Sean Y

Thanks - no condolences needed but appreciate the gesture and having you as an ally.
 
I mentioned that specific experience to illustrate that racism isn’t just about not being desired (as in no Asian need applied) but also about being desired for the “wrong” reason (presumed stereotypes). The desire is not about who I am as a person, but purely because of my skin color (and all that it represents). And like I said, I was conflicted - yeah, I’m finally a hot one, but hmmm, is it really about ME being hot or is it about what they think I represent. And should it matter? (Probably not if it’s a one night stand, definitely yes, if I want long term but i’m completely interchangable - as in any Asian will do. Seriously there are like billions of us applying for 1 position and we all look alike. That’s kinda twilight zoney.
 

Yes, have weathered the storm and have the scare tissues to show for it, but wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t have to force others to suffer these same consequences?  
And in response to the original post, is there discrimination within our community? Yes - just because we’re a minority does not make us immune to these afflictions. Racism exists in America. It exists in our community. It exists in minority communities (yup, even amongst Asians). And those who say they don’t see color, they are either in denial or are color blind because ummm, if you show me pieces of papers of different colors, I (and probably most 4 year olds) can pick out which is white, black, yellow and brown. Denying that color or race even exist does not make it go away. Just acknowledge and understand and own your potential subconscious bias and be conscientious when making your decisions.
 
I’m sure you’ve heard this before: a dad and his son were in a car accident. The dad died and the son was rushed to the ER. The ER doctor looked at the patient and said, sorry, I can’t operate on him - he’s my son. So who is the doctor? Step dad? Boy was adopted and the surgeon is the true biological dad? Gay dad? Our subconscious biases affect our responses. We did this in class and I was so sure it was a gay dad. Over half of the room didn’t even think about gay dad - seriously making up stories about switching babies at birth or mom had affairs so ER doctor was really the biological dad and other far fetched soap instead of a gay dad. So who is the ER Doctor? She’s the patient’s mom.
 
As a gay man with three my best friends from college being female doctors/surgeons, I was ashame to admit I didn’t even consider she was the patient’s MOM. Even the women didn’t consider option - and many of them admit to having female physicaians. Shocking to admit we’re a bit “sexist.”
 
The importance tho is what we do with this - e.g., acknowledge it and next time don’t automatically assume that the surgeon is male. And when next someone claim they are not racist, because it’s just a sexual preference, challenge their assumptions. We need allies now more than ever and if you don’t see racism or homophobia or gender discrimination, then we can’t defend ourselves and our community/communities from horrible attacks from the likes of skin heads and Trump cronies.

Hi Sync, appreciate your words of encouragements for Drained Empty. Logically, I think self love is a good first step to developing a stronger self esteem and therefore happiness. However, imagine how difficult that is if day in and day out, you’re confronted by a society or community that tells you you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not worthy of love. Maybe you won’t believe it the first time, ignore it the twentieth or hundred times, but eventually, you may think it’s even true. (That’s why we have high suicide rates for young gays, TGs, etc. and why the cosmetic industry, the diet industry, the cosmetic surgery industry, etc. are billion dollar strong because we are all not good enough)
 
As for the “Web” or such places we call “rice bars”, it’s nice to have a place of “acceptance,” where you’re not a minority. These are similar to the Chinatowns, the Castros in SF or other ghettos that were set up world-wide - initially as havens for the specific “minority” where we can feel safe and proud to be ourselves. But consider whether you would be happy if these are the only places you are accepted or feel safe. It’s the same concept - yes - it’s great to have places where we feel safe to be Asian or gay and be loved for being Asian or gay or black or whatever minority. But wouldn’t it be more wonderful if we can be loved outside of these ghettos.
 
And for those who are not familiar with rice bars, it’s a bit more complicated. You see, when you’re a young Asian boy growing up thinking that you’re not good enough, continuously told you’re not good enough just because you’re Asian, what do you think will happen when you’re in an Asian bar with lots of other Asians. Yup, you think they are Asians and therefore they are also not good enough either. This is what we call internalized racism which leads to externalized racism. Unfortunately, it’s against others like yourself and your kind. So, no, it’s not as easy as oh, ignore it and it’ll go away - ummm, there’s really only a few ways to walk away from yourself, one of which is permanently.
 
Now, let’s talk about the non-Asians at these rice bars - they come with a very specific attitude - easy picking because these Asian boys are desperate for a white boy so you can treat them like shit and they’ll be happy. At these bars, the non-Asians tend to be at least 20-30 years older than the Asian boys and about 50-80 pounds heavier. You’ve seen them about - it’s a different type of racism.
 
