BasketBaller

Must have been intoxicating...

That isn't the way I remember thinking of it, but I was a different person then!

There were a few guys in my frat who did the same or stripped down to underwear. It was usually a combo of just being used to each other or showing off and just trying to get everything clean all at once.

Exactly, while he was an extreme example it all seemed casual and nobody questioned it.

Not a co-ed dorm was it?

Nope, it was "the jock dorm," mostly varsity athletes. I can still mentally summon up the aroma...

I'm reading this thread with such interest and an awareness of how hard I worked to suppress my feelings as a teenager and young adult. I can look back and recognize times when I avoided acknowledging attraction, or even interest, in other guys, but in the moment my denial was so strong I wouldn't have ever admitted any such feelings. I was so determined NOT to be attracted to other guys that I can't think of examples back then when I let my mind go there. I had teammates and friends I wasn't comfortable showering with, and I now can see that it was because of how they made me feel, it was confusing at best so I avoided it. Celebrities who might have turned me on I just didn't look at. At a high school party someone had porn on VHS, straight porn but I remember seeing an erect dick for the first time and leaving because it "grossed me out," but of course it didn't really.

So no teenage crushes here, just a lot of effort to pretend I wasn't interested, mostly to myself. For me the realization started later, as a young father with my kids at the playground, when I let my guard down and began to bond with other young dads. One became a buddy and I'd be deeply disappointed when he didn't show up. But the truth was unavoidable when my kids started T-ball. There was a dad I kept looking at, and one day he took his shirt off and I got hard. I made friends with him and used to sit with him, often hiding a boner. One day, home alone, I jerked off thinking about him, and after that had to admit to myself that I was at least bi-curious. The journey took a long time after that but that was when I first acknowledged to myself what I'd been denying all along.

I usually hand him the envelope and urge him to count it to make I didn't make a mistake. Almost no one ever has.

Having lived in DC for so long I've met a lot of politicians, most of whom aren't really celebrities. I live near former Senator Jay Rockefeller and have met him a few times, and I've had several conversations with Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and with George Stephanopoulos. And in the sports world I had a few encounters with Michael Jordan when he was leading the Wizards, an extremely nice guy, and Bryce Harper of the Nationals, very friendly even though he has an extreme case of resting bitch face-- he looks intimidating but he's very approachable. In the entertainment realm, I was at a party with James Franco once, only spoke to him briefly but he was totally cool. And porn-wise, I don't think it counts as having met him since we have never done more than nod to each other, but Billy Santoro lives here and I see him in the grocery store all the time!

One of the strangest things about my years of denying my sexuality was how much time I spent in locker rooms. I got into sports at least in part to prove I was "normal," but that meant that from childhood through college I was almost daily in a place where I changed and showered with other guys. I tightly controlled my eyes (and still do, reflexively) but many of these pictures are reminiscent of those days.

My wife grew up listening to classical music, I didn't. So she introduced me to it and I learned a lot. One time before we were married, she put on an orchestral version of Wagner's Prelude and Liebestod from Tristan just as we began to make love. I had never heard it before and the sex was unbelievable. Long build up, rising tension, glorious climax, gentle resolution- I told her it was a musical orgasm. I still think of it that way.

http://s1.picswalls.com/wallpapers/2014/07/17/hedgehog-hd_110652493_52.jpg http://www.rosecityhedgehogs.com/uploads/ppet1_1456179c.jpg

My oldest son had a hedgehog as a pet for years. Mighty cute.

You'll have to become a Blue Demons fan.

I already have to root for the Rams and the Midshipmen, what's one more?

Well it isn't settled since he hasn't heard from his first two choices, but my second twin got accepted by DePaul U in Chicago, his third choice. Dad would prefer him there instead of across the country, but I haven't told him that. Now we see what happens with financial aid.

The empty nest is hurtling toward me!

Rim shot butt. (This one is for @BasketBaller!)

http://68.media.tumblr.com/cbd573b0f0c88722b7b1a28d95a006fa/tumblr_oiub2bOQVg1qkms95o1_1280.jpg

Beautiful!

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From one single dad to another....Congrats!!!

Thanks!

Cheers to you @BasketBaller. We're nearly done with our first through college and our other two have insisted they wish to attend USC like their big brother. I wish we could get a bulk discount.

I freely confess that as proud as I am of my son's acceptance to the Naval Academy, my father's alma mater and such a fine institution, the fact that there's no tuition makes me want to dance a jig. As we wait to hear about his twin's applications, the question of acceptance is accompanied by the one about financial aid. Show us the money!

One will be on the east coast and the other the west but they will not be apart.

I'm sure they'll realize that eventually, but it may be a struggle in the meantime. They're strong kids, they'll do fine, but it's going to be a big change.

A small update. Navy twin is floating on air a week later. His brother is being a little quiet-- still waiting for his own college applications to be answered, and maybe a bit cowed by his twin's happiness. This morning we were alone and I asked him how he felt and he said he was proud of his brother, and then choked up, fighting back tears. I haven't seen any of them cry in a very long time, but I think the looming separation is weighing heavily on him. I gave him a hug (we're a family of huggers) and he said he's okay. He told me the two of them cried together the night the news came. I had no idea.

Oy. Never a dull moment.

Congratulations!! You must be so proud to have a incoming Midshipman. I will keep my fingers crossed for the other twin. Stanford may be far away, but believe me, you'll love visiting him there.

