CheckCar

To all of you who have posted here on this thread, thank you. I thought I was the only one who was experiencing this phenomenon. And all the various reasons mentioned resonate with me too. I do think, though, that a chunk of my feelings on this have to do with depression and a loss of interest in many things. It's hard to get motivated.

A fascinating thread. Thanks to all.
 
I’m in my 60’s. Years ago I hired frequently, and this included weekend and extended travel. Doing this now intrigues me not at all, as I just don’t have the free time! I find myself as busy as I want with my social life, travel, music and other cultural pursuits which I don’t really need nor require a companion to enjoy. To be sure, worrying about whether my companion is bored, confused (or whatever) would reduce my own enjoyment of these outings.
 
Cost has gotten out of hand. Many NYC and LA escorts are now at $400/hour. This limits my enthusiasm. Compounding this is a vein of escort behavior that tends to treat clients as an ATM. (Happily, not all providers do this.) I’m assuming a significant economic downturn will change this pricing and maybe even this behavior.These gents are, of course, free to set their prices as they wish; I am equally free to demur.
 
I’ve always preferred clean-cut jock/muscular types (of any ethnicity). These are harder to find. I’m just not a huge fan of ink nor a rougher look.
 
And, the hookup sites offer plenty of decent fellows for free. Yes, it can be a crapshoot, but so can hiring escorts who 1) have inaccurate pics, 2) excessively shave their ages, or 3) whose actions aren’t in sync with the narrative of their ads.
 
For me, I find my money better spent elsewhere most days. I have significantly increased my annual charitable giving over the past few years, and doing so gives me joy. Saying “yes” with my time to friends and organizations asking for it gives me joy. Having a dose of “alone time” gives me joy. Hiring escorts lately has rarely brought me joy.
 
Ultimately, I wonder if my active hiring was a phase of my life best relegated to that earlier time.

I feel like hiring has made me feel lonelier than usual lately.
 
47 and beginning to wonder if I will ever be able to be in a normal relationship.
 
Curious how many people feel loss of interest in hiring and loss of interest in life in general.

I'm practically at a dead stop in escort hiring:

Age has diminished my libido
Skyrocketing rates (somewhat understandable considering the cost of living in New York City)
The tattooing and piercing craze
The waning of work ethic within the pool of providers (condescending, arrogant, flippant, impatient, up-selling, stolen ad images, "ask me.")

An occasional massage is pretty much it for me anymore. Sure do miss Rounds, Stella's, and other NYC "job fair" venues.

I’m definitely hiring less, I think for a few reasons.

I’m not into facial hair or the hairy guys who seem to have proliferated the market
Too many average to below average experiences, including well reviewed guys (this is why I started losing interest)
I might be horny but am I horny enough for these rates?
The longer I go with reduced hiring, the more I have for other frivolous things that last a long longer than a couple hours. This wasn’t a conscious decision but something I’ve definitely noticed, and am having some fun with

I still like to look at the ads and this site, and I’m sure my activity will pick up again. Or maybe it won’t. I’ll be good either way!

I was curious if any of you had gone through a period where you just didn’t feel like hiring escorts anymore. If so, I’d welcome any specifics you’d be willing to share (how long? reasons for it? what triggered a return? etc.)
 
I’ve hired twice in the last 12 months, most recently in August. Both sessions were good enough, but I just don’t have the urge to continue at this point. I’m 51, I own my own business so free time is tough to come by, and I’ve had a few of my regulars retire/disappear from the scene in the last couple of years. So all of those could be factors in my current headspace. But to be honest, I thought I’d get the desire again but it’s just not happening. To clarify, it’s not a lack of physical desire, but a lack of wanting to go through the “process” and effort that it can take to find someone compatible.
 
I’m likely overthinking the situation, which is something I often do in life. Just thought I’d check with folks to see if anyone had experienced similar feelings. Thanks for anything you’d like to share.

I wouldn't necessarily say that this is warning worthy. What he did provide may have been perfectly fine for others. I am just tired of shelling out a bunch of money and not getting what I want in a session.
 
BTW, I left him and booked with Miguel...who delivered 100%+!
https://rentmasseur.com/Miguelmasseurr

I wouldn't necessarily say that this is warning worthy. What he did provide may have been perfectly fine for others. I am just tired of shelling out a bunch of money and not getting what I want in a session.
 
BTW, I left him and booked with Miguel...who delivered 100%+!
https://rentmasseur.com/Miguelmasseurr

Unfortunately, I've found that multiple reviews on rentmen don't mean anything. Scammers often create their own accounts and give themselves multiple positive reviews.
 
