KazBrawley

In a ideal situation where everything is legal I think we'd all want to know. The issue is that it's not how much everyone would prefer to know versus the fact that not everyone wants the legal liability of answering "Does $ cover X?" Thankfully there's ways to say it without equating sex for money as mentioned above.

It might not have anything to do with shame if a guy avoids you... This happens to me a lot especially considering what a small fish I am. I don't have any problem with it when I'm alone though if I haven't seen a guy for a long time I might mistake him as a client from my health field job where the boundaries are very different, so I am pretty sure this has caused a bit of confusion and hurt feelings before. :/ I was born and raised in the area and one side of my family was, too, and still lives locally. Any queer person I'm friends with and anyone I date know what I do for the most part, so if a guy sees me out with them and says "hi" that's cool and even a nice gesture--- but they will peg a guy they don't recognize as a client in a second, even if I say no. (It's uncanny but I guess I'm blessed to have friends who pay attention and know me so well.) I feel that's up to him but also if he's big on discretion I might act like it's a mistake if he doesn't know my friends are like that. The same sort of thing happens with my family though and for the most part they don't know I do any sort of sex work. They just know when a guy approaches me that it isn't someone they know. It either makes them angry with me because they know the backstory is BS or they go the complete opposite way and mistake him for a childhood friend they forgot or a new poly partner I've been hiding from them. The next thing I know they're grilling him with questions and trying to get his phone number and enthusiastically trying to invite us to their home for lunch. Then they're hurt or mad at me if I demur on that and I have at least a week of passive aggressive, "Why don't you let us meet your *new* friends ever?" or "But we've *always* been so supportive of you being gay!" and a mind-bending revisionist backstory on that to look forward to. Sometimes they even get the relatives on the other coast to call and be all like, "I heard you won't introduce your new boyfriend to any of us... what did we do wrong?" >_<

Unless that's what your going for, it should not be painful. That means you're using a size that's a bit too big or an object that has some abrasive parts to it. Good quality sounds in the right size are the way to go for this-- it should feel pleasurable (or if you don't like it, weird) but not painful unless you're stretching your urethra out a bit (or accidentally tearing tissue). Also, keeping stuff clean and as sterile as possible is good practice if you don't like UTIs. Generally sticking random objects in there isn't a great idea because they can have rough edges, be dirty, get caught, or migrate and possibly require help to remove.

Apologies, I missed Michael Paul's post and accidentally ended up repeating him

Beeswax burns at a higher temperature than paraffin by ~10° or more, usually at about 145°F provided it's pure beeswax. However, some are mixed with searin and burn at 170°F and upwards. These are usually marked as "long lasting". I personally don't use beeswax for this reason-- it's easy to buy the wrong thing. Beeswax is one of the more likely options to burn and even scar overall, so unless that's what you're going for parrafin or soy (which burns hotter than parrafin but tends to cool quickly on the skin and as an added bonus cleans up easier) are safer options.

I haven't posted an ad in a bit but I tend to list myself vers/top when I do when the option exists... though reading these responses I'm kind of rethinking that for next time. I use it because I am versatile (the sort that will top, bottom, or happily switch it up mid session) but if I put "versatile" guys tend to assume that I'm really a bottom despite the fact I really enjoy topping. I'm sure some of it is because I'm IS/trans so it's a bit to counter the passive rather submissive bottom assumption that a lot of clients seem to have of trans guys, and less so of intersex guys for those with that level of awareness that we even exist. However, those stereotypes-- while I certainly know folks who fit them-- are not me and if that's what guys expect because so-and-so was like that or so-and-so said trans guys were like that because he dated one once, they're going to be disappointed. I probably would never ever top without explicitly mentioning that I top and since I'm actually versatile always bottoming all the time is not my thing-- much like never bottoming isn't, either. However, the idea that it comes across as equivocal to some guys gives me some pause about listing myself as a versatile top.

