Zapped

I've posted extensively about my empty nest in another thread, my sons all being away at college now. I'll leave discussion of family life in that thread so those uninterested can avoid it, but being on my own has made it possible for me to pursue a social life that takes my sexual attraction to men into account, something I'll tell the boys when I have a better idea how this is going to work.
 
So I started dipping my toes into the water back in September. I've been playing basketball now and then with a gay sports group, casual games, I can't commit to joining a league because of work-related travel, but this is fine for now. Nice friendly guys, including a couple of other fathers. It hasn't really turned into much of a social thing, but that may be me not being open enough.
 
Somehow, my vision of being openly gay involved bars, I guess because of how often gay bars figure in porn. So, I decided I'd go see for myself. A little research turned up Nellie's a gay sports bar in DC-- sounds perfect. So back in September I tried to guess how men dress to go to a gay bar (or any bar, I'm not much of a bar-goer). I settled on khakis and a button-down shirt, which turned out to make me the preppiest guy in the place, but it wasn't bad. Nice enough place, lots of types of people there-- including lots of drunk straight women! There were two bachelorette parties there. This is a thing? Women go to gay bars for these parties?
 
Anyway, I had a beer and wandered around. People seemed nice but I realized I have almost no experience meeting people in bars. I was engaged before I was 21-- I cruised for women on campus, at games, in parks, but never in a bar. (I wasn't particularly there to cruise, but I was open to something happening, and had prepared just in case.)
 
I guess I need a refresher course in flirting, or something. The only person I recognized as coming on to me was one of the drunk bridesmaids. But I watched four guys play darts for a while, and when one left, the others invited me to play. It was perhaps my first time casually hanging out with gay men and it felt good. When there was a shriek from the bachelorettes, one of the guys asked me if I was their designated driver. I said no, and asked why, and he said a husband or boyfriend usually comes along, so he had assumed that was me since I was "probably the only straight guy in the place."
 
Okay, not what I had prepared myself for, but I laughed it off and finished the game. There was a baseball game on, and I stood and watched for a while and talked with some guys watching too. After a couple of hours I left, and went home bemused by my rustiness and need to explore other aspects of gay life. But I had a good time, and I've been back (I watched two World Series games there). More to come, and I have some questions for you guys.

Just for clarification:
 
The Chairman of my Department went to Surgical M&M (Morbidity and Mortality) rounds every week. He sat in the middle of the Front Row.
 
No one else EVER sat there.

If he wasn't going, he'd send one of the Senior Faculty in his place, and THEY wouldn't sit in his chair.
 
He was there To Keep Surgeons Honest and to Prevent Any Inappropriate Blame of Anesthesia for Their Mistakes.
 
It was a great place to learn.

Hmmm you are gay and you opted for a good looking young athletic trainer and people speculated that it might be a sexual attraction. Wow that was quite a leap. They are lots of reasons that you may opt for that young man. He was the best trainer. He was the hottest trainer. You wanted to get into his pants. You wanted the extra motivation of seeing a hot guy in order to get you to the gym. You wanted to be reminded that there are hot guys such as he out there and getting fit may get you there. Fact is, whatever your reason, it was your reason. There was no need for speculation from the management. Of course they may have been using this as a comment against the trainer. (Yeah you are not a great trainer you only get by on your looks) Whatever the reason, this should not have come to your attention. You do not know for sure that this story is accurate. You want to continue at this gym as your options are limited otherwise.
You have a much younger husband, living well is the best revenge.

It's OK for straight folks to have sexual attractions to people that they hire like personal trainers, but, as a gay man, something that you're supposed to deny and apologize for. Classic case of internalized homophobia, my friend.

Let it go.
 
I've been in a similar situation on two occasions. The difference with my story is that I did start training w/ specific trainers because they were in their 20s, extremely fit and handsome. I find that it works for me and that it is good motivation. I too ended up becoming friends with both of them. They too left the gym where we trained for various reasons.
 
The point being - he told you things because you had developed a friendship. Respect the friendship, and let it go. Anything else is a betrayal.

Let it go. Even if you had hired him mostly because you were attracted to him, what's wrong with that? I don't hire trainers solely on their looks, but it's an important consideration. Getting fit with a great looking trainer is very enjoyable. And when they're also really good, it's a winning combination. People are going to talk and you can't stop them, so don't worry about it.

You've answered your own question here...listen to yourself.
 

Let it go.
 
He told you something...months later as he was walking out the door...that he should have kept to himself.
 
He didn’t do it to “help” you...he did it to “hurt” the management at the gym,
 
If he really cared or wanted to help you...he would have told you when it happened.
 
He didn’t care then, he doesn’t care now. He’s sowing seeds of discontent on his
way out the door.....which as you noted.....is very unprofessional.
 
True or not....don’t fall for it.

I had a fuck buddy years ago who said that when we was about 15, he and a friend we experimenting and tried a cucumber as a dildo. It inadvertently went all the way in one of them, and a fork was then used in the attempt to extract it. I don’t remember whether they got it out or had to go to the hospital.

ask you husband to go for a workout with you at a time when you know the manager/owner is there. maybe they wish they were the one you were interest in.

I used to watch reruns of the original "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" and there are several episodes where they comment on a guy having a box of tissues by the computer.

On the nightstand beside his bed ;-))))
 
I was watching some tv show and noticed that particular scene. I thought rather clever of the writers.