When I was 20, I was invited to a Pacific Friends party in SF (an organization to introduce white guys to Asian boys, and I played the little Asian boy in a room full of much older white men). I was grabbed without permission, pawed and expected to giggle like the geisha boy. It’s a very different power dynamic - older colonialists and the little native. So, should I feel loved because these older white men want to possess me? It’s an interesting dilemma - am I beautiful because I am exotic and smooth and slim and so quiet (only because I was freaking out!!!!)? And if I am beautiful, why am I only beautiful to these guys who expect me to play the bottom, to nod and smile and be meek but not to the regular young guys at the clubs like End-Up or the Mix etc.? Bars like the N’Touch and the Rice Paddy and probably the Web are full of guys with similar attitudes. So racism is not just an against... it’s also an applied assumption/stereotype. I am Asian so therefore I am expected to play the “girl” or passive role (nothing wrong with being the receiver but... not doing just because i’m Asian or it’s expected), the quiet submissive Asian, the young boy to the older man, etc. etc. (now, if we’re playing sex fantasy role play, sure, i’ll be happy to don my rice paddy hat and let some strapping white boy come dominate me.)
 
(But unfortunately or maybe fortunately in real life, I’m more buff now than skinny, have always been loud and bossy, and opinionated so not really submissive. And in my younger days, was too proud to be a boy toy but am open to the option if you have lots of sugar has haaaa...)
 
Things have changed a lot - Asians are no longer just relegated to rice bars and we can now date boys our own age and our body types. If you visit boyculture or queerty or any other gay sites, you’ll see gay Asians with hot bodies next to boys of other races. But as much as the community has advanced, you still hear a lot of discriminations and also defense of it “well, it’s a sexual attraction” so that’s OK. Let me put it another way... if you put “no Asian, no fat, no femme” you’re actually are being racist, fat phobic and anti-femme (whatever that word is). It’s not a preference - it’s a discrimination. You see, you’re not attracted to all whites, all non-fat or none-femme hits - because amongst those, some have long hair, some with no hair, some with long faces and some with missing teeth, etc. And you didn’t list those preferences either: like no long hair, no missing teeth, etc. etc. There are thousands of parameters to which you judge someone and you didn’t list them. You list their race so that makes you a racist. You list their body weight, so your fat phobic, etc. You could easily just judge the Asian as with any white guy who’s not fat or femme and find the Asian either attractive or not. But the fact that he’s automatically out of the running because he’s Asian makes it racist. Also, there’s a difference between saying I am attracted to something or I prefer something - that’s a preference - like I have a thing for blue eyes and long long lashes. But specifically stating that you dislike something, that the ism.

Boiledeggz, you make some excellent points! My experiences were really from the early 90s when our point of references for standard of beauty was super limited (printed pages and tv/movies) and there really wasn’t much representation. And as mentioned in my first email, we now have hot images of Asians next to men of all races on most sites. We even have uber-hot gay Asian surgeon on Grey’s Anatomy!!!! So yes, we have definitely come a long way! And just as we still continue to fight homophobia, we still fighting the old school perception that Asians are not hot, not sexual, and not marketable/able to carry a mainstream move. Just google how many articles were written about how Hollywood was taken by surprise by how big a hit Crazy Rich Asians was... Same could be said about how surprise people were about how successful Black Panther was or Girl Trip (not because wow, someone other than a white star carried a successful movie!)
 
And thank you for pointing out that there are so many sexy Asian guys who are built, successful, and hot and have no problem dating other Asians or any other races!!! I myself think Asians are mega hot - I mean seriously, look at me. Ha ahaaa. j/k. Maybe.
 
So what are my points: racism still exist, and even with all the hot Asians on Twitter, Grindr, and Jackd etc., there are still people who think there are sexy Asians. We still have tons of Asians who have internalized this hatred and discriminate against themselves. I mean, seriously, we had one of the best president ever and he’s black; and people are calling cops just because someone is black! Hopefully it’ll be less and less - and from your message, we’re on the winning side of progress.
 
And we still need to affirm that it’s not OK to post “no Asians” because it’s racist, even if it’s your sexual preference. And let’s not deny we’re beyond racism, that it doesn’t exist. Telling someone they are not good enough because of their race is hurtful and it exists and we need to help make it stop.
 
And to all my brother Asians, why the F* do you want to sleep with someone who doesn’t want to sleep with you - I mean seriously, how many men are available on Grindr, Jackd and all those other apps who would be hot for you? What are you going to do with a limp dick - why work that hard? Ha haaaa.
 
I want to tell you how much i love love love modernity. I mean seriously, i had to leave Missouri and come all the way to SF and go to Chinatown to see a magazine with a cute Asian (and that magazine was from Hong Kong and in Chinese, which I can’t read). I don’t even need to sneak down to some dark park or sit in some smelly old bathroom for a possible hook-up.
 
