Hidden Crushes

[+ Gar1eth]

I think I have them all the time. But I have never acted on them which is good because they've mainly been with guys I assumed were straight.

 

For example, in high school I always thought my best friend was cute. I had an inkling I was gay. I was hoping I wasn't. My friend never gave any indication of being gay.

 

In my 40's I had a much younger friend (in his 30's. He was cute as the dickens. Picture Archie Andrews from the comics. At that time I knew I was gay. I didn't want to be. But there was no way I was going to come on to Jeff.

 

Currently there's a guy I see every most Sundays at a local breakfast restaurant in Seattle. He's in his mid-30's and is adorable. We have a nodding acquaintance. He knows my name. I know his. We talk a bit. I'd love it if he were gay and were attracted to me. But I'm fairly sure he's straight. I've never told him I was gay.

 

 

Anyone else?

 

Gman

[+ sync]

All the time (deli clerk, bus driver, police officer, concierge, random passerby), I should probably wear blinders.

[bigvalboy]

I had a hidden crush on a business partner once. He was very flirtatious, and at 27, both of us unmarried and without a girlfriends. He worked long hours, and our office was over an hour from his house, so at one point he suggested that if he could crash at my place during the day some times, which was only a block away, just to relax for an hour or so, take a shower and recuperate, that would be wonderful. I agreed of course. Late one day, I arrived home to find him well into his 4th G&T. Hoping what might be, I misread his intentions, and what followed was a complete disaster. He was shocked that I made an advance towards him and It permanently ruined what most likely would have been a life long friendship.... I have never made that mistake again.

[Chuckball]

I once was at an entrance to a secure facility seeking clearance. The desk clerk was remarkably handsome. For the briefest of moments we stared into each other's eyes. It was if our eyes locked. I became embarrassed and shifted my glance elsewhere.

[Raven]

Yep in real life and one forum member* =P

 

I know I'm not his type so...y.y

[+ poolboy48220]

I had a hidden crush on a business partner once. He was very flirtatious, and at 27, both of us unmarried and without a girlfriends. He worked long hours, and our office was over an hour from his house, so at one point he suggested that if he could crash at my place during the day some times, which was only a block away, just to relax for an hour or so, take a shower and recuperate, that would be wonderful. I agreed of course. Late one day, I arrived home to find him well into his 4th G&T. I misread his intentions, and what followed was a complete disaster. It permanently ruined what most likely would have been a life long friendship.... I have never made that mistake again.

Not at all a hidden crush, but when I first moved out of my parents' house, a friend asked for a key so he could use the weights in the basement. Young and naive, I saw no problem with this, so I gave him one; then found that when I came home from work I really didn't want other people there, I just wanted to chill on my own for a bit. I asked him for the key back, and he demurred, saying "Can I give it back to you tomorrow?" The only reason I could think of for him asking that was that so he could make himself a duplicate...so yeah, I got that key back that day. I never really trusted him after that.

[+ pdxleo]

I find myself having to back away from being involved with the hiring process more and more at my business. I am afraid that the physical aspects of the applicants are become more and more of a distraction- when presented with an appealing-looking person, I'm afraid my judgement is being clouded and biased. It sucks to back away from that, and eventually someone in the business is going to ask me why I am pulling away. Some of the guys we have brought in have been less than stellar employees, some are great- but I sometimes can't tell the difference any more. Getting older is a fucking pain!

[MikeyGMin]

I fell in love with my best friend when I was 13 years old. I kept it hidden until we were 16 when I finally confessed my love and lust for him. It took him a while to digest the love part, but he was immediately game for the fooling around part. He ended up becoming my first boyfriend and we went through all the trials and tribulations of the coming out process together. As far as first loves go, it couldn't have worked out any better. We came out to family and friends as a couple and always had each other to lean on. I was very fortunate.

[Walker1]

At work . Big stud, dirty blonde hair, 6'3" . but built all around. He had melons for a butt and a deep baritone commanding voice. What a man-it was all I could do to pretend to look and talk him "normally" without gasping or when he shook your hand. Once in a while certain people have certain "effects' on you!

[+ Charlie]

That sort of thing has happened to me all my life. I currently have a crush on my electrician, who is in his early 30s and completely straight. He has an adorable personality, but he and my dog have a crush on one another, and I wouldn't want to break them up.

[+ Autumnal]

Many years ago a friend was getting married and he had a bunch of college buddies arrive who had no place to stay. I couldn't take my eyes off one of them - beautiful smile, tight polo shirt showing nice pecs and bulging biceps - I immediately invited all of them to stay with me as I had extra rooms. They stayed for a week - it was summer, and hot, and the guy often had his shirt off! I was pretending to be straight and he was definitely straight so nothing ever happened, but on his last (shirtless) day there, I made sure I was shirtless too for a goodbye hug. Never saw him again but the memory of that hug still sends a tingle through me!

[+ WilliamM]

I had no idea my best friend in junior high was gay. We moved to a different city after my second year in high school . He got married, had two children and then his wife died. We connected again years later at my mother's funeral. I did know my friends disliked him based on that one day.

 

We did try to become friends, but his only interest was sex and his job. I began to think how convenient that his wife died young.

