Kevin Spacey Accused of Sexual Misconduct, Confirms Rumors He Is Gay

[P Gren]

I'm talking about the adult groped in a bar. In front of other people.

 

I'm talking about the case of the legal adult groped in a bar in front of other people. That's orders of magnitude less than what other victims are relaying. The mother is acting as if this guy was fucking her 10-year-old in secret when her 18-year-old had his crotch grabbed in public.

The only quibble I had with her statement was when she seemed compelled to point out that her son was straight. Her son's sexual orientation isn't relevant to the facts of the situation.

[hornytwells]

I am in no way condoning what Spacey did to the woman's son, but it hardly seems like the kind of thing the kid is going to be scarred for life by as opposed to pissed off at Kevin Spacey. Sometimes the proper response is a punch in the face rather than a lawsuit.

Agreed. Without condoning anything serious he may have done, surely being groped is something that happens to a lot of people, and an 18 year old may find it unpleasant, but is it really something that "traumatises" you for 30 years etc>>> My worry is if we react to this with such horror, doesn't it diminish serious sexual assaults which go beyond drunken passes or gropes or suggestive comments or flashing? I feel there is a lack of perspective in all of this.

Had he been groped by someone who was not a celebrity would this really be a story?

[P Gren]

It would most certainly would have been a story if he punched Kevin Spacey in the face in a bar as @sniper suggested.

Very eye for an eye ... assault the assaulter

[Derrick Rigg]

Living in Los Angeles and if you have any work related to the entertainment, expect groping, being felt up, asking to strip down, strip off the pants for a blow job, etc. is the reality of a guy's world when you need work. You look the other way.

 

Guys that are muscular, good looking and/or hung will understand.

 

In the 1990s, I was up for a major TV show and the main star (big) had his wife auditioning the men. I was the last guy of the day. A very attractive woman in her late 40s, she says "Oh, they saved the best for last." She pulls out a rolling chair for me and pulls it to her and places her entire hand into my crotch. She wanted to get to know me a little about my background. She gave me her phone number and address in NY and told me to be there next week. Flew to couple's condo in NYC on 5th Avenue. I had to have sex with her - three times in two days. That was my casting couch audition.

[P Gren]

Living in Los Angeles and if you have any work related to the entertainment, expect groping, being felt up, asking to strip down, strip off the pants for a blow job, etc. is the reality of a guy's world when you need work. You look the other way.

 

Guys that are muscular, good looking and/or hung will understand.

 

In the 1990s, I was up for a major TV show and the main star (big) had his wife auditioning the men. I was the last guy of the day. A very attractive woman in her late 40s, she says "Oh, they saved the best for last." She pulls out a rolling chair for me and pulls it to her and places her entire hand into my crotch. She wanted to get to know me a little about my background. She gave me her phone number and address in NY and told me to be there next week. Flew to couple's condo in NYC on 5th Avenue. I had to have sex with her - three times in two days. That was my casting couch audition.

Are you saying that is okay? Doesn't matter if "that's the way it was." Is it right or wrong? If it's right say that, if it's wrong then change it. All of us I mean, no one changes things on their own without allies.

[Kenny]

My worry is if we react to this with such horror, doesn't it diminish serious sexual assaults which go beyond drunken passes or gropes or suggestive comments or flashing?

No. It doesn't.

[Whitman]

Without condoning anything serious he may have done, surely being groped is something that happens to a lot of people, and an 18 year old may find it unpleasant, but is it really something that "traumatises" you for 30 years ...

I wonder, when you were an 18-year-old, did a man 40 years older, and with no invitation from you, stick his hand inside your pants in a public place (with other people watching) and grab your genitals?

 

And have more than 30 years gone by since that happened to you, thus informing your opinion that it would not be traumatic?

[hornytwells]

I wonder, when you were an 18-year-old, did a man 40 years older, and with no invitation from you, stick his hand inside your pants in a public place (with other people watching) and grab your genitals?