Just bloody turn on YouTube and I can stream gay Thai romance, KPop hotties, Chinese etc. not to mention Asian porns or tumblrs. Turn on the app, and i can access all the available boys nearby. I don’t even have to drive or walk any where - seriously sex delivered to my door. Has haaa.
 
So yes, Boiledeggz, you are absolutely right - there shouldn’t be any doubt for any one that hot Asians exist and that there are tons of hot Asians who are interested in other Asians, or in any other combinations other than rice on potatoes.
 
PS. Boiledeggz, love your handle!!!!

Thanks - no condolences needed but appreciate the gesture and having you as an ally.
 
I mentioned that specific experience to illustrate that racism isn’t just about not being desired (as in no Asian need applied) but also about being desired for the “wrong” reason (presumed stereotypes). The desire is not about who I am as a person, but purely because of my skin color (and all that it represents). And like I said, I was conflicted - yeah, I’m finally a hot one, but hmmm, is it really about ME being hot or is it about what they think I represent. And should it matter? (Probably not if it’s a one night stand, definitely yes, if I want long term but i’m completely interchangable - as in any Asian will do. Seriously there are like billions of us applying for 1 position and we all look alike. That’s kinda twilight zoney.
 

Yes, have weathered the storm and have the scare tissues to show for it, but wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t have to force others to suffer these same consequences?  
And in response to the original post, is there discrimination within our community? Yes - just because we’re a minority does not make us immune to these afflictions. Racism exists in America. It exists in our community. It exists in minority communities (yup, even amongst Asians). And those who say they don’t see color, they are either in denial or are color blind because ummm, if you show me pieces of papers of different colors, I (and probably most 4 year olds) can pick out which is white, black, yellow and brown. Denying that color or race even exist does not make it go away. Just acknowledge and understand and own your potential subconscious bias and be conscientious when making your decisions.
 
I’m sure you’ve heard this before: a dad and his son were in a car accident. The dad died and the son was rushed to the ER. The ER doctor looked at the patient and said, sorry, I can’t operate on him - he’s my son. So who is the doctor? Step dad? Boy was adopted and the surgeon is the true biological dad? Gay dad? Our subconscious biases affect our responses. We did this in class and I was so sure it was a gay dad. Over half of the room didn’t even think about gay dad - seriously making up stories about switching babies at birth or mom had affairs so ER doctor was really the biological dad and other far fetched soap instead of a gay dad. So who is the ER Doctor? She’s the patient’s mom.
 
As a gay man with three my best friends from college being female doctors/surgeons, I was ashame to admit I didn’t even consider she was the patient’s MOM. Even the women didn’t consider option - and many of them admit to having female physicaians. Shocking to admit we’re a bit “sexist.”
 
The importance tho is what we do with this - e.g., acknowledge it and next time don’t automatically assume that the surgeon is male. And when next someone claim they are not racist, because it’s just a sexual preference, challenge their assumptions. We need allies now more than ever and if you don’t see racism or homophobia or gender discrimination, then we can’t defend ourselves and our community/communities from horrible attacks from the likes of skin heads and Trump cronies.

Hi Sync, appreciate your words of encouragements for Drained Empty. Logically, I think self love is a good first step to developing a stronger self esteem and therefore happiness. However, imagine how difficult that is if day in and day out, you’re confronted by a society or community that tells you you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not worthy of love. Maybe you won’t believe it the first time, ignore it the twentieth or hundred times, but eventually, you may think it’s even true. (That’s why we have high suicide rates for young gays, TGs, etc. and why the cosmetic industry, the diet industry, the cosmetic surgery industry, etc. are billion dollar strong because we are all not good enough)
 
As for the “Web” or such places we call “rice bars”, it’s nice to have a place of “acceptance,” where you’re not a minority. These are similar to the Chinatowns, the Castros in SF or other ghettos that were set up world-wide - initially as havens for the specific “minority” where we can feel safe and proud to be ourselves. But consider whether you would be happy if these are the only places you are accepted or feel safe. It’s the same concept - yes - it’s great to have places where we feel safe to be Asian or gay and be loved for being Asian or gay or black or whatever minority. But wouldn’t it be more wonderful if we can be loved outside of these ghettos.
 
And for those who are not familiar with rice bars, it’s a bit more complicated. You see, when you’re a young Asian boy growing up thinking that you’re not good enough, continuously told you’re not good enough just because you’re Asian, what do you think will happen when you’re in an Asian bar with lots of other Asians. Yup, you think they are Asians and therefore they are also not good enough either. This is what we call internalized racism which leads to externalized racism. Unfortunately, it’s against others like yourself and your kind. So, no, it’s not as easy as oh, ignore it and it’ll go away - ummm, there’s really only a few ways to walk away from yourself, one of which is permanently.
 
