Wolfer

How do you spot when a GRINDR user is advertising for masssge services? As far as I know is prohibited and they shut down the profiles that hint to offer massage services. Any advice?

I saw a profile once that had "massa ge" as its handle. In the profile text it said he offered them for free to young, athletic guys.

Well! I'm on the bus back from Paris. It was an absolute delight! What a BEAUTIFUL city, simply breathtaking. And there were actual accordeon players on the bridge across the Seine.

I absolutely loved wondering around aimlessly.

Everyone was really nice and friendly. Only one lady smirked at my basic French (I asked in French how the subway transfers worked. She smirked and responded to me in very good English).

I'm for sure going back!

@Wolfer, I can't claim the expertise of others who have commented here, I can only make uninformed comments that you are entitled to ignore. I would say find other things to do. Jump on your bicycle and spend a weekend in Flanders or the Ardennes. It's not all about sex. Find non-sexual things to do. I joined a gay camping group, it was fun and the only sex was between people who came to the group as couples (well, I think that was all there was!). Of course don't ignore serious mental health advice, those suggestions are important. I don't know your circumstances, but I was closeted for years, from the world and from myself, I came out only slowly. I had uninspiring sex, and I met my first escort a few years ago. I've met some wonderful guys through this site (in various ways, I'm not talking about face-to-face meetings) but it's not the only place to meet them. I've found the vicarious engagement here important, I'm not chasing sex every minute of the day. Scale back, do what you want to do, don't rush because you think you should. As others have said, seek a therapist if things seem to be getting out of control.

But commercial toilets don’t have lids.

Ah yes, hadn't thought of that.

I enjoyed learning that flushing a toilet can launch fecal matter into the air, sometimes up to 20 feet away with some commercial toilets.

There's really no reason to stare down your poo being flushed away, is there?

Aaaw, thanks guy for all the support and kind words! I wanted to say (or clarify I guess) that the partying and tailspinning only started when I got back home from travelling. During my travels I had made the conscious decision to not date or hire and have no sex because I wanted to focus on healing from everything that had happened the last three years.

I even spent two months at a yoga and meditation retreat in Northern California where I was up before dawn every day to meditate and do yoga and met wonderful people who helped me so much. So my travelling was actually very healing and wholesome. That's why I was so unprepared for the emotional sledgehammer that hit me when I did return home. Because I had been thinking I'd come home with all this newfound strength and all ready to make changes in my life and WHAM BAM I'm cowering under the covers bawling my eyes out.

At this point, you should consider an antidepressant. And be evaluated for bipolar disorder

I also talked to a friend of mine who works in mental healthcare and who has had a boyfriend with borderline (so he has direct experience being close to someone like that) and he says he's very sure I don't have borderline.

Seems like it's more a case of unhealed trauma from my childhood (which WAS pretty rough) and that just makes me veer off of the healthy path sometimes.

I am dealing myself with not letting my new hobby of hiring from getting out of control. I am hopeful that by next month I will slow it down to maybe seeing one person a month and perhaps at some point it will be once every few months and going back to feeling happy on my own... It's taking a lot of will power and hope you find it in yourself as you have identified some good habits already like yoga and meditation. I am looking inside myself for answers... Peace to you.

I believe your continuing to seek a depression specialist is a good way to go, but along with that, understand that a year is not that long a time to adapt to another lifestyle, in your case domestically and professionally. You may be expecting too much from yourself too soon. I hope you come back to us with news of a positive turn-around in the near future.

Lots of great advice above, but my observation is, that it just seems like you're running from something, or to something, without knowing what it is. I don't think you will find it in Paris or Barcelona or New York, and most likely not in California. I would say to slow it down a little, take a deep breath, go home to Belgium until you can figure it all out and consider the advice from @gallahadesquire. I also like the advice @Lookin

gave you. What's done is done, the fact is you are here now, and most likely you are the only one that can fix you.

 

I get up every morning and give that guy staring back at me in the mirror and little wink. It's a nice way to start my day.

 

Kudos to you for coming here and talking to strangers...Wish you all the best.

