Overheard on the Beach

[actor61]

I live in Chicago near the North Shore Ave. beach next to the Loyola campus. The lake has been very warm this summer with the water temp hovering in the mid 70s, and the weather has been moderate, so I'm there nearly every day to sun, read and swim. The lifeguards are very young and take turns guarding the 3 sections of the beach (2 small, u-shaped beaches, and one larger beach). Yesterday I was sitting near a lifeguard station on one of the smaller beaches where there were less people and as 1 lifeguard came to relieve the other, I heard him say, "I'm so glad I'm working here today. I was at Hollywood Beach yesterday and the fags kept staring at me."

 

I wish I'd had the spine and smarts to come up with an immediate response but instead just sat there fuming. I went swimming instead, and later as I was packing up my things, the same guard leaned over from the lifeguard stand and said, "Have a nice day." And all I could come up with was, "You too, asshole."

 

I feel like I've let the cause down. I should have confronted him. I should have reported him. I should have kicked sand at him. I should have sashayed away. SOMEthing!

[jjkrkwood]

I am 1000% GAY, but this wouldnt annoy me. He is entitled to feel any way he chooses, and just as HE shouldnt judge US, we shouldnt judge HIM. You cant make everyone Love you, and not all males appreciate attention from the SAME SEX. If we could make people love us, we would all be partnered up.

[actor61]

I am 1000% GAY, but this wouldnt annoy me. He is entitled to feel any way he chooses, and just as HE shouldnt judge US, we shouldnt judge HIM. You cant make everyone Love you, and not all males appreciate attention from the SAME SEX. If we could make people love us, we would all be partnered up.

You're missing the point entirely. It was his use of the word "fag" that bothered me the most. He's a homophobe and nothing can be done about it but "fag" demanded a response. Do you use the N word?

[+ beethoven]

I share your revulsion at what he said, but I think it's impossible to confront someone about language that he uses when speaking to a third person, in this case, a colleague. If he said something objectionable to YOU, that would be another matter. You're not going to change his homophobia, and that wouldn't have been a good instance to try to accomplish that.

Your comment, "You, too, asshole," was understandable, but if you didn't tell him WHY he's an asshole, it didn't have much effect. Had you told him that you intend to report his remark to his colleague to his supervisor, THAT would have gotten his attention!

[caliguy]

I live in Chicago near the North Shore Ave. beach next to the Loyola campus. The lake has been very warm this summer with the water temp hovering in the mid 70s, and the weather has been moderate, so I'm there nearly every day to sun, read and swim. The lifeguards are very young and take turns guarding the 3 sections of the beach (2 small, u-shaped beaches, and one larger beach). Yesterday I was sitting near a lifeguard station on one of the smaller beaches where there were less people and as 1 lifeguard came to relieve the other, I heard him say, "I'm so glad I'm working here today. I was at Hollywood Beach yesterday and the fags kept staring at me."

 

I wish I'd had the spine and smarts to come up with an immediate response but instead just sat there fuming. I went swimming instead, and later as I was packing up my things, the same guard leaned over from the lifeguard stand and said, "Have a nice day." And all I could come up with was, "You too, asshole."

 

I feel like I've let the cause down. I should have confronted him. I should have reported him. I should have kicked sand at him. I should have sashayed away. SOMEthing!

Reminds me of a math class I was taking where the substitute teacher started in about how gays were all pedophiles and should be exterminated. The conversation was with another student but easily heard from everyone. This coming from some fat rolly polly middle aged duchebag. Probably gay himself. This was when I was much younger though. Now a days I would show this POS my thoughts in a very open way and then make sure the school officials knew about this little Nazi. The days of silence be over.

 

Not that it's excusable but my guess the guy has a nice bod so of coarse is going to be watched. They never catch their own male privileged hypocrisy though when them and their male friends harass every women in a bathing suit.

[bigvalboy]

I live in Chicago near the North Shore Ave. beach next to the Loyola campus. The lake has been very warm this summer with the water temp hovering in the mid 70s, and the weather has been moderate, so I'm there nearly every day to sun, read and swim. The lifeguards are very young and take turns guarding the 3 sections of the beach (2 small, u-shaped beaches, and one larger beach). Yesterday I was sitting near a lifeguard station on one of the smaller beaches where there were less people and as 1 lifeguard came to relieve the other, I heard him say, "I'm so glad I'm working here today. I was at Hollywood Beach yesterday and the fags kept staring at me."