Of the five reviews for AnthonyAdams, two of them are from the same person, Drichardson. Another reviewer, DaddyDeep reviewed the same exact models as Drichardson - too much of a coincidence. And most of the reviewers joined in February 2019. I look for reviewers who have been members for several years.
 
That's why I value this forum and rarely hire outside of those who have been determined as "real" by its members.
 
I've already asked for a thumbs up pic from both - and there's been no response. I'm gonna pass - I trust my nose - and this smells fishy.

I hate being the one to give a less than stellar recommendation. I saw Kenzo in LA. No desire to see him again.

Yes, we all understood, but nobody's outraged. Someone used a word incorrectly and someone else helpfully pointed it out. It's not a big deal.

I have seen him a couple of times and thought he was great and fun, but would think twice about $200. Not saying he isn’t worth it, and if he can command that price then good for him.

Internalized racism.

When I used to have a bad experience, and I’m approached about a HE, I decline as I’m already thinking about where I’m going to book next. And by next, I mean like as soon as I walk out the door. Yes those days are expensive but I refuse to sit on a bad experience without taking action.

This is a great thread! Thanks to all who weigh in.
 
As for me, the answer is yes, it can be addicting and get out of control emotionally and financially. But I will say this: in my nearly ten years of getting massages I have met some of nicest most interesting guys and I would not trade it for anything. I’m friends with some now and see others occasionally. Yes there are bad, if not hilariously awful experiences, but those are few and far between. If one is careful and learns how to read ads so as to choose the good ones and avoid the bad, it can be a rewarding (sometimes expensive) way to interact with people and have genuinely good experiences.
 
Regardless of motives on either side, we are all still people looking for connection. If we treat others respectfully then the chances of the encounter being mutually rewarding are much higher. I’ve experienced this several times. Massage can turn into a genuine connection.
 
What I’ve also found is that I like giving massages as much as receiving them now. A good masseur can teach you a lot about how to receive the massage as well as how to give a good one. I have had more than one masseur tell me they are going to give me the massage they would like to have.
 
I think at the end of the day it all depends on what you are in it for and what you want to get out of it short term and long term. I see massage as a language of touch, a way to converse. Receiving touch is like listening to someone. Some masseurs have a lot to say I want to hear, others not so much!
 
Enjoy it!

My name is ____________ and I'm a massage addict
 
I probably get a massage twice a month... But there have been times where I've gotten 4 or 5 in a month. I try to keep it to 2 a month so I don't overspend.
 
Gay masseurs and escorts were my introduction to the gay world. I came out at 18 and didn't know anyone who was gay. So I ended up calling massage ads and escort ads. I had some really good experiences, and they were all really cool with me not knowing anything about being gay. One of them even got me to escort for a short time.
 
Nowadays I'm only interested in masseurs... which sometimes leads to sex after we get comfortable with each other. Sex isn't necessary. I just like being touched and getting off. And if the masseur is really into my body type, the sensual / sexual energy is amazing.
 
Sometimes I think getting regular massage prevents me or stops me from actually trying to find someone to date. Not sure if that's good or bad... But I don't feel the need to be on-the-prowl all the time.
 
@Capitano - You're not the only one limited by the selection of masseurs. I've had several regular masseurs I really liked seeing over the years... They have all since moved away. And I've had a lot of trouble finding local masseurs that I want to keep going back to lately. (I tend to avoid traveling masseurs). I'm not sure what's different now. I tend to like good amateur / semi-professional masseurs. Maybe it's that the amateurs nowadays are more like escorts than masseurs? I have all kinds of theories, but no answers
 
Anyways... getting a good sensual massage regularly keeps me happy and satisfied Otherwise, I might be out looking for trouble

What an interesting thread!
 
The focus of my sexuality has moved through pick-ups and relationships for the first years of my out life to the highly erotic club scene and "circuit" to strip clubs and now to m4m massage (porn has always had some role in my sex life). I haven't really moved on to escorts yet, but I hope to explore that experience someday. Each stage has been deeply rewarding but also complicated. I'm pretty Freudian about this: after the liquid perfection of life in the womb, humans are on a search for a return to that complete, safe, satisfying experience of merging with another person. It's not fully achievable, of course (my mother wouldn't have it! (plus I've grown a bit)), but all those different phases gave me intense moments of connection with another man and of blissful release from the "vale of sorrows" of ours.
 
All of these phases had their expenses--love DEFINITELY ain't free--so I have to use the same economic calculations about massage that I used in my other sexual pursuits. And even the emotional dimensions: it's easy to say that transactional sexual encounters like with strippers, escorts, or erotic masseurs aren't "real," but tricks and even boyfriends/husbands aren't simple emotionally either. We should all attend to our purses and our hearts.
 
