Troubling Facebook Post

[+ Gar1eth]

I have a fuckbuddy-or more to the point maybe to say had a fuckbuddy. We've probably met 4 to 6 times over the course of 2 years. We probably haven't been together in close to 6 months. I think the last time we were going to meet was close to his birthday, and he called it off because he was depressed-or possibly we have met one time after that. I don't see him in person outside our bedroom activities. I wouldn't mind, but he doesn't seem that interested.

 

We are also Facebook friends and interact on there occasionally. I'm a lot more active on Facebook than he is.

 

He just posted something like 'I can't do this anymore'. I can't tell you what he actually posted as three of us responded to say we were concerned, and now it looks like he has deleted his profile. He lives about 26 miles from me or I'd rush over. I managed to call the 911 of his city. They said they'd send someone out to check which I think is the better option because if something is wrong, hopefully they can get there quicker than the 35 minutes it would take me to.

 

I hope I didn't jump the gun. But his deleting his Facebook profile-or possibly blocking me-but I think he deleted it-worried me.

 

Gman

[rvwnsd]

That is a troubling post and I think you did the right thing by calling the police. You're a good man.

[Ghadd]

I think you did the right thing, even if it ends up being nothing.

 

A few years ago, I was severally depressed, and came to a sudden realization: people on my Facebook don't really care about me. Yes, there's that handful of people I meet regularly. But the rest? I could be gone, and they wouldn't notice.

So I deleted my Facebook account entirely. If people wanted to reach me, I had phone, text and email. But I didn't want to make myself available to those who didn't really care about hearing from me.

 

Looking back, it was a bit overly dramatic. But it did raise some questions, whether or not I was ok or even if I needed help getting through something. Maybe that's all your friend is going through.

 

Keep us posted if you hear anything back.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

Hope he is ok

[LookingAround]

Not saying it’s nothing but if I had $1 every time a friend posted something like this. Not uncommon but better to do something than not I suppose.

[+ WilliamM]

Not saying it’s nothing but if I had $1 every time a friend posted something like this. Not uncommon but better to do something than not I suppose.

 

I do not remember a friend ever posting anything like that.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

I work in law enforcement and those comments often indicate suicidal thoughts.

[DadBearDallas]

I always take shit like that seriously. At the very least its a cry for help. And you helped.

[+ Kufrol]

My rule of thumb is I'd much rather have someone get mad at me for overreacting than to beat myself up for the rest of my life if I had done nothing to try to prevent a tragedy.

[Frequentflier]

Better to have called 911 and let professionals decide whether a visit to check on the person is appropriate than someone not trained in such matters deciding the facebook post and page deleting means nothing and potentially living with regret if something bad happens. I once spoke with a family member out of state that had just completed a few weeks in the hospital - she checked herself out against her doctors wishes. She couldn't speak complete sentences, couldn't tell me her full and accurate address or phone number. I called local police and was transferred to the fire department. They were great. An ambulance was sent and they interacted with her. Same experience but she wouldn't let them do anything for her. The paramedic called me and, understandably, said they couldn't do anything for her since she refused assistance. At least I went to sleep knowing that if she didn't make the night I'd done what I could.

 

I think regret can be worse than physical pain. Regret we didn't help someone or regret we torched a relationship over something that now seems meaningless. Then there is , which I've spent more time recently avoiding being in the position of, regret on our deathbeds that we spent too much time working/worrying about money or not traveling/playing/enjoying life more.

[LookingAround]

I work in law enforcement and those comments often indicate suicidal thoughts.

Not sure what psychiatric training you are given based on working in law enforcement.

 

I’m a shrink. People get upset and delete their Facebook profiles all the time. Do you know how many of my friends deleted their Facebook accounts when trump got elected?

[liubit]

Do you know how many of my friends deleted their Facebook accounts when trump got elected?

You have good friends, @LookingAround.

[+ Gar1eth]

Well the police called me afterwards to say he was down, but he denied wanting to hurt himself. He called me then. He was apologetic about the post. But he said he had decided to take a break from Facebook. I asked him whether he wanted to get some coffee and talk. He said he had a birthday party to go to. He seems to like me as an 'f-buddy' but maybe not more than that. Still he thanked me for caring enough to act.

