m_writer

I’ll wait until it’s confirmed before I book the Inndulge.

IF   this happens, it will be to give closure to the years this event has taken place and it will give those who have attended the chance to catch up and make for future arrangements.  Anyone is welcome to arrange a similar or similarly based event in LA or any other city.  Several years of events took place in DC using MAL with moderate success.  That being said, I hope that new people will come this year.  Once I hear that there is sufficient interest, 20 to 25 people who will likely attend, then I will look into what it would take to make this event work.  Oliver will be present and I am sure he will add insights that have allowed this to be a success over the 20 0dd years of this event.   So far, ten people have answered in the affirmative and I expect more will be forthcoming.  
 

I’ll come and if you need help let us know how we can pitch in!

Stay tuned

I will come, as long as I can bring my dog. (he loves parties!)

I’ll wait until it’s confirmed before I book the Inndulge.

I’ll come and if you need help let us know how we can pitch in!

It seems Oliver will be in Palm Springs for only a short time this year and as such, he is not going to be hosting the yearly get together.  I have some ideas as to how to continue this tradition but I will only begin to look into the feasibility of such an undertaking if there is sufficient interest in attending.  So, if you believe it is highly likely you would attend a get together for the weekend of April 9 to 13, please answer in this thread.  
Once again, thanks to Oliver for many years of hard party planning.  

Today Rob Jetten and tomorrow... Pete Buttigieg!?

After today’s election, the Netherlands will likely have a gay Prime Minister.  He’s super handsome and engaged to an Argentinian athlete.  It’s nice to see gay people breaking the glass ceiling.  

I second what @azdr0710  said. I know that @DznNYC floated this idea as a providers' function and he may want to keep it that way rather than have clients also attend. Some discussions don't need clients there (or to be blunt, may only work when they are not), but some of the things that AZDR said apply to any gathering with three or more people (or they can).
My last job was in a workplace with about a score of people. Too many work lunches went south to a greater or lesser extent. Arguments about choosing from the house menu or a set meal with limited choices, whether people split the tab or paid for what they ordered, how to manage the bar tab to name a few. After a couple of dramas, I organised one where after a poll of where we would go, and some brief discussions with a few in the work hierarchy I organised the lunch with set menu, house wine and non alcoholic beverages included, other drinks order and pay separately, and split the bill. Take it or leave it. It was the smoothest we'd had in a while. As AZDR said, it needs someone to organise it, no negotiations, not a committee. Some people still complain, but more quietly, but everyone else says 'You knew what you were signing up for'.
That's how Oliver's events run too. There's a reason they work.

The biggest recurring successful meeting like this has been the annual Palm Springs Gathering hosted every April by our own @Oliver, although 2025 gathering may have been the last one hosted by Oliver (we are all forever grateful for the effort Oliver has put in every year to make this happen).
Following the success of this gathering, the organizer may ask the Moderator to pin the NYC gathering announcement to the top of the Lounge when it is first announced.  Interested attendees would be directed to contact the organizer and provide an email for communication regarding the venue.  If given several months notice, many out of town clients and providers may be interested. 
The annual Palm Springs Gathering seems to have had about 50 men in attendance, with a 60/40 split of clients/providers.
The NYC gathering could be Townhouse Bar one night, then dinner on the following night, as a suggestion.  Something substantial enough to make it worthwhile to block it the dates and be sure to attend, but not too elaborate and flexible on the number of people.

My husband and I used an insurance broker to help navigate meeting our needs when we went on Medicare, and the results of coverage we chose have been great. I got PPO, husband opted for Advantage. Do what you can to avoid the "Advantage" plans that operate like HMO - primary referrals are required for everything. Once you get into the Advantage Plan, you can upgrade only within a year, then you're stuck. He switched just in time, much better care. 
Options: Raise your deductibles and co-pays on PPO type, and if you have no reason to think Rx will play a major role, also higher deductibles on Part D.  We're all in good health until we're not. 
Seek guidance from a pro. A decent broker will know how to best distribute the type of coverage combo that suits your medical needs and budget, and know the laws and rules that apply. They get paid by the companies that sign you up, not by you. 

While he's no longer 25, he still looks great. I hope he's managed to get his life together. 
 
I'm not surprised since he's straight.
 
(I'm hijacking the thread here. But since it's my thread, I give myself permission).
 
I  did that once -hire a gay-4-pay guy. He was  a really muscular surfer dude/ physical trainer from Florida. He had long -oily hair. But as I think back he really wasn't very gay-4-pay, he was mainly just straight.
 
