Etiquette

[twinkboylover28]

I noticed when I visit clubs alone all by myself, strippers tend to be much more aggressive approaching me as opposed to if I were in a group (or even with just one other friend).

 

Having OCD, one of the things I hate is being immediately "man-handled" and groped by a stripper that I'm not attracted to who hasn't even said "hello" or spoken a word to me. I have a very specific type, and I'm very "picky" for lack of a better word.

 

What is the proper etiquette regarding strippers who feel it's okay to immediately start massaging, groping, cuddling, rubbing, touching you etc. when you don't want to be touched or anything to do with them? I wouldn't want any random female doing that to me, so the same applies to random guys. They can't just assume everyone is attracted to them and wants to have sex with them. I'm not attracted to all guys in a strip club with a pulse.

 

I've been on this message board for well over a dozen years, and I think the opinions vary on this subject. Some people say you should be polite and talk to the dancer for a couple minutes, while others say you should immediately tel them you're not interested so you don't waste their time.I believe in the latter.

 

Some say you shouldn't walk into a strip club in the first place if you don't want to be touched. I only want te touched by someone I'm attracted to.

 

Your thoughts on handling strippers who are massaging/touching you that you want nothing to do with?

 

It's very akward turning down one dancer, then walking across the room right in front of their face to talk to another dancer that you're interested in. Some dancers will linger around me and they just don't get it.

 

I know it sounds shallow, but let's be honest. No matter how "nice" a dancer is, it's all about looks at a strip club. I can get "nice" at church.

 

More than once I had to physically remove a strippers hands off of me, and tell them "don't touch me" I'm not interested. Then they get all mad like I killed their cat.

[+ poolboy48220]

I tell them "I'm not getting a dance right now, maybe later." If they persist I find I have business elsewhere in the club suddenly.

[MassageDrew]

It has happened to me multiple times as well. There are those that I like but more often that it's the one I don't care for that approaches first. For the most part I turn around to give them an impression that I'm not interested. Most get the idea while others are just so persistent that it doesn't matter to them. Because I look younger for my age, most strippers tend to not bother with me. They probably assume I'm there to look for a daddy LOL. It works for me. It gives me the opportunity to just call my guy and hangout with him until he has to dance.

[BaronArtz]

I politely say 'not now, thanks'. They get the message. And you haven't insulted them.

[twinkboylover28]

It has happened to me multiple times as well. There are those that I like but more often that it's the one I don't care for that approaches first.

 

Exactly!

[P Gren]

I noticed when I visit clubs alone all by myself, strippers tend to be much more aggressive approaching me as opposed to if I were in a group (or even with just one other friend).

 

It's very akward turning down one dancer, then walking across the room right in front of their face to talk to another dancer that you're interested in. Some dancers will linger around me and they just don't get it.

Why don't you just tell the dancer what your type is? It's a business he doesn't want to waste his time, and he'd be helping his buddy make money. He'd probably spread the word for you and send 'the type' you like over.

[+ Keith30309]

I like being touched but then I have very little club experience... largely limited to Nob Hill and a couple of others.

 

What if you try touching back... vigorously. If someone walks up and begins to rub your shoulder then knead his ass cheek with gusto; when he puts his hand on your knee then slip your hand into his jock/thong and give his balls a friendly "Hi! How are ya!" squeeze; gropes your crotch then maybe inch a fingertip between his cheeks and find a soft spot to rub in circles.

This feels pretty passive aggressive... or maybe aggressive aggressive... but I have a hard time wrapping my head around being touched being a problem.

[twinkboylover28]

Why don't you just tell the dancer what your type is? It's a business he doesn't want to waste his time, and he'd be helping his buddy make money. He'd probably spread the word for you and send 'the type' you like over.

 

All he has to know is that it's NOT him. I don't have to explain myself lol.

[twinkboylover28]

I like being touched but then I have very little club experience... largely limited to Nob Hill and a couple of others.

 

What if you try touching back... vigorously. If someone walks up and begins to rub your shoulder then knead his ass cheek with gusto; when he puts his hand on your knee then slip your hand into his jock/thong and give his balls a friendly "Hi! How are ya!" squeeze; gropes your crotch then maybe inch a fingertip between his cheeks and find a soft spot to rub in circles.

This feels pretty passive aggressive... or maybe aggressive aggressive... but I have a hard time wrapping my head around being touched being a problem.

 

Wow! At first I thought you were being sarcastic, but wow!

