]

When I want to network with another provider, I offer to meet them for coffee or lunch. My treat, if I can afford it at the time. Meeting face to face, feeling each other’s vibe, and getting to understand the basics of how the other person enjoys doing business can go a long way. Not every meeting yields referrals, but some of them do, and all of them make me more well-connected and turn me into a real live human being for that person rather than just an Internet persona. If you’re struggling to network with people then I highly recommend you (or any escort) try it.

 

Asking a colleague out to a lunch meeting in a professional manner is wildly different than if I texted a colleague who I’d never met before saying that I randomly saw them out in public, which I’m sure you weren’t intending to be creepy, but would be received by a lot of people as exactly that. I don’t think it’s a great example of another escort declining to network with you. Try not to let that experience get you down about networking in general. Networking isn’t about making guaranteed referrals from every single meeting any more than advertising is about making guaranteed appointments from every single click. It’s just an additional source of exposure. And it can be very effective.

 

Lol...I highly doubt it was creepy. Again, I was very professional about it and introduced myself. You seem to infer that I just came straight out and said I had seen the person. If the person is flabbergasted by being seen in public, that's his fault. He showed his face just like mine. And...it was a barbershop, not his bathroom. What if I'd seen him at the gym?

 

It's like on Grindr. I seen a guy at Home Depot one day, and he hit me up. I was shocked because I wanted to talk to him at Home Depot, but he had a girl with him. Atleast I had tack to introduce myself privately versus right there at the moment.

 

Like I said, your approach sounds good, but not everyone operates that way. I've reached out to eacorts in the past in the way you've mentioned, and they've either flaked or played silly games. Fuck that. I rather work on my own and deal with men who aren't in the business. That's been my lesson since I turned 30 last year, going on 31 in two weeks. I no longer care to seek out escort friends beyond the forum and Twitter. Too much jealousy and competition involved. If it happens great, but for me...I've come across very few male escorts (in person, not referring to anyone I've met on the forum...but then again, I might) who are consistent in their intentions.

 

I almost consider the escort business to be like 2 other businesses that you don't fuck with:

 

A) the church business: preachers don't usually go around referring members to other churches. What church member walks up to the pastor and asks if there's another church or preacher can he recommend?

 

B) barbershops. You don't get your hair cut by Michael for 6 years, and then go ask him if he can refer you to other barbers in the shop, just because you want to try something new. If you want to find a new barber, you take yo a** on to a different barbershop.

 

**Some barbers are okay swapping clients, but it's rare and only if the barber is sick or out of town, in which case it's a 1 time only thing and best to be avoided.

[Mocha]

This. I think this is the attitude that makes the most sense. Being in a service business myself, it’s true there is competition, but it truly is refreshing to be able to support colleagues and other professionals. You realize you’re not an island and you can help others in the process.

 

To add what you’re saying, I want to clarify that I’m not opposed to networking or referrals by any means. But it has to come from the right place. Can’t be a 1 way street. They have to be wanting to refer and network as much as me. Not just in it to get free information.

 

Matter of fact, years ago I even referred a client to an escort on the forum...but the escort turned it down for whatever reason. But it was for a 3 way scene.

 

Other time’s I’ve met or played along with other providers in an arranged manner and it turned out great.

[thickornotatall]

When I spoke with one of my favorite escorts he was busy the time I needed...I did ask if he could recommend a similar type guy...He called him for me. Told him what I liked etc. I ended up with Rafael Alencar and made a new friend,outside of the BFE. Marek and Rafael, 2 great men!

[dixietony]

I called a guy I had hired before. He said he was already busy for that evening. I asked him if he knew of or could recommend anyone else in the city as I was traveling. His terse "No." led me to believe that isn't a question he appreciated.

[Nickf66]

Lol...I highly doubt it was creepy. Again, I was very professional about it and introduced myself. You seem to infer that I just came straight out and said I had seen the person. If the person is flabbergasted by being seen in public, that's his fault. He showed his face just like mine. And...it was a barbershop, not his bathroom. What if I'd seen him at the gym?

 

It's like on Grindr. I seen a guy at Home Depot one day, and he hit me up. I was shocked because I wanted to talk to him at Home Depot, but he had a girl with him. Atleast I had tack to introduce myself privately versus right there at the moment.

 

Like I said, your approach sounds good, but not everyone operates that way. I've reached out to eacorts in the past in the way you've mentioned, and they've either flaked or played silly games. Fuck that. I rather work on my own and deal with men who aren't in the business. That's been my lesson since I turned 30 last year, going on 31 in two weeks. I no longer care to seek out escort friends beyond the forum and Twitter. Too much jealousy and competition involved. If it happens great, but for me...I've come across very few male escorts (in person, not referring to anyone I've met on the forum...but then again, I might) who are consistent in their intentions.

 

I almost consider the escort business to be like 2 other businesses that you don't fuck with:

 

A) the church business: preachers don't usually go around referring members to other churches. What church member walks up to the pastor and asks if there's another church or preacher can he recommend?

 

B) barbershops. You don't get your hair cut by Michael for 6 years, and then go ask him if he can refer you to other barbers in the shop, just because you want to try something new. If you want to find a new barber, you take yo a** on to a different barbershop.

 

**Some barbers are okay swapping clients, but it's rare and only if the barber is sick or out of town, in which case it's a 1 time only thing and best to be avoided.

 

My brother is a pastor (go figure) and he has recommended other churches to congregants who may be looking for something new or different. He’d rather they find something else than just stop attending altogether.

[prof]

A couple of years ago I was with an escort and things just weren't working out--both of us were awkward, and it seemed more like work. I shook my head and said "I think I can, I think I can" and we both burst out laughing. From there we just joked about the whole situation and I suggested we call a halt, though I would pay him for his time and effort. We relaxed and talked, and he gave me the name of someone he believed would be a good match for me. I was surprised and thanked him. Turned out he was right about the other guy. I got back in touch with the first escort to let him know that, and to thank him again. What a generous thing to do. He moved away, and I don't think he's taking clients any more, but he's solid gold to me.

[queensboroboy]

This has been on my mind lately.

So, I have a regular who I’ve been with for awhile I thoroughly enjoy his company. The only negative is stopped bottoming.. we have fun, but I really want to do it. He has made it clear that he doesn’t want to.

Is it tacky to ask him for recommendation or look elsewhere?

Thx