Charlie

We drove up to the Whitewater Preserve this afternoon. Blue skies, sunshine, temps in the 70s. The fall foliage still hasn't disappeared from the trees, so the views were gorgeous. This is the first weekend it has been open since August, when the road up to it was damaged by flooding, so more people than usual had made the trek this late in the year.

If you have allergies and want to know all the science around them and their treatment, Allergic by Theresa MacPhail is a thorough introduction. But it is not an easy read.

He says, "I don't fight against nature, I just let nature be." And then he disfigures himself with that facial jewelry.

I think it's a 1955 Eldorado.

I think a lot of the arguing that this thread has deteriorated into is due to my failing to clearly define my terms. The roles of "responsible person" and "caregiver" can be played by a single person, but they don't have to be. I happen to be both for my spouse. As "caregiver", I do all his shopping, make his meals, administer his medications, take him for walks, sometimes wash and shave him, help him use his computer and DVD player, take him to medical appointments, etc., and watch over him for much of the time. As the "responsible person," I make his medical appointments, take him to them and sit in with him during them, handle all his financial affairs, including banking and consultation with his financial advisor, do his taxes, monitor his phone calls, and act as intermediary with the government (jury duty, SS, etc.). I have his power of attorney. I could hire someone to be his caregiver, either in house or in a care facility, but I would not want that person or institution to also do all the things I do as the "responsible person" for him. I started this thread because I wondered how others here went about finding or choosing a responsible person for themselves if they didn't have children or other family to act as the "responsible person," not necessarily also as a caregiver. I like and trust my in-laws, specifically my spouse's youngest brother and his niece, not to simply find a way to get our money and abandon us or me to no care or poor care, but I don't expect either of them to be his/my/our caregiver. But I do wonder if my spouse dies first--which is highly likely--whether they or other close family members will feel as much responsibility for my care as I believe they would for his.

Hmmm....Do you suppose it's changed in the last 60 years?🤔

@nycman is correct!! The last time I checked over the weekend it was still closed (since late August), but it apparently re-opened two days ago.

Marlon Brando?

Unfortunately, the Whitewater Preserve is closed indefinitely because of problems with the access roads.

I normally eat a banana with breakfast, but lately I have been finding bananas that look unblemished on the outside, but are rotten when I peel away the skin.

My employer actually encouraged me to retire at 60, by giving me one year's extra pay to do so; that way they could hire a young replacement for the years until I was 65, for much less money than they were paying me (I had a tenured teaching job). So I took early retirement at 60, but I used the extra year's salary plus part-time consulting work, so I didn't start taking SS until I was 65. My spouse retired at 62 and began taking SS immediately, but he is eight years older than I am, so by the time I started, my base was already higher than his, and because of the system of only adding the same percentage of the individual's current payment to each annual increase, my SS monthly payment has become progressively larger than his over the years. Neither one of us could live comfortably on his own on his single SS, but we might be able to at least manage on our combined SS; luckily, we have other income sources that are greater than our SS income, so the SS is a supplement rather than the primary source, as is probably true for most middle class retirees.

I have visited only four of them (in CA, MI, RI and VA).

I can't visit this thread very often--my heart is pounding!

The Living Desert in Palm Desert, the Annenberg estate in Rancho Mirage, an event at the new Acrisure Arena?

The parking lot at the Hackensack bus terminal used to be cruisy at night. Guys would sit in their cars, and get out and socialize with guys from other cars if they saw someone interesting. If the police came by and questioned them, they could always say they were waiting for someone to arrive on the last bus from Manhattan. However, I haven't been there since 1963.

Most of those photos weren't taken in Lima, OH.

When my spouse and I first met, he had a higher income than I did. Fifty-five years later, my income is higher than his. But we have always used the same method of managing money. Anything that is equally shared, like house, utilities, car, etc., we have always split equally, which meant that we never bought or contracted for anything we used together that would be too much of a strain for one of us to afford. Anything that was in both names was equally paid for. That was also true when we traveled together, unless it was a trip that both of us wanted, and the one who wanted it most was willing to pay a larger share of the cost to make it happen. We also both traveled a lot separately, and each of us then paid his own way. We never expected to pay for one another's personal items, whether it was clothing or sexual adventures. To account for the differential in income, we each maintained separate assets, like investments, retirement accounts, and the like, with each of us named in our wills as eventual beneficiary of the other's personal assets. We have a couple of friends who have been together as long as we have. One of them always had much more money than the other. After a rocky start for a few years, they solved the problem by not living together, with each one responsible for all his own expenses, and sharing only expenses for joint travel and entertainment. One owns a huge condo on Manhattan's East Side, while the other rents a small one-bedroom apartment elsewhere, and each is psychologically satisfied with his financial independence.

My personal experience is decades out of date, but I always went to McBurney to work out and to Westside to play.

One of my former doubles tennis partners is now 92, so she decided she is a little too slow to keep up with the much younger players who are her only options as partners. Now she plays pickleball almost every day instead, but she admits it is not as satisfying. She has only fallen once in all the years I have known her, while hiking on a trail in her 80s, and she simply got up and hiked back home.

His claim to have been to 21 countries also sounds improbable for a 19 year old who doesn't appear to be well-educated or a member of a wealthy family.

@newdad did say expenses "not including travel," which may mean that he is relatively nearby and planning to drive here in his own car (or fly his own plane).

Aww, they're all so cute!

I started this thread with an ironic misquote of a line from an old song ("Nobody loves you when you're old and gray"), but I didn't mean it literally. Most relationships change over time, as both parties age, and for gay men who have no children, there are no younger generations of descendants who typically feel some responsibility for the older family members who raised them. Of course, even gay men may have younger lovers, friends and family members who are willing to take responsibility for them. I don't believe that nursing homes are only "geriatric prisons;" the residents may sometimes feel that way, but often the elderly receive better care there than they would from their family. After five years of living with my spouse and me, my 94 year old mother actually chose to move to an assisted living/nursing care facility, where she thought her life would be more comfortable and interesting than it was with us, and she was right.

I don't remember where I saw most shows, so some of the earliest ones I saw probably weren't actually on Broadway, I saw The Boys in the Band and Hair before they got to Broadway. The first show I saw in New York was probably The Fantasticks, but it wasn't on Broadway. I know I saw Amadeus on Broadway, but I don't remember when.

Do I sense another onetime linguistics student here? (I get palpitations when I hear someone talk about a voiceless dental sibilant!)