[samhexum]

The former superintendent of my building:

A resident of my building:

[TruHart1]

I had crushes on so many guys in high school, I kept a list which I came across years later, showing about 16 guys I was exceedingly attracted to as I went through school, most of whom I considered my friends, though I never acted on pursuing any of them back then, when I was way back in the closet! In college I met my very first love, who eventually became my room-mate, although we only hinted at my attraction to him. Back then, just talking to him, looking into his deep, dark brown eyes, I'd get a zipper bursting hard-on no matter how mundane our conversation happened to be! I never followed through, although once in a while we did discuss my attraction to him, though I never pursued it because he is completely straight, through two marriages and three daughters up to right now.

 

Later, after I'd graduated from college and moved on to the lifelong job I eventually retired from, I was the trainer for all the new recruits. One titan giant man of color was hired. He was built not only like the proverbial brick sh*thouse but always sported a huge and impressive (show-er!) VPL and I was required to train him! I found myself breathless and tongue-tied whenever I tried to speak to him. What got me going was that by then, I was out at work so everybody knew I was gay, including him, but he always enjoyed obviously flirting with me by consciously calling me "pet-names" and insinuating his amazing body into my personal space, though he was straight and, in fact, married the most beautiful woman we worked with! I kept in touch with them for years, through three beautiful sons!

 

TruHart1

[OCClient]

I had crushes on dudes starting in junior high when they wanted to be just buddies. It was hard. Some shame attached to it. Why I was different, feeling that way about a boy. My best friend in college, I loved him so. He was playful and seemed to know more about sex then me. I knew next to nothing. His preference was women but had this thing about playing with me. We haven't talked for years. Yet he e-mailed me recently about our upcoming college reunion. "You should try to come." I remember locking eyes with a young man behind the counter at Dayton Hudsons years ago. I was buying a watch. My friend asked me afterwards. "Did you see the way he looked at you?" But when I followed up, he definitely was not interested in that way. Sometimes is it just our wishful thinking?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7AzZWIcUQM

[+ newatthis]

I had a hidden crush on a business partner once. He was very flirtatious, and at 27, both of us unmarried and without a girlfriends. He worked long hours, and our office was over an hour from his house, so at one point he suggested that if he could crash at my place during the day some times, which was only a block away, just to relax for an hour or so, take a shower and recuperate, that would be wonderful. I agreed of course. Late one day, I arrived home to find him well into his 4th G&T. Hoping what might be, I misread his intentions, and what followed was a complete disaster. He was shocked that I made an advance towards him and It permanently ruined what most likely would have been a life long friendship.... I have never made that mistake again.

Makes me wonder: if this had happened nowadays, with more relaxed attitudes towards sexual orientation among 20-something year-olds, would the outcome have been the same? Or would he have taken it in his stride and not let it ruin your friendship? (Or, fantasizing a bit, would he have been willing to experiment with you?)

[+ Charlie]

I took the point of the OP to be about a "crush," which has some emotional content, rather than "lust," which is mostly about instant sexual attraction, usually stimulated by a visual image. I have experienced lust so often that it isn't worth remarking about. A crush, on the other hand, is something that develops through an emotional connection to the other person. For me, it is more likely to be a desire to cuddle rather than to fuck. The electrician I mentioned in my earlier post is a healthy young man with a firm body, but not a stereotypical stud or handsome model--he's actually slightly geeky looking. But there is something so lovable and likeable about his personality and his character, especially when I see him frolicking with my dog and sending his friends photos of the two of them, that I just want to embrace him. A crush warms my heart, while lust warms my crotch.

[Nvr2Thick]

One of the directors in our transportation group was a classically handsome good old southern boy, with a handsome face, dark hair, solid working man's build, and very masculine hands. We seemed to enjoy working together, and I found myself volunteering to facilitate projects any time one came up in his area. While we never socialized outside of work we often shared a lot of personal conversation while we were working together. We spoke of how we were raised, parental relationships, regrets, ambitions, dreams, as well as values and ideals. I often found myself mentally undressing him, picturing how his body moved under his clothes, and studying his hands, his eyes, his ears, the exposed skin at his neck, chest, and shoulders when his collar was unbuttoned...

 

I thought I knew him well based on all the time we spent together, and based on my fixation on him. One day I learned that he had left the company to take a job in another state a few weeks earlier. I had not been invited to his farewell, and had not been included in his "so long and thanks" e-mail. I went home early and brooded the day I found out he was gone. I probably wasn't good company for a few weeks after that.

 

I find myself having to back away from being involved with the hiring process more and more at my business. I am afraid that the physical aspects of the applicants are become more and more of a distraction- when presented with an appealing-looking person, I'm afraid my judgement is being clouded and biased. It sucks to back away from that, and eventually someone in the business is going to ask me why I am pulling away. Some of the guys we have brought in have been less than stellar employees, some are great- but I sometimes can't tell the difference any more. Getting older is a fucking pain!