 

I wish I'd had the spine and smarts to come up with an immediate response but instead just sat there fuming. I went swimming instead, and later as I was packing up my things, the same guard leaned over from the lifeguard stand and said, "Have a nice day." And all I could come up with was, "You too, asshole."

 

I feel like I've let the cause down. I should have confronted him. I should have reported him. I should have kicked sand at him. I should have sashayed away. SOMEthing!

 

There's a time and place for everything...sometimes you have to choose your battles. Don't feel badly. I've had clients say the most homophobic things to me over the years. Sometimes I'd say something, other times I'd let it go. After the fact, I'm sure we can think of a dozen clever responses, but in that moment, maybe letting it go was the best.

[maninsoma]

He's a public employee, right? I probably would have reminded him that since his pay comes from every taxpayer that he should be more smart about making derogatory comments while at work so as not to lose his job. If that didn't elicit an apology I might have lodged a formal complaint.

[DiscoveringMe]

The lifeguards are very young

 

As unfortunate as it is to hear ignorant comments like that, I think age plays a big part. Had he been confronted I suspect he would have been remorseful, and it would have been a good teaching opportunity. He is likely still at an age where impressing friends takes priority over common sense and decency.

[jjkrkwood]

You're missing the point entirely. It was his use of the word "fag" that bothered me the most. He's a homophobe and nothing can be done about it but "fag" demanded a response. Do you use the N word?

 

Gay people use the word FAG all the time in a similar way blacks embrace the N word. Perhaps the guy prefers that word over saying GAY ? Doesnt make him a homophobe in my eyes, just a str8 dude trying to sound macho.... We as a nation are way too sensitive and politically correct. Sometimes you just need to take a breath.

[maninsoma]

Gay people use the word FAG all the time in a similar way blacks embrace the N word. Perhaps the guy prefers that word over saying GAY ? Doesnt make him a homophobe in my eyes, just a str8 dude trying to sound macho.... We as a nation are way too sensitive and politically correct. Sometimes you just need to take a breath.

 

So in your logic, gay people say fag, black people use the N word, so that means straight, white people should be able to use the N word and the word fag without consequence?

[jjkrkwood]

So in your logic, gay people say fag, black people use the N word, so that means straight, white people should be able to use the N word and the word fag without consequence?

 

NO, but they will so who are WE to tell them what they can and cannot say. We need to stop thinking we can control everyone. Hell, we cant control Trump. And if you want to go to battle with Every person that says something that is politically INcorrect, you will be doing battle the rest of your life. I have better things to do than give any time or energy to these people.

[Populist Fury]

Next time just blow homophobicunts like beach boy a kiss That angers them more than anything else, especially if they're in the presence of another str8 guy.

[JayCeeKy]

so who are WE to tell them what they can and cannot say.

 

I think the general understanding is that, if you belong to a particular group (gays, blacks, females, Mexican, etc.), you can call yourselves whatever you want. However, if you don't belong to a particular group, you should avoid using slang words for that group. It's sort of like "I can talk about my mom, but don't YOU talk about my mom."

[bigvalboy]

Next time just blow homophobicunts like beach boy a kiss That angers them more than anything else, especially if they're in the presence of another str8 guy.

 

Ha! I've done that. It usually leaves them just staring at you and not knowing what to do. I mouth a quick kiss and then just walk away.

[LivingnLA]

@actor61, don't beat yourself up. Split-second stuff like that happens.

 

I had a similar situation but with my family there too. When it happened, I checked to see if my kids overheard the epitaph and then went over to the person--who's an employee at work--and briefly explained how words like that are inappropriate at work, especially in a public setting where kids and others overhear. It creates a hostile work and public environment. The young guy looked at me for a few beats, apologized, and then probably snapchat something about the crazy old guy at his beach.

[actor61]

I meant the original post to be relatively lighthearted. It was kind of a funny incident in that the lifeguard was a young kid, probably unsure of himself, and trying to impress his colleague. He was nice looking, obviously in good shape, and very, very young. I should not have called him an asshole, I suppose, but in my misguided thinking, I wanted to hurt him with a word as he had kind of hurt me with a word. I'm 65 years old and have confronted homophobia all my life. An 18 year old lifeguard is not going to have much of an impact on me except that I thought he was being an asshole and let him know it. I go to that beach almost daily and if I see him again (the guards rotate beach duties so he might never be on my favorite beach again this summer), I might engage him in a non confrontational, gentle conversation - or I might not.