There was only one main problem I had with him during the entire  weekend hire. I only found out during the drive from the airport to the hotel that he was basically straight . Of course under that main problem there were lots of little problems. He'd kiss (a little). I can't remember if he performed oral or just gave me handjobs.
 
At one point he said he would attempt to bottom. But I was so disgusted by things at that point that I never even tried. Funny thing was throughout the weekend he kept asking me if I were having a good time. I'd think to myself "yeah for being with a straight guy."
 
 I remember asking him why he listed he was into so much (like bottoming) if he weren't. He actually said it was to get more clients. So I guess honesty is the best policy. Remember you heard it here first, folks. 
 
On the other hand a muscular non-straight guy I had a weekend with was Matt Miller. 
 

My weekend with him was 90% perfect. He was an incredibly nice guy. The main problem with him was he was in a bulking phase, and I was expecting him to be ripped. That was disappointing. Also there  was about a 30 minute showing of a really unpleasant mood (which was a bit worrisome considering his muscularity ) which he later attributed to hypoglycemia. And it may very well have been as he was fine after I found us a steakhouse for dinner.  

I saw this post making its rounds on social media and wanted to share it here.
To anyone reading this who falls into this category, I thank you.  🙏
================
 
The Invisible Survivors: Long-Term AIDS Crisis Veterans
When we talk about the AIDS crisis today, we often frame it in past tense - a tragedy that happened, a war that was fought and, thanks to modern medicine, largely won. But for long-term survivors who lived through the darkest years of the epidemic, the war never really ended. They're still living on the battlefield, surrounded by ghosts, carrying wounds that most of us cannot see.
   The Lost Generation That Didn't Die
These are people who came of age in the late 1970s and early 1980s, who watched as a mysterious illness began claiming their friends, lovers, and neighbors. They saw the first obituaries in 1981 and 1982. They attended funeral after funeral throughout the 1980s and 1990s. They held hands as people they loved wasted away, often rejected by their own families, sometimes dying alone in hospital corridors because healthcare workers were too afraid to touch them.
Many of these survivors were diagnosed HIV-positive in an era when it was a death sentence. They were told they had months, maybe a year or two if they were lucky. They quit jobs, burned through savings, said their goodbyes, and prepared to die. They helped others die with dignity. They became experts in hospice care, funeral arrangements, and managing unbearable grief.
And then, miraculously, they didn't die.
   The Cruel Gift of Survival
The development of effective antiretroviral therapy in the mid-1990s, and later the Affordable Care Act's guarantee of coverage, gave long-term survivors something they never expected: a future. But it came at a devastating cost.
While their peers were building careers, buying homes, saving for retirement, and creating stable lives, these survivors were in survival mode. They have gaps in their work history that span years or even decades. They lack the professional networks, the retirement accounts, the home equity that people their age typically rely on. At 50, 60, or 70 years old, they're starting from scratch economically - if they can start at all.
Many are essentially unemployable. HR departments may not explicitly discriminate, but they notice the gaps in résumés. They see the subtle physical markers of long-term HIV infection and treatment. They calculate the cost of adding someone to the health insurance pool. Despite possessing extraordinary skills - crisis management, emotional resilience, caregiving expertise, the ability to function under unimaginable pressure - these survivors find doors closed.
   The Psychological Toll
Beyond the economic devastation lies something even more insidious: profound psychological trauma.
Imagine living for 10, 15, 20 years believing each fever might be your last, each moment of fatigue a sign that your body was finally giving up. Imagine watching everyone you loved die, often horribly, and knowing you would be next. That kind of sustained terror doesn't just disappear when the medications start working.
Long-term survivors suffer from PTSD, complex PTSD, depression, and anxiety at rates comparable to combat veterans. They have survivor's guilt. They have what some researchers call "traumatic grief" - mourning not just individual losses but the wholesale destruction of their entire social world. Some lost 50, 100, or more friends. Entire circles of support simply vanished.
Many never told their families what they were going through. They isolated themselves, hoping they would die quickly enough not to become a burden. They made plans for suicide as a backup, just in case their deaths weren't swift. They developed what one survivor described as "a panic which was the natural byproduct of the reign of terror this disease has been."
   The Community's Blind Spot
Perhaps most painful is the indifference they now face from the very community they belong to.
The LGBTQ+ community has, thankfully, moved forward. Younger generations grow up with PrEP, with marriage equality, with the ability to live openly in ways previous generations couldn't imagine. The nightmare is over for them.
But it's not over for long-term survivors. They remain trapped in that nightmare, living reminders of a past the community wants to forget. As one survivor put it: "There's no glamour, nothing sexy, and certainly little, if any, fun in this so our issues seem to be squarely placed in the middle of a blind spot."
HIV service organizations focus their resources on prevention and helping newly diagnosed people manage their health. These are crucial services, but they leave long-term survivors without support for their specific needs: economic rehabilitation, mental health treatment for AIDS-related trauma, job placement programs, and community recognition.
Long-term survivors gave everything during the crisis. They cared for the dying. They fought for research funding and compassionate treatment. They kept the community together when it was being decimated. They survived when survival seemed impossible.
Now they need help catching up to the lives they couldn't live while they were busy helping others die and preparing to die themselves.
   What They Need
Long-term AIDS survivors aren't asking for pity. They're not asking to be forever dependent on public assistance. They're asking for:
- Economic support programs tailored to their unique situation - job training, placement assistance, and help building the financial security their peers had decades to create
- Mental health services specifically designed for AIDS trauma, provided by professionals who understand the unique nature of surviving a genocide that targeted your community
- Recognition from HIV organizations and the LGBTQ+ community that the war isn't over for everyone, and that those who fought longest deserve ongoing support
- A chance to remake their lives into something meaningful, to honor the friends they lost by finally being able to live fully themselves
   Why This Matters to All of Us
The story of long-term AIDS survivors isn't just LGBTQ+ history. It's human history. It's a story about what happens when society abandons its most vulnerable people, and about the extraordinary resilience of those who survive anyway.
These survivors have skills our world desperately needs. They know how to show up in a crisis. They know how to care for people without judgment. They know how to maintain hope in hopeless situations. They know how to build community when everything is falling apart.
We owe them more than we can ever repay. But we can start by seeing them, hearing them, and creating the support systems they need to finally, after decades of mere survival, truly live.
The AIDS crisis isn't over. It's just evolved. And its longest-serving veterans deserve better than to be forgotten in the blind spot of our collective memory.
-If you are a long-term survivor reading this, please know: Your life matters. What you endured matters. What you lost matters. And what you still have to give matters. You deserve support, recognition, and the chance to build the life you couldn't build when you were too busy surviving.
Edward Kimble