 

I wouldn't back away if I were you. From what I see, everybody does this. Many of the male hiring managers will favor a jock, for example, over a qualified "average" candidate. I see so much rationalization and trumping up of minor qualifications. I had a former college football player for a manager for about three years. He was absolutely beloved by leadership during his entire tenure, while the peer managers he was supposed to provide service for found him to be a do-nothing who rarely delivered on promises. I'd say that if your judgment is clouded by candidates' attractiveness, it's offset by straight guys hiring based on bromance or vicarious appeal.

[+ Gar1eth]

I took the point of the OP to be about a "crush," which has some emotional content, rather than "lust," which is mostly about instant sexual attraction, usually stimulated by a visual image. I have experienced lust so often that it isn't worth remarking about. A crush, on the other hand, is something that develops through an emotional connection to the other person. For me, it is more likely to be a desire to cuddle rather than to fuck.

 

I think as the OP of this thread I can definitively say (now that the question has been raised) that this thread has shoulders big and broad enough (just like Chicago) to cover crushes with a component of emotional attachment for people you know as well as attacks of lust which occur with mere acquaintances or even total strangers.

 

Gman

[+ Charlie]

I think as the OP of this thread I can definitively say (now that the question has been raised) that this thread has shoulders enough (just like Chicago) to cover crushes with a component of emotional attachment for people you know as well as attacks of lust which occur with mere acquaintances or even total strangers.

 

Gman

Then the weight of all my crushes could sink the Titanic.

[+ WilliamM]

That sort of thing has happened to me all my life

 

It has not happened to me more than once. It was a classmate in college, freshman year. We had four classes together, but did not really have a conversation until a class was cancelled and we drank coffee to celebrate.

 

The only things we had in common were liking Joan Baez (this was a very long time ago) and our humor. That was not enough to keep a crush going. He was a male underwear model, but I was too out of it to realize the possibilities. And I never ever thought he was gay.

[BasketBaller]

When I was a boy, then a teenager, I occasionally had twinges of feeling about other boys. It made me so uncomfortable that I would then avoid them, because, you know, I WASN'T going to feel what I felt. I might have become friends with a couple of them, but my denial of my attraction prevented me.

 

But crushes were what made me face facts. As a young husband and father, I relaxed a bit, since I'd "proven" I was straight. I used to take the boys when they were toddlers to nearby playground, and sit with other parents while they played. They were mostly moms, but another guy started coming with his daughter, and we'd sit together and chat. He was a year or two older than me, and like me a military brat, but unlike me he'd gone into the service himself. It was easy to talk to him, we had a lot in common. I certainly knew he was good-looking, but didn't let my thoughts go further. I got so I was disappointed if he wasn't there, and I would take the boys even if they didn't want to go. After a few months he told me he was being transferred, and I was crestfallen, and blue for days after he moved away. But I still told myself it was just because I'd lost a buddy.

 

But. When my oldest started T-ball I took him to practice on Saturdays. There was a father in the crowd of parents I immediately "liked," a guy about 30, tall and affable. I struck up a friendship with him and tried to sit near him, without thinking about it. One hot morning I was behind him, and he took his shirt off. And I popped a boner as fast as I ever had. That freaked me out, and I couldn't stand up for a while. But unlike I might have done in the past, I kept sneaking quick looks and each one caused a twitch in my pants.

 

From then on I tried to sit with, not near him, usually at least semi hard. He was very masculine, very confident, very funny. But despite my erection, I couldn't admit I did more than like him. Until one morning, home alone, I jerked off, and my thoughts turned to him. I hadn't ever seen gay porno yet, so I didn't fantasize about us doing anything, I was just picturing him shirtless and wondering what he looked like naked, and my orgasm was spectacular. I had to admit I had at least some bisexual urges, but I was happily married too, so I assumed I'd never act on them.

 

He was definitely a crush. I kept it to a T-ball friendship, and when the boys moved on to other things I seldom saw him. We still run into each other now and then, but the spark has died out. Still, he played a big role in my coming to terms with myself.

[+ quoththeraven]

I wouldn't back away if I were you. From what I see, everybody does this. Many of the male hiring managers will favor a jock, for example, over a qualified "average" candidate. I see so much rationalization and trumping up of minor qualifications. I had a former college football player for a manager for about three years. He was absolutely beloved by leadership during his entire tenure, while the peer managers he was supposed to provide service for found him to be a do-nothing who rarely delivered on promises. I'd say that if your judgment is clouded by candidates' attractiveness, it's offset by straight guys hiring based on bromance or vicarious appeal.

Backing away is absolutely the right thing to do here. There's too much back-scratching and promotion of incompetent twerps who are liked by upper management for whatever reason or other already. This is how women, PoC and anyone "different" from what is the "norm" in that line of work (used to be gay men, still is sometimes; look at the trans ban in the military) are kept out. Advocating for more randomness is not the answer.

[Nvr2Thick]

Backing away is absolutely the right thing to do here. There's too much back-scratching and promotion of incompetent twerps who are liked by upper management for whatever reason or other already. This is how women, PoC and anyone "different" from what is the "norm" in that line of work (used to be gay men, still is sometimes; look at the trans ban in the military) are kept out. Advocating for more randomness is not the answer.

 

In the end we leave the hiring to people who either actually are objective, or purport to being objective.