 

I really like this forum and I love reading other peoples' opinions and about their adventures and misadventures but sometimes people on here take themselves way too seriously and others seem to enjoy being vitriolic just because they can. I think I'm going to take a break for a while just so I don't get irritated or angry and then write something I'll regret.

 

As the lifeguard said to me yesterday, "have a nice day."

[jjkrkwood]

Next time just blow homophobicunts like beach boy a kiss That angers them more than anything else, especially if they're in the presence of another str8 guy.

 

Well I kinda agree, but Ill just tweak it a bit and just BLOW him. Once a str8 guy gets a hot BJ from us gays, they are hooked ! (and then they'll ask you to finger their hole while you suck them)

[jjkrkwood]

I meant the original post to be relatively lighthearted. It was kind of a funny incident in that the lifeguard was a young kid, probably unsure of himself, and trying to impress his colleague. He was nice looking, obviously in good shape, and very, very young. I should not have called him an asshole, I suppose, but in my misguided thinking, I wanted to hurt him with a word as he had kind of hurt me with a word. I'm 65 years old and have confronted homophobia all my life. An 18 year old lifeguard is not going to have much of an impact on me except that I thought he was being an asshole and let him know it. I go to that beach almost daily and if I see him again (the guards rotate beach duties so he might never be on my favorite beach again this summer), I might engage him in a non confrontational, gentle conversation - or I might not.

 

I really like this forum and I love reading other peoples' opinions and about their adventures and misadventures but sometimes people on here take themselves way too seriously and others seem to enjoy being vitriolic just because they can. I think I'm going to take a break for a while just so I don't get irritated or angry and then write something I'll regret.

 

As the lifeguard said to me yesterday, "have a nice day."

 

I am 66, and lived my life like you, but now I am on bloode pressure meds and have realized I cant get worked up over every little thing I may not like or agree with , or be able to change. And these days its enough just having to deal with POLITICS.... so when I feel stressed, its CHEESECAKE !

[bigvalboy]

.. so when I feel stressed, its CHEESECAKE !

 

[LaffingBear]

If I read the OP correctly... offensive comments were overheard. And then, considerably later, when departing and with no context, the lifeguard was called "asshole."

 

He probably didnt even know why he was insulted. Next time he sees you, he'll tell his coworker. "Geez, dont talk to that old guy. I said goodbye to him and he called me an asshole. He's crazy."

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

It was a lifeguard: He's not worth your time or the trouble

 

When it comes to trolls, you just ignore them and their power goes away immediately

[+ MostlyLurking]

When I was much younger, I used to take long tours on my bicycle. I lived a few blocks from you on the Chicago lakefront, so sometimes my trip started with a ride to the South Side along Chicago's lakefront path. After I got past the Loop, I realized that I needed sunscreen. I used to ride shirtless, and, if I didn't cover that little patch in the middle of my back, I knew it would burn badly. So I asked a lifeguard to help. He said, "Go back to the North Side. We don't do that kind of thing down here." Which I took to mean: go back where you came from, faggot!

 

It was an hour later when I worked out the snappy response I should have given him. "Geez, fella! If you don't know the difference between getting a blow job and putting sunscreen on a guy's back, I'm sure sorry for you!"

[+ Hoover42]

I probably would have said something to his co-worker. "Man, is that dude an asshole or what?"

[actor61]

If I read the OP correctly... offensive comments were overheard. And then, considerably later, when departing and with no context, the lifeguard was called "asshole."

 

He probably didnt even know why he was insulted. Next time he sees you, he'll tell his coworker. "Geez, dont talk to that old guy. I said goodbye to him and he called me an asshole. He's crazy."

You're probably right.

[rvwnsd]

My guess is you live in (or at least the beach is located in) the 49th Ward, which is Joe Moore's district. I can't find anything about his record on LGBT issues, but given where you live (not to mention that he has won re-election for the last 27 years), he is probably very attuned to the needs of the gay community. I'd stop by his office and mention the incident and suggest some sensitivity training is in order for lifeguards. You could also report the incident to the Chicago Commission on Human Relations (Mona Noriega is the Chairman/Commissioner). The City tends to have good relations with the gay community, so you would probably speak to someone who will listen.