The bottom line for me is that life is not easy; there is no solution to horniness or loneliness; rich emotional and sexual experiences are to be found in all kinds of places and all kinds of conditions. Right now for me "massage is life."

It can be an expensive habit. I have 2-3 guys I see in regular rotation plus I’m always on the lookout for new ones that might interest me. I try to limit myself to once a month but sometimes that doesn’t last. I’m probably spending upwards of $2K per year, maybe more. It’s my one indulgence I suppose.

You guys are making it way more complicated than it needs to be lol.

Fear of haggling is another of example of these forums being a self-selected minority sample that differs from the majority of clients/escorts who don't post here.
 
Most of my clients don't have a problem with it. I feel it's best, if you have a budget, to be upfront. But I think it's best to give as much info as reasonable in the first 1-2 texts: "Married, discreet, 60s here. Looking for bf experience, you top. Available tonight 9pm, my hotel in Tribeca? Can do 280 roses for hr of your time. Privacy/discretion important. Thanks."
 
The who/what/when/where/how is thus out of the way, and now you can do the personality and compatibility dance for a bit before confirming. Don't understand why w can't just save everybody's time and energy by being direct, clear, concise, and complete.
 
Radio silence is perhaps the worst form of this poor communication, both rude and unclear at the same time. I block clients who do it, and have had some circle back months to years saying, "Been texting and calling, can't get through." When I tell them they were blocked because of having ghosted, then it's "Oh, didn't mean to, something came up." Okay, well just send a text saying "No longer interested, maybe another time" or "No longer available, will check you next trip." How hard is that?

I haggle over almost everything except this. I usually have a number in mind that I won't go above. My respose to someone who exceeds that number is "Thanks, but that's a bit more than I feel comfortable spending at this time."
 
The best providers usually respond with a "Thanks, I understand" Ocassionally, a provider offers to lower his rate but this is rare and I certainly have no expectations that will occur. Once I see that he is outside my limits, I move on.

The don’t haggle mentality is a forum poster mentality, not a general hirer mentality. One of the people I see most often “haggles” every time in the sense that we negotiate my rate. I could care less.
 
4, enumerate the list of providers providing xxx and xyy assuming the providers are amenable to that info being disclosed. If you don’t give numbers right off the bat, it’s too much effort for providers to invest time negotiating downwards. Give your best and final from the getgo. Concomitantly provide creative non-monetary compensation to offset the difference between your budget rate and the provider’s standard rate.

The second guy, Mateo, has been discussed in a few threads. Below is one of them. When I saw him late last year, he gave an ok massage on a table with sensual elements included (more than I actually wanted). Very nice guy. I haven’t been back since there are others who give better massages, but his sweet personality might entice me to give him a second try at some point.
 
https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/mateo-in-queens-nyc.146348/

I'm not an escort. But the several times I've hired one, I always informed them that I was black. Just wanted them to know ahead of time, people have silly hang ups and if it's an issue for them I rather they tell me upfront & I won't waste my time & money on poor service. Also don't want to meet up & then get rejected.
 
While I haven't booked anyone for their full service, (just massage and some extras,) I have experienced a couple providers either ghosting me after I told them I'm black or all of sudden "need to reschedule" to a time I said I wouldn't be available. One instance the provider told me he wouldn't be attracted to me and that it wouldn't work out without some level of attraction. Another told me "You can find another escort." It's disheartening just until I delete text thread, then I move on.
Maybe it's just like that here in MN ??‍♂️

Both of the previous messages captured much of the massage experience with Vicente. After my first time with him, I thought I would continue as a regular. He didn't give a massage in the traditional sense; it was a much gentler, constantly sensual encounter with my body. Although he is older (10 years?) than his pictures and much less ripped (I described him as a compliment as "beefy," and he didn't like it), I found him very attractive.
 
I haven't gone back since my second time with him, however, because the experience, including the part I was less satisfied with (detailed below) was almost identical. The masseurs I've kept offered an evolving, responsive massage, depending on our deepening knowledge of each other and his and my mood and needs on the given day.
 
What I didn't like was his insistence on my passivity. My hanging harm brushed against his leg once when he walked by, and I stroked his calf gently. He stopped and told me to relax and let him give me pleasure. MT, however, is part of my pleasure in an sensual/erotic massage. He also kept his bottoms on until he had turned me over, completed the "massage" of my front, and proceeded to the HE. Mutual touch was allowed then, but his focus was on getting me off, so although I enjoyed touching him, he didn't respond in any way to my touch. That makes me feel weird.
 
The guy is really nice and seemingly spiritual, but there are just too many better options for me in NYC