KensingtonHomo

No, I have many friends who have worked in fashion and related industries. They are known for being rampant with abuse, sexual harassment, low pay early in your career, etc. That you choose to normalize abuse is on you. I had a boss raise his voice to me once. Just the one time and my reaction ensured it never happened again.

Honey... I've been visibly queer since I am four years old. I literally had to fight off bullies for all of my schooling, I was called everything under the sun and sexually assaulted by straight guys. And I'm not only still standing, but I'm also a nationally recognized leader in my field, which involves me taking on powerful interests not negging sex workers on a website. When I've been in work situations where people tried to be abusive to me, I corrected them because I'm not going to be someone's doormat. And I stick up for people who are less confident than me. I love strong opinions. I love debate. I love locking horns with people I disagree with on matters of substance. But no matter how long you've lived in NYC, if you let people abuse you to "climb the ladder", you're telling on yourself. Some people (like me) experience abuse, unfairness, and systemic discrimination, and we say "This is unacceptable and I won't tolerate it for me or anyone else." Other people say "I've been treated badly and can't wait to amass enough power to abuse other people." Sounds like you're the latter.

I used to think that way. But then I realized I didn't need to say everything I thought. And I think criticism is fair when it regards things people can control. But commenting on a person's appearance, particularly their weight, height, or facial features, is just mean-spirited. I prefer men taller than me (6' or taller), but I don't go from thread to thread calling the providers "midgets." So I'm frank about my preferences while not insulting or dehumanizing anyone.

I'm a native NYer who grew up pretty poor. You will not find a more frank speaker than me. However, knowing that providers do check this site - in fact some moderate it - calling them "fat" or "ugly" or whatever is unnecessarily nasty. You could simply say "this person isn't my type" or just say nothing. And to be frank, you and your wife don't sound like people I'd want to spend time with. Again, as a NYer, we don't say shit behind your back that we wouldn't say to your face. So if you said one of my friends was fat, I would tell you that you're being an asshole.

This is just essentializing the incentives and markers of late-stage capitalism and patriarchy to some biological imperative. It's not. While biology plays a role, our desires are primarily shaped by our experiences, cultures, and psychology. All of these are also geographically and historically situated. For example, as recently as WWII, a man was not considered queer unless he bottomed. (See George Chauncey's Gay New York. In much the same way, how we discuss even physical characteristics are historically and culturally constructed. No one is saying we don't have your preferences and turn-ons. That's cool. What some of us object to is using degrading and dehumanizing language ("fat," "ugly," racial tropes, etc.) to describe providers. It's not that hard. People post about guys I don't find remotely desirable ALL THE TIME. And I don't comment on them. I feel no need to "yuck someone's yum" or to say nasty things about sex workers. If a client has a concern that the person they're going to meet with may look different, ask for a quick FaceTime or for them to send a current time stamped pic.

The person who posted referenced queer men which would be inclusive of bisexual, pansexual, questioning, etc.

Again, you're dehumanizing the provider, doubling down on the point I made. If someone doesn't feel like having sex, maybe because bottoming three times in 24 hours can be irritating, and you coerce them into doing so, that's just fucked up. Plus I don't want to have sex with someone who isn't in the mood. It sounds like you're treating him like a human Fleshjack, rather than a person. Maybe explore how you would feel if you were put in that position.

I was summarizing your experience where you said when the escort arrived you had sex, then when you got back that evening, and in the morning you wanted to go for three.

Sounds dreadful.

No, @Todd Jenkins I'm not confusing the stories. Maybe you don't recall how you presented the story, but by your account you had sex twice the first night.

He already fucked him twice. The services were rendered. It’s not like the escort refused to engage in sex. As a bottom, getting fucked three times in 24 - 36 hours can be a bit much.

This says a lot about you. And none of it is good.

Nothing like forcing someone to let you fuck them when they’re not in the mood. Not at all rapey. 😂

If I were that escort, I would never see you again. You had sex twice, and the morning after, he wasn’t up for a third go, so you pressured him into it. Maybe you think this is funny or you being butch, but it sounds like you treated this young man as something less than a person.

I hadn't noticed his discrimination against Asian people when I made my first post here. Honestly, that's a big turn off.

I saw him last summer in P Town, and it was disappointing. Virtually no sensuality; just a decent massage that was overpriced.

I really think some of the commentary on here over the line. You don't know if this gentleman has maintained his body or not, and telling stories about aging actors is just bad form. #dobetter

22 year old muscle boys hold no appeal for me. He’d have to give me $400. 😂

$500/hour for someone with no reviews is a lot.

Yeah, I love Spanish guys but something about his ad is off.

I feel like digital communications, whether texting or social media, have resulted in us dehumanizing each other. I find this to be more the case with people younger than me (I'm Gen X), who created "ghosting." And I think that general disregard for each other show's up horribly in service based businesses.

I don't think you're overreacting. If a provider lists that they offer something, they should be willing to do it for you. To be honest, this is why I tend to avoid providers who identify as bisexual. I feel like there's a correlation between "no kissing" and identifying as bisexual.

What part of he's a human being are you having trouble with? There's no comparison in remarking on or reviewing an inanimate object, or a service that is being provided, and someone's body or other physical characteristic. It's like going to a restaurant and saying "the service was terrible and the waiter was homely." The first is fine; the second is dehumanizing.

No. It is not hypocritical to say that people have a right to bodily autonomy AND that it's wrong for you to take a well-known person and pick them apart publicly. It means I see providers, porn actors, whatever as full human beings, that do not exist solely or primarily for my sexual gratification. Conflating what you did with reviewing a restaurant or a piece of art is literally dehumanizing. You're comparing these man to inanimate objects. But people are not restaurants or statues. And you are not discussing a service he provided, like massage, or saying a restaurant's food wasn't to your taste. You are criticizing his body and his appearance on a semi-public forum, which he could see. Again, if I posted pictures of you and went through all the ways I perceive your appearance to be flawed how would you feel?

I have to agree with @BtmBearDad. All of this reads as an assumption that some of you have a right to these men's bodies. Or that you have a stake in how their bodies look. There's very little difference between this kind of toxic masculine entitlement and anti-abortion zealots. These escorts are people who deserve bodily autonomy. How would any of you feel if I posted pictures of you and slammed your looks? Or maybe I should start a thread on how I think tanning is gross. "Why do these beautiful young men scar and age themselves with tanning?" Maybe I should start a lengthy thread on my dislike of facial hair and how it obscures handsome faces? If you do not care for an escorts looks, DO NOT BOOK him. But creating threads picking apart people's looks is presumptuous and dehumanizing. Tattoos are a frequent topic but there's lots of dehumanizing conversations about escorts that really should be removed by the moderators.