Now, let’s talk about the non-Asians at these rice bars - they come with a very specific attitude - easy picking because these Asian boys are desperate for a white boy so you can treat them like shit and they’ll be happy. At these bars, the non-Asians tend to be at least 20-30 years older than the Asian boys and about 50-80 pounds heavier. You’ve seen them about - it’s a different type of racism.
 
When I was 20, I was invited to a Pacific Friends party in SF (an organization to introduce white guys to Asian boys, and I played the little Asian boy in a room full of much older white men). I was grabbed without permission, pawed and expected to giggle like the geisha boy. It’s a very different power dynamic - older colonialists and the little native. So, should I feel loved because these older white men want to possess me? It’s an interesting dilemma - am I beautiful because I am exotic and smooth and slim and so quiet (only because I was freaking out!!!!)? And if I am beautiful, why am I only beautiful to these guys who expect me to play the bottom, to nod and smile and be meek but not to the regular young guys at the clubs like End-Up or the Mix etc.? Bars like the N’Touch and the Rice Paddy and probably the Web are full of guys with similar attitudes. So racism is not just an against... it’s also an applied assumption/stereotype. I am Asian so therefore I am expected to play the “girl” or passive role (nothing wrong with being the receiver but... not doing just because i’m Asian or it’s expected), the quiet submissive Asian, the young boy to the older man, etc. etc. (now, if we’re playing sex fantasy role play, sure, i’ll be happy to don my rice paddy hat and let some strapping white boy come dominate me.)
 
(But unfortunately or maybe fortunately in real life, I’m more buff now than skinny, have always been loud and bossy, and opinionated so not really submissive. And in my younger days, was too proud to be a boy toy but am open to the option if you have lots of sugar has haaaa...)
 
Things have changed a lot - Asians are no longer just relegated to rice bars and we can now date boys our own age and our body types. If you visit boyculture or queerty or any other gay sites, you’ll see gay Asians with hot bodies next to boys of other races. But as much as the community has advanced, you still hear a lot of discriminations and also defense of it “well, it’s a sexual attraction” so that’s OK. Let me put it another way... if you put “no Asian, no fat, no femme” you’re actually are being racist, fat phobic and anti-femme (whatever that word is). It’s not a preference - it’s a discrimination. You see, you’re not attracted to all whites, all non-fat or none-femme hits - because amongst those, some have long hair, some with no hair, some with long faces and some with missing teeth, etc. And you didn’t list those preferences either: like no long hair, no missing teeth, etc. etc. There are thousands of parameters to which you judge someone and you didn’t list them. You list their race so that makes you a racist. You list their body weight, so your fat phobic, etc. You could easily just judge the Asian as with any white guy who’s not fat or femme and find the Asian either attractive or not. But the fact that he’s automatically out of the running because he’s Asian makes it racist. Also, there’s a difference between saying I am attracted to something or I prefer something - that’s a preference - like I have a thing for blue eyes and long long lashes. But specifically stating that you dislike something, that the ism.

In the 90’s I worked with young gays as a sex educator. We say, there’s really no absolute safe sex and some one would raise their hands and say, well, abstinence. And we would respond, yes, abstinence is probably the safest but it’s really not absolute because, honestly, teaching abstinence as a prevention never worked against teen pregnancy or anti-STD so it’ll definitely not going to work against HIV or any other disease prevention.
 
All else, there is some level of risk involved. Like TruthBTold says, know your risk, understand what you’re willing to take, and please please please, know these risks before you’re in a situation where that little head is getting too big, and you may not be thinking clearly.
 
And most importantly, respect other people’s decisions. I worked with run away youths who are living on the street: the risk of freezing or starving to death while on the street is so much more immediate than potentially dying from HIV or getting Alzheimer in old age due to some STDs. We give them facts: HJ and frottage and massage are less risky than BJ which is less risky than active partner with condom which is less risky than passive partner with condom which is less risky than active partner without condom which is slightly less risky than passive partner without condom which is less risky than being beaten up by your john or pimp or angry husband for refusing sex without a condom, etc. etc. etc.
 
Just know what your risks are, what you’re willing to take, and what you’re not willing to take. And know that this is a spectrum - you can change your mind. If I’m bored, I may do HJ or BJ with a 3 or I may pitch for a 5 but won’t catch for anything less than a 7. If I’m horny and desperate, I may pitch for a 3 and catch for a 5. Just know your limit and know what you’ll need to do to take care of yourself before and afterward: get tested, don’t floss before oral and take care of your gums and any open sores, where to get information if you’re infected, etc. etc.
 
I had clients who sero converted and it made me sad but I understood. I got them help. I had clients who passed away because of violence or because of drugs or because of depression or suicide - and that was not because of HIV.
 