Long ago the advocate asked me to submit something on the subject. I'm not happy with the final product, too superior sounding, but the details are true.
https://www.advocate.com/politics/commentary/2006/07/17/your-service

@Bluealpha3225, During the weekdays/nights I frequent NYC bars in an area of Manhattan called Hell’s Kitchen. There are several gay bars near each other. Right now my favorite is RISE. It’s located @ 859 9th Ave between 55th & 56th Sts. You’ll find a younger crowd (under 35) &, as long as you’re not creepy, you’ll have a good chance of meeting people.
 
If you’re not comfortable there, try HARDWARE 697 10th Ave & 48th St. or Atlas Social 753 9th Ave & 50th St. or POSH 405 W 51st St. These 4 bars are in walking distance of each other. Do a search for their websites.
 
There are many other gay bars that attract a younger crowd but the ones I mentioned are ones I’ve been to. I wasn’t happy @Boxers II, also in Hell’s Kitchen.
 
Hope it works out for you.
 
Cooper

Early in my college teaching career, I was on a joint trustee/faculty committee for which I wrote a well-organized memo. One of the trustees asked, “If you can write like this, what are you doing in a job that pays so little?” If I had had the body for it, escorting would’ve played much better!

Early in my college teaching career, I was on a joint trustee/faculty committee for which I wrote a well-organized memo. One of the trustees asked, “If you can write like this, what are you doing in a job that pays so little?” If I had had the body for it, escorting would’ve played much better!

In 2018, its not too much to believe anything.... even corn sex......
http://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/images/2010/corn-vibrator.jpg

If amyl nitre is available today, I'd highly presume that physicans and other medical personnel are the only ones who can order from a pharmacy. I don't know, but what I do know is that when it was available to us during the 60s, 70s and 80, this stuff was phenomenal, especially if you'd taken a few hits on some very good ganja! Fuck! What times these were.

And then some of us thought the shit was disgusting, and dangerous, and refrained from using it. Some people are capable of enjoying themselves "naturally"..... Those that used it think they are being edgy, dangerous and cool, OR they needed something to distract them from the pain of a cock up their ass...... But then again, I aint into sniffing shit, rotten eggs or stank socks, so what do I know ?.... Whatever rocks your world !

Pity these poor souls that will never know the thrill of an orgasm ten times normal intensity or the edging that one can do for hours. All the fake new stuff excites us because it brings back those memories. Poppers should be a gay political issue like in the UK. Poppers now !
 
What do people with heart trouble and fainting spells use now if not amyl?
 
I feel some fainting spells and a doc visit coming on.

Maybe the UK did go to the EU formula like was proposed. Every bottle I've gotten in the EU last year has done zero and doesn't even have a smell. Like paying $20 for a bottle of water. Shit below the crap we have in the US. (I assume shit is a level lower than crap).

I’m a fan of Double Scorpio (https://doublescorpio.com/collections/all) and uspopshop as mentioned by @Despardo above.

I just got home from another fabulous meal at The Castle restaurant in Leicester, MA.
 
My question is:
How many of you would go to a restaurant that serves French cuisine that's from ca. 1950?
Sweetbreads, escargot, onion soup ... we had Red Deer at 31 each, in a glace reduction and blueberry sauce.
 
Ceasar salad made at the table.
 
A 1988 Grand Escheseaux by Maison Drouhin for $295 (it's my housemate's birthday) that retails for quite a bit more. Many similar wines for equally discounted wines.
 
Who would go?

The ethics and legality may be overlapping but separate issues. The OnlyFans business model is subscription based, like Netflix--you can view as much content as you want from a particular user as long as you are paying his (in our case, I assume they are all guys) monthly fee. It's obviously set up to make it difficult to download and then view after the subscription has expired.
 
Obviously (to me) it's neither ethical nor legal to download and redistribute, especially for profit. There might be some advantage to the performer(s) to have some of the content made available for free, since OnlyFans doesn't have a preview function. But a performer can post short preview clips elsewhere (YouTube, Tumblr, etc.) and that's how I found it. On the other hand, OnlyFan makes recommendations of other performers, and without previews it's hard to know if I'd be interested or not. I could search the performer's name and look for other content, but that step is something a lot of subscribers aren't going to take, so there will be less impulse purchases.
 
If you have a paid subscription and download to use only for yourself for times when you don't have a good internet connection and can't view the stream, that seems ethical to me if retained only as long as you're paying for the subscription--there's no lost revenue to the performer or the site. It might not be legal, though.
 
Downloading and keeping the content after cancelling the subscription seems neither ethical nor, surely, legal. But then it falls into the "who is going to find out" category, and that's a line I'm sure lots of people cross a lot of the time.
 
In my case, there are a couple of videos that I wanted to rewatch and I kept my subscription in part to be able to rewatch them. Then they suddenly disappeared. So I was thinking it would be great if I had downloaded them--there's a kind of implied promise with this sort of service that the best content isn't going to disappear after (in one case) a few days of being posted.
 
Meanwhile, I messaged the performer who said he was planning to reshoot and repost them. I'm looking forward to that, if not holding my breath!

wish I could hook up with a doc to get the real thing.

The last few times I ordered "English" poppers (i.e. supposedly the "real" poppers) they ended up being isopropyl nitrite and had no effect but to give me a headache. Before that, they were made of isobutyl nitrite, which were better, but not the same as what you could find in the 1990's.