Before you ask, I am getting help. I am fighting this with tooth and nail. Yet here I am and I feel the need to share this with people that aren't friends or loved ones.

If you feel like giving me tough love, please don't. Tough love makes me feel bad about myself and feeling bad about myself is what triggers most of this, continuing the vicious cycle.

Last year, after my divorce was finalized, I quit my job and used the money I had saved for a downpayment to go travelling. I chilled out for about half a year in Europe and then travelled California for two and a half months, with a stop-over in New York to binge on Broadway shows before heading back home to Belgium.

These experiences were life-changing. I am not the same person as I was. I am stronger, so much stronger. Which is why coming back home after all that travel and being hit with one of the worst episodes of depression has sent me reeling into a tailspin of self-destruction which has completely blindsided me. The numbness is what makes it the hardest: when you're numb you just don't CARE anymore.

Last month I've spent almost 100 dollars on porn that I didn't even watch. I convinced my GP to prescribe me Cialis and Priligy so I could fuck endlessly (have not taken them yet and only had sex twice in the past two months). Every single interaction with ANY person rattles every single insecurity I have to my very core.

I've impulsively booked a weekend to Paris (I'm here now) and splurged on a 2-hour session but I'm not even horny (my depression crushes my libido). The session is tomorrow.

I also booked a photographer to shoot me in the nude here in Paris. The photographer was gorgeous himself and it crushed me. I did also take nude pictures of him, though. So yay. And he hugged me twice, super awkwardly.

I've ordered over 100 dollars worth of generic Viagra, Cialis and Priligy from an online pharmacy.

Going to Barcelona next week for the Circuit Festival. I'll be taking my Cialis and Priligy! I don't take drugs and don't drink alcohol so that's a relieve.

Hahaha, apart from all the money I'm spending (which I technically can afford even though I'd be better off saving it), it seems my spinning out of control is still quite... Well, doable, I guess? But it sure feels like I'm constantly on the verge of total self-destruction.

But it's the CONSTANT need to be validated that is SO exhausting and I am FULLY aware of it too. And the more I look outside for validation the more insecure I get. That combined with my numbness makes me wildly flail about looking for anything that will make me feel better.

The things that are going right: I meditate and do yoga twice a day, I eat healthy, I reach out to people, I write in my journal. I'm actively looking for a therapist that is a good match for me. Last one I didn't really click with.

And just now had the exact opposite. So I've got a date planned for tomorrow. I contacted him last Tuesday and set up our date.

I just sent him a message with some more details of what I like and that I'm excited for our date tomorrow. He reads it and... Nothing, absolutely not a single response. Is it REALLY THAT HARD to just say: "Yeah, I'm excited too." Or even if that is too much just a "Great." or "Nice." I'll take ANYTHING!

My enthusiasm has just deflated.

Sauna cash? How do you carry cash in the sauna or do you go to your locker to pay the guys?

I've read that you meet at your locker afterwards.

Scene from the sitcom Mom:

Mother enters house after night out.

Daughter: "Walk of shame?"

Mother: "Stride of pride."

EXACTLY! It was quite late in life that I learned of this English expression and it always puzzled me. Because every time I came home from banging a hot guy I'd actually be all puffed up, glowing and happy!

Nothing shameful about having sex.

I have a fair amount of regulars that I don’t really look for new guys. However, the few 20 somethings I’ve contacted in the last few months (give or take) have been awesome communicators. Maybe it’s just my luck of the draw, but I haven’t encountered what seems to be becoming the norm... at least not yet.

Awesome! I recently had a great first contact with a guy too who was mid-twenties. I don't really think age factors in to it all THAT much, at the end of the day.

I think there are as many flaky, time wasting clients as there are flaky, time-wasting escorts. We just have to find the right matches.

The confusing thing to me, is when I’m with another uncut guy and they pull my foreskin down and go directly at the head. I want to ask them who taught them that.

Also, some uncut guys I've been with, their foreskin would retract to reveal the head on its own when they got hard.

I personally keep my skin covering my head when flaccid. But when I get hard, it retracts back on its own. I can't cover the head when I'm hard with my foreskin (well, I can pull it up, but it goes back down).