This happened to me when I was staying in Vegas a few years back. I made the mistake of staying in a budget hotel and I was seriously allergic to my room (mold) and went to the front desk to ask to change rooms. This boyishly handsome Polynesian dude was working the front desk gave me a very quick, almost imperceptible once over and apologized telling me that unfortunately all of the rooms were going to be like that. He was like, I feel really bad, meet me here in half an hour when I'm off work. I was still reading him as straight and just well put together so I was confused and assumed it was just wishful thinking as I walked away. Either he gambled a lot, had friends at the front desk, or he was out to impress me or all of the above but we took a long walk, talked, and we ended up at a different hotel. He put me up in a three bedroom at Cesar's Palace (Where after promises not to tough the minibar... in at least a half grand a night room... IDK... I guess he went for broke on the room or really had no money after gambling? I remained for the rest of the trip). When we got there he helped me carry my stuff up to the room and asked in such a polite customer service voice if there was anything else he could do for me. I was still reading him as straight and the formal tone of this request was confusing considering we were alone, but at this point logically knew my gaydar had just failed me, and so I grabbed him from the doorway and led him back to one of the beds. There was some heated groping and making out while undressing and after a little bit of playful wrestling I pinned him down, he squirmed some, and I slid right into him. (I got my first hint then that he hadn't really spent that last half hour working.) After we both came, I gave him a massage and then we took a shower. I tried to give him a blowjob but he pushed me away and I was disappointed for a moment but then he pulled me back up to my feet and dropped to his knees and let's just say my disappointment faded very rapidly. I expected and even hoped to see him more later and said as much but as he was leaving he reminded me his kid sister was in town and then looked dead at me, smiled mischievously, and was like, "Plus, I'm sure you'll be seeing other guys anyway." And then just winked and walked out. My best guess (since I made a point of not looking like I was checking him out since I thought he was straight) is he'd been listening in on the phone calls coming into my room and had heard me telling a friend I was unsure if he was checking me out as well as hearing me set up a date for the following day.

I do screen clients. And I ask more in monetary compensation for my time than most trans guys. I am well aware it's not the norm and I am sure I loose a lot of one-off business to it, however, I'd rather trusted guys that repeat than just have a constant stream of one-offs anyway. I also think I get away with screening being only a momentary hiccup (rather than a deal breaker) because I offer services that a lot of my clients wouldn't feel as comfortable enjoying if I didn't screen. I do find myself pretty often gently reminding guys that not keeping their info private is bad for businesses. If this still doesn't make them feel comfortable enough I tell them about my other job, which is one with a relatively high trust index. Most guys realize that they'd willingly give way more personal information to me without a second thought (like SS#, family contacts, life story, etc) if asked in that context and they realize it's one more piece of info I have to guard and are okay with whatever I need from them after that. I've gotten clients from friends who refer their friends to me (my friends are pretty awesome & supportive), in which case I can usually go without verifying identity because it's already known and more. Otherwise, I ask for ID (hard to fake or easy to verify stuff: state, passport, military, current large employer ID, currently enrolled student ID) and a health screen from no more than 10 days before we plan to meet where the name on it has to match. The second part is optional, of course, but most guys do it because they realize they're spending like they've had it and plan to use it whether they opt take advantage of that or not. I have worked as both a TV and trans male escort. I've had a couple scary experiences with both but probably the worst was in LA when I advertised as trans guy and got abducted on an outcall (that started with a meeting in public no less). The dude seemed fine at first, slightly preoccupied, but it seemed to go with the overworked professional white guy white collar Daddy stereotype he obviously had going. I didn't think I needed to screen too hard before, I felt relaxed at dinner, and next thing I know I'm being held at knifepoint in this psycho dude's car (who I also realize nobody I know knows for sure his real info) and he is deciding out loud whether he has a future as a pimp or just wants to take me right to Angeles National Forest. That was years ago and I walked away without a scratch but with the lasting opinion that while most guys don't mean any harm all you need is one malicious dude to ruin your life. I try to encourage everyone regardless of their gender or client base to screen if that's what they need to feel safe. Not screening based on what other people do and what clients want/expect means more people who want to screen won't; it's a self perpetuating fear.