 

Gman

[Stormy]

You definitely did the right thing.

[rvwnsd]

Well the police called me afterwards to say he was down, but he denied wanting to hurt himself. He called me then. He was apologetic about the post. But he said he had decided to take a break from Facebook. I asked him whether he wanted to get some coffee and talk. He said he had a birthday party to go to. He seems to like me as an 'f-buddy' but maybe not more than that. Still he thanked me for caring enough to act.

 

Gman

Whether he is a fuckbuddy or your closest friend, you did the right thing.

[LookingAround]

I have a slight disagreement that he did the right thing. Just because someone wrote “I can’t do this anymore” and deleted their account you call the police? Again I see people who are exasperated (which is decidedly different from suicidal) and delete profiles, etc. Say something like this and nothing more in a psychiatric emergency room and you’ll get a pat on the head and sent home. I think it’s quite an overreaction to call the police based on “I can’t do this anymore.” Now if it were “I can’t do this anymore and I’m ending it” that’s a different story. But I take the statement as frustration not intent for self harm. And the follow up confirms this. He said he wasn’t thinking or intending to kill himself.

[JayCeeKy]

As someone who worked in mental health for 20 years, you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. If you receive any further indications that he MIGHT be suicidal you could even file an "mental inquest warrant" - a judge may not grant it but at least you did your part. Most people who complete suicide give off any number of hints, HOPING that someone will stop them. I had one client who told his spouse that he was thinking of buying a new suit - the wife didn't pick up on the clue (he wanted to buried in a new suit) until it was too late.

[LookingAround]

You guys are going to keep police departments awfully busy. Better not buy a new suit. Might mean something.

[+ Gar1eth]

You guys are going to keep police departments awfully busy. Better not buy a new suit. Might mean something.

 

You might possibly be right in some cases. However

 

#1. From things he's indicated to me in the past, I was fairly sure this guy has a history of having depression.

 

#2. He admitted to the police officer that he was feeling down.

 

#3. What's better to feel- a bit silly because I might have sent the police needlessly or not to have sent them because you weren't sure and the person commits suicide? I can live with possibly feeling a bit silly a lot better than I can the thought that I let someone suicide when I was worried.

 

Gman

[BgMstr4u]

These are all compassionate responses and could have helped a person in distress. So well done!

 

But I can't help putting myself in the place of the person in question. This is in the vein of the humor of the absurd, so laugh along with me. I sometimes get sick and tired of the drivel on Facebook. Even - especially - from my actual friends there. I sometimes really don't give a damn that you're having a tasty sandwich in a restaurant down the street or that your cat did something cute or that you thought up a new and cleverer way to insult Trump. Sometimes I just want to cut the cord on FB and do something more productive. Like engage in a slightly risque message board in the middle of the night. So I post an ambiguous message about cutting out and then in an hour or two or three the police are knocking at my door, the fire department has sent an ambulance around, and I get a notice from the court that a friend of mine wants to start commital proceedings. The neighbors start watching with interest. I mean, I know Zuckerberg wants the whole world on his damn network so he can pile up his billions, but Really! It can give paranoia a bad name!

 

So thanks for a middle-of-the-night dark thought / slash / giggle. And thanks for the real concern shown here. Better the slightly keystone kops routine if nothing is actually wrong than a friend lost.

[+ sync]

You erred on the side of caution and concern, there is no downside to that. He has a real good friend in you.

[Chuckball]

I believe you did the right thing. I once received a call from an acquaintance who asked if I could meet him immediately. I advised I had another appointment but I would see him the next day. He committed suicide over night. The experience has haunted me ever since.

[OneFinger]

I recently had a facebook friend that posted she was going "inactive" on her account. She indicated that she appreciated her friends and hoped they realized she needed some time away from social media. I really appreciated her post and wasn't worried when she stopped posting.

 

I've considered avoiding social media when the drama becomes too much. But, like my friend, I'd probably not delete my account but just go silent and quit posting.

[tyro]

I believe you did the right thing. I once received a call from an acquaintance who asked if I could meet him immediately. I advised I had another appointment but I would see him the next day. He committed suicide over night. The experience has haunted me ever since.

I'm sorry for your loss. Don't blame yourself for what happened.

T