I've only ever been with one cut guy up until now and I loved it! Uncut's the most prevalent over here in Europe.

https://jawjateck.tumblr.com/post/175446003367/goinggoing

Especially these things I can relate to:

"Hobby communications seem to mimic the app hook-up world now. Incoherent phrases have replaced sentences; “into” is often asked after I have already described my scene."

"self-obsessions, lack of manners, basic thoughtfulness and respect for the client are waning. Entitlement rocks now!"

I've not had direct bad experiences although the last guy I was with, at the strike of the hour he was on his phone, completely ignoring me and LITERALLY pushed me out the door. I know I'm leaving when the time is up, but it just seemed a tad inconsiderate.

I have had several conversations where a guy seemingly wasn't even reading my responses or questions but just pushing for a date.

I've seen more and more profiles that say "NOT long chat". And I've talked to escorts about this and they say that a LOT of people that send messages are time wasters (i.e. not looking to set up an actual meeting).

But to me that's a bit of a catch 22, because there are SO many variations on sexual tastes and many guys don't describe it in detail what theirs are in their profile or have conflicting information (e.g. listing themselves as vers, but in their ad text saying TOP ONLY).

So it's important to know if you're a good match but for that you need to have at least SOME interaction.

But my experience is that a lot of guys just want you to make an appointment without asking questions sometimes.

How are your experiences with younger providers (younger than 30)? Do you feel their communication is more like on Grindr and the like now?

Perhaps "East-European" would be more accurate?

The Romanians who dominate the hustler bars in Berlin, Hamburg, and other large cities are gangs of thugs who come up and stay with one another for the purpose of "working" gay men. Normally pretending they will have sex for money, taking the money and doing nothing, or just robbing the "client". Or just robbing gay men around gay hustler bars. If you have a hustler /escort bar in Belgium go in and I'll guarantee it will be all Romanian thugs. Even in Thermas Sauna in Barcelona the Romanian escorts have a reputation. Nice bodies but very macho in not a good way. Homophobic escorting. It doesn't produce good results.

Aaah, hustler bars. I don't know if we have those in Belgium. Then again, I didn't know Brussels has one of the most well reputed sauna's in Europe until a few months ago. (It's Sauna Macho)

Yeah, I'm heading to Barcelona next weekend and have read about the Romanian escorts. Part of me wants to go to Thermas, just to have the experience, but then you read those stories.

I've always gone to their place because I can't host when I'm at home (and also don't live in an easily accessible area with public transport).

When I'm travelling I often rent a room in a shared home to keep costs down so I can't host either. Although lately I've been looking at getting my own hotelroom when travelling. There's some good deals to be found.

Romanians are not a race or even an ethnic group. They include some Roma but also many Hungarians, etc from Transylvania. When people disparage Roma they are talking about an ethnic group. There are so many Romanians in most large western European cities that it's hard not to notice and something everyone talks about. And yes they are the poorest and the most aggressive in gay hustling areas and bars especially. But very few if any are Roma. Escort bars like Pinnochio in Berlin that have been there forever have now become virtually 100% Romanian. I was robbed by two Romanians inside Pinnochio in full view of everyone of 300 Euros a couple years ago. So yes, it's something gays talk about out of safety concerns. But no, it is not the Roma ("gypsies") people traditionally think about.

Wow, I hadn't heard that. Maybe it's because Belgium has a strong and active immigration department and social care but a lot of Romanians here get jobs at building construction companies (don't know the proper English word, ah, contractor, I think). Most of these companies' personell now consists for a large part out of Polish men. In general they are experienced as hard working men that don't complain. The last contractor I worked with was a Belgium native and he went and learnt Polish because it gave him more opportunities to hire these Polish guys for his contractor jobs.

Obviously there are always people that fall through the cracks, but walking around in Brussels I see a lot less homeless people out on the streets than in London and Berlin.

I was recently talking to a board member of one of the social care institutions and apparently people even get houses or apartments here virtually rent-free if they are unable to get a job (because of language barriers). But they only get these benefits if they agree to take Dutch language classes and actively apply for jobs with the help of the social worker assigned to their case.

Are those Romanians generally gay themselves that are found in gay places and do that? Or is there another reason they target gay establishments?