These were young adults and they made their decisions based on their limits and circumstances and I respected their decisions. You guys are full empowered adults, so I’m sure you can own your decision and take care of your consequences. Just don’t force others to do it your way. No means no - and it’s not just about permission to have sex. It’s also about someone’s risk boundaries and how far they are willing to go with you. It may be up for discussion but it’s not up to you to decide for them.

Hi Sync, appreciate your words of encouragements for Drained Empty. Logically, I think self love is a good first step to developing a stronger self esteem and therefore happiness. However, imagine how difficult that is if day in and day out, you’re confronted by a society or community that tells you you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not worthy of love. Maybe you won’t believe it the first time, ignore it the twentieth or hundred times, but eventually, you may think it’s even true. (That’s why we have high suicide rates for young gays, TGs, etc. and why the cosmetic industry, the diet industry, the cosmetic surgery industry, etc. are billion dollar strong because we are all not good enough)
 
As for the “Web” or such places we call “rice bars”, it’s nice to have a place of “acceptance,” where you’re not a minority. These are similar to the Chinatowns, the Castros in SF or other ghettos that were set up world-wide - initially as havens for the specific “minority” where we can feel safe and proud to be ourselves. But consider whether you would be happy if these are the only places you are accepted or feel safe. It’s the same concept - yes - it’s great to have places where we feel safe to be Asian or gay and be loved for being Asian or gay or black or whatever minority. But wouldn’t it be more wonderful if we can be loved outside of these ghettos.
 
And for those who are not familiar with rice bars, it’s a bit more complicated. You see, when you’re a young Asian boy growing up thinking that you’re not good enough, continuously told you’re not good enough just because you’re Asian, what do you think will happen when you’re in an Asian bar with lots of other Asians. Yup, you think they are Asians and therefore they are also not good enough either. This is what we call internalized racism which leads to externalized racism. Unfortunately, it’s against others like yourself and your kind. So, no, it’s not as easy as oh, ignore it and it’ll go away - ummm, there’s really only a few ways to walk away from yourself, one of which is permanently.
 
Now, let’s talk about the non-Asians at these rice bars - they come with a very specific attitude - easy picking because these Asian boys are desperate for a white boy so you can treat them like shit and they’ll be happy. At these bars, the non-Asians tend to be at least 20-30 years older than the Asian boys and about 50-80 pounds heavier. You’ve seen them about - it’s a different type of racism.
 
When I was 20, I was invited to a Pacific Friends party in SF (an organization to introduce white guys to Asian boys, and I played the little Asian boy in a room full of much older white men). I was grabbed without permission, pawed and expected to giggle like the geisha boy. It’s a very different power dynamic - older colonialists and the little native. So, should I feel loved because these older white men want to possess me? It’s an interesting dilemma - am I beautiful because I am exotic and smooth and slim and so quiet (only because I was freaking out!!!!)? And if I am beautiful, why am I only beautiful to these guys who expect me to play the bottom, to nod and smile and be meek but not to the regular young guys at the clubs like End-Up or the Mix etc.? Bars like the N’Touch and the Rice Paddy and probably the Web are full of guys with similar attitudes. So racism is not just an against... it’s also an applied assumption/stereotype. I am Asian so therefore I am expected to play the “girl” or passive role (nothing wrong with being the receiver but... not doing just because i’m Asian or it’s expected), the quiet submissive Asian, the young boy to the older man, etc. etc. (now, if we’re playing sex fantasy role play, sure, i’ll be happy to don my rice paddy hat and let some strapping white boy come dominate me.)
 
(But unfortunately or maybe fortunately in real life, I’m more buff now than skinny, have always been loud and bossy, and opinionated so not really submissive. And in my younger days, was too proud to be a boy toy but am open to the option if you have lots of sugar has haaaa...)
 
Things have changed a lot - Asians are no longer just relegated to rice bars and we can now date boys our own age and our body types. If you visit boyculture or queerty or any other gay sites, you’ll see gay Asians with hot bodies next to boys of other races. But as much as the community has advanced, you still hear a lot of discriminations and also defense of it “well, it’s a sexual attraction” so that’s OK. Let me put it another way... if you put “no Asian, no fat, no femme” you’re actually are being racist, fat phobic and anti-femme (whatever that word is). It’s not a preference - it’s a discrimination. You see, you’re not attracted to all whites, all non-fat or none-femme hits - because amongst those, some have long hair, some with no hair, some with long faces and some with missing teeth, etc. And you didn’t list those preferences either: like no long hair, no missing teeth, etc. etc. There are thousands of parameters to which you judge someone and you didn’t list them. You list their race so that makes you a racist. You list their body weight, so your fat phobic, etc. You could easily just judge the Asian as with any white guy who’s not fat or femme and find the Asian either attractive or not. But the fact that he’s automatically out of the running because he’s Asian makes it racist. Also, there’s a difference between saying I am attracted to something or I prefer something - that’s a preference - like I have a thing for blue eyes and long long lashes. But specifically stating that you dislike something, that the ism.