I found an obituary and gofundme online. He died of fentanyl, leaving behind three kids. It is a tragic loss. It also explains the mugshot. Addiction is terrible and turns otherwise wonderful people into someone else. Let's try to keep in mind who he was and how any one of us can fall into addiction.  

Came across this as I was reading up on the sad passing of SeanCody's Jamie....
Possible murder-suicide: Brendan of Sean Cody – MEN OF PORN
WWW.MENOFPORN.BLOG  

I like his Harry Potter styled photo. He's aging pretty well!

He canceled on me after travel plans were made. 

This sums it up for me!! From Adventures in Babysitting:

Brenda: Uh, those are hot dogs, right?
Hot Dog Vendor: Yeah, want one?
Brenda: Mmm, yeah I'd love one.
Hot Dog Vendor: That'll be two bucks.
Hot Dog Vendor: [Brenda hands him a check, he stares incredulously] A check?
Brenda: Yeah, but it's a good check. See, Chris' mom wrote it to Chris 'cause Chris bought her something, I can't remember what. Then I bought Chris some press-on nails, I gave Chris the difference, and she wrote the check over to me. So I'll write the check over to you, you keep the difference, and I'll take the hot dog. So, you got a pen?
Hot Dog Vendor: Get outta here!
Brenda: Wait! I'm starving, you'd rather throw it away than give it to me?
Hot Dog Vendor: I work on a cash-only basis.
Brenda: But it's a perfectly good check!
Hot Dog Vendor: No! I'll make it very clear. You slip me the cash, and I'll slip you the weiner.
Brenda: But I don't have any cash!
Hot Dog Vendor: Then I don't have a weiner!

I don’t believe in ghosting. If I’m not interested in hiring someone again, I make sure to communicate that clearly. And if I might be interested in the future but not at the moment, I let them know as well. It takes less than a minute to respond, and I believe it’s simply a matter of courtesy.

Great to read all the reminiscing about muscle men from the past.
 
Still hoping to find out some information regarding what happened to Chris. Would like to know if there is a wake planned and or funeral services. I understand that the circumstances may drive  his family to keep this more private and low-key. He was a good friend of mine and I would like to pay my respects.

I definitely wouldn't throw this guy out of my bed. He looks a bit like @Matt Stevens
 
John McCallen (@mccallen) • Instagram reel
WWW.INSTAGRAM.COM 188K likes, 4,267 comments - mccallen on May 31, 2025: "Quick discussion of Peony aesthetics and preferences...