Gar1eth

From McSweeneys.net—- http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/3zbd2llwrgr6ydt/Photo%20Feb%2003%2C%207%2033%2053%20PM.jpg?dl=0 There have been a ton of rumors about why Jo and I are leaving our show. Like, that I’m the Lindberg baby, and that is why my hair is long. Or that I insisted on making contact with a section of Waco that UNESCO declared a world heritage site due to its high ratio of effectively un-contacted persons. Sometimes, Jo and I laugh into mason jars until we scream, so that our TV family won’t hear us. No, the real, REAL reason we’re are leaving HGTV is to explore our new passion: 1970s European Brutalism. See, Jo could only pretend to care about the special touches that make a house a home for so much longer. And I woke up one morning and said to myself, “Chip, you don’t give a hockey puck if these homeowners chose a reading nook in the playroom or a Juliet balcony off the master bath.” After some reflection and time with our pastor, we realized that what we really wanted to do was to cram a harsh, unwieldy post-war aesthetic down people’s throats. So, no more shiplap. No more driving around in a pickup truck. No more lies. Now we can say to the Smiths and the Prestons and all the other good families we’ve been blessed to work with: you are meaningless specks in the face of mechanization and the worker-state. Here is your concrete cube. We don’t care if you like it. It is functional enough for your purposes. Get over yourselves. We totally get that this is kind of a new deal for everyone to get comfortable with. Like, if we take your family out for a naturalistic photo shoot in a field of bluebells, now we are just doing it for no reason, because the universe is chaotic. The photos will not be displayed in your house at its big reveal. When we pull back the oversized photo screen showing the old fixer upper, there will be no curb appeal, only a feeling of pervasive dread and the “beep, beep” of a concrete truck backing up onto the front lawn to start pouring more and more concrete. Jo has shaved her head and is living in a squatter house on the outskirts of Berlin. I’m told she’s crafting a new line of scented candles and holiday door swag inspired by Belgian post-war public housing failures. We just know you’re going to love these for your family. They really bring out the feelings of desperation lurking just beneath the surface of commodity fetishism. So Christmassy! With some extra time on my hands I, too, have developed a more utilitarian presentation of self. That is why some in our inner circle have found me lurking on their front porches wearing this flour sack unitard with grommets strategically placed to reveal my nipples. I do not know how to cook and, with Jo in Berlin, I am unable to care for myself. I probably need some electrolytes, but otherwise Chip is all good! You may be wondering what will happen to our current ventures. As you know, over the last five years, we’ve released exclusive lines of paints, rugs, wallpapers, gene therapies, Janissary armies, pajamas, llamas, synchronized swim moves, guns, holsters, whips, and tankinis. Some of you have tried all of them, and you frighten us. In fact, our new favorite colors for fall are You Frighten Us and No We Can’t All Be Married. Speaking of marriage, when Jo comes back I’ve put together a really special surprise vow renewal ceremony. We’ve always said that we put the Lord first, our marriage second, and our kids right after that. Our renewal vows will reflect our new priorities: we’re putting form first, the Lord second, and third is our new series of craft cocktails inspired by things Joanna experienced in Berlin without Chip. We are just stoked to share, from our family to yours, an ideologically pure answer to the fin de siècle decadence of the middle class! ******* Gman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf-38gfDrRY Gman

http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/exploringourmatrix/files/2014/05/wpid-Photo-20140514030627.jpg Gman

Unfortunately no hunky mechanics in the neighborhood. There aren’t any un-hunky ones either. I’ll take a look at the auto places. But most of them charge for a diagnostic scan in my neck of the woods. Gman

I wonder if there is some forensic way to tell if a download came from malware or was actively downloaded. Gman

I wish capes were back in fashion. Gman

Right now I’m trying to decide if it’s worth it for me to buy an OBD II reader that reads airbag codes- not all do. They are the more expensive ones. AutoZone and O’Reilly carry them. Unfortunately the ones they use for their free checks don’t read airbag codes. Gman

Thanks. It seems to be an informative site. As far as I can tell, Kia, or st least this model is not under the Takata recall. My last car was. It was a Nissan Versa. But Nissan said they didn’t have the parts to fix it. And when I went looking, I was initially looking for a Nissan Versa. When I went by the local Nissan place, they said Nissan had sent a directive not allowing dealers to sell old Versas because of the airbag problem. I think they said if they took one in trade in, they sent it off to auction. Gman

I remember Kyle’s physique and the fact that he didn’t show his face. However if I was wrong about him having a bad rep, then it seems to me there might have been another muscular escort from Colorado at the same time who didn’t have a stellar reputation. Gman