Hi Sync, appreciate your words of encouragements for Drained Empty. Logically, I think self love is a good first step to developing a stronger self esteem and therefore happiness. However, imagine how difficult that is if day in and day out, you’re confronted by a society or community that tells you you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not worthy of love. Maybe you won’t believe it the first time, ignore it the twentieth or hundred times, but eventually, you may think it’s even true. (That’s why we have high suicide rates for young gays, TGs, etc. and why the cosmetic industry, the diet industry, the cosmetic surgery industry, etc. are billion dollar strong because we are all not good enough)
 
As for the “Web” or such places we call “rice bars”, it’s nice to have a place of “acceptance,” where you’re not a minority. These are similar to the Chinatowns, the Castros in SF or other ghettos that were set up world-wide - initially as havens for the specific “minority” where we can feel safe and proud to be ourselves. But consider whether you would be happy if these are the only places you are accepted or feel safe. It’s the same concept - yes - it’s great to have places where we feel safe to be Asian or gay and be loved for being Asian or gay or black or whatever minority. But wouldn’t it be more wonderful if we can be loved outside of these ghettos.
 
And for those who are not familiar with rice bars, it’s a bit more complicated. You see, when you’re a young Asian boy growing up thinking that you’re not good enough, continuously told you’re not good enough just because you’re Asian, what do you think will happen when you’re in an Asian bar with lots of other Asians. Yup, you think they are Asians and therefore they are also not good enough either. This is what we call internalized racism which leads to externalized racism. Unfortunately, it’s against others like yourself and your kind. So, no, it’s not as easy as oh, ignore it and it’ll go away - ummm, there’s really only a few ways to walk away from yourself, one of which is permanently.
 
Now, let’s talk about the non-Asians at these rice bars - they come with a very specific attitude - easy picking because these Asian boys are desperate for a white boy so you can treat them like shit and they’ll be happy. At these bars, the non-Asians tend to be at least 20-30 years older than the Asian boys and about 50-80 pounds heavier. You’ve seen them about - it’s a different type of racism.
 
When I was 20, I was invited to a Pacific Friends party in SF (an organization to introduce white guys to Asian boys, and I played the little Asian boy in a room full of much older white men). I was grabbed without permission, pawed and expected to giggle like the geisha boy. It’s a very different power dynamic - older colonialists and the little native. So, should I feel loved because these older white men want to possess me? It’s an interesting dilemma - am I beautiful because I am exotic and smooth and slim and so quiet (only because I was freaking out!!!!)? And if I am beautiful, why am I only beautiful to these guys who expect me to play the bottom, to nod and smile and be meek but not to the regular young guys at the clubs like End-Up or the Mix etc.? Bars like the N’Touch and the Rice Paddy and probably the Web are full of guys with similar attitudes. So racism is not just an against... it’s also an applied assumption/stereotype. I am Asian so therefore I am expected to play the “girl” or passive role (nothing wrong with being the receiver but... not doing just because i’m Asian or it’s expected), the quiet submissive Asian, the young boy to the older man, etc. etc. (now, if we’re playing sex fantasy role play, sure, i’ll be happy to don my rice paddy hat and let some strapping white boy come dominate me.)
 
(But unfortunately or maybe fortunately in real life, I’m more buff now than skinny, have always been loud and bossy, and opinionated so not really submissive. And in my younger days, was too proud to be a boy toy but am open to the option if you have lots of sugar has haaaa...)
 
Things have changed a lot - Asians are no longer just relegated to rice bars and we can now date boys our own age and our body types. If you visit boyculture or queerty or any other gay sites, you’ll see gay Asians with hot bodies next to boys of other races. But as much as the community has advanced, you still hear a lot of discriminations and also defense of it “well, it’s a sexual attraction” so that’s OK. Let me put it another way... if you put “no Asian, no fat, no femme” you’re actually are being racist, fat phobic and anti-femme (whatever that word is). It’s not a preference - it’s a discrimination. You see, you’re not attracted to all whites, all non-fat or none-femme hits - because amongst those, some have long hair, some with no hair, some with long faces and some with missing teeth, etc. And you didn’t list those preferences either: like no long hair, no missing teeth, etc. etc. There are thousands of parameters to which you judge someone and you didn’t list them. You list their race so that makes you a racist. You list their body weight, so your fat phobic, etc. You could easily just judge the Asian as with any white guy who’s not fat or femme and find the Asian either attractive or not. But the fact that he’s automatically out of the running because he’s Asian makes it racist. Also, there’s a difference between saying I am attracted to something or I prefer something - that’s a preference - like I have a thing for blue eyes and long long lashes. But specifically stating that you dislike something, that the ism.

