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When's Our Sexual Prime? 18...25...40...60?

Lance_Navarro

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Lance_Navarro Proficient

+ Lance_Navarro

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I'm currently reading Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, and came upon this which I thought you guys on here might appreciate and would make for good discussion.

 

"Most textbooks on human sexuality, adolescent development, and family life teach that men reach their sexual prime before they even hit their twenties. Women supposedly reach their prime several years later and therein lies our problem. Health-care providers make the same mistake as the rest of us: We've confused genital prime with sexual prime.

 

This is another example of the kind of distortion I discussed in Chapter I in which we mistake a part for the whole picture. The speed with which your body responds is only one measure of sexual prime. Your sexual peak has a great deal to do with who you are as a person. That's the point about needing to put the beauty into sex. Confusing genital prime with sexual prime illustrates how even those who believe you have to put it in can ascribe to views that interfere with living up to their beliefs—and their potentials. If you're interested in sex with intimacy, there isn't a seventeen-year-old alive who can keep up with a healthy sixty-year-old!

 

Think about it: if sexual intimacy has to do with disclosing yourself through sex, people who can let themselves be known have more potential for profound sexual experiences... one example involves letting your partner look into your eyes and see you while you climax.

 

Then think back to what it's like being a seventeen-year-old boy or having sex with one. It can be pretty gruesome! Initial sexual experiences are often disappointing, sometimes the best part is that it's over quickly. Most seventeen-year-olds won't look you in the eye during sex, because you might figure out who they are before they do. If they do let you see them, there's often not much there—there's simply not much person inside yet. I'm not saying adolescents' feelings aren't deeply felt (that's often another problem), but few will argue they're anywhere near as developed as they're going to be by the age of fifty.

 

For males, adolescence marks their quickest erections and shortest refractory period (the time it takes to get another erection after ejaculation). And if you want someone who can pole-vault into bed with a brain-dead erection, then an adolescent boy is hard to bear. But adolescent boys preoccupied with establishing their masculinity aren't very emotionally available in bed.

 

A sixty-year-old, on the other hand, has more personhood behind his eyeballs. Through successes and failures older people know themselves, for better and worse. They may not like everything about themselves, but they're farther along accepting who they are and aren't. They have more self to bring to sex, and the differentiation to disclose themselves, A mature man no longer needs to have all the answers in bed and is less threatened by a partner who is a sexual equal. And he can let someone hold him."

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pitman Grand Master

+ pitman

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Think about it: if sexual intimacy has to do with disclosing yourself through sex, people who can let themselves be known have more potential for profound sexual experiences... one example involves letting your partner look into your eyes and see you while you climax.
I love the idea of looking into my partner's eyes when I climax, but I reflexively close my eyes tight, at least for a couple seconds.

Need to work on that this weekend!

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Funguy Grand Master

+ Funguy

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Prime is 18-20. Anything else is BS just to make older people feel better

 

Too bad @LookingAround - I agree with Lance's post. As I am 69 I feel like I'm right in the midst of my best sexual period. Yep - genital prime is long ago in my memories but sexual prime is here and now. It's something to savor. It's why I like more mature guys.

A romp in the hay with a 25 year old is great FUN. Especially if he has a head on his shoulders.

A romp with a 45 year old or plus is totally different.

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Lance_Navarro Proficient

+ Lance_Navarro

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I’m talking biology. There’s really no argument in terms of biology. Horny as you may be you don’t have the same hormones or hornieness of a 20 year old.

 

Did you take the time to read the article? What you're talking about is genital prime, and yes, the juices are certainly flowing much stronger in our youth. However, we have sex with our minds and hearts as much as we do our genitals, and age creates the potential for much more meaningful connections when we know better who we are. Again though, we are talking about potential, and many, because they have given in to the myths of aging, are not living up to their full potential.

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Funguy Grand Master

+ Funguy

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I’m talking biology. There’s really no argument in terms of biology. Horny as you may be you don’t have the same hormones or hornieness of a 20 year old.