 

And have more than 30 years gone by since that happened to you, thus informing your opinion that it would not be traumatic?

actually as a kid at public baths, older men tried to, successfully and unsuccessfuly, as they did with other boys, even younger than 18, I found it unpleasant, but no it did not "traumatise" me

[Kenny]

actually as a kid at public baths, older men tried to, successfully and unsuccessfuly, as they did with other boys, even younger than 18, I found it unpleasant, but no it did not "traumatise" me

If, indeed, those events did not disturb or distress you as a kid, perhaps that helps explain your disturbed views on sexual assault now.

[Whitman]

actually as a kid at public baths, older men tried to, successfully and unsuccessfuly, as they did with other boys, even younger than 18, I found it unpleasant, but no it did not "traumatise" me

I'm sorry that happened to you, sorry you found it unpleasant, and glad to hear it hasn't had a lasting emotional impact on you.

 

I wonder if you ever reported it to anyone, or felt you had anyone to report it to? I wonder if any of the other boys did not do as well at you at managing to somehow "process" what happened and get over it. I wonder if the sexual misconduct of any of the older men who harassed you in the public baths escalated to acts of more serious sexual abuse.

[P Gren]

I'm sorry that happened to you, sorry you found it unpleasant, and glad to hear it hasn't had a lasting emotional impact on you.

 

I wonder if you ever reported it to anyone, or felt you had anyone to report it to? I wonder if any of the other boys did not do as well at you at managing to somehow "process" what happened and get over it. I wonder if the sexual misconduct of any of the older men who harassed you in the public baths escalated to acts of more serious sexual abuse.

Interesting thought. Is this an indicator for other more serious assaults? Is reporting this kind of assault part of prevention of more serious assaults. I'd expect its scaring the shit out of other people that might be considering unwanted groping of youth.

 

Probably a good rule of thumb if you're going to grope, grope someone your own age. There's a story, Kevin Spacey gropes 58 year old man.

[+ poolboy48220]

Just throwing in my two cents worth about "lifelong scarring", there was a story in the early 2000's about a mother who hired a male stripper for her daughter's birthday party. I think the girls were around 14. People talking about it talked about "lifelong scarring of the girls", there was a lot of reaction that that was a bit dramatic.

[hornytwells]

If, indeed, those events did not disturb or distress you as a kid, perhaps that helps explain your disturbed views on sexual assault now.

Please understand, what I am saying is my own experience-am not remotely condoning or excusing sexually predatory behaviour. It is more that it seemed part of growing up to me to learn that people can act inappropriately and so my method of dealing with lewd gropes, drunken passes or suggestive comments was to rebuff them, and fortunately I was never forced to go further against my will. I guess the point I was trying to make is that at least to my mind there are things which are unpleasant experiences, and things that traumatise one for life.

I find your suggestion that my finding a pass made at me which I rebuffed as a "disturbed" view on sexual assault to be a bit extreme, but realise we all have our own views of what constitutes assault

[MikeyGMin]

I find your suggestion that my finding a pass made at me which I rebuffed as a "disturbed" view on sexual assault to be a bit extreme, but realise we all have our own views of what constitutes assault

I also found it extreme and insulting. "Ah, that explains why you don't agree with me. Because you're disturbed yourself." Quite rude and intellectually lazy.

[hornytwells]

I also found it extreme and insulting. "Ah, that explains why you don't agree with me. Because you're disturbed yourself." Quite rude and intellectually lazy.

Thank you! I was genuinely trying to have a discussion about this and not in any way defending or condoning any sexual predators. The idea that because I don't consider a rebuffed pass made at me as "sexual assault" I am therefore"disturbed" is one I would hope is not shared by many?

Edited November 9, 2017 by hornytwells

[+ oldNbusted]

Thank you! I was genuinely trying to have a discussion about this and not in any way defending or condoning any sexual predators. The idea that because I don't consider a rebuffed pass made at me as "sexual assault" I am therefore"disturbed" is one I would hope is not shared by many?