 

With all due respect, this isn't a highway rest-stop, anonymous glory-hole stall sex. I don't just get "touched" by anyone with a pulse. Like most people, I have standards and a specific type.

 

I have to see their face. I need to have at least a conversation. with them, and see if we click. Oh yeah, and I need to be attracted to them. Duh! Or else a female could do the same "touching" in theory and I should just reply in kind? I don't think so.

 

Just because someone works as a stripper doesn't mean everyone wants them to "touch" them. I'm not going to apologize for having standards and a type. I think having anonymous barnyard sex with anyone and anything, with a pulse who happens to "touch" them is gross, but to each his own.

 

And it's not as easy as telling them "not now, thanks."

Telling them "maybe later" is a lie and they always come back asking "is now a good time."

 

I don't mind talking to anyone, I just draw the line at being instantly groped/touched by a stripper who assumes everyone wants to be touched by them, when the opposite is usually true.

 

It's never that cute, skinny, boyish baby-faced twink that aggressively "introduces" himself this way. It's always that dancer that I find least attractive.

 

You have a hard time wrapping your head around being "touched" aggressively by someone you're absolutely not attracted to being a problem? I might as well get a lap dance from Fat Bastard while I'm at it.

[bigvalboy]

I politely say 'not now, thanks'. They get the message. And you haven't insulted them.

 

+1

This...

 

Simple and to the point. I've never had a problem.

[P Gren]

All he has to know is that it's NOT him. I don't have to explain myself lol.

It's not about explaining yourself. I think as an industry one stripper is going to be happy if one of his buddy strippers gets paid from you. It's only about making that simpler

[Chidude]

I politely say 'not now, thanks'. They get the message. And you haven't insulted them.

 

Yes! This works for me as well. If the dancer continues to pester, I usually add on a "Have a good night" as the polite but final death knell. They almost always leave me alone after that.

[+ DickyF]

I don't like it either when a dancer just comes up and starts massaging me. I know I'm in a minority but I don't like massages!

Regardless just tell them you're not interested. They won't even remember you probably

 

I recall a rather assertive dancer at LeBoy when after quite a few minutes I said "sorry, not interested." He left. I go back next night and this same dancer comes up to me and says "first time here?" They won't even remember you if you politely but firmly turn them down.

[twinkboylover28]

Good points. I can see how that may work for most people.

 

I'm 6'5" tall, 400lbs with a huge beer belly, and wear size 16 shoes. People remember everything about me. It's like they met Bozo T Clown

[Becket]

Whether money is involved or not, I'm usually quite happy that anyone under 50 wants to touch me.

[twinkboylover28]

Whether money is involved or not, I'm usually quite happy that anyone under 50 wants to touch me.

 

Gross.

[twinkboylover28]

I don't like it either when a dancer just comes up and starts massaging me.

 

I think you're in the majority.

 

Obviously, most people wouldn't mind a dancer who is their type "touching" them, but for a dancer to assume they are my type and start groping me is bad etiquette in my opinion. It's a strip club not a bathhouse or anonymous barnyard glory-hole highway rest stop.

 

I dare say some people at strip clubs are business professionals and still have standards, class, and don't apologize for having discriminating taste when it comes to their specific type. Not everyone at a strip club is so desperate that they will let just anyone with a pulse "touch" them.

 

Many times I have said "not now, thank you" and they continue to grope. It's not until I physically have to remove their hands literally off of me and tell them"I just got here. I'm just watching now" and literally walk away before some of them get the hint.

[+ quoththeraven]

Jeez, it has little to nothing to do with standards and everything to do with personal autonomy and consent. Strip clubs aren't bathhouses. Just because you're a customer doesn't mean you get to touch the strippers without any discussion. The same should be true the other way.

 

Who knows, some small percentage of the customers at a strip club may prefer to look but not be touched or touch.

 

Events such as those at Nob Hill Theater are a different thing entirely, but they operate on the assumption that you know that or you wouldn't be there.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Also, always remember that the salad fork goes on the outside, left-hand side...

 

[bigvalboy]

Jeez, it has little to nothing to do with standards and everything to do with personal autonomy and consent. Strip clubs aren't bathhouses. Just because you're a customer doesn't mean you get to touch the strippers without any discussion. The same should be true the other way.

 

Who knows, some small percentage of the customers at a strip club may prefer to look but not be touched or touch.

 

Events such as those at Nob Hill Theater are a different thing entirely, but they operate on the assumption that you know that or you wouldn't be there.

