Having a crush on a masseur!!

[CalebP89]

I know I should not think about it but I am starting to have feeling for my masseur that I’ve seen quite often lately.

I moved to a new city a few months ago and he was the first one that I contacted for massage and I enjoyed his service and the time we spent. He’s such a good listener and conversationalist.

One thing leads to another, I am starting to have a crush on him. I know it’s a No-No but well, you can’t control your feelings, right?!?

So I don’t know if I should continue scheduling appointments to see him or should I stop!?! I’m afraid if I am keep doing it, I might develop even stronger feeling. But on the other hands, he is such a great friend (pretty much one of the very first friends that I met since I moved) so I don’t want to tangle the friendship.

Have any of you guys got into the same situation? Any suggestions?

[+ not2rowdy]

Previous threads of a similar nature that may be helpful

 

From 2012:

https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/im-in-love-with-an-escort-help-me-please.88181/

 

From 2015

https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/have-any-of-you-ever-had-an-escort-client-service-turn-into-a-relationship.103534/page-2#post-952546

https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/masseur-dilemma.104165/#post-958453

[LaffingBear]

[TruthBTold]

I don't know what others have said but:

1) He does not feel the same about you, period.

2) It will only get worse.

3) You will ultimately embarrass yourself.

4) Have one more massage (if you think you won't get to the embarrassment stage).

5) When you go to schedule the next appointment, say you can't recall your schedule in the next weeks or months (or some such bullshit) and that you will have to call to schedule anything else.

6) Do not call to schedule anything in the future. He may wonder if it was something he did but you owe him no explanation as long as you paid him for his help and tipped appropriately.

6) Schedule with a really strong woman if you think she will be able help you because it sounds like the cycle will repeat for you.

[EastbayMike]

At any time, have you seen this "great friend" outside of his massage studio? Do you two ever hang out together off the clock? It sounds like you need to concentrate on developing relationships with other guys that don't include a financial transaction. I'd stop seeing him.

[starman05]

such a tough situation.

 

I knew a guy who fell for his massage therapist; I implored him to keep it professional and my friend would actually do that, but the more he did the therapist kept clouding things, giving my friend, as Debbie on Queer as Folk said about Brian and Michael, 'extra little tidbits of your affection - just enough so that he'll think maybe someday...'

 

It's a cruel thing to do to another person.

[+ bashful]

Do not call to schedule anything in the future. He may wonder if it was something he did but you owe him no explanation as long as you paid him for his help and tipped appropriately.

 

And, it's entirely possible he may not contact you to enquire why you have not scheduled anything. Be ready for that, because if that happens, it'll help you see the reality of your situation.

Edited June 4, 2018 by bashful

[Rudynate]

I know I should not think about it but I am starting to have feeling for my masseur that I’ve seen quite often lately.

I moved to a new city a few months ago and he was the first one that I contacted for massage and I enjoyed his service and the time we spent. He’s such a good listener and conversationalist.

One thing leads to another, I am starting to have a crush on him. I know it’s a No-No but well, you can’t control your feelings, right?!?

So I don’t know if I should continue scheduling appointments to see him or should I stop!?! I’m afraid if I am keep doing it, I might develop even stronger feeling. But on the other hands, he is such a great friend (pretty much one of the very first friends that I met since I moved) so I don’t want to tangle the friendship.

Have any of you guys got into the same situation? Any suggestions?

 

 

No. You can control your feelings. If you're developing a crush on him, it's because you're letting it happen. Having a crush on a provider isn't such a bad thing, but don't be a victim of your own feelings. If you don't want to have a crush on him, shut it down, now.

[TruthBTold]

No. You can control your feelings. If you're developing a crush on him, it's because you're letting it happen. Having a crush on a provider isn't such a bad thing, but don't be a victim of your own feelings. If you don't want to have a crush on him, shut it down, now.

 

Though I understand your point, I don't believe we can just turn off our crush while we are in the situation. Having a crush on the provider is a bad thing. Being appreciative of his work is not a bad thing. If you have a crush that keeps increasing you can do nothing but leave.

[starman05]

You have to walk away and not see the person; don't think that you can still see them if the crush is developing and you can control it. You can't. You can't control your feelings, but you can control if you reach out to see the person.

 

I wish I had the answer, but I think it just takes time for crushes to go away. It's not easy, that's for sure.

[Walker1]

It is tough, when intimacy is involved. It is not like having a crush on someone that you won't sleep with. You actually hire them and sleep with them and sometimes talk deep personal stuff you may not share with others. It may feel like love-if you are going down there-leave.

 

Thinking with your dick can be a problem, thinking with your dick and your heart makes you defenseless. Rationality flies out the window, especially if you keep hiring.

[Rudynate]

Though I understand your point, I don't believe we can just turn off our crush while we are in the situation. Having a crush on the provider is a bad thing. Being appreciative of his work is not a bad thing. If you have a crush that keeps increasing you can do nothing but leave.

