Fat Gay Men Aren’t Welcomed At Pride (?)

[caliguy]

But....why does he have to be in a category and be attracted to just that category?

He only talked about how the muscle guys and the twinks thought of him. I'm sure there's plenty of guys like him there but I'll bet they're just as invisible to him as he is to the objects of his obsession.

[LaffingBear]

Get over your obsession with them and look at guys in your own category and you won't care.

 

What does that mean, "Look at guys in your own category"?

[caliguy]

What does that mean, "Look at guys in your own category"?

Category is easier then specific details. Like I would feel ridiculous at a party filled with high schoolers. Not exactly my category.

[+ purplekow]

Category is easier then specific details. Like I would feel ridiculous at a party filled with high schoolers. Not exactly my category.

So to which category were you referring in your prior post? Age? Race? Education? Hair color? Exactly to which categories should he limit himself? To which categories do you limit yourself?

[caliguy]

So to which category were you referring in your prior post? Age? Race? Education? Hair color? Exactly to which categories should he limit himself? To which categories do you limit yourself?

The category that he's complaining about. Find a more accepting category. How's that?

 

It's no secret that many young muscled/twink guys are shallow and vapid. Most will grow out of it if they're lucky. However, if he's exclusively attracted to that then he needs to stop bitching and just deal with it.

[+ sniper]

I've been fat and I've been skinny and I've been muscular though never totally ripped. At my fattest(over 100 lbs overweight) it definitely impaired my mobility and interfered with the very act of sex. I can't really blame people for not being attracted to that and find the fetishization of that level of overweight that goes on with some people troubling(like when I see a 25-year-old I know who is actively gaining weight deliberately when he's already so big his eyes are being obscured by his cheeks I really want to pull him aside and tell him to stop committing slow-motion suicide while he still can). But that doesn't excuse making offensive comments to people about their bodies.

 

That said, there were different people(of all sizes/shapes) who were into me at almost every weight except for "definitely overweight but not quite obese" which is a strange sort of sexual no-man's land.

[LaffingBear]

Category is easier then specific details. Like I would feel ridiculous at a party filled with high schoolers. Not exactly my category.

I can't quite relate to that. I prefer to avoid an inflammatory interpretation - thats how things on these boards devolve.

 

I maintain that anyone should feel free to go anywhere, any time, any context without suffering overt insults.

 

I have no problem with a group of 22-year old jocks choosing not to engage with a 55-year old transvestite at the bar they frequent, and I wont spout some pollyanna advice that they should open their minds, be welcoming, embrace more of life's opportunities. I wouldn't, however, condone the 22-year olds' decision to be insulting or to incite shame - and just toss it off by admonishing the older person "well, what the hell did you expect, going there?!?!"

[Epigonos]

Hopefully no one of this site would every condone making fun of someone because of their weight, their ethnicity, their age, etc. However, it does happen and the individual being ridiculed MUST learn to ignore such boorish behavior. We simply cannot allow boorish, ignorant assholes to prevent us from living the lives we choose.

We have just experienced a tragic example of this type of horrible boorish behavior in Portland, Oregon. Two, American heroes, died protecting the right of a teenage girl to be different. Honestly I don't approve of women wearing hajibs in this country but hopefully I would be willing to take the same action which cost these two wonderful men their lives. God damnit to hell this is American and the young lady had/has every right to wear a hajib.

 

P.S. I sincerely apologize if this last example is too far off the direct topic for some.

[+ nycman]

Go ahead and complain, but admit that you drank the kool-aid, too.

 

God, I want to go camping upstate with you and spend three days in the woods just making love to your brain!

 

Ok....I wanna fuck you too....but I promise I'll be thinking about your brain while I do!

[Deadlift1]

Degrading OP in public is an act of bullying. Something the twinks learned at some point when they were on the receiving end.

[+ Eric Hassan]

God, I want to go camping upstate with you and spend three days in the woods just making love to your brain!

 

Ok....I wanna fuck you too....but I promise I'll be thinking about your brain while I do!

 

Name the time. I'm not kidding - that sounds amazing.

[Rudynate]

Somehow, I've managed to set my life up so that I'm not affected much by all this stuff. I know it exists and that it's all around me, but somehow, it doesn't intrude into my life. I look at all that goes on around me and I'm just curious about it more than anything... what was be thinking when he said that, why didn't he do this instead of that, etc, etc.?

[Nvr2Thick]

I was directed to the bear community when I started socializing in San Francisco. Simply profiled and relegated, as if I should only be interested in bears. Not in response to some expressed interest, such a leather bar or drag. Friends here in SF have told the same thing happened to them based on looks, Asians were told to go the (offensibly) labelled rice bars.

 

I once walked into Powerhouse Bar in SF, and a couple of guys started chanting "theres uncle joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow...." from Petticoat Junction. Later, in the same bar (I was accompanying a young buffed guy) someone actually hissed at me that "this ain't the Lone Star."

 

Almost every bear I know is coupled with or plays only with other bears. They all claim that they are naturally attracted to big hairy men. I'm sure that's true for some... but consider all elements of the complicated process of human attraction: humans are impressionable, tastes change based on repeated exposure. It certainly isn't a popular viewpoint, but I've no doubt that societal pressures and repeated exposure are a factor in relationships.

 

The Lone Star in SF was one of the first gay bars I ever entered, back in 1996. I was traveling, so it was a "safe" place to be. One of the guys I met was a pretty cool guy in his mid '60s, who complained about how the bear community had transformed from being accepting and welcoming to all types of men, to fetishizing and glorifying the handsome and burly, to basically being taken over by muscle bears. A group that befriended me had a bit of a conversation on the topic, and may agreed to varying degrees that the meaning of "bear" for many was restricted to the heavy, broad-shouldered, and at least somewhat muscled. I hung out there a few times and noticed that the dynamic changed during the peak clubbing hours. The A-list swarthy bodybuilders and aging hairy pornstars would filter in, and the friendly community atmosphere became displaced by one that was more cliquish, less welcoming, and higher pressure. One friendly, chubby guy noted that there were guys he could hit it off with in the afternoon who wouldn't give him the time of day in the evening because they were hoping to trade-up.

[N13]

Being overweight is not necessarily a choice. Although it may be possible to change the body by stringent dieting and exercise, the body will still seek its own level and for some of us it is chubby, fat or whatever you want to call it. Try as we may - and believe me - we do try, the weight will not stay away unless we live a life of constant dieting and exercising. This becomes more difficult as age overtakes us. Why are we on this forum? Probably because we are attracted to, having, or want to have sex with idealized, sexy bodies. I am not attracted sexually to overweight men...this also is not a choice. It is where the sexual attraction has centered. That does not mean that I poke fun at or am disgusted by 'big' men. It just means that I do not consider them as sexual choices. Should it work this way? Obviously not. Does it work this way? Unfortunately, yes.