Hi Sync, appreciate your words of encouragements for Drained Empty. Logically, I think self love is a good first step to developing a stronger self esteem and therefore happiness. However, imagine how difficult that is if day in and day out, you’re confronted by a society or community that tells you you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not worthy of love. Maybe you won’t believe it the first time, ignore it the twentieth or hundred times, but eventually, you may think it’s even true. (That’s why we have high suicide rates for young gays, TGs, etc. and why the cosmetic industry, the diet industry, the cosmetic surgery industry, etc. are billion dollar strong because we are all not good enough)
 
As for the “Web” or such places we call “rice bars”, it’s nice to have a place of “acceptance,” where you’re not a minority. These are similar to the Chinatowns, the Castros in SF or other ghettos that were set up world-wide - initially as havens for the specific “minority” where we can feel safe and proud to be ourselves. But consider whether you would be happy if these are the only places you are accepted or feel safe. It’s the same concept - yes - it’s great to have places where we feel safe to be Asian or gay and be loved for being Asian or gay or black or whatever minority. But wouldn’t it be more wonderful if we can be loved outside of these ghettos.
 
And for those who are not familiar with rice bars, it’s a bit more complicated. You see, when you’re a young Asian boy growing up thinking that you’re not good enough, continuously told you’re not good enough just because you’re Asian, what do you think will happen when you’re in an Asian bar with lots of other Asians. Yup, you think they are Asians and therefore they are also not good enough either. This is what we call internalized racism which leads to externalized racism. Unfortunately, it’s against others like yourself and your kind. So, no, it’s not as easy as oh, ignore it and it’ll go away - ummm, there’s really only a few ways to walk away from yourself, one of which is permanently.
 
Now, let’s talk about the non-Asians at these rice bars - they come with a very specific attitude - easy picking because these Asian boys are desperate for a white boy so you can treat them like shit and they’ll be happy. At these bars, the non-Asians tend to be at least 20-30 years older than the Asian boys and about 50-80 pounds heavier. You’ve seen them about - it’s a different type of racism.
 
When I was 20, I was invited to a Pacific Friends party in SF (an organization to introduce white guys to Asian boys, and I played the little Asian boy in a room full of much older white men). I was grabbed without permission, pawed and expected to giggle like the geisha boy. It’s a very different power dynamic - older colonialists and the little native. So, should I feel loved because these older white men want to possess me? It’s an interesting dilemma - am I beautiful because I am exotic and smooth and slim and so quiet (only because I was freaking out!!!!)? And if I am beautiful, why am I only beautiful to these guys who expect me to play the bottom, to nod and smile and be meek but not to the regular young guys at the clubs like End-Up or the Mix etc.? Bars like the N’Touch and the Rice Paddy and probably the Web are full of guys with similar attitudes. So racism is not just an against... it’s also an applied assumption/stereotype. I am Asian so therefore I am expected to play the “girl” or passive role (nothing wrong with being the receiver but... not doing just because i’m Asian or it’s expected), the quiet submissive Asian, the young boy to the older man, etc. etc. (now, if we’re playing sex fantasy role play, sure, i’ll be happy to don my rice paddy hat and let some strapping white boy come dominate me.)
 
(But unfortunately or maybe fortunately in real life, I’m more buff now than skinny, have always been loud and bossy, and opinionated so not really submissive. And in my younger days, was too proud to be a boy toy but am open to the option if you have lots of sugar has haaaa...)
 
Things have changed a lot - Asians are no longer just relegated to rice bars and we can now date boys our own age and our body types. If you visit boyculture or queerty or any other gay sites, you’ll see gay Asians with hot bodies next to boys of other races. But as much as the community has advanced, you still hear a lot of discriminations and also defense of it “well, it’s a sexual attraction” so that’s OK. Let me put it another way... if you put “no Asian, no fat, no femme” you’re actually are being racist, fat phobic and anti-femme (whatever that word is). It’s not a preference - it’s a discrimination. You see, you’re not attracted to all whites, all non-fat or none-femme hits - because amongst those, some have long hair, some with no hair, some with long faces and some with missing teeth, etc. And you didn’t list those preferences either: like no long hair, no missing teeth, etc. etc. There are thousands of parameters to which you judge someone and you didn’t list them. You list their race so that makes you a racist. You list their body weight, so your fat phobic, etc. You could easily just judge the Asian as with any white guy who’s not fat or femme and find the Asian either attractive or not. But the fact that he’s automatically out of the running because he’s Asian makes it racist. Also, there’s a difference between saying I am attracted to something or I prefer something - that’s a preference - like I have a thing for blue eyes and long long lashes. But specifically stating that you dislike something, that the ism.