I was interested in him years ago, but I seem to remember some not great reviews-or if not that, some unfavorable comments in the Forum. And even if I’m wrong still usimg pictures from possibly the late 90’s to the mid 2000’s in 2018 has to be an enormous red flag. Gman

I hear you. I’m about 5” when I think the average range starts at 5.5”. I don’t obsess about it quite as much as you describe. But being gay obviously my glance happens to ‘occasionally’ strike a guy’s fly area. So many of the guys I see have very full fly areas. Mine wouldn’t look as full as most of these guys if I were sporting a semi hard erection. It’s depressing. And if I were a bit larger, topping would be so much easier. As it is I’m always wondering if I’ll be able to get past a guy’s buttocks. Gman

Unfortunately from what I can tell, Kia’s warranties don’t apply to subsequent owners. Plus it’s a 2011. It’s out of warranty. Carfax noted a rear end cosmetic collision. There is nothing on Carfax to indicate the air bags ever deployed. There is a recall out for something called a Stop Lamp Switch which can cause the brake lights not to work and the cruise control to not disengage. I’m planning to get that fixed in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, my brake lights work and I’m not using the cruise control. I understand your point about getting it looked at as soon as possible,-and I appreciate the advice. But frankly I don’t have the money right now. Hopefully I will by the end of the month. Gman

I have a new for me 2011 Kia Soul Plus. It’s a replacement car as I was in a wreck the last week of December. So about a week after I got it, I noticed when I was driving that the airbag light came on-not the passenger one but the one under my speedometer. When I got home, I turned off the car and turned the motor back on. I went for a few mile drive, and it never came back on. Everything was both hunky and dory until it did this a few more times. Then last week it started staying on. I know I have to get it looked at. I just hope it’s nothing too expensive. Gkan

I’d be dead. Gman

It’s more of work for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t like it. But it’s definitely not as easy as falling off a log. Gman

I had forgotten about it. I also just read that they don’t make Pudding Pops anymore. For all the Jello Aficionados out there I’m sorry to have to remind them that even though Jello says it’s Kosher, it’s not. Gman

I was joking. But I’m sure many youngsters on the Forum have no idea who he was. His show went off when I was 5, and I’m not sure if I ever actually saw it. But I think he was the voice actor on one of my storybook-record combos (everyone remember them?), and I used to see him on talk shows. Gman

Soupy who? Gman

I met a guy-well talked to a guy-on Grindr. All he wanted was to be f-cked-no kissing, no oral, no cuddling, no stroking. So I think it is likely. After all I’m a gay man who doesn’t like anal stimulation-well maybe a little rimming or a fingertip-but I don’t want anyone going near my prostate. So we two guys are almost diametric opposites. If I as a gay man can be allowed not to like prostate stimulation, why can’t we allow a straight man to like it? Now admittedly it can also be the first step for someone who is finally admitting an attraction to men. But I don’t think, considering the guy I described above, that it necessarily has to be. Gman

I think he has an insulin pump-he is the brother who’s diabetic, isn’t he? I always wonder how difficult it is for them to hide it in all the revealing pictures he takes. I think he’s pretty damn cute-and obviously all the young girls go Ga-Ga over him. But I still think he panders to us which I’m not fond of. Or maybe I’m just jealous. Gman

Years ago I went to a potluck work party. I had a jello cookbook and made some desserts-no it wasn’t a jello mold. Now this party was about 20 years ago. I’m positive I had tasted it before I brought it. I wouldn’t have wanted to bring something that I didn’t like, and I’m sure I thought it tasted good. My recollection is it was certainly something I would have eaten if offered. But to my best remembrance, the guests-there were about 10 to 12-stayed away from it like the plague. A now former friend (the former had nothing to do with the party) told me it wasn’t very good. But I don’t even remember him tasting it. Gman

It’s a nice picture. But I don’t see a lot of difference between the 2018 Nick Jonas and the 2016 one in this picture. I never watched the show. Was he supposed to be drugged or just drunk? And of this was the way it was supposed to be-but I can barely tell what he’s doing to the woman much less what he is doing, if anything, to the guy, or the guy to him. Gman

I just saw him on TV, and it looks like he is getting thin at the crown. So maybe Prince Charles is his father. Gman

The closest I’ve come, which is nowhere close at all, is taking the Canadian from Toronto to Vancouver. The food wasn’t roasted duckling, but I do remember pork loin with a blueberry sauce. Gman

I’ve had multiple wrong orders. Gman