 

lmao...that's the truth.

 

60 ain't the new 40. 60 is 60.

 

You guys are behind the times.

As a physician who strongly believes in and takes my own advice, one of my chief specialties is hormone replacement therapy. The goal is to put your hormones at optimal levels - those of a 25 year old. It doesn't matter if you are 50 or 60 or older. I can tell you my free testosterone is that of an adolescent, my thyroid is that of a 25 year old. BTW - bio-identical hormone replacement therapy is safe and does not cause cancer!!

It's not just libido but muscle, bone, decreased fat, wellness and energy.

 

BVB - I've said it before and I'll say it again: 60 IS the new 40!!!

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bigvalboy Grand Master

bigvalboy

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You guys are behind the times.

As a physician who strongly believes in and takes my own advice, one of my chief specialties is hormone replacement therapy. The goal is to put your hormones at optimal levels - those of a 25 year old. It doesn't matter if you are 50 or 60 or older. I can tell you my free testosterone is that of an adolescent, my thyroid is that of a 25 year old. BTW - bio-identical hormone replacement therapy is safe and does not cause cancer!!

It's not just libido but muscle, bone, decreased fat, wellness and energy.

 

BVB - I've said it before and I'll say it again: 60 IS the new 40!!!

 

LOL...You're just the kind of doctor I need. Do you take Medicare? :D

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jjkrkwood Grand Master

jjkrkwood

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You guys are behind the times.

As a physician who strongly believes in and takes my own advice, one of my chief specialties is hormone replacement therapy. The goal is to put your hormones at optimal levels - those of a 25 year old. It doesn't matter if you are 50 or 60 or older. I can tell you my free testosterone is that of an adolescent, my thyroid is that of a 25 year old. BTW - bio-identical hormone replacement therapy is safe and does not cause cancer!!

It's not just libido but muscle, bone, decreased fat, wellness and energy.

 

BVB - I've said it before and I'll say it again: 60 IS the new 40!!!

 

I went to a specialist who laid out the pro's and cons of hormone replacement, and the diff types, as my levels were on the low side. In the end, HE decided against the procedure for me. I just wanted to be Suzanne Somers, but he maintained that her claims of miraculous results were inflated.

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Funguy Grand Master

+ Funguy

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I went to a specialist who laid out the pro's and cons of hormone replacement, and the diff types, as my levels were on the low side. In the end, HE decided against the procedure for me. I just wanted to be Suzanne Somers, but he maintained that her claims of miraculous results were inflated.

 

Sorry JJ, you went to the wrong guy - probably your PMD.

I DO AGREE Suzanne Somers is pushing it but go to Amazon and get a copy of "How to achieve healthy aging" by Neal Rouzier.

(Free for Kindle)

 

I have treated many many many men and women with Bio-identical hormone replacement - all with great results. I also take my own advice and I'm thrilled with the results.

 

I have a few threads here on the forum about it. I also have a few patients who are Forum members after reading and discussing.

 

PM me if you have specifics and I'll try to navigate this with you.

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oldNbusted Grand Master

+ oldNbusted

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I've been rereading this essay, as I didn't want to have a knee jerk reaction, and maybe I'm a jerk, but frankly I think the author was unable to escape his own bias. I suspect he could have written the whole thing in the first person and it would have been more honest. As it is, the essay trades in a variety of generational and gender stereotypes that I don't do much other than make older straight guys who were gruesome adolescents feel better that is behind them.

 

As for the question in the thread title, I don't think it's fair to compare ages like that. While I hooked up with a ton of guys over the decades, except for the last, very few of the guys were awkward or emotionally distant, and when that happened, it was usually because of addiction issues. Typically, there was intimacy and mutual affection in the moment. I don't think I just got lucky that much, I suspect it's just different between gay guys.

 

What I'm trying to say is that I've alway been self-aware and in the moment, so the biggest difference now is the physical, I'm less able now. My days of blowing a guy while I'm fucking him are gone and they ain't coming back. :( But that's OK.

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