US escorts, how to best communicate preferences?

[Wolfer]

I ask this because I do most of my hiring in Belgium, where it is legal, so my pre-hiring chats are very straightforward, along the lines of:

"Hey! I saw your profile on Rentmen. I may be interested in a date. Do you kiss with tongue? (This is very important for me). Do you bottom? (I'm a top) Can you host? What's the price? I am available this afternoon or tomorrow evening after 8pm. Thanks!"

 

From what I can surmise from the forums is that this type of straightforward questioning in the US might be a problem? So any tips on how I can best approach this?

 

I ask because in the past I've had some dissapointing experiences because I didn't communicate clearly enough beforehand.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

My version would be:

 

“Hey! I saw your profile on Rentmen. I may be interested in hiring you as a companion.

 

Here is what I like doing: kissing with tongue, being on top...

 

Can you host? And how much for X hours of your time?

Based on the above, do you think we are compatible?

If yes, I am available this afternoon or tomorrow evening after 8pm.

 

Thanks!"

 

Basically you can say you want to hire them as a companion and for a price. And you can state what you like. And you can ask if he feels you two are compatible.

 

You shouldn’t say things like “how much more for you to bottom?”

[Wolfer]

That's awesome, thanks for that suggestion! I'll be keeping that in mind when I go back to the US!

You shouldn’t say things like “how much more for you to bottom?”

I would never ask that... Because that would imply (to me anyway) they'd only bottom because of the money and not any pleasure they'd get from it, which is a turn-off for me. The question "Do you bottom?" I only put in when the guy advertises as vers/top, to get an idea of how open they are to bottoming.

 

When he advertises as vers I just state I'm a top and when he advertises as a bottom... Well, never found one till now.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

That's awesome, thanks for that suggestion! I'll be keeping that in mind when I go back to the US!

 

I would never ask that... Because that would imply (to me anyway) they'd only bottom because of the money and not any pleasure they'd get from it, which is a turn-off for me. The question "Do you bottom?" I only put in when the guy advertises as vers/top, to get an idea of how open they are to bottoming.

 

When he advertises as vers I just state I'm a top and when he advertises as a bottom... Well, never found one till now.

But in the US you should not say this sort of things or a different reason: you should not link sex acts to money (unless you are actually making a porn movie, I guess).

An escort provides companionship for money, not sex for money, that would be illegal.

So an escort will likely block you if you start linking sex with money in your communication. Too much chance of you being a police sting.

[Wolfer]

But in the US you should not say this sort of things or a different reason: you should not link sex acts to money (unless you are actually making a porn movie, I guess).

An escort provides companionship for money, not sex for money, that would be illegal.

So an escort will likely block you if you start linking sex with money in your communication. Too much chance of you being a police sting.

Aaah, gotcha! Thanks for the clarification!

[LJNYC83]

But in the US you should not say this sort of things or a different reason: you should not link sex acts to money (unless you are actually making a porn movie, I guess).

An escort provides companionship for money, not sex for money, that would be illegal.

So an escort will likely block you if you start linking sex with money in your communication. Too much chance of you being a police sting.

 

This is the same reason why it becomes a problem (or even insulting) when a client tries to haggle your rate down based on what they want to do. Like “hi my hourly rate is $250” “oh but I just want to perform oral on you and you don’t have to do anything to me, can’t we make that $100?”...No, because my rate is for my time. And for legal reasons that does need to be made clear.

[Aaron_Bauder]

This is the same reason why it becomes a problem (or even insulting) when a client tries to haggle your rate down based on what they want to do. Like “hi my hourly rate is $250” “oh but I just want to perform oral on you and you don’t have to do anything to me, can’t we make that $100?”...No, because my rate is for my time. And for legal reasons that does need to be made clear.

 

I don't mind charging clients less for sessions that require less work. Everyone is different. I don't mind negotiation. Haggling has such a negative context.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

I don't mind charging clients less for sessions that require less work. Everyone is different. I don't mind negotiation. Haggling has such a negative context.

Be careful, Aaron, if you are in the US and you talk to a client for the first time, when you cannot know for sure that he is not a cop. Haggling for a sex act is a problem for legal reasons, not because it has a negative context.

[Wolfer]

I don't mind charging clients less for sessions that require less work. Everyone is different. I don't mind negotiation. Haggling has such a negative context.

 

Be careful, Aaron, if you are in the US and you talk to a client for the first time, when you cannot know for sure that he is not a cop. Haggling for a sex act is a problem for legal reasons, not because it has a negative context.