 

 

Shutting it down means you do whatever it takes to end it, including leaving. There may be a heavy behavioral component in managing one's feelings. It isn't all an inside job.

[TopVolt]

Stop seeing the guy ASAP. This is like any other relationship, if one side doesn't feel the same is time to cut it from the roots.

[LaffingBear]

Late 1990s:

 

I met a really nice Canadian rentguy. Saw him a couple of times, even hung out with him off the clock one visit.

 

I had my wildest rentguy experience with a different guy in Vegas one night. Insane, but really got in my head. Made me believe there was potential for more than a $$-relationship. But it went bizarrely sideways.

 

So I called the Canadian just to talk to someone who could relate, and with whom I could share all elements of the experience. And the Canadian said something to me that I've never forgotten

 

"There's a difference between being friends with someone, and being friendly."

 

20 years later, that standard remains in place in any rentguy interaction. I hope to be friendly with a hire. Nice to chat a bit before and after, particularly during extended sessions. Treat them in a respectful manner - as a person, not meat. It enhances my enjoyment too. But I have no expectations beyond a good time.

[Rudynate]

Late 1990s:

 

I met a really nice Canadian rentguy. Saw him a couple of times, even hung out with him off the clock one visit.

 

I had my wildest rentguy experience with a different guy in Vegas one night. Insane, but really got in my head. Made me believe there was potential for more than a $$-relationship. But it went bizarrely sideways.

 

So I called the Canadian just to talk to someone who could relate, and with whom I could share all elements of the experience. And the Canadian said something to me that I've never forgotten

 

"There's a difference between being friends with someone, and being friendly."

 

20 years later, that standard remains in place in any rentguy interaction. I hope to be friendly with a hire. Nice to chat a bit before and after, particularly during extended sessions. Treat them in a respectful manner - as a person, not meat. It enhances my enjoyment too. But I have no expectations beyond a good time.

 

That's so true. Often, when people talk about being friends, what they really mean is being "friendly."

[jcmiami1]

Late 1990s:

 

I met a really nice Canadian rentguy. Saw him a couple of times, even hung out with him off the clock one visit.

 

I had my wildest rentguy experience with a different guy in Vegas one night. Insane, but really got in my head. Made me believe there was potential for more than a $$-relationship. But it went bizarrely sideways.

 

So I called the Canadian just to talk to someone who could relate, and with whom I could share all elements of the experience. And the Canadian said something to me that I've never forgotten

 

"There's a difference between being friends with someone, and being friendly."

 

20 years later, that standard remains in place in any rentguy interaction. I hope to be friendly with a hire. Nice to chat a bit before and after, particularly during extended sessions. Treat them in a respectful manner - as a person, not meat. It enhances my enjoyment too. But I have no expectations beyond a good time.

 

You spoke the absolute truth there!

[sexymonk]

I know I should not think about it but I am starting to have feeling for my masseur that I’ve seen quite often lately.

I moved to a new city a few months ago and he was the first one that I contacted for massage and I enjoyed his service and the time we spent. He’s such a good listener and conversationalist.

One thing leads to another, I am starting to have a crush on him. I know it’s a No-No but well, you can’t control your feelings, right?!?

So I don’t know if I should continue scheduling appointments to see him or should I stop!?! I’m afraid if I am keep doing it, I might develop even stronger feeling. But on the other hands, he is such a great friend (pretty much one of the very first friends that I met since I moved) so I don’t want to tangle the friendship.

Have any of you guys got into the same situation? Any suggestions?[/QUOTTp avoid such situation see two to three guys! This thing are not good as it will create straining between two guys. Also this seeing only one massuer will make you obsessive! See two- three masseurs and you will be fine!

Edited June 4, 2018 by sexymonk

[Mount N Do]

Ding Ding Ding, you’re toast my friend. Wise men know what they don’t know. Fools, deny what they know. Your question, indicates that you’re neck deep. I know-I was you, 14 months ago.

 

Here’s my story, do with it what you will. Met a guy 30 years my junior. Instant chemistry. Blew me away. Began seeing him exclusively (mostly) from the first day. Two months in, still denying I had “feelings”. Fourteen months and over 50k later, I’m in deeper than ever. What began as a business relationship, has evolved into a dysfunctional, co-dependent nightmare at times.

 

We have some sort of disagreement almost on a weekly basis. Mostly cause I’m insecure and jealous and cause he doesn’t want me to be insecure and jealous. He’s exclusive to me (for escort purposes only) and I to him. It’s one sided for sure. To his credit, he has NEVER led me to believe he was”in” love, however he swears he “loves” and cares for me. I believe him. No lie (for the skeptics).

 

Id be lying if I said I regret meeting him. He serves my needs in many ways and has changed my life. That said, if I were to start over, I would definitely, with the benefit of hindsight, avoid getting involved as I have. This will not end well. So if you sincerely believe you can still just “walk away”—- RUN

 

Good luck bud.