 

Not to beat a dead horse, but some of what you say is certainly true. There are a percentage of customers who don't like to be touched, but I would say that a majority of customers want the attention. It has been my experience that touching is just a given. We are after all in a strip club, which is really no different than the Nob Hill, in my opinion anyway. All the strippers that I have encountered are very respectful of your personal space. When a stripper approaches and touches my shoulder, a gentle tap on his hand accompanied by a "thank you, but not now sweetie" always gets him to keep moving. This approach has never failed, and it is respectful of the stripper, who is there after all to make money. I think where we run into issues is when clients see the stripper as less than.

[twinkboylover28]

Also, always remember that the salad fork goes on the outside, left-hand side...

 

 

 

 

HaHa...that's for those of us who use utensils!

 

[twinkboylover28]

Not to beat a dead horse, but some of what you say is certainly true. There are a percentage of customers who don't like to be touched, but I would say that a majority of customers want the attention. It has been my experience that touching is just a given. We are after all in a strip club, which is really no different than the Nob Hill, in my opinion anyway. All the strippers that I have encountered are very respectful of your personal space. When a stripper approaches and touches my shoulder, a gentle tap on his hand accompanied by a "thank you, but not now sweetie" always gets him to keep moving. This approach has never failed, and it is respectful of the stripper, who is there after all to make money. I think where we run into issues is when clients see the stripper as less than.

 

Not to beat a dead horse, but technically those who "touch" others who don't give consent is technically known as ASSAULT.

 

Society tends to frown on people who violate others personal autonomy, and yes people look down on those aggressive tactics. I would say you're dead wrong regarding the concept that the majority of customers are so desperate to the point they want attention from anyone with a pulse who happens to work at a club there not even attracted to!

 

As mentioned earlier, the strip club Taboo in Montreal is certainly different than Nob Hill in San Fran. You clearly are ignoring the several examples I provided several times where several of the strippers I've encountered over the last 25 years do NOT respect the "thank you, but not now sweetie" line. I guess you think I'm just making stuff up since it's never happened to you?

 

For God sakes , I'm 6'5" tall and 400lbs with size 16 shoes. If I dont intimidate them, then some just dont get the message.

 

As for asking other strippers to fetch "my type" for me, most get very angry that there not "good enough" for me, so it's rediculous to suggest that a stripper will happily fetch his co-worker to make money instead of himself with a smile on his face.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I'm more than happy to talk to anyone who is civilized and respectful. You don't turn in your "decent human" card at the entrance of a strip club. And yes, most people regard people who disrespect others basic personal autonomy and commit assault as "less than."

 

As mentioned earlier, strip clubs aren't bath houses, or anonymous highway glory-hole rest-stops. To suggest that a client views a stripper as "less than" simply because they don't want to be touched by a stripper that they are NOT attracted is disingenuous.

[bigvalboy]

Not to beat a dead horse, but technically those who "touch" others who don't give consent is technically known as ASSAULT.

 

Society tends to frown on people who violate others personal autonomy, and yes people look down on those aggressive tactics. I would say you're dead wrong regarding the concept that the majority of customers are so desperate to the point they want attention from anyone with a pulse who happens to work at a club there not even attracted to!

 

As mentioned earlier, the strip club Taboo in Montreal is certainly different than Nob Hill in San Fran. You clearly are ignoring the several examples I provided several times where several of the strippers I've encountered over the last 25 years do NOT respect the "thank you, but not now sweetie" line. I guess you think I'm just making stuff up since it's never happened to you?

 

For God sakes , I'm 6'5" tall and 400lbs with size 16 shoes. If I dont intimidate them, then some just dont get the message.

 

As for asking other strippers to fetch "my type" for me, most get very angry that there not "good enough" for me, so it's rediculous to suggest that a stripper will happily fetch his co-worker to make money instead of himself with a smile on his face.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I'm more than happy to talk to anyone who is civilized and respectful. You don't turn in your "decent human" card at the entrance of a strip club. And yes, most people regard people who disrespect others basic personal autonomy and commit assault as "less than."

 

As mentioned earlier, strip clubs aren't bath houses, or anonymous highway glory-hole rest-stops. To suggest that a client views a stripper as "less than" simply because they don't want to be touched by a stripper that they are NOT attracted is disingenuous.

 

 

 

http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1001375/1780549-shakehead.gif

[RandyC]

I am fine being "assaulted" in a strip club , but that's me. No stripper has ever had a problem with me grabbing his butt. I don't touch elsewhere until I am invited which usually happens pretty quickly

[+ sniper]

Assault is actually the threat of harm. Actual touching is battery....