I understand that, yeah. I've come across guys where I hire who actually have a set "menu" of sorts. Where the price would vary depending on what you wanted to do.

But I'd rather pay a flat rate because I don't know what I'm going to be in the mood for. Unless I'd only want to cuddle. But then I might end up super horny anyway if it's nude cuddling... :cool:

[+ GregM]

I'm probably a rarity but I prefer the client being up front with what he wants and likes from the get go. That way there are no surprises and a possibility of me saying no sorry after a handful of emails. As they say, time is money and I dont want to waste yours or mine.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[MiamiLooker]

I don't mind charging clients less for sessions that require less work. Everyone is different. I don't mind negotiation. Haggling has such a negative context.

Agreed. It's not that difficult to discuss one's likes and dislikes with an escort without tying the fee to a specific sexual act.

[KazBrawley]

I'm probably a rarity but I prefer the client being up front with what he wants and likes from the get go. That way there are no surprises and a possibility of me saying no sorry after a handful of emails. As they say, time is money and I dont want to waste yours or mine.

 

Hugs,

Greg

In a ideal situation where everything is legal I think we'd all want to know. The issue is that it's not how much everyone would prefer to know versus the fact that not everyone wants the legal liability of answering "Does $ cover X?" Thankfully there's ways to say it without equating sex for money as mentioned above.

[+ IronMaus]

I ask this because I do most of my hiring in Belgium, where it is legal, so my pre-hiring chats are very straightforward, along the lines of:

"Hey! I saw your profile on Rentmen. I may be interested in a date. Do you kiss with tongue? (This is very important for me). Do you bottom? (I'm a top) Can you host? What's the price? I am available this afternoon or tomorrow evening after 8pm. Thanks!"

 

From what I can surmise from the forums is that this type of straightforward questioning in the US might be a problem? So any tips on how I can best approach this?

 

I ask because in the past I've had some dissapointing experiences because I didn't communicate clearly enough beforehand.

 

For me this is a great first message from a client. It's even better with a name/phone number/stats--but I realize it could take a few messages before you want to share these things.

[Wolfer]

For me this is a great first message from a client. It's even better with a name/phone number/stats--but I realize it could take a few messages before you want to share these things.

Thanks, that's great to hear! I always contact through WhatsApp or text whenever possible so they get my number from the first contact. I have no problem sharing my stats, but I don't include them in my initial message because I've only had one escort ask me for them.

[FunInTheSun]

I also endeavor to be up front about bb expectations. Being neg on PrEP and enjoying raw sex, I tend to gravitate toward the anything goes set but when talking to the “ask me” guys I broach the subject early. It’s not a deal breaker for me always (except when topping) but I prefer to have a meeting of the minds.

 

It all boils down to respectful communication and an attempt for some genuine form of connection. Even though there is a commercial element to the relationship, we are still just two people coming (cumming? Haha) together to share an experience so it will be best if we are aligned at least directionally.

[TruthBTold]

I also endeavor to be up front about bb expectations. Being neg on PrEP and enjoying raw sex, I tend to gravitate toward the anything goes set but when talking to the “ask me” guys I broach the subject early. It’s not a deal breaker for me always (except when topping) but I prefer to have a meeting of the minds.

It all boils down to respectful communication and an attempt for some genuine form of connection. Even though there is a commercial element to the relationship, we are still just two people coming (cumming? Haha) together to share an experience so it will be best if we are aligned at least directionally.

 

I absolutely agree with you that broaching the BB topic has to be done early because if it is a "must have" element on the client's part then why go further. However, what do you find to be a way to finesse the topic into the conversation? Do you just say that you noticed the the escort had put down "Ask Me" when discussing "Safe/BB" however you were not sure what that meant as far as their profile went. I am not sure if that means only with a guy who is neg and on PrEP.

[FunInTheSun]

Usually I start with my preferences rather than go open-ended. Feels like that way it’s clear and I’m not playing games. So I’ll talk about what I enjoy and ask if they get are into similar. If not, then I’ll either bow out or schedule knowing the boundaries, depending on: a) how they framed their response (ie judgy vs just not their thing); b) how horny I am (lol); and c) what my reasonable options are.

 

[+ tassojunior]

My major problem is explaining that I am a "top" but that at my age, Viagra dependency, loss of interest with condoms, and lack of interest until I'm involved with someone, being a "top" is not what it sounds like. I normally say I'm " a top but an easy date" but think maybe I should just say I like the "Boyfriend Experience" and kissing is extremely important since I rarely successfully "top" someone I just meet. But I like the possibility to be there for the future if we click.