Edited June 5, 2018 by Mount N Do

[Mount N Do]

wow not seeing someone because you like them too much

i guess thats what happened to all my regulars who suddenly disappeared

 

you met him first as a client/masseur so you can't get mad if he doesn't feel the same way. He's being super friendly to you I feel like that should be good enough considering its a business relationship. If you can't control yourself than stop seeing him but must suck for the masseur to lose business over something he cannot control lol

The cost of doing business I suppose. Still, your assertion is valid. In my case, which I alluded to earlier, I own it completely. The escort in this case never led me to believe he felt as I did. In fact, he made that clear early and often.

 

We did over time, develop what I believe is a pretty

strong relationship-finances notwithstanding. He’s a genuinely good person and for the most part, we get along pretty well. Our arrangement consists of an allowance, so I pretty much see him whenever I can-often times it doesn’t even involve sex. And there is no predetermined amount.

 

Most here will say I owe him nothing, that is true. But just as I knew he didn’t feel for me what I felt for him, I also knew I was his primary source of income, even before he stopped advertising. I’m not a martyr, but just abandoning him Isn’t an option for me right now.

Edited June 5, 2018 by Mount N Do

[Rudynate]

It's time for a re-frame. We keep using the word "crush" for this relationship. But, to me anyway, a crush is an infatuation. It's a distraction, but substantially harmless. But more and more, the conversation is drifting in the direction of an obsessive type of codependency in which you are looking for the provider to fix you or to complete you. If I were a provider, and I felt that sort of attachment developing with a client, for my own sanity, I would shut it down.

[+ poolboy48220]

@Mount N Do I feel for you, having gone through something similar just recently. A young guy from the club I had a great relationship with, he seemed to have a lot of potential. When he fell on hard times he moved in with me, at mostly my urging (he would have stayed living on the road, in his car). Initially great, he was working, I was supporting him in ways that I thought would help him succeed, but as time went on he seemed to take my support for granted and worked less on making himself self-sufficient. He's off on his own now, doing things that I don't think will end up with him being able to support himself, and we don't communicate all that much. I honestly can't say if I would do this over again or not, given the choice. There were some great times, and some not-so-great; and if he were to come back needing a place to stay again, I don't know what my answer would be.

[Rudynate]

From what I can see, there’s also this pathological “need to be needed” combined with “savior thinking” from some clients. Add to that, an escort that senses it and will exploit this codependency of the client for his own gain and it’s the perfect storm. These escorts will milk them dry then move on to the next.

 

True. There are so many clients who want to "rescue" their providers. Never mind the fact that the provider may be making 6 figures. or is comfortably self-financing a graduate education, travels the world and enjoys an enviable degree of autonomy. There's a hypocrisy at work there, that escorting is something the provider needs to be rescued from. But if the provider needs rescuing, so does the client. Without clients, there wouldn't be escorts.

[MikeBiDude]

Ding Ding Ding, you’re toast my friend. Wise men know what they don’t know. Fools, deny what they know. Your question, indicates that you’re neck deep. I know-I was you, 14 months ago.

 

Here’s my story, do with it what you will. Met a guy 30 years my junior. Instant chemistry. Blew me away. Began seeing him exclusively (mostly) from the first day. Two months in, still denying I had “feelings”. Fourteen months and over 50k later, I’m in deeper than ever. What began as a business relationship, has evolved into a dysfunctional, co-dependent nightmare at times.

 

We have some sort of disagreement almost on a weekly basis. Mostly cause I’m insecure and jealous and cause he doesn’t want me to be insecure and jealous. He’s exclusive to me (for escort purposes only) and I to him. It’s one sided for sure. To his credit, he has NEVER led me to believe he was”in” love, however he swears he “loves” and cares for me. I believe him. No lie (for the skeptics).

 

Id be lying if I said I regret meeting him. He serves my needs in many ways and has changed my life. That said, if I were to start over, I would definitely, with the benefit of hindsight, avoid getting involved as I have. This will not end well. So if you sincerely believe you can still just “walk away”—- RUN

 

Good luck bud.

almost my exact story from the past. Examine yourself for any codependent issues....I did and have that in check nowadays. Take care!

[Kenny]

Fourteen months and over 50k later, I’m in deeper than ever.

$50,000 in 14 months? OMG. That’s more than $100 a day. That’s more than the daily cost of a whole gram of meth, three liters of Ketel One, or 28 Big Macs.

 

Addiction is expensive.

[Mount N Do]

It's time for a re-frame. We keep using the word "crush" for this relationship. But, to me anyway, a crush is an infatuation. It's a distraction, but substantially harmless. But more and more, the conversation is drifting in the direction of an obsessive type of codependency in which you are looking for the provider to fix you or to complete you. If I were a provider, and I felt that sort of attachment developing with a client, for my own sanity, I would shut it down.

Not sure I agree with your characterization as “obsessive” but fair enough. I’ll wait tho for the first escort to admit they would shut it down. Perhaps the very few who have a stable of regulars that provide cash flow. For the majority who have to grind, I’ll still maintain they ain’t locking that door.