 

I would encourage you to not dwell on it. I was subjected to commentary for days after admitting I had a meaningful sexual relationship with someone who may have been as old as 30 when I was 15 and didn't consider it assault or felt damaged by it, even though I wouldn't do that or recommend anyone else do that to a minor.

[P Gren]

Interesting thought. Is this an indicator for other more serious assaults? Is reporting this kind of assault part of prevention of more serious assaults.

I would encourage you to not dwell on it. I was subjected to commentary for days after admitting I had a meaningful sexual relationship with someone who may have been as old as 30 when I was 15 and didn't consider it assault or felt damaged by it, even though I wouldn't do that or recommend anyone else do that to a minor.

At the risk of being controversial. What year was that in? Was there any public gay community at the time? It's (relatively) easy today for gay high school students to be out and have boyfriends or at the very least to see their identity reflected positively in the media. The day of any role for an older adult to be a "mentor" in that mythical Greek way is long time gone. It sounds like you considered that a positive thing for yourself - and don't recommend it for others - and it's also a role (I think) that's on the ash heap of history.

[+ WilliamM]

https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2017/11/08/heather-unruh-detail-family-member-sexual-abuse-allegations-against-kevin-spacey/CVdUBuLLboflu7sOFIjIfL/story.html

 

I suggest we read the Boston Globe's story again before going so far away from the actual facts.

 

"What happened next, Susan Unruh alleged, was criminal. She said Spacey purchased alcohol for her son until he was drunk and then stuck his hand inside the man’s pants and grabbed his genitals."

 

The drinking age in Massachusetts is 21-years old, not 18.

 

If someone whom I idolized did that to me at age 18, I would be extremely upset and remember it for the rest of my life.

Edited November 9, 2017 by WilliamM

[mmk123]

well I do think that Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein will be cell mates and one of them will be the Homecoming bitch of the cellblock

[MikeyGMin]

If someone whom I idolized did that to me at age 18, I would be extremely upset and remember it for the rest of my life.

And I would slap his hand away and be angry about his rudeness. I would remember it, but be traumatized many years later? For goodness sake we have 18 year olds going to war and being traumatized by unbelievable atrocities. Are we supposed to treat "He touched my weiner" as a life-altering traumatizing event on the same par? I'm glad that Kevin Spacey has been exposed as a predatory closet case, but I akso think the mother was thirsty.

[+ friendofsheila]

And I would slap his hand away and be angry about his rudeness. I would remember it, but be traumatized many years later?

 

Everyone is different. Some people slap a rude hand away, angry and defending themselves; others stand mute and tremble inside, not knowing what to do, then go home to cry.

[MikeyGMin]

Everyone is different. Some people slap a rude hand away, angry and defending themselves; others stand mute and tremble inside, not knowing what to do, then go home to cry.

And then move on with their life. It's the idea that it's a life-changing trauma that I find far fetched. I must have run with a tough crowd when I was 18 because I certainly didn't know anyone so delicate.

[Moondance]

[+ WilliamM]

I must have run with a tough crowd when I was 18 because I certainly didn't know anyone so delicate.

 

May I write once again the drinking age in Massachusetts is 21-years old. I grew up west of Boston. At age 18, I was a freshman in college, and had never been in a bar. The only time I ever got completely drunk, I woke up the next morning, and could not remember anything that happened.

 

So you could call me delicate too.

[Kenny]

Please understand, what I am saying is my own experience-am not remotely condoning or excusing sexually predatory behaviour. It is more that it seemed part of growing up to me to learn that people can act inappropriately and so my method of dealing with lewd gropes, drunken passes or suggestive comments was to rebuff them, and fortunately I was never forced to go further against my will. I guess the point I was trying to make is that at least to my mind there are things which are unpleasant experiences, and things that traumatise one for life.

I find your suggestion that my finding a pass made at me which I rebuffed as a "disturbed" view on sexual assault to be a bit extreme, but realise we all have our own views of what constitutes assault

I think empathy is important, not least in matters such as sexual assault. Different people have different responses to what is clearly predatory behavior, and those who are traumatized — which means “disturbed” — are victims. Empathy for victims matters.