Caution Wolfer: once you start an antibiotic it is better to take to entire course than to stop in the middle - that also selects out resistance.

That sounds like a drag name just waiting to happen

If you haven't started, see if there is a lab open to take a sample. If not, it certainly is not my call to interfere with treatment by another physician so maybe give her a call to discuss. You may choose to wait it out over the weekend and if you still have symptoms then make sure to get yourself to a lab!

 

Here in US we rarely give antibiotics for diarrhea/"stomach" infections because we recognize that the VAST majority are viral. Those travelers to Central/South America are an exception sometimes because they pick up what is normal bacteria (usually E. coli) but different strains from what we have here in US. That gives a usually self-limited infection and we try to wait it out. If we contemplate antibiotic treatment most docs here would make sure to get a culture, mainly because certain infections such as Shigella and Salmonella are reportable to the health department.

Thanks for the advice! I had already started the treatment before I read it, though. So I'll finish it now.

I could not agree more... when I was practicing it was always a struggle to have to explain to patients why I would not prescribe an antibiotic for certain situations. Now that I am retired many practitioners who do not know what I did for a living (I go incognito these days and took the title off of everything) are surprised that I readily agree when they mention that an antibiotic is not indicated.

 

So Funguy = Smartguy!

So uhm... Do I not take it, then? She did explain to me that because it was Friday evening it wasn't possible to get a stool sample tested. I would've had to bring it in on Monday and since I'd already been in pain since last Monday, and based on the symptoms she decided it was most probably a bacterial infection.

I've noticed a big discrepancy between what is told to the patients here in Belgium by campaigns to raise awareness (things like antibiotics shouldn't be used unless absolutely necessary) and how doctors prescribe them here (quite quickly I would say: last time I had a bit of a sore throat and she preventatively prescribed antibiotics. The throat cleared up on its own. I didn't take them.)

As long as it's red blood and not black looking blood.

 

Red means it's a localized, lower bleed. Black means it's higher in the system, which can be incredibly dangerous and a very bad sign.

It was bright red but barely visible.

I got shigella from contaminated food (I swear!) and I never felt so bad in my life. Fever at 106, diarrhea like crazy, headache and couldn't stand. I had to go to ER by ambulance and I was at the hospital for 2 nights. I was diagnosed with stools samples, which had lots of blood (yuck).

I was actually asked at the hospital if I had ATM sex but no, that had not happened for few weeks prior to the infection so it was excluded, and I did eat something I didn't feel I should have two days before. The incubation is usually 36-48 hours before symtomps start.

I lost 10 pounds in a week (that was the only good thing!) and 1200$ of copay.....

So I've just come back from the doctor. The only thing that gave her pause was the blood. The rest of my symptoms were okayish (mainly because I wasn't nauseous or vomiting I think). She prescribed an antibiotic.

Well, there seems to be a bit of blood in my stool (if I'm seeing it correctly, not entirely sure).

I'm seeing my doctor later today. I don't have a fever as far as I know. I'm not even nauseous, just tired with really bad cramps.

I've been fasting since yesterday which has kept the actual diarrhea to a minimum but the cramps are quite bad. Luckily it was a slooow day at work.

Just now buying some yoghurt

But darn it, I'm going to Paris this weekend (leaving tomorrow morning) so I hope I'll feel better.

Thanks for posting this. It does give you pause. I wonder if the rise in the spread of other STI's could have anything to do with the use PreP and the subsequent disuse of condoms.

I know that not everyone who's on PreP stops using condoms. But there are also guys who do stop using them. The rise of using PreP and the rising of other STI's normally also somewhat halted by condoms makes me wonder.

Seriously, it's just a stool sample or two ordered by your doctor to detect if you have anything that needs to be treated. No big deal.

Interested what she'll say though. GP's here in Belgium rarely do any actual testing, they just listen to your symptoms, prescribe medicine. If that doesn't work they try a different medicine. If that still doesn't work they'll MAYBE do a test. Which I've always found to be weird.

First and foremost, if you haven't had your Hep A&B vaccines, you shouldn't even consider rimming anyone