That thought did occur to me!

When my wife was alive, we tried to have children. Soon after we started, she was diagnosed with cancer. After an initial remission, we were given the go ahead from her doctor to try again. Unfortunately, the radiation and chemotherapy had put her into a very early menopause. After consulting many specialists, we found one who was able to reverse her menopause. However through all the injections and other hormones, she did not produce enough viable eggs for harvesting and then the cancer returned. After her death, I thought that it was lucky that we had not been able to have children, as it seemed to me a man alone, in his late 40's would have been stretched to the limit to raise a child alone.

I have been comfortable in that thought, but in reading of you and your sons, I think that perhaps I could have done it. Well the road not taken is always an unknown and there is no point of what ifs.

Though as a result, I have given a great deal of thought to the sacrifices I would have had to have made in order to be a single parent. I do not know if I would have had the energy, dedication and emotional strength to do such an all consuming job. I commend you for doing that very difficult job with what great success. While you will never stop being father to your sons, you also have an obligation to live your most satisfying life. I wish you as great a success being a single gay man in his forties as you had being a single father of three sons. I have no doubts that will be the case.

Yes, "what ifs" are useless but it's hard not to think about them. My wife's cancer was advanced by the time she was diagnosed, and progressed quickly. After months of failed treatments that made her suffer terribly, her doctors reluctantly advised palliative care-- to let the disease take its course and manage the pain instead of continuing a vain fight. So we had about six weeks to prepare for her death. During that time, I'd have sworn I'd never be able to handle raising the boys alone, I had no idea how I'd be able to carry on. But in the event, it was something to focus on, and carry on I did. Having three sad, even angry, little boys to help through the loss made it possible for me to get through it, too.

However, I can't help but wonder with all that you've had going on, how did you ever manage to find the "me time" for other activities.

Short answer-- when they were little, I didn't, very much. But I have family in the area who'd spell me, and as they got more independent I could spend some time with friends or just get away. Of course, that's one reason I hire escorts, I haven't pursued much of a social life in a while. (I posted once before that for my first several hires I had to also hire a babysitter!)

BasketBaller, you last post makes me want to go watch some reruns of "My Three Sons." Your household seems almost idyllic. And don't sweat the clutter, dusting, and lack of vacuuming (although that last one is easy enough to remedy).

Well, over the years there were plenty of squabbles and a few rants from me, but by and large it's been good. After their mom died the boys went through a stretch of fighting with each other over anything, but that didn't last too long. And the oldest went though a very aloof stage in his early teens. But once the twins were also teens he decided the rest of us weren't too horrible. The twins can still argue about trifles but they also defend each other fiercely. Plenty of visits to the emergency room over the years but no arrests so far!

I've mentioned before that each of them has guardedly expressed concern about me being alone when they're all away at school. I reassure them as much as I can, but it'll be terra incognita for me too. Still, it's the last thing I want them worrying about.

We may have touched on this before, but if so, I've forgotten. I'm betting being in a 4 male household that you have already done this. But have you taught your boys how to do laundry?Gman

Oh yes, they learned how to do laundry young! Each has his domestic strengths and weaknesses (as do I, see above.) But they all can cook a meal, iron a shirt, mow a lawn, etc. The twins really like to cook and that has been a great help since their early teens. Their brother liked working in the yard and it suffers a bit when he's away. Everybody pitches in with laundry, raking leaves, shovelling snow, etc. Now if someone had only fallen in love with dusting and vacuuming we'd have been all set.

Congratulations to your sons on their academic success and their love for each other and you. I expect that it will be a major transition for you and that it will be a difficult one. I hope you have some good friends or relatives to help fill the void that will be created with their absence. Depending on where you live and you expectations regarding being more open about your sexuality, it may be a great time to get involved with some gay organizations in your area. There are gay basketball and softball leagues which may be a way of meeting people in a non-sexually charged environment. But for now, enjoy the time you have left with the boys. They are still boys, smart, athletic and mature boys, but boys just the sam, but they will be men the first time they return on a college break. Of course, men need their Dads as much as boys do, because that never changes.

Thank you so much, my friend. Yes, my plan is to embrace the time we have before they go off to their schools, and then do exactly what you suggest-- explore some gay social/athletic group activities and gingerly see where that leads me. The advice I've gotten here has been so thoughtful and helpful.

And of course, them going away to college does not mean they're gone for good! I'm looking forward to seeing where life takes them, and me.

have the twins ever done the ol' trade girlfriends trick??!!

Not that I know, and I think I don't want to know!

Did you ever consider tattooing their foreheads "1" and "2", or other designations?

One thing that was suggested to us that we almost did was to paint one of their toenails! Apparently some parents of twins paint a toenail on one twin so they can keep them straight.

But we did make plenty of "Thing 1" and "Thing 2" jokes until they got old enough to object.

Congratulations BasketBaller. Regarding the "can't tell them apart" thing. I've always wondered with identical twins - if as infants you mixed them up once and went with it going forward....how would you know? Did you have their fingerprints or footprints saved? I mean ultimately it doesn't really make a difference.

The nurses had wristbands on each one as soon as he was born, and they advised us to keep them on until we could tell them apart. Fortunately, one has a tiny mole on his back so we never were too worried that we had mixed them up permanently. But we often speculated about whether it really made a difference, too!