If you can get a table, Frances is super yummy!!!! It’s in the Castro. Pricey but really worth it. For Italian, I love Perbacco, especially their short ribs with mash and horseradish sauce; the yellowtail appetizer is also super yum there. Great date night/special dinner place.
For good Southern Indian, I recommend Dosa (either in the Mission or in Fillmore - fancier dig) - totally different than most of the standard Indian fares (which tend to be more Northern or Pakistani fares). If you go to East Bay, I would also suggest Vik’s Chaat which is Indian street food. For Vietnamese food, Tu Lan is OK - used to be better. I think PPQ and Perilla in the Sunset are better but even then not compared to Pho Ao Sen in Oakland or in Albany. And for good burritos and tacos, there are 2 taco trucks that are still pretty good and authentic: one next to Best Buy (Division and Harrison) and one next to 16th St. and Shotwell - it’s where lots of the local folks eat.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

As a fairly traditional Vietnamese, I can attest that’s not a “custom” - ha ahaaa. I think it’s a joke either about how close Asian families are that they share everything including a napkin or it could be how cheap/frugal or practical Asians are (why waste resources for single use). Or it could be to show how weird Asians are compared to Americans.
BTW, when growing up in Vietnam, we don’t even use napkins - that’s what the back of hands are for.

If you can get a table, Frances is super yummy!!!! It’s in the Castro. Pricey but really worth it. For Italian, I love Perbacco, especially their short ribs with mash and horseradish sauce; the yellowtail appetizer is also super yum there. Great date night/special dinner place.
For good Southern Indian, I recommend Dosa (either in the Mission or in Fillmore - fancier dig) - totally different than most of the standard Indian fares (which tend to be more Northern or Pakistani fares). If you go to East Bay, I would also suggest Vik’s Chaat which is Indian street food. For Vietnamese food, Tu Lan is OK - used to be better. I think PPQ and Perilla in the Sunset are better but even then not compared to Pho Ao Sen in Oakland or in Albany. And for good burritos and tacos, there are 2 taco trucks that are still pretty good and authentic: one next to Best Buy (Division and Harrison) and one next to 16th St. and Shotwell - it’s where lots of the local folks eat.

If you can get a table, Frances is super yummy!!!! It’s in the Castro. Pricey but really worth it. For Italian, I love Perbacco, especially their short ribs with mash and horseradish sauce; the yellowtail appetizer is also super yum there. Great date night/special dinner place.
For good Southern Indian, I recommend Dosa (either in the Mission or in Fillmore - fancier dig) - totally different than most of the standard Indian fares (which tend to be more Northern or Pakistani fares). If you go to East Bay, I would also suggest Vik’s Chaat which is Indian street food. For Vietnamese food, Tu Lan is OK - used to be better. I think PPQ and Perilla in the Sunset are better but even then not compared to Pho Ao Sen in Oakland or in Albany. And for good burritos and tacos, there are 2 taco trucks that are still pretty good and authentic: one next to Best Buy (Division and Harrison) and one next to 16th St. and Shotwell - it’s where lots of the local folks eat.

Walgreens has wasabi soy almond - it’s a bit more salty. Trader Joe’s wasabi almonds are a bit less salty so you don’t have to drink too much water.

Sushi doesn’t taste as good without wasabi! I always ask for extra in Sushi restaurants. There’s now wasabi potato chips - super yummy!!!! Trick to eating wasabi is to breathe thru your nose deeply - it’ll clear the sinus and also lessen the sting. Also love love horseradish, especially on short ribs and prime ribs. Yummmmmm

When I was younger, I was more insecure - didn’t want people to stare at me because I was too skinny, too small, uncircumcised, too whatever.
Now that I’m older, I figure no one’s going to look at me, especially with all the hotties around.
As for pictures of me naked, haa haaa, why?
Beauty is wasted on the young and dumb - haaa haaa. If I could do it over, I would take tons of naked selfies so when I’m my age again, I’ll have proof how hot I was. My friends joke that Mother Nature hate old people - she makes us old, fat, ugly and impotent. Haa haa

When I was younger, I was more insecure - didn’t want people to stare at me because I was too skinny, too small, uncircumcised, too whatever.
Now that I’m older, I figure no one’s going to look at me, especially with all the hotties around.
As for pictures of me naked, haa haaa, why?
Beauty is wasted on the young and dumb - haaa haaa. If I could do it over, I would take tons of naked selfies so when I’m my age again, I’ll have proof how hot I was. My friends joke that Mother Nature hate old people - she makes us old, fat, ugly and impotent. Haa haa